


Soul Mates Never Die

by shadowinghope (maywemeetagainlove)



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship/Love, Imprinting, Loss, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:04:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 131,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maywemeetagainlove/pseuds/shadowinghope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Post-BD. First fanfic. Edward's sacrificed himself to keep his family safe, leaving Jacob alone to care for his wife and daughter. Torn between the two women he loves most, what will happen when old elements and feelings come into play? JxB/JxR REPOSTED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Opening (Omniscient POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  
> Post BD. Only change is that Irina never saw Nessie so the Volturi never came. However, Alice has had a vision that indicate the Volturi are thinking of visiting. Edward and Bella know that if Aro visits, he will see through them and the family due to his gifts, Renesmee. They are panicking and are unsure of what to do until Edward makes a decision. since the Volturi never showed, Bella never learned of the power she possesses and all other following events obviously never happened that did in BD. So this takes place many years after Jake imprints on Nessie during Bella's "change". The Cullen family's reactions are very OOC as is Alice (who I made more like Rosalie in this one in some areas). My very first Twilight fanfic posted so I apologize profusely now.
> 
> This story started out as a video treatment for a fan video I had been working on and grew into something more.
> 
> Key: Bold **his/him/he** \- Jacob  
>  Bold **her/she** \- Bella  
>  Italic _his/him/he_ \- Edward  
>  Italic _her/she_ \- Renesmee
> 
> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Renesmee is fully grown. She loves Jake but he has not allowed their relationship to progress further than the friendship they're currently comfortable in. Something is stopping him and even though he's uncertain of just what that is, he keeps himself close to Nessie but at the same time, distant. Imprint or no imprint, he can't bring himself to move forward just yet. Renesmee senses this and is understanding. However, just like any girl, half-vampire or all human, she begins to be plagued by insecurities, wondering why Jake will not commit to her. They're destined to be soulmates, to spend the rest of their lives together. He's her protector, her best friend, her everything. But each time she goes to kiss him, he pulls away. She takes comfort in her loving mother's presence along with her aunts and uncles.

Her father leaves, hugging her to him closely before he does, kissing Bella like a dying man in need and then disappearing into the east. Alice has a vision but too late. Edward is dead. He went to the Volturi to offer himself in sacrifice for his family, making sure they do not discover Renesmee's existence. Nessie is unaware of this but it does not change the loss she has suffered. Bella is paralyzed with grief and beyond despair. Carlisle and Esme decide to visit the Denali clan as they cannot bear to be in Forks at the moment. Emmett joins them along with Rosalie. Alice and Jasper leave, not sharing their destination, Renesmee not sure if they ever really had one. It seems everyone scatters to the winds in the wake of Edward's death. The only person who stays is Jacob. Renesmee leans on him for strength and he gives her whatever she needs. When she asks him to stay, he obliges, asking Seth and Leah to run patrols and contacting Sam for support in running both packs during the difficult time.

Bella is lost. This is so much worse than when Edward left her that day in the woods, telling her that he didn't want her anymore. Even though she's one of the immortal damned, she feels as if her soul has been ripped into pieces all over again, except this time for good. There is no going back, there is no "fixing" this. She can't bring herself to hunt, to move, to do or say anything. She stands at the window day and night as if waiting for Edward to return from his one-way trip. She stares at nothing, she succumbs to the numbness that pervades her very being. She cannot even bring herself to be present for her daughter.

Renesmee sees this and while it breaks her heart to lose both parents in one day, she allows her mother her space. If Jacob wasn't there, she would have left long ago, possibly up north to visit Tanya and her family. Possibly nowhere especially, but he's here. Jacob allows her to take comfort in him as he's always done since she was little, but she can sense his growing edginess and uneasiness. She senses it as she lays her head on his chest and he holds her close. When he kisses the top of her head to go out to talk to Seth and Leah about their runs. When he lays next to her on her bed, her under the covers, him on top, with his arm around her, waiting for her to drift off to sleep. But it's not just the feelings that are rolling off him in waves that are worrying Nessie. It's the glimpses she catches when he thinks she's not looking. The out-of-the-corner-of-your-eye looks. The worry in them. The pain, the anger in them. Not because those looks are coming her way. No. Because those looks have been shot over into the corner of the living room, in front of the big glass window, to the silent frozen vampire staring out into the woods, waiting for someone who will never come home. At first, Nessie thinks maybe Jake is worried that, since Bella hasn't hunted since that terrible day, she will attack her own daughter. Ness is correct in her assumption but at the same time, doesn't fully comprehend how this is tearing Jake up inside. What this is all doing to his heart.

There had been a few times that Jake had approached Bella at the window, begging her to turn and face him, pleading with her to hunt. No responses were given. No indications were made to show that she had heard him. The air was undisturbed except for Jake's uneasy breathing and unsteady rhythm of his heart. Offers were made. He and Nessie would hunt, bring something home for Bella if she didn't want to leave the property. Phone calls were made. First to Carlisle. There was an extra supply of blood upstairs in his makeshift office/equipment room. Nothing. Not a sound or movement was made to retrieve the bag when Jake held it out to her. Not even when he put in the cup with the little straw she had used during her pregnancy, feeling all the while as a parent trying to get a stubborn child to eat its dinner. Advice was given by Carlisle, the best he could offer without the one thingJake really needed, the one offer to come home and talk to Bella. He knew the elder vampire was grieving the loss of his "son" and that Esme was even worse so. Vampires may not be able to cry but this coven had been one tight knit family. Jake had seen that, in all the years he had come to call this place home. That offer that he so desperately needed would not be made. The second call was to Charlie. Unsure of whether to let a human, even her own father, be around Bella or not, Jake settled for the verbal assurance that Bella's father might be able to bring. Still, nothing. Charlie insisted on coming over but Jake simply told him it wouldn't be safe and it would hurt Bella worse if anything happened to her father. Not wanting to know anything more and return to his don't ask-don't tell policy that had always surrounded Bella's marriage, Charlie grunted his acquiescence and offered any support he could give his daughter from a distance. Jake knew Alice might be able to get through to Bella but he had no idea where she had gone. Her number was out of service as was Jasper's. Alice had been in the throes of grief so deeply that Jasper took her and left, never indicating to the family where they might have disappeared to or a guesstimate of the time of their return, if they ever planned on doing so. He received a constant stream of advice from Sam, from Emily, from Billy, from the packs but there was nothing, absolutely nothing that seemed to work with Bella. Jake was drowning. His best friend was in pain, worse than he'd ever seen her before and there was nothing he could do. He couldn't fix it. Bella's eyes reflected darker and darker in the glass everyday. Jake had an overwhelming desire to protect his imprint, get Nessie to safety before the burning in Bella's throat became too overwhelming to be ignored. In reality, he should have thought of this earlier, removed Ness, removed Seth and Leah from around the property and physically forced Bella to a place where she could be locked down until she saw reason and hunted or....or she gave him no other option. He could not leave her free, he could not allow Bella to realize her hunger in time and then unleash her bloodthirst on the citizens of Forks. But could he bring himself to destroy her? One quick glance, while Nessie was engrossed in the scene where the English guy comes strolling down a field towards that girl in a robe and kisses her hand, over at Bella's reflected eyes told him what he already knew. He couldn't. Mechanically, he turned his head back to the television and settled his eyes on the television. _Great. More talking._ The english guy and the girl were in an office of some sort talking to an old guy speaking in a way that Jake could never bring himself to understand or ever want to. But Nessie enjoyed it and that's all that matters. She said it was based on her favorite book or something and once he heard those words he felt himself wanting to gag but it made Nessie happy and that was his mission. Especially right now. To make her happy. He looked down at Ness and studied her for a minute. So like her mother. Bella had always been the book lover. A fan of the classics. He could see Bella sitting next to them watching this if she wasn't....This thought train careened backwards onto the track of the current crisis at hand and forced his eyes again back to the corner they had been resting on so often as of late. Jake was worried. He was losing her. And he didn't know what to do.

Ness sensed his movement next to her and looked up at him. There he was again, staring over at her mother in the corner. And that look in his eyes was back there. Again. She couldn't understand it. Her mother would never attack her or Jake. She loved them both. She was just grieving right now. Bella knew how much Jake meant to Ness and vice versa. She may be a full-on vampire but her mother had always shown remarkable restraint when it came to being around humans. Her father had always said so. A lump began to rise in Ness' throat at the thought of the parent she had lost in a split second. She forced it back down with fiery determination. She would not make Jake feel worse and worry more about her. She could see that he was trying to be there for her, make her feel better, make her feel loved while her mother went to pieces and her family abandoned her. He was being strong for her and she would be equally as strong if not stronger. She needed to be. Not just for him but her mother as well. Even though Bella had not said a word nor uttered a sound or made a movement since that fateful day, Ness knew her mother could still hear every sound that was made, still detect every scent around her, still see through that window that seemed to have joined with her since that day. And if she heard Ness breaking down and losing control....she wasn't sure if Bella wouldn't just shred to pieces right there, literally, burning and floating away on the light breeze that carried so often throughout the house. She had lost her father. She could **NOT** lose her mother. Not more than she already was.

More time passed and each day seemed worse than the next. After a lengthy conversation with Sam, Jake had come to a decision. Today would be the day. Today would be the day he would have to possibly bring himself to do something he thought he would never do, never mind think of doing again. Today he was going to give Bella two options. Hunt or be destroyed. He ordered Seth and Leah to escort Ness away from the property, to take her back to La Push where she couldn't hear the chaos that he was sure was about to ensue. The two wolves had not been happy with these orders. They had started out as friendly requests but once Leah had found out that Jake intended to do this **ALONE** without **ANY** backup, she adamantly refused, pulling Seth into agreement with her. The once friendly requests turned into their Alpha's orders and the two unhappy wolves pulled up in Jake's rabbit to pick up their ward for the day. Jake had made all the arrangements. Charlie had been called and asked to meet Nessie at Billy's so they could spend some time with her. Distracting her was more like it, Jake hoped. Sam had been forewarned and regardless of his own adamant refusals, Jake pleaded his case. He did not want any other wolves in danger if Bella decided to fight them and especially if he could not muster up the courage to destroy his best friend in order to save one of them. Nessie needed to be protected as well as the reservation. The wolves were needed there. And if something happened to Jake, then Sam and the others had full permission to finish what he had started but was unable to finish. Carlisle had also received a phone call from Jake. This time, Jake secretly wished, might persuade Carlisle and Esme to come home and save a small fraction of the family they still had left. Jake was wrong. Carlisle spoke quietly and sadly, agreeing with Jake that something had to be done. Jake could hear his voice quiver with emotion but still the once so compassionate vampire did not waver. Esme came first and she would not allow Carlisle to leave her. She did not want to lose Bella but her family was gone. She lost her son. Her favorite son, truth be told, although she always made sure the others had never known. And she knew that if the same thing happened to her, she would not want to exist without Carlisle. Her grievous, twisted reasoning convinced herself that Bella was getting what she wanted, an end to all the pain. Carlisle knew this wasn't correct but through all the times he had tried to speak gentle reason to her, Esme had stood fast. They were not leaving Denali. Jake hated them for that. He hated them for being so damn selfish. He had come to respect Carlisle over the years and had even felt some fondness for the motherly figure of Esme. Now they were just like the bloodsuckers he had hunted regularly since first phasing. Selfish, cold, heartless, causing nothing but pain wherever they went. They didn't care what this would do to Ness or Bella. They didn't care what this would do to him should he survive. _Selfish bloodsuckers._ Rosalie and Emmett had left Denali a long time ago but he knew they were aware of everything and still they did not call or come down or show any semblance of caring. Blondie never did care for Bella. Jasper and Alice were still M.I.A. _Edward would be so ashamed if he could see his family now._ Jake couldn't believe he just had that thought but it didn't make it any less true. All of this had gone on with Jake out walking around Forks while Jared and Paul, on loan from Sam for the night, watched over Nessie at the house. Jake couldn't chance Bella's supernatural hearing picking up on the plans he was making to give her the final ultimatum. He also couldn't risk Ness hearing it. How it would have killed her had she known. Once he came back, Jared and Paul cleared out and he began to talk to Ness, explaining that he was leaving for the day to go on an important Pack assignment and he did not want her here alone. When she asked about Seth and Leah, he lied (which he couldn't believe he could do, apparently all the stories about imprinting weren't true) and told her that they were needed in La Push, returning the favor to Sam for his loan, since Sam would be going with Jake. He knew that she was aware he was holding something back from her, but she looked into his eyes, smiled and laid her head on his chest. He held her until she fell asleep and then gently carried her upstairs and laid her on her bed. Bella, all the while, a silent statue, never moving, in the corner.

So now, Seth and Leah had come for Ness. Jake placed his hand on the small of her back to urge her forward into the waiting vehicle but she stopped, turned around and before he could react, leaned forward and kissed him. He was so caught off guard that he closed his eyes and deepened the kiss. As he did this, he heard Ness' sharp gasp as she pressed herself fully into him. That gasp had been his undoing, had allowed him to think and he broke away and gently pushed her towards the two clearly annoyed onlookers. Ness' face was full of disappointment and lacked understanding, as it should, but he couldn't come up with an explanation. Hell, he couldn't even explain it to himself. What was wrong with him? She was his imprint, his soulmate. She was ready and he had been ready ever since he was willing to allow girls to infect him with the cooties he was convinced they carried and kiss him on the cheek, running away and giggling after they had. He couldn't put his finger on it but before he could get lost in deep thought again, he forced a smile onto his face, mostly Sam's, and beckoned for Ness to get in the car. She smiled back even though it didn't reach her eyes and whispered to him. "Be safe." He smiled wider and nodded as she ducked her head into the car behind Seth and until the car had backed out of the driveway and had sped down the road leading to La Push. Then his face fell. He did not want to do this. He took a deep breath, regained his composure, put on Sam's mask and went back inside.

Bella, still in her corner, did not even turn her head the slightest as she heard his approach. His heart beat began to thump harder in his stress. Surely, she must have heard that, the blood pumping through his veins at lightning speed. She must have smelled his anxiety, his palms beginning to dampen with sweat. He was a good ten feet away from her, staring at her and still she never moved or made a sound. His breaths started coming in faster as he took a step forward. And then another. And another. Still, nothing from the beautiful vampire before him. He was going to have to be quick. The tremors started in his shoulders and began to move down into his arms. He stilled himself as best he could. He could not phase right now. He needed to talk first and give her the option. He worked his tremors down into his hands, but his shoulders and arms ceased their quivering. He took another step. And then another. One more and he was at her back, his breath fanning the back of her head. Ever so quietly he opened his mouth to speak. "Bella."

Still no response. No movement. Her eyes didn't even flinch never mind blink in the reflected glass, their color being a jet black. He had not realized just how hungry she was getting, how deep the thirst was now slowly starting to rise to the surface in those still orbs. The minor reflection he had stared at every day only gave him a peek into their dark depths. The reflection had lied to him and had not told the imminence of the crisis at hand. He silently cursed himself for not getting Ness out of the house sooner. He took a breath and started again. "Bella. This has to stop. You need to feed. Think of Nessie." Purposely calling her daughter the nickname she had so often openly despised, hoping it would evoke some sort of response, some reaction even if only her eyes, still did not work. Jake sighed heavily. "Bella, Ness is scared. You haven't moved or spoken since Edw--he's been gone." Still nothing. Not even the almost mistake of mentioning his name had pulled her out of her reverie. Jake remembered way back when, when she had been sitting in his car, holding her arms over her chest, trying to keep herself together, if the thought of him even popped into her head, never mind if Jake dared to utter his name. But now, Bella's arms were frozen at her sides. Jake knew this was so much worse. He began to lift his hand but stopped it when he saw the shaking. He closed it into a fist to calm its motions and once he felt he was better, he laid his hand gently on her shoulder. Again, nothing. He applied some pressure and slowly began to turn her around to face him. He tensed. He was ready. She didn't resist his movement, just allowed him to turn her where he led her to, her eyes and face never moving. Jake almost jumped when he saw her face. Her eyes stared into nothing, focusing their dark depths on the open nothing before them. She didn't seem to see him at all. Her face, while always pale and the beautiful marble it had become after her transformation, now appeared to be even whiter, whiter than bone, but haggard looking and scary in such a way that would make the strongest man cringe at the mere sight of it. Like seeing a dead woman walking. No, not an undead woman. An actual dead woman. A zombie. Millions of thoughts raced through Jake's mind in this moment and when "zombie" repeated itself in his head, he knew then that he was absolutely positive that no vampire before or after Bella could ever pull off the horror and creepiness that was encased within her now. Not even the Volturi that the Cullens seemed to fear. Leave it to Bella to still be a zombie even when she's a vampire. Only Bella. He wanted nothing more than to crush her into a huge bear hug just like he used to do back when they rode bikes and did homework together. He wanted to breathe life into her. He hated the thought that she had been more alive back before the news of Edward's death than she was now. Yes, she had still had some semblance of life even if she was dead. He resisted the urge to pull her into him and slowly and cautiously lifted his finger, placed it under her marble chin and slowly lifted her face to look up at his. Her eyes didn't follow the motion. They stayed frozen in the position they were in and this only scared him more. "Bella." he whispered ever so softly. Not one thing.

He couldn't have stopped it if he tried, even if he knew it was coming. A lone tear slid down his cheek, making it's way down to his jawline, dangling off his chin momentarily before falling down into the recess between them. He didn't lift his hand to wipe it away, he had just let it fall. His finger stayed under her chin, his eyes still probing her face, trying to catch some fleeting sign of life somewhere, her eyes still a cold, lifeless black. His other hand, without his permission, moved itself over to one of her hands and clasped it tight, drawing it in between them. "Bella." His voice was making a choking sound and he knew she could hear it. "Bella, please." And, his body acting of its own accord, let another tear slip from his right eye this time, making its way down his right cheek torturously long, travelling down the path that many tears had made in the past. _Another tear for Bella Swan._ He wished she would say something, do something, hell even attack him just to prove she was still there. He had been afraid to lose her once she was turned. He had been afraid she would be gone once she lusted for blood and became hard as a rock. But he had seen that she was still there afterwards. She was still his Bella in some ways. Yeah, the blushes were gone and she would never be warm again but she was still there. **His** Bella. The Bella that he had loved since that first day on the beach. The Bella that he had been everything for and tried to be more. The Bella he had fought long and hard for. The Bella that had been so adorably clumsy. The Bella that he was sure he was destined to be with up until his imprinting on Nessie. The Bella that he had never been enough for. Now, he realized, she was gone. She wasn't coming back. Just an empty shell had been left behind. He would have to destroy this shell and it broke his heart. He began to mourn his loss, for the girl he had once so desperately loved. The tears started flowing freely and a quiet sob escaped his chest. He began to tense in anticipation for the task he knew was at hand, the one he really didn't want to face.

But then, a funny thing happened. He still had not bothered to wipe away any of the tears. And apparently, a little wayward one had broken free of the others and sloped downwards making its own trail, past his lips, down off his chin and had fallen into the recess between them again. However, their clasped hands were in the way, breaking the lone tear's fall. Jake felt a little hot splash of it but it did not distract his attention away from Bella. However, she did. The black orbs moved a quarter of an inch to the right and then back. It happened so fast that Jake was pretty sure he was seeing things. His eyes were now playing tricks on him, hoping so desperately that there was some form of life left in her that they had cruelly stooped to making him think that he was seeing something that he definitely wasn't. Vampires couldn't feel anything, never mind rain or tears. Hell, they couldn't even make their own. But then, the orbs moved upward until they reached his face and settled there. He saw them now. They were now focused. On him. He let out a sharp gasp and then tensed. He knew what was coming. He was ready. He slowly moved his finger from underneath her chin and drew it back, the black eyes watching him as he did so. He felt the shivers, a combination of the beginning stages of phasing and the icy feeling moving up and down his spine at the horror he felt watching those dark eyes and their movement. He had been wishing for her to show some movement, something to indicate she was still present and now that he had, he almost preferred the zombie state she had been in. These eyes frightened him. He slowly began to take a step back and then another, increasing the distance between them when something stopped him short. He looked down quickly and saw their hands were still clasped. He had never removed his hand and he had no idea why. He slowly lifted his hand off of her ice cold one and started to retrieve his extended arm. His movements were so slow it was almost as if he was waiting to be attacked by an animal, trying to not scare the predator into action by any speed in his own actions. Well, technically, that was true. As his hand moved further and further, suddenly in a lightning fast liquid movement, Bella's hand snaked out and grabbed his wrist preventing any further progress he was making in moving away. The striking action had caught Jake off guard and he could feel himself tremoring, about to phase. He tried to pull his hand away, gently at first, then forcefully but Bella held it fast. Snarls were escaping his chest in rapid succession at the threat now posed. The black eyes never left him, now intent on his face. This was it. The wolf in him would come out and he and Bella Swan were about to fight. _Bella Cullen_ he reminded himself as he steeled himself for the one thing he had feared was about to happen.


	2. Opening (BPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

It had been weeks since she had done anything. She had not hunted, she had not moved, she had not made a sound. She knew she was worrying her family or what was left of it anyway. She could hear their hushed whispers concerning her state. She could smell their anxiety, their sadness, their worry. Every once in a while when she could hear Jake's snores coming from the living room, she would avert her eyes to his and Ness' reflections in the window of the box she had put herself into. She could tell Jake was in pain, even with Ness there in his arms. Not because she had heard him talking to Carlisle on the phone regarding her building thirst. Not because he had pleaded with her to feed before the thirst consumed her or that he had even thought to call Charlie on her behalf. That phone conversation had certainly not gone well, considering it was one-sided but she had heard him, she just couldn't form words never mind sounds to indicate she had. Not the fact that Seth and Leah now constantly passed her by on their nightly patrols, trying to gauge the level of danger by the color of her eyes. No. None of these things had told her just how much pain her best friend was in. No. It was in the way his face now rested when he was asleep. It never contained the innocence and freedom from all his responsibilites that she had so often seen him wear during sleep over the years. The peace that had come so naturally to him in this state. He was worried, even when he was dreaming. He was having nightmares. She would hear him, waking with a sharp gasp, sitting straight up, looking around until his eyes rested on her in the corner. These always seemed to happen the nights when Nessie would be in her room upstairs after Jake had sat with her until she fell asleep. He would come downstairs, slowly, almost exhaustedly as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He would then glance to Bella's corner, determine that a movement would not be made, saunter into the kitchen lazily, eat something, move back into the living room where he would collapse onto the couch. He would again look over at Bella, study her for a while, letting his thoughts run amuck with the current situation she had no doubt and then eventually drift off into a restless sleep. And then that face would be back. It hurt her a little to see him bearing the brunt and responsibility for her and her daughter. Yes, Nessie was his imprint so he would always be there for her but Bella knew she was as good as an unfit mother these past few weeks. She had not spoken one word to Renesmee. The pain was just too great. She couldn't bring herself to even try to console her daughter. When she would catch a glimpse of Ness in the glass, she would see the bronze curls that extended to the small of her back. And this automatically brought him to mind. And she would feel the pain of the hole again. The hole she thought had been healed by Edwar--by his return. The hole that could only be destroyed by her leaving her mortal life behind and embracing her new supernatural one. This was a hole that would never be healed. A hole that would never go away, never be able to be plugged up by anyone or anything. This was a hole that would only go away when she ceased to exist. And these thoughts always brought her back to her daughter. She had fought for her, even against-- _him_. She had immediately recruited Rosalie in her cause, she had stood fast against all reason and common sense thrown her way by the Cullen family, by her best friend and even by her own husband. Even death. She had refused to let go once she saw that beautiful angelic face of her child. The face she had held onto once she was burning. The face that held her here still to this now weary existence she hated to call her own. She did love her daughter but how was she supposed to do this on her own? Edward--she waited for the pain that would surely come at the thought of his name. Right on cue, the hole surged uncontrollably to the point where Bella felt breathless at its effects which was a difficult thing to do being she was a vampire but somehow the hole succeeded. After some time, she allowed her thought process to continue. Minus his name of course. He hadn't even told her what he was going to do. Alice had learned of the Volturi's intended visit through a vision and everyone had feared the worst. There was no way they could keep Renesmee's existence a secret. Aro would know within one touch of Alice or Carlisle or _him_ and there would be no stopping it. And they certainly couldn't afford to send away any of the Cullens. They needed every ounce of strength they had. It appeared to be a lose-lose situation and Bella, for the first time since her transformation, felt helpless. She had never wanted _him_ to know just how afraid she was. For him, for their daughter, for their family, for Jacob, for the packs, for her father. In one swoop, they would all become memories, mere indentations in the dust settled around the town of Forks. Renesmee would be forced to join the ranks of the Volturi thanks to her half-vampire status and remarkable gift. He, Bella and the Cullen family wouldn't allow that never mind Jacob and the wolves. Dead, all of them would be. Without even so much as a second's hesitation from the vampire world's ruling triumvirate. But somehow he had known and he had had the same fears as her. And somehow he had made the decision, that damn ridiculous noble decision, to go to the Volturi instead and offer his life up to them. A suicidal offensive that would ensure he would be a pile of ashes before Aro was able to use his gift to obtain the information he wanted. And at the same time, somehow, convincing them of _his_ grief at his love's supposed death, just like last time, before forcing them into action. A last act to ensure the safety of his family. Again, without a second's hesitation and without Alice being able to see. At least until it was too late.

She hated him for that. And she hated herself for hating him. He had made the ultimate sacrifice for his daughter, his family, his allies, for her. Noble and honorable didn't even begin to cover it. But how did he think she was supposed to go on? Didn't he realize what he had done to her last time he had left? Left but out there, still existing? At least she had known then that he was still alive. This was worse. Way worse. She would never feel his fingers on her own ever again. She would never see the crooked smile again she had always loved. She would never hear his smooth velvet voice again, not even in a delusion, as she had so often after he had left her the first time. She would never kiss him. Ever. Again. That thought alone made her spiral down into the black nothingness her life had now become. As dark and black as her eyes were beginning to show. She felt the burning in her throat constantly and she knew she was at her limit. However, she couldn't find it in herself to move to feed, never mind the desire to. Just as she had willingly clinged to the burning pyre within her body those three days after Renesmee's birth so he would never know her pain, she now martyred herself back onto that pyre again. Only this time, the pyre might spur her unwillingly into action against those she loved if she didn't quench it soon. She had to feed. She had to. But how could she? How could she worry about something so trivial when her love, her mate, for all intents and purposes, was gone for good? An eternity without him? How could she ever face that? Even when Jacob had offered to bring dinner home for her, any animal of her choice to feed off of, she just couldn't entertain it. Even when she heard Carlisle suggest to Jake over the phone the spare blood supply locked up in his office. Even when Jake had retrieved it, put it into that cup with the straw she had drunk from that seemed so long ago and offered it to her. That look in his eyes silently pleading with her yet again. She just couldn't do this. She couldn't move. She did not want to. She did not want to move from this spot. She did not want to think of anyone or anything. She just allowed the grief to flare up and swallow her, all the while burning her to ashes.

Then that day came. That glorious day when she knew how to keep _him_ with her. Yes. It would work. She wouldn't be without him. She would no longer be alone. She had heard Jacob talking to Renesmee the night before, asking her to go to La Push for the day. Something about a special Pack assignment with Sam and he wouldn't be here. She knew what was coming. And she welcomed it. She was grateful that her daughter would not be here to witness what Bella knew she had to do. She would be with _him_ again. Ether way, it would work. If she could have found the energy, she would have smiled at the thought. Once again, Jacob had stayed with Nessie until she fell asleep up in her room then removed himself to the living room, watching Bella all the while until he couldn't fight it anymore and sleep overcame him. Had his eyes been able to stay open one minute longer, had he had the energy to keep battling, he would have seen the dark eyes at the window turn in the direction of his reflection and stay there, taking on an almost bright sheen in anticipation.

She could hear the sounds of the car approaching as clear as day. Four heartbeats. Two steady and calm although a little fast for the normal heart rate. One thumping loudly and moving at lightning speed. The last fluttering, stopping for a second accompanied by a gasp and then the fast beat picked up again. She could hear Ness' whisper. "Be safe." Then she could hear the car leaving the way it came, his heavy sigh, his quiet yet anxious footsteps bringing him into the house, leading to where she was still stationed, in the corner. This was it. This was the moment. She heard him move closer. She could smell his nervousness, even now more potent to her than five minutes ago. Sweat. Fear. Everything emanating off of him and coursing its way through the air to her keen nose. Yes. This was definitely it. She could feel his hot breath on the back of her head. "Bella." The huskiness of the voice of her once upon a lifetime savior still a sound she loved to hear, even after all of this time. Even if it meant that in a few minutes, she might never hear it again. All the more reason to savor it now. She didn't respond, just waited. She could hear him take a deep breath. Then the pleadings began. "Bella. This has to stop. You need to feed. Think of Nessie." Had she been breathing, the air would have been sucked out of her lungs at that last statement, just like a punch in the stomach. She was trying! Didn't he realize how much pain she was in? Her whole reason for existing had been ripped from her arms, her life in a single stroke. And now she had to live forever without _him_. He had imprinted. Shouldn't he know? How would he feel if something happened to Renesmee? She mentally grinded her teeth at his words. And how dare he call her Nessie? He knew she hated that nickname with a passion. Leave it to Jacob to try to get a rise out of her, even this late in the game. Her only response was more silence. She had to wait. She just had to hold out for a few more minutes. Then she could make her move. Sure enough, the pleas began again. "Bella, Ness is scared. You haven't moved or spoken since Edw--he's been gone." She knew that he had caught himself and tried to not say his name but it was too late. The pain hit her like a huge wave. Over and over again. And it wouldn't stop. _Just a little bit longer._ She repeated these words to herself continuously, almost as some sort of mantra to regain the control she so desperately needed for the next few minutes. She almost felt the urge to raise her arms and pull them around her chest as she used to do but that had been back when she was mortal, a typical human reaction she remembered vaguely and there was absolutely no reason to do so now. There was no holding this hole together, no plugging it up, no healing it or getting rid of it. This hole was here to stay. She could hear his heartbeat pick up and his breaths came in quick now and she knew. Soon. Very soon. She felt his hand on her shoulder. She felt him attempt to turn her and she allowed him to move her body to face him. She never once moved her eyes or her face. In true Jacob fashion, he lifted his other hand and extended his finger under her chin and lifted her face up to meet his. She refused to look at him. She kept her eyes still and steady, never moving. She needed to retain her resolve and if she took one look at those dark eyes burning into hers with the pain she had seen reflected back at her one night too many, she would come undone. And she couldn't have that.

"Bella." His voice choked off at the end, betraying his emotion. For sure now, she couldn't look at him. Just a little bit longer. "Bella, please." No. In the back of her mind, it registered that he had lifted his hand off her shoulder and grabbed hers, bringing it in between them. His fiery touch used to burn her icy cold one but she was already burning, already writhing in flames that got stronger with each movement he made. Suddenly, she felt a hot splash on the hand he held. Without meaning to, she was just acting on pure instinct, she looked up and saw everything that she had feared she would see. Jacob Black was in tears and he was in pain just as she had thought. And just as she had feared, it was at this precise moment that she lost control, _Edward_ being the only thing resounding in her mind as she moved forward.


	3. Dry Your Eyes (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Jake tenses. At the same time, the tremors are now worse. Much worse. Although he feels the chills run down his back at the horror he feels, the heat radiating from within his spine is threatening to overtake them. _Here we go._ Before his shape can blur and let the wolf take form, he hears the tinkling voice he's now grown accustomed to since becoming a member of the Cullen household.

"Jake."

She says it so low that even with his werewolf hearing, he still has to strain to catch it before it slips away. He swears for a second he can see an emotion flit across her face before it changes back to the lifeless mask he had been staring at everyday. He can't name it, but it's familiar to him and he hasn't seen that expression on her in a long time. Well, he didn't have the time to focus on it now. He'd think about it later. If he was able. His tremors lessen at the sound of her voice, out of habit really, him automatically refusing his wolf the chance to come out and hurt **her** , but they do not disappear.

"Bella?"

He knows she can hear through his gritted teeth but he can't help it. It's instinct. She's thirsty and his blood, while tainted with the "stench of animal", still runs through his veins. _Keep it together. Keep it together._ As he works to regain control, he hears the soft bell-like sound again.

"Jake."

Bella gently removes her hand from around his wrist and slowly begins to step back. Her hands are cautiously raised in front of her, almost as if to show him that she means him no harm. He allows his shoulders to relax a little and immediately concentrates on forcing the heat away, putting the wolf back into its cage. He unclenches his jaw and takes a deep breath. His heart is thumping like crazy and he knows she can hear it all too well. Blood in, blood out, blood in, blood out. He watches as she stares intently at him, patiently waiting for the control he needs to calm himself. About a minute later, his heart begins its return to its normal steady pace. His mind begins to hope but he quickly shuts the lid on it, refusing to allow even a piece of it to escape. _No. Got to be ready._ Her black eyes move back and forth, studying his expression as he studies hers. Neither of them move to speak again, an uncomfortable silence filling the air around them except for Jake's now quiet breathing. It takes some time, but eventually he sees her relax her stance and shift her weight onto her left side. He knew this was merely a habit, most likely to make him feel somewhat comfortable around her as the bloodsuckers always do for their prey, taught well to her by the Cullens.

"Jake," she begins quietly. He makes no motion to indicate he has heard her nor that he intends to exchange any words. He promised himself he would give her the option of talking first should she choose to. He would listen. He hears her heave a sigh. Another human habit. Strangely, this still doesn't comfort him as he sees the eyes that spread horror to his very soul dart back and forth, almost in a way to make him think she is trying to gauge his mood. As she does her assessment of him, he stands fast but his mind slowly starts its spiraling thought track again. How can he do this? Didn't she realize it was tearing him into pieces to think he might have to destroy her? Did she even know how close he came to it just a few minutes ago and how that had hurt him deeply? How much that would have hurt Nessie and hurt Charlie? Hurt him? Did she even care?

"Jake, I need a favor."

This catches him off guard. A favor? She had just been about to attack him and now she was asking him for a favor? If Jake had not lived in this absurdly weird scenario every day of his life for the past nine years, he'd swear he was stuck in some damn twilight zone. He decides to find out what she wants but remains noncommittal.

"I'm listening."

And just when he thought he'd heard everything in his young life, Bella surprised him. Again.

"This has to end."

His head snapped to attention at that one. Did he just hear her right? What the hell did she mean by "ending" it? Was she getting ready to attack him again? To finish it with one of them walking away and one of them not? His jaw clenched again as he waited to feel the familiar heat initiating his phase. But as he readied himself, he found himself looking directly at her, studying her features. Again. And this time, he was able to read her like the open book he had always prided himself on knowing by heart. No. She hadn't meant it that way at all. No, she had more sinister intentions in mind. The pieces of his heart that had been left standing after she had broken it repeatedly when she was human, were shattered and came crashing down in one devastating blow. She wanted to "end" it and she was going to ask **him** to do it for her. He felt like someone had sucker-punched him. He couldn't swallow. He gasped for air, the wolf inside, growling in anticipation, momentarily forgotten. His eyes were as wide as saucers as he processed the subtle meaning behind her request.

But, just as quickly as he had been shocked beyond belief, the feeling vanished and anger came rushing in. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!?" The snarls and growls came in quick succession, behind every statement that shot out of his mouth, punctuating the words. "BELLA! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? HOLY CRAP! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?!!?"

Not once did she flinch as he yelled these words at her. Mere minutes ago, he had been suffering, in pain at the thought that he might have to take down his best friend in order to protect those he was responsible for. This pain had haunted his very dreams, his waking thoughts, every moment of every day since the Cullens had left. Every time he looked at Nessie and saw the trust and love in her chocolate brown eyes. Every time he spoke to Charlie, the man who had been a second father to him, entrusting him with the care of his only daughter since he could not help her himself. Automatically, their trust was in him and he knew each day he didn't deserve it. Each day that the thought he might have to act as judge, jury and executioner played in his mind. This was like her infamous cliff dive on that day so long ago. So selfish and completely devoid of any thought for anyone else. Devoid of the thought of the pain she would inflict on everyone else by her thoughtless actions. Only caring for her own pain. Only hers. He recalled that day he had pounded life into her that day on the beach. This day was an eerie echo of the terror he had felt that day. Only worse. Much worse.

"You have a daughter! Do you even think about her? What the hell is wrong with you? It would kill her, Bella! She only has one parent left now!" That made her cringe, he could tell. But he continued mercilessly. She had been ruthless in her intentions, he would be just as ruthless. "You know, Bella, I've told you time and time again how it killed me when my mom died! How me and my sisters would have been lost without Billy! How I still need him around! You know this and yet, you're being so goddamn selfish and you want to 'end' it? GOD!" His tremors were out of control. He clenched his fists and placed them on his temples, closing his eyes and attempted to stop them. His teeth were gritted again but he spoke in a lower menacing tone. "You are so goddamn selfish, Bella. How could you? And to ask that of _me_? What's wrong with you? Think of your daughter. Do you think Edward would do the same? Do you think Edward would kill himself and leave Nessie in pain?" He knew that the name was hurting her but he couldn't stop himself now if he tried. "Edward gave his life for her. He didn't do it so you could die too and leave her all alone. You do that and what he did means nothing." He was calmer now, more in control. His tremors had all but ceased, only the slight quaking in his hands that were now clenched in fists at his sides. His eyes now bore into hers as he spoke. "Edward would be ashamed if he could see you now."

That did it. There was the snap he had been waiting for only minutes earlier. He had only seen that look once from her since she changed and that had been after Bella found out about his imprinting on Nessie. Her black eyes were now on fire, if that was possible, as they narrowed at him. "HOW DARE YOU?!!?" She was unleashing fury in her voice but somehow it still sounded musical to his ears. She was now stalking closer but he stood in place, facing her with equal amounts of venom in his stare. "Screw you, Jacob! You have no idea what this feels like! He's gone! Never coming back! I lost him! He was my soul, my everything! And now I have to face eternity without him! So screw you!" He was now toe to toe with her, she staring up at him, quiet snarls escaping her chest as her lips bared over her teeth. She spoke lower now, being mere inches away from his face. Her tone, a strong echo of his own menacing one from earlier. "How would you feel if you lost Renesmee? Tell me. Would you want to go on? Wasn't it you who told me that the pain would be unbearable? Nothing around to even equal to the amount of it or compare it to? So tell me. How would you feel? What would you do?" She spat these last words out at him in challenge.

He was angry. He was not happy that she had dragged Nessie into this. He had mentioned her name to try to make Bella see reason. She had mentioned her daughter carelessly, only as a weak defense for her incredibly selfish behavior. He stared Bella down for a moment before answering. "If I had a daughter, yes, it would hurt, but I would stay around. For her. I wouldn't be that selfish. I would keep going as Ness would've wanted me to." She continued to glare at him for a minute and then he saw something flash across her eyes. She ended up breaking her stare and looking down at the floor beneath them. "You're strong, Jacob. You always have been and I don't doubt that you would do that." He took a second to swallow but never tore his eyes off of her. She slowly raised her head and looked back at him. If she could cry, he was certain she would have been, tears streaming down her once peach-colored cheeks. "I'm not. I never have been. You saw what happened when he left the first time. You saw how broken I was. This is worse, Jacob. So much worse. Just because my heart doesn't beat doesn't mean I'm not in pain." She spoke these words so softly he was pretty sure she was whispering. Whispering her pleas to him for mercy.

_Dammit Bella!_ She knew what she did to him. No denying that. That look of pain so evident on her pale face. She knew he hated seeing her in pain. All this time and everything that had happened in between had not changed that fact. But he wouldn't do this for her. He couldn't. Nessie would never forgive him. He'd never forgive himself. He took a deep breath and relaxed his brow. He closed the remaining space between them and clasped her hand again, never flinching at the dramatic difference in their temperatures. He was used to it by now. His eyes rested upon hers and he leaned his face forward a little. As softly and gently as he could, he gave her his answer.

"No."

Her head dropped in defeat. "What if I make you?" Another whisper. "I still won't do it." "Even if I threatened to feed on the town of Forks? La Push?" He could feel his instincts kicking up again at her words but he squashed them down just as quickly as they had flared up. He knew Bella. He knew her inside and out. She would never do it. He had feared all this time that she might attack one of them out of her thirst because she had cut them all off. She never gave them anything to work with to indicate what she might do. But now that he had forced her to reconnect with him, he could read her like that open book again. Sure, she was thirsty, no doubt about that. But she would never attack anyone. She had lived the Cullen way of life too long and the fact that she had resisted the thirst this long spoke volumes. No, she wouldn't do it.

"No."

She closed her eyes when he again offered his refusal. "I can't be without him." She seemed to speak these words to their joined hands as a final plea. He shook his head slowly. "You have to be. For her. For him." Her eyelids tightened in response and she let out a breath she had been holding for who knows how long. He could hear some quiet sound escaping her throat similar to the sound of a sob but he knew it wasn't possible. She couldn't cry. But that didn't mean she couldn't feel pain like she had said. He could feel the urge rising strongly in him to take her into his arms, hold her and rock her, soothing her as he always did in the past. Before he knew what he was doing, he kissed the top of her head and then leaned his forehead against hers, his next words coming out in a hushed whisper.

"Do you have any idea how much it would kill me not to have you around, Bella? Do you know how my heart was breaking thinking that I might have to--"he could feel the lump rising in his throat but he swallowed his way past it. There was nothing he could do about the choking husky sound of his voice, though "--what you wanted me to. I couldn't bear it. I'd die, Bella." Tears formed in his eyes but he refused to allow them to shed. He heaved one last heavy sigh and slowly encircled his arms around her, pulling her into him. The wolf was worried. There was a vampire in his arms that had not fed in however long and he was holding her close enough to have his neck within reach. He could feel the animal inside losing control, urging him to let it out to attack, to defend, to protect. But Jacob knew better. He would get her to hunt right away. If she didn't, he would go out right now, take down an animal and bring it right back. He would do anything for her. Well, anything except _that_.

She kept her head buried in his chest for what seemed like forever. He rubbed her back soothingly like he used to do back when she was still alive. The sob-like sounds that came from within her resounded throughout the quiet room. "I love you, Bells." Before he had time to process what he had said or why he had said it, Bella had ceased to make a sound and slowly lifted her head up to his. Jake couldn't fathom what was happening. His heart started to beat faster and he began to feel a little light-headed. Uh oh. He knew he had said the one thing he shouldn't. She was now looking intently at him and he just stared back, just as shocked. He needed to backtrack and fast. What was he thinking? "I'm sorry, Bells, I--" But before he could finish, Bella's cold lips were on his, her hands now pressed firmly into his chest. All thoughts in his head turned into mush. For a second, he forgot who he was, where he was and what he was _supposed_ to be doing. He felt Bella's small stone frame underneath his hands and he pulled her into him, deepening the kiss as he did so. He could feel her cool tongue on his lower lip. Without a second thought, he granted her the entrance she was looking for and without hesitation, she took it. Her hands had been grasping his wide shoulders but now moved up to entangle themselves in his cropped dark hair. He felt a slight tugging sensation as she pulled his head farther down to her. He didn't allow himself a second to think. If he did, it would be his undoing. He knew this was wrong but he couldn't stop himself. No, no thoughts. Not now. He hadn't known how much he had needed this until it happened. All his fear, his pain, his worry, his sadness all melted into him at this moment and he threw it into the kiss. He pulled her body tighter into him. It felt as if he couldn't get close enough. As he did this, he heard her emit a small moan. This only excited him further. He buried his hands in her hair, fistfuls of chestnut as he crushed her face into his. He needed to stop this. This was wrong. So wrong on so many levels. But he couldn't. His lips moved in ways with hers that they hadn't in years. Sure, her lips were now stone but still, they elicited a response out of him that he hadn't felt in so long. He began to back her up against the glass, never breaking contact between them. No matter how tight, how close he got, it wasn't enough. He needed her. He wanted her. For so long. So long. She was moving against him in a way that earned a small growl from him in response. He then grabbed her right leg and hitched it up around his waist. Another small moan escaped her. This was driving him wild. Mindless. Driven. Instinctual need. That was it. To his pleasant surprise, Bella jumped up in a tiny fluid movement and wrapped herself around him completely. He couldn't contain the growls. He pushed her against the glass again, which seemed to be shockingly strong in the face of their combined strength and weight, and she ground herself against him. He nearly came undone. He turned them around and threw them down onto the floor with Bella on her back with him on top. He had always taken great care to be mindful of his weight whenever Bella was a human but now there was no need. His hands roamed all over her, all the while grinding back against her evocative movements. He still couldn't get close enough. He moved his lips away from hers and began to kiss his way down her marble neck. Now unrestrained, her moans were louder and matched the rhythm of his hips. He was going mad! He trailed his kisses back up her neck and to the spot behind her ear. And in one swift action, he ground into her harder than he had in all the others and was rewarded with a small gasp.

This stopped him in his tracks. He lifted his head and looked down at her. Bella's eyes were half-lidded, still black with their hunger. But now it was hunger for something else. "What's wrong?" He didn't respond. Reason was starting to come back along with common sense and their annoying counterpart, the conscience. "Jake?" Still, he didn't say a word.

That gasp. It sounded so much like when Ness--- _Oh shit!_ He leapt up from her and darted across the room as if he had been burned. _Oh my God! Oh my God!_ Bella was now sitting straight up, staring over at him as if he was now the one who hadn't fed in weeks and had the eyes of a thirsty crazed killer. "Jake, what--?" He couldn't believe that she hadn't thought of her daughter at all during that. Never mind her. He couldn't believe that he hadn't thought of Ness. His imprint! Not once! Guilt consumed him as he felt the ache in his chest encase his heart. His mind was reeling, flashing images at super speed in his head. Ness' face, Ness' smile, Ness' eyes, Ness' kiss.....What the hell had he done?


	4. Dry Your Eyes (BPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Bella moves fast and snatches Jake's wrist out of the air. She can tell this action infuriates him further and he all but blurs with the coming transformation. He feels threatened. Just like she planned.

She waits for it. _Any minute now._ She's all too aware that Jake is about to attack her. Surely, she should have heard it by now. _Any second._ Jake is quivering so bad she can't even make out his face, just the bright white teeth molded into a large snarl. There was no doubt about it. She was in danger. Had she been terrified and somewhat sane, she would have been too terrified to even move, never mind think the thought that enters her mind next. She has to do it. It's the only way to get _him_ back. She just had to. The growls coming from Jake's inner wolf are echoing off the walls, hurling themselves at her. There can be absolutely no doubt now. The animal inside her best friend wants to come out and tear her into pieces. This is it. Danger. But still. Nothing. Momentary defeat begins to set in bringing with it the minor twinge, reminding her of the hole's existence, of the pain of acceptance. He was never coming back. The growls are now growing deeper and louder in a more rapid succession than before. Bella makes one last desperate attempt at pushing Jacob Black over the edge. The edge that would make her lose her best friend but bring _him_ back. An acceptable sacrifice.

"Jake."

And then it happened. Except it didn't happen exactly the way she wanted it to. Jake didn't explode into the huge russet wolf she had been taunting. Her voice seemed to have the opposite effect on him. The shaking in his body slowed down rapidly and somehow he is now back in control of his monstrous alter ego.

"Bella?"

It hits her like a thousand knives all at once. It's a pain that would make her collapse to her knees with the white blinding sheer force of it had she not had the supernatural strength to remain a standing statue. Edward--gulp--was never coming back. It's almost as if she has been hit by a whole track full of freighter trains. She can't help but feel as if she's falling into an endless recess, the ground opening to swallow her up to claim what's rightfully its own, her immortal fate not meaning a thing, keeping her falling for all eternity. _Never again. Never._ Not one word from _him_. Jake's button had been so easily pressed and the threat to her existence had been imminent. Still. Not one word. Not. A. Single. Word. What had she done wrong? He had always spoken to her after the first time he willfully left her behind in Forks. Maybe it was because she had still been alive back then. Or maybe because _he_ had still been alive himself? Bella winced at the thought. _The pain. Oh God, the pain._ Any breath she struggles to grasp now is just for dramatic effect. She forces a part of her vampire mind to rationalize, to focus on the next step of the process, to distract her from the flaring in her chest. _Doesn't matter._ There's only one way now to be with _him_. Only one other choice. The only choice for Bella.

"Jake."

She slowly releases Jacob's wrist and steps back with her hands held up in surrender. She must now travel to the other side of the spectrum of emotions in this volatile situation she and Jake are now stuck in. She has to in order to achieve her goal. Again, a small sacrifice she is more than willing to accept. She begins to calculate the words and tone to be used in her coming statement. Jake just has to understand. They had always shared a special bond, a special connection where he always seemed to know exactly what she was thinking. That had not disappeared with her "change". After all, he had imprinted. Right? She didn't allow _her_ name to move itself to the forefront of her mind. Instead, she banished it back into the deep dark recesses, the dusty corners of her brain, where it would not cause any trouble. Because Bella knew if even one letter escaped and registered in her thought process, she would lose it completely. The pain would just be too great at that point.

Bella needed to make Jake understand. She thought she had needed him back when--well, back when they had first formed their friendship. Needed him when she was torn between the love she had for him and the love she had for--. Needed him when she was hours away from her mortal death while carrying her beloved R-- _Just stop right there!_ Another sigh. Yep, definitely for dramatic effect. Although, that one little extraneous breath did help to clear all the mental clutter away. She needed him now more than ever and that's all that mattered. Her black eyes snapped to attention as she focused her thoughts on how best to persuade her best friend to her reasoning. Bella notices he's calmed down enough at this point that she can begin her sales pitch. His heart is pounding almost out of his large chest. She can see that, never mind hear it. She decides to give him a minute more to further collect himself before beginning one of the hardest questions she has ever had to ask him. She knows it will break him. But again, an acceptable sacrifice.

"Jake,"

She sees Jake tense and then still. He continues to stare at her, quiet and unmoving. She rightfully takes this as her cue to continue. But before she does, Bella tries to assess his mindset through his eyes. What can he be thinking? Would he do this? For her? She's unsure as Jacob's face is composed into the mask that Bella had always hated. Sam's mask. But she has to try. For _him_.

"Jake, I need a favor."

Bella can see the disbelief play on his face. She starts to feel the beginnings of panic. _Oh no. No. Please._ After a minute, the mask is back on, silently urging her to make her request. She notices with a faint whisper of hope that he doesn't shut her down completely.

"I'm listening."

Bella thinks how to form the words. She needs this. She belongs with _him_ and this fact supersedes any rational thought, any responsibility, any consideration for anyone else in the world. Attempting to phrase it as gently as she could, all the while praying that that special connection that they have will be enough, she lets it spill out of her perfect marble lips.

"This has to end."

Jacob's head snaps to the left as he stares intently at her. He seems to think on it a for a good minute when his eyes widen at the new knowledge his brain is registering at her words. He begins to suck air through his mouth as if he has been deprived of it for the last hour. But just as Bella is beginning to worry that all that werewolf strength isn't enough to prevent Jake from fainting at the hyperventilation she is witnessing and from passing out on her, the snarls lash out at her as if to strike her down. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!?" _So much for understanding._

"BELLA! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? HOLY CRAP! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?!!?"

She should have known better and on some level, she was pretty sure she did. It was never going to be as easy as she had hoped. Maybe that's why she was intent on pushing him into attacking her first. It would've been a hell of a lot simpler to hear _his_ voice than beg like she was moments away from doing. She allows Jake to continue his rant at her. She knows he's in pain. It's right there in his eyes, behind all the anger, disgust and horror displayed on his handsome features. But she can't think about that right now. The pain inside **her** was increased a thousand fold. She needed some form of relief. She needed _him_.

"You have a daughter! Do you even think about her?" Of course she did! Who was Jacob kidding? But she was in pain! An unbelievable never-ending amount of pain! Pain that would never lessen as time passed! Pain that would never heal! Her daughter had someone now. She had Jacob. Her daughter would survive because he would make sure she did. "What the hell is wrong with you? It would kill her, Bella! She only has one parent left now!" Bella internally cringed at his harsh words. Yes. Bella was left. Alone. He had made the ultimate sacrifice. Their daughter was safe now, loved and well protected. That's all Bella could ever ask for. So why was it such a bad thing to grant her what she had asked a minute ago? Why was it as bad as Jake seemed determined to make it out to be?

"You know, Bella, I've told you time and time again how it killed me when my mom died! How me and my sisters would have been lost without Billy! How I still need him around! You know this and yet, you're being so goddamn selfish and you want to 'end' it? GOD!" Jake's body started to shake again with rage. She could see him trying to regain control of the wolf so he could continue to yell at her, scold her like a small child. While he took his time, Bella allowed a part of her brain to mull over his words. Yes, she remembered faintly the choked up broken whispers in his room at Billy's as Jake stared at the picture of his beautiful mother Bella had found on his dresser. The glistening dark eyes that burned with unshed tears. The mumbles as he turned his head to wipe his arm across his eyes when he thought Bella's attention was still with the photograph in her hands. Yes. She knew how much he had needed Billy and still did to this day. She knew that she should never have put this on Jake's shoulders. She should have just given the packs a reason to do their duty. But it was too late for that now. As the pain threatened to overwhelm her if she did not finish what she had started, Bella steeled her resolve against her best friend's pain, both remembered and now right here in front of her. But before she could continue on her present course, Bella heard Jake speak, lower this time. "You are so goddamn selfish, Bella. How could you? And to ask that of _me_? What's wrong with you? Think of your daughter. Do you think Edward would do the same? Do you think Edward would kill himself and leave Nessie in pain?" Wow. Jake used his name twice. He definitely was trying to kill her. "Edward gave his life for her. He didn't do it so you could die too and leave her all alone. You do that and what he did means nothing." Once more. Maybe she was looking at all of this the wrong way. Maybe Jake was really just trying to give her what she wanted. Because she knew if she heard _his_ name just one more time, she would fall to pieces and burn right there all on her own. The pain would consume her, ultimately causing her to combust into flames as Jake watched.

However, she also started to feel some anger rising within her at the same time. _He never asked me before he did what he did. He gave me absolutely no warning, no indication that it was coming. He never thought about what it would do to his daughter, his family or me once he was gone. He never cared to think about whether we would make it through or not. How I would._ Bella knew these thoughts were selfish and she did feel a little guilty at letting them play through her mind because she knew the truth. _He_ had not been inconsiderate in any way. _He_ had been noble, self-sacrificing. _He_ had saved their daughter. Their family. Her. She knew she was being unreasonable in her hatred of _him_. But the pain coursed through her at an alarming rate every minute of every day and she just could not accept the facts. Instead, she allowed her anger to grow, day in, day out, just like the burn in her throat. She needed _him_.

Jake's tremors had stilled and he was now shooting daggers into her eyes. "Edward would be ashamed if he could see you now."

All Bella could see was red. Nothing else. The red so deep and encompassing that it reminded her of the last time she had drowned in this color. And that time, she had attacked Jacob. _Not exactly how I pictured it but it'll work._ It would be quick and she would get what she desired. _Him._ But not before she responded to Jake's incredulous accusation.

"HOW DARE YOU?!!?" She began to move closer to him in a threatening stance but he refused to budge. "Screw you, Jacob! You have no idea what this feels like! He's gone! Never coming back! I lost him! He was my soul, my everything! And now I have to face eternity without him! So screw you!" She lowered her voice, removing some of the emotion out of it but maintaining the same level of venom from before, making her sound even more deadly. "How would you feel if you lost Renesmee? Tell me. Would you want to go on? Wasn't it you who told me that the pain would be unbearable? Nothing around to even equal to the amount of it or compare it to? So tell me. How would you feel? What would you do?" There. She had hurled his own words back at him. Just let him try to deny it. To defend his mystical wolfy legends while dismissing her need, her pain as unimportant enough to count. Jake again relaxed his face into Sam's mask. Only his dark eyes reflected the true level of his anger. They stared each other down, each daring the other to be the first to speak, the first to make a move. It surprised her when he broke first. "If I had a daughter, yes, it would hurt, but I would stay around. For her. I wouldn't be that selfish. I would keep going as Ness would've wanted me to." She refused to stop glaring at him until it suddenly hit her with the force of yet another freight train.

He was right. She knew it. She was selfish. But she knew that the harsh cold truth of her epiphany in no way matched the level of ice of the realizations that were now heading her way contained. She wasn't strong enough to live with _this_ pain. With this huge hole in her still heart. No matter her status in the supernatural world. No matter all of her special vampire abilities. Because the truth is she would never have _that_ strength. Bella lowered her eyes and spoke softly to him. "You're strong, Jacob. You always have been and I don't doubt that you would do that." She once again raised her eyes to his. It was at times like these that she wished she could still cry. Let those infamous traitorous tears trail down her pale cheeks, each one silently mourning her epic loss all on its own. "I'm not. I never have been. You saw what happened when he left the first time. You saw how broken I was. This is worse, Jacob. So much worse. Just because my heart doesn't beat doesn't mean I'm not in pain." These last words came out as nothing more than a broken whisper, one last plea for his understanding. For his consent. For his mercy.

Bella could see the pain distort his features once again, the angry mask falling away to reveal his vulnerability. But nothing she saw on her best friend's face could ever mirror the depth and magnitude of her own. She heard him take a breath, as if to steady himself, as his face began to soften. In no time at all, Jacob had strode over to her and grabbed her hand, gently encasing it in his own burning one, and held both between the two of them. He inched his way forward, moving closer to her until she could feel his hot breath upon her face.

"No."

She heard the word, heard his soft tone, and immediately knew what it meant. Bella felt as if the very weight of the world had come crashing down on her and even her vampire strength could not hold it. The hole roared inside her at his refusal, sucking her into the nothingness and eternal torment she hadn't been able to escape. Exhausted from the acceptance he was now forcing upon her, Bella's head dropped like the dead weight it now was.

"What if I make you?"

She knew it was hopeless, that he wouldn't do what she had asked. "I won't do it." Of course. The one thing she desperately needs from him that he can't give. _No, not can't. Won't._

"Even if I threatened to feed on the town of Forks? La Push?"

She could feel his hand tighten a little at that. _Well, if that's what it takes. After all, he's a werewolf, I'm a vampire. It's not rocket science._ But just as soon as the long lost sliver of hope starts to make its way back into her mind, Jake was all too willing it seemed to shatter it yet again. His hand relaxed and she could see he was back under control. He didn't believe her. And why should he? He knew her inside and out. He knew her better than she knew herself.

"No."

It burned her each time he said it and made the pain surge throughout her body even worse. She had a sneaking suspicion that he had just spoken his final word on the subject bring the matter to a close. End of discussion. Never to be opened again. The pain forced her to close her eyes and plead with him one last time anyway. "I can't be without him." She knew the words before he spoke them. "You have to be. For her. For him."

Bella clenched her eyes shut tighter and expelled another unnecessary breath which then broke off into something like a sob. She had blown it. Jacob wouldn't do it. And now he would let the packs in on it, no matter how unwillingly, so they would do whatever they could to spare her, contain her before utilizing that last option. For her daughter, Jacob's imprint. For their allies, the Cullens. For Jake himself. He had been the very last person, the one person who could help her. And now he turned her down and took away any other viable options in one swoop. Yeah, if she could cry right now, the waterworks would never stop. The pain was unbearable, snarling in her chest, a raging fire unable to be quenched. Since she was suffering already, she allowed the small fuel to the flames. _Edward._ The sob sound increased in volume as the flames roared to life.

Bella hadn't felt Jake move closer. She hadn't felt the tender kiss on top of her head. She barely heard the hushed whisper of his confession. "Do you have any idea how much it would kill me not to have you around, Bella? Do you know how my heart was breaking thinking that I might have to--" She could hear him choke off and then begin again. "--what you wanted me to. I couldn't bear it. I'd die, Bella." She could feel him pull her into his warm arms. They were like fire to her icy skin but she's used to it. After all, she's already burning in her own hell. What more could possibly hurt her? She laid her head on his chest, listening to his heart. She feels his hands gently rubbing her back as if to calm her. Bella doesn't know how he's doing it but she's not in as much pain as she was a second ago. It's almost as if he chases the fire away, the flames afraid to come near him, to stop tormenting her in his presence. She hadn't known how much she needed this. To be held in his strong arms, once again holding her together. A haunting echo of the past.

"I love you, Bells."

This caught Bella off guard. She lifted her head to look up into his face. His heart started to race as she stared deep into his eyes, trying to understand the emotions she saw there. Fear. Well, technically, she was a thirsty vampire. She was certain his wolf was fighting to come out but Jake was maintaining tight control. Pain. She had seen that in him ever since she had ceased to act like she existed. So it was no great shock to see it. But then she saw something which, had she been dependent upon oxygen, would have taken her breath away. Love. Deep, abiding, unconditional love. Bella knew he loved as she did him but it had changed back into a more natural state once he had imprinted. They had become family. But, this was not the type of love she saw reflected back at her now. No. These were the same eyes of the sixteen year-old boy who had fixed her motorcycle, who had snuck into her room through the window to try to tell her the truth, the boy who had kissed her on the top of the mountain, the fervor in his kiss silently pleading with her to choose him. He began to open his mouth to speak. "I'm sorry, Bells, I--"

Bella didn't even think, she just acted. She was an instinctual creature by nature and something told her to move forward fast. And that's exactly what she did. She pushed her lips to his, stopping whatever rationalization that was trying to work its way out. His lips were just as warm as she remembered, even hotter this time around being she was pure ice. Her mind was silent, the pain frozen in its place as the world stopped, then melted completely through as a new fire now raced through her veins. She was felt him move her into him, pushing her into his body, tighter, harder. Jacob had never been careful with her when she was human and he definitely was not being careful with her now. She licked his lower lip, asking him for entrance which he eagerly granted her. She could taste him. The fire raged within her, burning away everything that had been there only a moment ago, leaving ashes in its wake. The. pain. was. numbed. Shock now coursed through her as this new feeling spread within her, this new heat. She tangled her fingers in his hair as she pulled him even closer. She could feel him putting everything he felt into this kiss. He wanted her to know how much she had hurt him, how worried he had been, how scared she had made him. But he also wanted her to know how much he loved her. That was the one thing that would always remain true. She knew that now. The fire was increasing steadily. Jake pulled her into his body even tighter. She released a small moan. She just couldn't help it. Kissing him, he holding onto her like he was afraid to let her go, him trying to get impossibly closer just felt so good. Bella noticed his hands were now in her hair as pulled her face closer to his. She felt the same burning need. The need to be closer. Impossibly closer. He angled her face so his tongue could go deeper, taste more of her. She was mildly surprised at the thoughtless action. Surely if he was thinking, he would have been just a little worried about the venom in her mouth, but he didn't seem to care and neither did she. She did her very best to not lose control of that one aspect even though she was losing it everywhere else. She felt her back up against the glass. She hadn't even known he had moved her the few feet backwards. Bella couldn't help it. She was on fire. She began to grind herself against him and he would reward her with small growls. She could feel him beginning to respond and this just increased their need to be tighter. Closer.

She felt his hand move down to her left leg, grab it roughly and wrap it around his waist. His need for her was evident. She felt the same need. She let another moan slip out into his mouth and he began moving back against her. That was all it took. She jumped up into his arms and the growls coming from him were deeper, louder. Jake pushed her back up against the glass again. She was close to combusting. He needed to be closer. Tighter. She ground herself even harder against him. Before Bella knew it, Jake had them on the floor, her on her back and him on top. This was driving her insane. His hands weren't helping matters, moving, grasping and squeezing and rubbing places they never had before, all the while moving against her body. She could feel it now, the pressure was building. He was stoking the fire. Jake had started to trail kisses down her neck and without his lips absorbing the sounds, her moans were escaping her in a rapid succession. The fire was burning her alive. Well, figuratively anyway. It was spreading from the core of her being into her limbs and all throughout her body. His mouth was making its way back up the trail it had marked now. The flames were consuming her and she was more than willing to let them. The higher his lips rose, the higher the fire built. Once he was near her ear, the flames were at full force. One more kiss. _Oh God._ The flames were brighter, about to explode into oblivion. Another kiss. _Here it comes._ And just as she's about to surrender to the fire, let the natural combustion take place, she feels his lips at that spot just behind her ear in conjunction with his hardest grinding yet and the feeling is so amazing, she gasps and she knows this is it. She's going to die by fire.

In a split second, Jacob has stopped and is now hovering above her, staring down at her. Why did he stop? "What's wrong?" He was still nestled in between her legs. She could tell he didn't want to stop. "Jake?"

He looked at her for a minute before shock and guilt shoot across his features. _Oh no._ Sure enough, he was across the room in a matter of seconds, as far away from her as he could get. She now felt cold. Granted she was that way naturally but she felt it even more now in his absence. The fire that had been threatening to overtake her a moment ago was nothing more than a glowing ember. Bella sat up and shot a concerned look over at Jake. What had happened? One minute they had been on fire and the next, the flames had been doused without even a warning.

"Jake, what--?"

As she watched the story of emotions play out on his face, it hit her what was wrong. Her daughter is what was wrong. _Shit!_ The pain that she had thought had been destroyed by her best friend was now back in full force, racking her small frame in agony, laughing at her naivete in believing that it could ever be truly gone. She couldn't think, she couldn't move for a minute. The pain was flooding back in and _his_ name surfaced. Only once, but once was all it took. Her conscience was writhing in its discomfort, with the guilt at what she had done. How could she forget _him_ even for a second? And what about Ren--gulp-- _her_? What the hell had they done?

She quickly glanced over at Jake. His face pained her the most. A day that had started out for her so clear, so simple with what she wanted, what she needed, it had become disturbingly chaotic. All thanks to her. If Edward--pain--knew what she had done, Jake was right, _he_ would be ashamed of her. It took for this to start to clear her thoughts. She would have to somehow make this right, somehow fix it. Even if it meant she would never get to know the fire Jake had burned her with ever again. She slowly nodded her head. This was acceptable. An acceptable sacrifice.


	5. We Can't Read Between the Lines (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

_Oh my God! Oh my God!_ Jake was freaking out. He had just done the worst thing imaginable, the most unforgivable offense. He had kissed Bella. His imprint's mother! Ness' mother! _Ugh. I am such an asshole!_ And he hadn't stopped there. If he hadn't pulled back when he did....he didn't even want to think where that might have led them to. _Ness. Oh God, Ness._ He felt an ache build in his chest, in his heart for his betrayal of his soulmate. Ness trusted him and here he was, making out with someone else while she was away. And her mother no less. Her mother that Jake had been hopelessly in love with up until the moment he had first looked at Nessie in Blondie's arms. Her mother that now it seemed was all too irresistible to him. Again. He felt sick. He was disgusted with himself. As he berated himself continously in his thoughts, he never once lifted his eyes to meet Bella's inquisitive ones. He was afraid to look at her. To see his betrayal reflected back at him. It was bad enough he still remembered holding her, kissing her, feeling her all too well on his own. His body certainly remembered and was having a very hard time forgetting. At one time, he would have been beyond embarrassed at Bella seeing him like this but now he was only concentrating on getting himself, every part of himself, back under control. He shut his eyes tightly and began to think of Renesmee in his head. He focused on the image of her face while repeating her name. _Ness. Ness. Ness._ Chanting it over and over again like a silent fervent prayer invoking the hopes of forgiveness and getting himself back on track. The track that led to a life of love and happiness with the soulmate destiny had chosen for him. He had been stuck inside his head so deeply with her that his supernatural hearing did not even detect the graceful brushes of tiny feet approaching him from the other side of the room.

"Jake."

The musical voice made him jump with the awareness of Bella's presence, too close for comfort now, making Nessie vanish from his thought track. _Dammit!_ His eyes flew open involuntarily and he locked eyes with her. She looked concerned, unsure, turned on and sad all at once. Those black eyes were definitely on fire now, no doubt about it. And they still creeped him out. How had he gotten past them? They stared back at him with equal ferocity.

"Jake, are you--?"

"Don't touch me!"

Bella's hand froze midair. He had seen her lift it, moving it slowly towards him most likely in a gesture of reassurance, concern and comfort. But at his harsh words, she now straightened up as if someone had slapped her and looked blankly over at him. He hadn't mean to be so cruel in his reaction but he knew if she touched him even just once, he wasn't sure he would be able to control himself. Just like he hadn't been able to a few minutes earlier and this time there would be no stopping. They would start and they would finish it. He was sure. His breaths were still coming in rapid succession as he attempted to calm himself and steady his heart. He could deal with the emotional fallout of his mistake later. Right now he needed to make something clear. Right. Now.

"Bells--"

He heard himself begin to use the familiar nickname and stopped, the one that started it all before he had made the biggest mistake of his life. The one that just now he could see made her dark eyes burn brighter. He shivered at the sight but then forced his body to still, stand rigid and deliver the statement he needed to make.

"Bella."

The light in her dark eyes dimmed a little at that. He didn't understand why but it pained him a little to see it and pained him even more to know that he was the cause of it. But he had to continue. No going back. Ever.

"I'm sorry. I never meant for that to happen. It was my fault. I lost control." She lowered her eyes at these words and rested them on his chest as he spoke, but in reality her eyes were void of the fire they had been full of moments ago and they were staring off somewhere else, into nothing.

"If I remember correctly, Jacob, _I_ was the one who kissed _you_."

He was feeling that urge again. To comfort her. But this time he used all the strength he could muster to resist it. He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and continued.

"Bella, I love Ness--Renesmee. " He used her full name to appeal to Bella's reason. As a mother who loved her daughter. "She's my imprint. She loves me and I love her. And I--" He didn't want to say this. He knew he had to but he didn't want to hurt her further. He didn't want to cause her more pain. But, he had to. He quickly winced but kept going. "--I love you, too. But not the same way. You're my best friend and it kills me that you're hurting. I would do anything to make you happy but I won't do that." Her eyes raised up to look him in the face now, again with that silent pleading that had been there before all of this. "Or _that_." That clarification caused her to lower her eyes yet again. This time, he steeled himself, kept himself within the rigid confines of control, keeping Ness in mind and softly cupped Bella's chin with his right hand and brought her face up to meet his. He knew how dangerous this was. He knew if he got even an inch closer he'd lose it completely. After all, he still had a reminder located just below of their stolen moment. But he was careful, overly cautious yet all the while meaningful and gentle.

"I'm here for you, Bella. I always will be. Just..." He tried to think of a way to deliver his words in the softest manner he could. "....as your best friend." Honesty was the best way to go. Her eyes studied his intently for a moment. A moment too long. He started to feel nervous and panicky again. But then, a small suggestion of a smile broke across her face. She slowly raised her hand to his, grasping it gently and pulling it away from her chin. He bristled a little at her touch but kept his head about him. Once she brought his hand over to his side, she released him, keeping the smile on her face all the while.

"You're right."

The words hung in the air, waiting for some sort of response. The tension surrounding them was so thick it could be cut with a knife. He needed to lighten the mood. Suddenly, he drew in a sharp gasp, a look of shock on his face. Bella's smile disappeared making way for the eternally smoothed out crinkle in her marble forehead that always indicated her concern. "Jacob?" He could hear the worry in her soft lilt.

"Bella, did you just say that I'm right?" He was having a hard time holding it in, but he kept his face frozen as it needed to be in order for this to work. "Me? Right? No, it can't be. I never thought I'd ever hear you say that." He then comically lifted his hand to his forehead in a swooning gesture pretending to be faint with shock at her statement. Sometime during this routine, he heard the tinkling of melodius bells as he realized she was laughing. His heart soared at the sound. He had made her laugh. His face broke out into a smug grin and he relaxed. "I always knew you were a smart one, Bells." He didn't catch himself but this time it wasn't needed. She didn't check at the endearment and he didn't tense up at her reaction.

She shook her head. "You're an idiot, Jake." She smiled again, this time just a little bit wider than before even though it never quite reached her eyes. It wasn't quite what he wanted but it was better. He could work with better. Better could always be fixed.

"Did I say you were smart? Sorry, I take that back." He couldn't resist teasing her and sure enough, her hand flashed out and smacked his arm. He rubbed the sore spot a little as Bella beamed triumphiantly. Sometimes he really missed the human version of his best friend. Especially when her smacks and swats were not as feather light as they used to be. He beamed back at her and shook his head. "Well, Bells, are you determined to stay even more of a freak show than you already are for all time or do you want to get something to eat?"

Bella's smile wiped off her face and she lowered her eyes to his chest. She slowly moved her hand to where she heard his heart beating rapidly, picking up in speed as she gently encased the spot with her fingers. "I am hungry...." She trailed her hand ever so slowly away from his heart up to his neck, leaving ice in her wake that for some reason stirred fire within him. _Crap. Not again._ They had just been joking around like normal only a second ago. How had they gotten back to this? He forced Ness into his mind. But when he looked into those black orbs, he realized the eerie truth of her words. She was hungry. Thirsty. All of his instincts screamed at him to knock her hand off, back away and phase to protect himself. But one thing stopped him.

He loved her.

There it was, staring him in the face, screaming in his head, causing tears to form in the eyes of the vision of Nessie he had kept rooted inside his brain during this conversation. He still loved Bella and he couldn't hurt her.

Jake hated crying. He hated when other people did it. He always felt terrible when they did and he always felt the need to offer some form of comfort or assurance which usually turned out to never be exactly what was needed. He hated when he himself did it. He never let anyone see him. Well, except his dad and Bella. And Sam. Just that once. He considered it a weakness. He was too strong for that. But right now, all he wanted to do was fall to his knees and cry his heart out. Literally. He hated his heart right now. It was betraying him, fogging up his mind, clouding his judgment at one of the most crucial moments of his life, face to face with an extremely hungry vampire who just happened to be his best friend. His best friend who he still loved. His best friend whose daughter he had imprinted upon by some cruel twist of fate and felt a love so deep for her that couldn't be described with a single word in any language. His best friend who no longer had the vampire that had stood in between him and his natural soulmate, Bella. His best friend who he, for all intents and purposes, was still in love with. He wanted to pull at his hair. He wanted to scream.

But right now, he needed to focus. He studied her more closely, trying to read the open book that was his best friend's face. Nothing. Just those dark eyes. Thirsty. He started to shake with the all-too familiar tremors. They rocked through him until he felt a cold touch on his cheek. Her hand had worked its way up while he had been stuck in deep thought. As soon as she did, his tremors calmed until they had resided in his hands. Even as a vampire, as his mortal enemy, she still had the ability to calm him, even when her thirst was evident and possibly volatile and unpredictable for the world to see. She smirked as if she knew this to be true and took pride in it. She leaned forward a little more but stopped when their noses were near to touching. He cocked his eyebrow at her as if to gauge her next action, still anxiously trying to read whatever her face would tell him. She looked at him intently as if she had a secret to whisper to him.

"But not for wolf."

Her smirk relaxed into smug smile, almost like the one Jake had been wearing right before his earth-shattering epiphany. She moved back, away from him, removing her hand from his now cold cheek, laughing as she did. He realized she was laughing at him, at the still-shocked expression he wore. He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and shook his head again at her. She took a few steps leading to the front door, halting and then turning back to him expectantly.

"Come on. Let's get something to eat. Are you going to take me or are you going to make me go all by myself?"

He instantly relaxed and began to breathe easier. He straightened up and followed her silently out the door. He wasn't in love with her. He couldn't be. No, that had just been some part of the old Jake holding on, coming through when he felt her as a threat to the wolf, begging on her behalf. No. He did love Bella, but he wasn't in love with her. Then he thought of Nessie again. The imaginary tears had vanished and his girl was smiling again in his mind. That beautiful smile. This was the girl he loved. The girl he had doted upon since the day she was brought so violently into the world. The girl who owned his heart -- every piece, whole and broken. The girl who was his other half. His Nessie. He shook his head a few times as if to exorcise the events and feelings of the day. Bella watched him, an amused expression settling itself on her pale face. Once they reached the tree line of the Cullen's yard and he put enough space in between him and Bella, he allowed the heat to overtake him and morph him into the animal that had been trying to get out all day. He heard a snap to the left and saw Bella crouched, facing the woods.

"Race ya!" she called in her musical lilt. But before he could even respond with a bark, never mind think, she ran into the trees, nothing more than a flash of a blur. He kicked off at full speed, following her as best he could. He could hear her laughs echoing all throughout the forest. He smiled to himself. No. He wasn't in love with Bella. How could he have been insane enough to think so for even a split second? Maybe he needed to get his head checked. _Wouldn't be the first time._ Yes, he and Bella had kissed but Bella still loved Edward and he knew that nothing could make her forget her pain at the loss. Not even an intense make-out session with her best friend. He knew Bella. She was doing what she could now to help numb it for a while. It was just like that first day she had come to him with the bikes. That's all that kiss had been. Helping to numb the pain. A moment without memory. He had mercifully given it to her but never again. She didn't love Jake and he didn't love her. He knew that. That old part of him had been confused for a second there but he now knew where his heart truly resided. He loved Nessie. And he couldn't wait to have her back home, bursting with happiness at her much changed mother's appearance, especially her eye color. His heart warmed at the thought and he pushed himself faster towards the blur.


	6. It Seems It's Written (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Quotes in bold and italics from books.
> 
> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Things seemed to return to some level of normalcy in the Cullen household. Bella had hunted and her eyes were now a cool golden color, no longer the horrifying blackness they had been once before.

When Ness had returned home, she found Jacob and Bella sitting in the living room, with the television on, neither of them really watching it. Jake's eyes lifted to hers and he lifted himself off the couch and began walking towards her. Ness' impatience shined through and she ran right into his arms, not willing to wait one more second it would take for him to reach her. He hugged her fiercely to him. Jake had certainly missed her and now that she was back, he felt all was right in the world again. He closed his eyes and held her. She laid her head on his chest and stayed there. Jake just wanted to savor the moment. It had pained him to be away from her and with the events of this afternoon---he just wanted to stay in this moment a little while longer.

Jake wasn't sure how much time had passed nor did he care but the bubble he and Nessie were in was burst as he heard a gentle clearing of a throat behind him. He released Ness and slowly turned them both around to face Bella. Ness' eyes filled with tears as a huge smile spread across her face. No doubt she had seen her mother's newly brightened eye color never mind that she had moved from that hated corner in the room, making sounds as she went. "MOM!" With amazing speed and fluidity, Ness had leaped from Jacob's arms right into Bella's. Jake could hear Bella's tinkling laugh as she embraced Nessie. He stepped back a little to allow the mother daughter reconciliation to play out. He saw Bella close her eyes, hug Ness tighter, let out a contented sigh and begin to stroke her daughter's bronze curls lovingly. It seemed Bella wanted her moment, too. The two women before him didn't look like they were going to break their embrace anytime soon. He could sense Ness' need for this time with her mother. He decided he'd head outside to give her just that.

"Gonna go talk to Leah and Seth. Be back in a bit." He quietly whispered his intentions as he turned around to leave. He knew Bella had heard him even though she made no indication to let him know she had.

Once outside, Jake walked to the treeline of the yard and stripped off his sweats, tying them around his leg while fastening the leather cord. He immediately phased and began to run. He decided he would stick to the edges of the property just in case Ness needed him. He didn't sense Leah or Seth so they must still be driving his car back to his dad's house. He also didn't detect Sam so that must mean one of the other wolves was on patrol in La Push. Now seemed as good a time as any to let his thoughts wander freely. He began to replay the last few hours in his head.

Once he and Bella had had their race (she won) and found a clearing with a small group of deer in it, Bella had fed while he waited for her to finish. Not that he was averse to eating as a wolf, but his nerves were too on edge for him to even think about hunger at that point. Bella had never mentioned their little stolen moment again and neither did he. A silent mutual agreement had been reached between them, knowing that Ness' ignorance to the fact would be best all around. Jake didn't want to hurt her and it seemed that Bella didn't want to, either. She still loved her daughter, Jake knew that. She just had a weak moment, a human moment he would have called it if she still had been, and it was a mistake. They were past it. Bella would always love Edward. There was no changing that. Just as he would always love Ness. Bella was in pain and wasn't thinking straight. But once Jake had forced some semblance of sanity into the interaction between them, Bella immediately had been brought back to reason. She wouldn't make that mistake again and neither would he. And he made sure that he kept that determination on his face for Bella. Once they had returned home, he and Bella still teasing each other and laughing like normal, they both had sat down in the living room. The silence that began to fill the air was unbearable and he couldn't understand why. Just a second ago, they had been best friends again with clear lines that could not, would not, be blurred. And now there was tension. He quickly made the call to Sam who had been standing by, waiting to hear word through the other wolves or Jake himself. He let Sam know all was in the clear in the most subtle way he could think even though he knew Bella could hear every word on both ends of the conversation. He then turned the TV on and flipped through the channels until he settled on some movie he had seen before. Bella made no protest so he relaxed back into the couch he was laying on and stared at the screen, allowing his thoughts to wander. Every once in a while, he would glance over at her sitting on the loveseat, noticing that she also was staring at the movie, not really watching, her mind obviously elsewhere. Jake desperately wanted to know what she was thinking about but something told him not to ask. He was sure he didn't want to hear the answer. Then he would turn his head back to the television and space out all over again. And they had stayed like that until Ness came home.

But now, in the darkness and stillness of the woods, in his wolf form, Jake allowed himself to go there for the first time since it had happened earlier that day. How did he allow that to happen? Sure, Bella had been right, **she** had kissed **him**. But he had told her he loved her and at the time, he knew he had meant it. And he had kissed her back. She was his best friend, the one person, vampire or human, who knew him inside and out. Yes, he and Ness were soulmates but she didn't know Jake like Bella did. No matter how much time they would spend together, no matter how much they would share, there were just some things she would never know about him. Plain and simple. Still, this was not a justification in the smallest form for what he had done today. He knew he had been wrong to not only do it in the first place but also to let it progress as far as it had until he put a stop to it. If Bella hadn't gasped and it didn't remind him of Ness---he was pretty sure he'd be feeling a hell of a lot worse right about now and unable to look his imprint in the eyes ever again.

Jake couldn't deny it. That kiss had been absolutely incredible. The kiss he and Bella had shared on the mountaintop once upon a time didn't even compare. He had thought he had died in that moment, Bella's lips being his weapons of choice, but today he had been reborn. At least that's what it felt like anyway. Something inside him definitely came to life when that happened. Yes, he had been aroused and he didn't feel that way towards Ness yet (which made him wince) but this was something completely different. Like the sparks had been ignited in his very soul. A fire now lit, waiting to be stoked even further, but never able to be put out. Almost like the old Jacob had been dormant all these years and was now suddenly awakened, acting from within Jake, working to reclaim the love he had once lost to that vampire, to imprinting. Just like that old fairytale. Bella had woken up Sleeping Beauty (he snorted at the thought) with a kiss. _Ugh._ He knew he had been hanging around girls too long when he started to compare his life to princess stories. Jake shook his massive head as if to clear his mind of the traitorous thoughts. What the hell was going on? For years, ever since the imprinting, he had felt the pull to Nessie, couldn't bear to be away from her, had loved her as far back as he could remember. He had been everything she needed and he had given her everything he had to give. Except what she seemed to need from him lately, affection and intimacy. For some reason, his heart wouldn't let him go there yet with her. She was ready, no doubt about that. But he wasn't and this had confused and plagued him for longer than he cared to admit. How he was able to deny his imprint he never knew but it certainly didn't come without a price. Her pain would echo within his chest each time he refused her, asking her to wait just a bit longer. Still, he had loved her and was hopelessly devoted to the youngest Cullen. Bella had loved Edward and it seemed everything had been set right by the magic of the imprint. He remembered his words to Bella that night she had awoken in the marble body of his mortal enemy.

 ** _"You said we belonged in each other's lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So....now we are. It's what you wanted."_** That was what they had become. Family. And it worked well.

 ** _"Do you remember how much you wanted me around three days ago? How hard it was to be apart from each other? That's gone for you now, isn't it?"_** It was true. Their need for each other had disappeared the second Jake had imprinted on Nessie. And they never felt it again. Everything was the way it was supposed to be.

**_"Bella, things are different with us now, but you'll always be my best friend, and I'll always love you. But I'll love you the right way now. There's finally a balance. We both have people we can't live without."_ **

So why is it that now he started to feel as if he was somehow turning back the hands of time and Bella was once again included in that category? Someone he couldn't live without. He was so confused. And he hated it. What's worse, Ness' kiss outside this morning had not nearly the same effect as Bella's in the afternoon had. He again felt the ache inside his chest. Guilt consumed him as he knew he needed to put more space in between him and Bella. He knew she was far from over grieving for Edward but she seemed to be in better spirits. She seemed....stronger than she had been in recent weeks. Much stronger. There was no comparison.

The easygoing banter of hours past seemed to flow flawlessly but Jacob needed to clear these thoughts from his mind. He had to put himself back into control, back into the structure that had worked out well for them all this time. And the only way to do that was to get more space from his best friend. Just for a little while so he could get all his ducks in a row and be true to Ness. It came to him within an instant. He would move forward with Nessie. She was ready and it's what she wanted. He wouldn't deny her that. Even though he still felt skittish at the thought, Jake knew it was the right thing to do. It's where they would end up further on down the road anyway. The old Jacob needed to be put to rest once and for all. There could be no doubts. He would move on and he would do it tonight.

Jake began to run back towards the house. Towards his life, his imprint, his Nessie. And he would never think of Bella in that way ever again.


	7. These Clouds We're Seeing (BPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Bella couldn't understand it. She just couldn't. What had changed so drastically in such a short amount of time?

He had been gone an hour. An hour. And when he returned she could sense something wasn't right. He wouldn't look at her. Instead, he walked in, Nessie ran over to him, throwing her arms around him like always, clinging tight to him, and then he had whispered "Let's go upstairs," which Ness was all too happy to agree to and they turned and left. Not before Nessie turned and waved, wishing her mother a goodnight earning a small smile from Bella in return, but still he never looked at her.

Bella knew something was wrong, something was off. She knew that their passionate exchange from earlier had had a hand in it, but she somehow thought that there was now an understanding between them. They would never speak of it and it would never happen again. It had been a moment, one moment, nothing more. Comfort for her and for him---well, she wasn't really certain what it had been for him or why he had reacted to her the way he had, closure maybe? She wasn't quite sure. Bella shook her head as if to clear all the confusion and began to focus her thoughts on the problem at hand. They had settled back into the easygoing rhythm their friendship had always had, before--wince-- _he_ had left. Before Jake had started phasing. After Renesmee had been born. Up until the moment that _he_ \---. She couldn't say it, never mind think it. It would only invite more of the pain to flow through her body yet again. Yes, there had been some tension while they sat and stared at the screen before her daughter had returned. She didn't know why it was there but she blissfully ignored it, instead focusing her eyes on the moving images in front of her, losing herself in her thoughts.

She had been remembering all the times from her mortal life, hazily, especially since she came to Forks. However, she didn't allow herself to think of _him_ once. She would fall apart if she did. Instead she focused on simpler things: Charlie's expression when she had come to live with him, Renee's huge smile when she was 7 and had danced in the recital (she was so proud!), Phil's calm laidback nature, Phoenix and the sun, the warmth she missed so much when she first moved here, her zombie-like days after _he_ had gone....she knew there would be some pain in that thought alone so she let it wash over her before she continued her reverie. Motorcycles, a red house, warm sodas, even warmer hands, that smile that was hers alone.... Suddenly, she flashed forward to the driftwood tree that was theirs, again warm hands holding hers, that smile....the kiss she had asked him for, that look in his eyes when she told him she had chosen _him_.....the way he held her hand over his heart as they danced at her wedding, how he had warmed her hands while pleading with her to reconsider and possibly have a baby with him, how pained he had looked when he took off that one time in _his_ car but then came back, with the pain now buried deep inside him but still reflecting out of his eyes, as he sat next to her, smiling, he had forgiven her, he loved her. All these memories were hazy, fuzzy in a way, as if they belonged to someone else but Bella still remembered each and every one. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Jacob's eyes were also glued to the screen but he didn't seem to be watching. She wondered what he could be thinking about. Could he be thinking about some of the same things? Yet she never quite worked up the courage to ask given the day they had had. Instead, she went back to staring off into space, living in a time where things had been blissfully simple and _human_. And how they continued to be even simpler once she had become a vampire and Jake had imprinted. She let these thoughts swirl around inside her head until Ness walked through the door.

She had seen that Jacob had given her time with her daughter and for that she was grateful. All the pain and all the messy thoughts she had earlier that day came to a screeching halt once she held her child in her arms. Her daughter clung to her tightly, clearly Renesmee had missed her, and she knew Jake had been right. She needed to be strong for her, for _him_. And she would do her best to do that. Every day. No matter how much it hurt. Until Renesmee had no need for her anymore at least. But then, the guilt set in. She had kissed Jake, her daughter's soulmate. Not just kissed. No. Brought it to a whole other level that would've resulted in a far worse betrayal than the one she felt now had Jake not been the voice of reason. She hated herself. How could she? Ness was her daughter! And Jake was meant for Ness. That was it. And her best friend? He deserved to be loved, to experience the type of love that would blossom between these two in time, and so much more. He had always been selfless with Bella, always giving and never taking. Sure he had been pushy and manipulative during the time she was made to choose between him and---well, _him_. But, Bella had been unfair and selfish, unwilling to give either up so she couldn't hold anything against Jake for that time. After all, it had led them to where they were today. Bella had married her soulmate and Jake had found his. And all had been well. Up until the day that she got that terrible news. Even though she was an ice cold immortal, she still shivered at the memory. Up until today when she had almost made the biggest mistake of her entire existence. At this thought, she hugged Renesmee closer to her and breathed in her scent, steeling her resolve. She would never ever do anything to disrespect her daughter's impending relationship ever again. Never.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time had passed since the day she had begged Jake to be her angel of mercy and with each day, Bella grew more and more confused. And more and more anxious. Jacob was avoiding her. He barely spoke to her and only in the presence of Renesmee. If there was ever a moment he and Bella were alone, which was rare if at all these days, he would mumble an excuse, looking down at the ground the whole time and leave before Bella could utter a word. Why was he doing this to her? He was her best friend and she needed him. She constantly would try to catch his eyes, let them be the ones to tell her why he was acting so strangely since he obviously wouldn't, but he made sure that they never connected. He would keep his eyes trained on Nessie or anywhere else but never on Bella herself. She knew he had regretted his mistake in kissing her but she thought they had moved past it. Bella had not made a move on him once, not that she would have been able to if she wanted, but still, she did her best to put him at ease in her presence. She would give him a respectful amount of distance and she would never engage him in conversation unless he spoke to her first. Didn't he realize that Ness was her top priority? That her happiness is what truly mattered? Wasn't the one of the reasons Jake had told her she needed to stay alive? For Ness?

And that wasn't the only change in the Cullen household. Apparently, Jake and Ness had made it official. They were now an item. Bella could see it in Renesmee's face, how truly happy she was. The glow that surrounded her could only be described as that glow everyone sees in you when you're in love. The first time Jake had gone to leave to patrol (now that Bella was better, there was no need for him to stick around the whole time), he had kissed her goodbye, giving Bella all the confirmation she needed. Once he was out the door, Renesmee sighed. She turned around, giving her mother the hugest grin Bella had ever seen her wear and skip happily up the stairs. Bella was happy for her daughter, she was, but something was bothering her, too. Why couldn't Jake look at her? Why couldn't he have told her that he had started seeing Ness? After all, Renesmee was still her daughter. And especially considering their past, their friendship, that day, wouldn't it be appropriate for him to give her some warning of his intentions? Why was he acting like this? More importantly, why was it bothering her so much? Every time he bent his head to kiss Ness on the lips, each time he held her in his arms, every time they whispered their declarations of love to each other while pretending to watch the TV, thinking Bella couldn't hear, each time he kissed her on top of her head, each time Ness' fingers stroked his back....why did it feel like the hole surged every time something intimate passed between them that she witnessed? And why is it every time that it did, she was flooded with memories of that _incredible_ kiss they had shared?

She couldn't help it. The hole would surge and all of a sudden, the impressions his lips left on hers would burn, drowning her in that pleasurable fire once again. It was an interesting mix of pain and pleasure really. The hole would flare, burning her into a crisp almost in its wake, but that fire, Jake's fire that he had started, would flow throughout her stone limbs, consuming her until she was begging for it to turn her into smoldering ashes. Bella knew this was wrong but she couldn't seem to help it. It would just happen. And lately, she found herself almost wishing she were in her daughter's place. When Jake's arms were around her, Bella wished his arms were around herself. When Jake laughed at something Ness had said, Bella wished he was laughing with her, the two of them stuck in their own banter, just like they used to be. Something was building inside her, coming close to the surface, threatening to overflow and overtake her, as she watched each display between the two. She couldn't quite name it but she knew that if it did happen, if it did overtake her, she wasn't sure she would come back from it. No, not would. Could.

Before Bella could get lost in deep thought anymore than she already was, she heard his light footsteps coming up the stairs into the house. Bella flitted to the doorway and opened the door before he could turn the knob. She heard him gasp as he was taken aback by the shock of her greeting him. And then he lowered his eyes, cleared his throat and made to move past her. "Hey, Bella," he whispered to her left shoulder as he passed it by. She couldn't take this anymore!

"Jake!"

The name was out of her mouth before she could stop it. She turned her head to see that he had stopped his progression, though he had not turned around yet to face her. Shutting the door and moving towards him, she saw him tense up. What is going on? She heard him exhale a heavy sigh and then he turned to face her, his eyes still on the ground before them.

"What is it, Bella?"

Bella flinched at the harsh icy tone he had used with her. Almost like she was bothering him. Almost like he didn't want to talk to her. The hole began its slow torturous path throughout her chest again but she didn't move. She tried to think of what she wanted to say, but the words just wouldn't come. She had to be the most awkward vampire in existence. Where had all the grace and confidence and cunning gone? She had a bigger brain now, shouldn't one part of it be able to come up with something?

While she tried to force herself to say the words, Jake's eyes then flashed to hers. And what she saw there made the hole roar. He was angry at her and he---he _hated_ her. Why? What had she done? She knew she had kissed him that day but he had kissed her back. They were both culpable. Why would he be mad at her? What could possibly drive him to even _hate_ her? To look at her so coldly? Why was he doing this to her?

"I'm on a tight schedule. What do you want, Bella?"

Again the venomous tone made the hole go crazy. She wanted to scream at him. _You! The way you used to be! Why are you this cold hard person now? Where did my best friend go?!!?_ But just as she was about to break down (crying, if only she could!) and ask him what she had done wrong, Renesmee's voice could be heard in the room.

"Jacob!"

The happy squeal cut through the air and Bella saw Jake's eyes soften and the love she had seen so often there for herself in the past was now renewed and shining brightly before he turned around to face his imprint. Ness ran up and jumped into his arms, kissing him like crazy.

"I missed you! How was patrol? Tell me everything!"

Jake's boisterous laugh echoed off the walls, hurling itself at Bella, stabbing into her like a thousand knives, making the hole worse. Why couldn't he laugh anymore like that with her? What was happening? She had lost _him_ \---wince---she couldn't lose Jake, too. She watched as he carried Renesmee, still wrapped tightly around him, into the living room and sat them both down onto the couch, filling Ness in with details along the way. Whereas Jake had been on a "tight schedule" before with Bella, he now seemed to have all the time in the world to talk to Ness about mundane things, smiling warmly at her as she began to talk about the inane events of her day. And not once did he look back at Bella. Not once.

The very thing she had been fearing that had been building inside her, at that moment, overflowed. It ran throughout her body, ignoring the pain of the hole, consuming her, drowning her and her senses. She still couldn't place it but she knew it was taking form inside her limbs, her eyes, her mind. She had had enough. That last bit was too much. And it sent her over the edge. What edge she wasn't sure but now it was time for her to get what she wanted. Jake would be back on patrol later tonight. She had overheard him tell Ness that Seth and Leah wanted off early so they could spend the night with their mom and Charlie, today being Sue's birthday. Bella had been invited through Charlie through Jake who had mentioned it in passing, speaking to no one in particular as he stared into Renesmee's eyes. Bella hadn't spoken to Charlie since that one call. She hadn't spoken then, either, but he had never called again. Most likely on the orders of Jacob but now she was better and yet still Charlie had not called her. That stung a bit but she understood. He wasn't sure what to say to his daughter, this time around being so much worse. But it was all just as well. Bella wasn't in a very festive mood, especially right now. So Jake was going to relieve the other two wolves around six. A sly smile formed on Bella's lips as she processed this new information. _Perfect._ Tonight would be the night. She would go to Jacob in the woods and she would get what she wanted. Whether he liked it or not. All she had to do was wait for night to fall. The smile got bigger. _Perfect._


	8. Explosions In the Sky Part 1 (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Jacob loped easily around the perimeter set outside of the Cullen's property. No new scents had been picked up in a while and he hoped that again tonight, it would stay that way. He was down two wolves, today being Sue's birthday. Of course, he had been invited but he let Leah and Seth go. After all, it was their mother. Renesmee had gone with them, anxious to see Charlie again and join in the festivities. It pained him a little at their separation but she would be back later on. And that's all that mattered.

This immediately brought his thoughts back to the one person he had been trying to get out of his head every day. The one person who had not gone to Forks to share in the imminent celebration. The one person who it seemed was determined to break Jake down until he was nothing. How he hated her for that. He never thought it would be possible to hate Bella Swan as much as he did right now. _Bella Cullen._ He had a very bad habit of always calling her by her maiden name, as if it would somehow make **his** Bella come back to him. The one with the flushed cheeks and glistening chocolate eyes. The one who would trip over anything she could find within a mile radius as if it were her job to test his protecting skills. As if **his** Bella would come running back to him, jump in his arms and they could finally be together. Everything would be okay. He whimpered at the thought, a sharp pain in his chest echoing his traitorous desires. Just as if she were there, Ness came rushing into his head, taking a firm hold of his heart and refusing to let go.

Ness was now his. Well, she had always been his but now she was definitely **his**. The conscious decision he had made that night on his way back to the Cullen household flooded his memories. He had phased at the treeline, throwing his sweats back on hurriedly, racing up the steps to the front door, two at a time, and bursting through the door, looking everywhere for his beloved Nessie. And then he saw her. His Ness. She leapt into his arms like always, grabbing him tight and in that moment, he knew what he was going to do. He didn't even look at Bella. He just couldn't risk it. He whispered in Ness' ear and they made their way upstairs to her room.

Jake knew Ness was nervous. She had begun to shake a little. Still, it didn't stop her from sitting in his lap when he motioned to her to. He looked her in the eyes and let himself be washed over with the deep abiding love he felt for his imprint. Jake licked his lips and moved in closer, stopped about half an inch away from her mouth and whispered, "I'm ready." Ness' eyes grew wide at that but then she broke out into a smile. He loved seeing that smile and knowing that he was the cause of it. He kissed her with everything he felt for her. He could sense her excitement but at the same time uneasiness. She was still trembling as she lifted her hand to Jake's cheek. He saw her happiness at his decision, the way his kiss had made her feel, how her heart was expanding, how everything felt right to her, how she felt safe and complete in his arms, how he was _her_ Jacob. And then the images changed into more idealistic pictures. A wedding dress. Carlisle and Charlie walking her down the aisle, arm in arm, Carlisle clearly at ease while Charlie was clearly not. Jacob, dressed in a tuxedo, waiting at the end, smiling at her, _only_ for her. At this, he gently lifted her hand away and began to get up, softly placing her back onto the bed. Ness' eyes tightened and her brows furrowed. She was concerned, he could see that. She had been so happy only seconds ago and he had torn it away from her with his precarious actions. He plastered a smile on his face to assure her before he spoke.

"I'm fine, Ness. I promise. It's just...been....a really long day. And I'm kind of beat." Ness tilted her head as she looked up at him, the anxious expression still on her face. Jake just kept smiling. After a minute, her thin lips relaxed into a small smile. He felt the pain again as he noticed it didn't reach her eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay, Jacob? I mean, do you still want....to---" Her tiny voice trailed off along with her eyes as her cheeks turned a shade of crimson. Jake almost had to hold onto something to regain his balance. The color was so beautiful on her cheeks. And then it ripped him in two. Bella had had the same color in her cheeks only a few years back and he wanted to kick himself for the next thought in his brain. Bella had looked more beautiful. She had looked perfect. Subconsciously, he started to raise his hand to his mouth so he could bite his knuckles to keep the evil thought track from continuing. But Ness noticed and flashed her eyes to his, questioning, wondering what was going through his head. Jake regained control and brought his hand to her face instead, gently cupping her chin as he moved closer to her. That's when he noticed Nessie's heartbeat had quadrupled its pace and her breaths were shallow, faster. She was trembling again. She was definitely nervous, he could smell her anxiety.

"Of course I do," he whispered. "But, when you're ready and right now," he stroked her cheek with his other hand trying to reassure her. "You're not." He felt the pain in his chest grow as he watched his words sink in. She looked like she was about to cry. "No, Ness." He had to stop those thoughts from permeating her brain right now. "I still want to be with you. But we'll just....take our time, okay?" The tears disappeared from the surface of her brown eyes and went back to whence they came as she beamed at him. He couldn't help but smile back and he brushed her lips lightly with his. That night, he held her as he had so many times before as she fell asleep, except now something had changed. He was Ness' and she was his. He was moving on and doing the right thing. He would give all to Ness and he wouldn't look back.

But as destiny would have it, since it liked to play with his life way too much, the moment he had consented to be Nessie's was the exact same moment he could not get Bella Swan out of his head. _Bella Cullen!_ He could swear his brain was doing it on purpose. He needed to purge his head, his heart, his soul of Bella. He had taken the first step. He had moved forward with Ness. He was now _hers_. Jake figured that with the imprinting and the way he felt for Nessie, that once he consented to be the next thing she needed him to be, that everything would click into place together. Just as it had so long ago. But, again, fate seemed to love making him its bitch. He found himself yearning for Bella. One touch of her hand. Her scent, which had always disgusted him but he had grown used to over the years, now seemed to intoxicate him as they flooded his very senses. He found himself staring at her when she didn't know it and neither did Ness. He would berate himself and be angry with himself for having such thoughts, such desires. Again. He would repeat over and over again. _I love Ness. I love Ness. I love Ness._ And he knew it to be true. But, he still loved Bella.

And what's worse, he couldn't get that damn kiss out of his mind, the one that had fired something up inside him, bringing feelings long gone back to life again. And each time he kissed Ness, it frustrated him to no end that he could never experience that fire with her. And each time, he hated Bella Cullen a little more for it. He started ignoring her, punishing her for being there in his mind, behind his eyelids, in his veins, in his heart. Again. He would never meet her eyes, too afraid that if she caught just one glimpse, Bella would know all his secret wishes, all his secret desires in one second. And he couldn't have that. No way. Not ever. He did his best to remain polite, after all, she was still Ness' mother and even though things were strained right now, still his best friend. He knew she was miffed that he had not spoken to her regarding his and Ness' changing relationship. He knew she was frustrated over his iciness towards her. How he couldn't even be alone in a room with her for a second. But, his anger and hatred for the woman who threatened to ruin everything, turn everything upside down in his life _again_ was stronger. So he kept his distance and he focused all his attention on Ness.

This reverie brought him back to this afternoon. Bella had met him at the front door. Why had she done that? He had been so shocked to see her there that he almost couldn't keep himself under control. One more look at his eyes would have told her the whole story, everything she had needed to know and that was something that could not happen. Bella was still an open book to him. He could see her anger, her fear, her sadness, her loss, her confusion, everything splayed out there for him right in her golden irises. He quickly rounded himself back up and immediately lowered his eyes, only whispering a greeting to her as he moved past. Bella definitely didn't like that. She had garnered for his attention only to be met with the anger and hatred once again. He looked at her coldly as he began to think of Ness and her kiss from earlier that morning. Why couldn't he feel that way for Nessie? It angered him. _Bella Swan again ripping apart my life, tearing my heart to shreds. She doesn't care who she hurts, she's so fucking selfish. That kiss ruined everything! If she hadn't kissed me, I wouldn't be feeling so conflicted right now. I could be with Ness and only Ness!_ And then it hit him again. _BELLA CULLEN!_ Bella seemed to flinch at his harsh tone when he asked her what she wanted. On some level, he cringed at the fact that he was the source of her discomfort. He had a strong urge to take her in his arms. Again. This only made him angrier towards her. God! Thankfully, Ness had entered the room, so anxious to see Jake that she hadn't even noticed the tension between him and her mother. That tiny voice had calmed him, pushing away all the anger and hatred, even if only for a moment. And just as it had happened so many times before, Jake got sucked into the world where it was just him and Ness. And he never looked back to see if Bella was still standing there. He wouldn't let himself.

The rest of the day had passed uneventfully, thank God. Ness was excited to go to the party for Sue and busied herself in wrapping Sue's present while also trying to decide what to wear. Bella had only made an appearance once and Jake refused to look at her. She whisked in, telling Ness she was going to hunt and for Nessie to wish a happy birthday to Sue in her stead. She kissed her daughter quickly and was gone in a flash. In the corner of Jake's mind, he wondered if Bella's "intentions" had returned again. He hoped not. He really didn't. He just needed her to let him be. She may not know it but she was torturing him. And that pain wasn't going to go away if she was gone, it would only make it worse. Ness, being the unintentional angel of mercy she was, broke Jake out of his thoughts and asked him to use his finger to hold the spot where the tape would go. He immediately snapped to attention and did as she asked. And the rest of the time had been spent doing small things just like that together, a small smile on Jake's face all the while.

So now his beloved Ness was in Forks, enjoying her time with her other family as she should. Being in wolf form made it difficult to carry a watch so Jake had no idea what time it was but he knew it was nowhere near late enough. He began to move inwards towards the house. He wondered if Bella had returned yet. One sweep of the yard told him no, she hadn't. Now he was starting to get worried. Yes, it would take her some time to travel to find a decent hunting ground no matter how fast she ran, but she left hours upon hours ago. It couldn't really take her this long, could it? Then he had a thought. Maybe she had decided to go to Charlie's after all. He phased and grabbed the cell phone that was wrapped around his leg. He punched in Seth's number and let it ring. He heard the ringback tone of "Sexy Bitch" playing in the background. He smirked to himself. _Freakin' kid._ Just as Jake heard the words "sexy bitch" and rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time, Seth picked up.

"Hello?"

"Seth! It's me, Jake."

"Hey, Jake. What's good?" Another eye roll.

"Not much. Listen, I was wondering, has Bella stopped by there any chance?"

"Nah, man. I haven't seen her. But Ness is here. Do you want to talk to her?"

Guilt consumed Jake but he had bigger worries right now. "Nah, that's okay. I'll see her when she comes home."

"Is that Jacob?!!?" He could hear her squeals in the background. _Damn._ The guilt set in again.

Before Seth could answer her, Jake heard the sounds of a scuffle and then Ness' exuberant voice came on the line. Clearly she was the winner in that round. "Jacob, is that you?"

"Yeah, honey, it is." He winced. Why did it feel so wrong the moment he said that? He shook it off and lightened his tone. "How's the party going? You having a good time?"

"Yes. Sue was just about to open her presents." He mentally sighed at the unbridled enthusiasm in her voice. How could he not love this girl with all his heart? She deserved so much better than him. She truly did. And then that sharp pain hit again. _Dammit!_

"Okay, sweetheart, well I'm gonna let you get back to everyone. I'll see you---"

"I love you." Those three little words just about stopped his heart. He had heard them from her before but this time it seemed....different. Now they were together and he could feel her pain along with his inside him at their current separation. He longed to hold her in his arms, kiss her and tell her everything was going to be alright. But right now, he had to find Bella, the thought of her spoiling the happy moment between them. _And there she goes again, ruining everything. Goddammit!_

"I love you, too." He could almost hear her smile over the phone. He knew he meant them. He did love her. He did. And that's why he was devoting himself completely to her and pushing Bella back out of his heart, no matter how hard she tried to fight it. He began to feel torn again and then the pain. He began to wrap it up so he could do what he needed and wait for his girl to return home to him. "Okay Ness, I'm gonna let you go. Say hi to Charlie and Sue for me. I'll see you as soon as you get home."

"Promise?" He could hear her breath catch.

"Promise." Moisture was starting to burn at the corners of his eyes.

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too, honey." And with that, he closed the phone. The pain in his chest was insurmountable now. Why oh why can he not just be completely and irrevocably in love with Ness? Why did all of this have to be so hard? He hadn't realized that a small tear had escaped, trailing down his cheek at a slow pace. He wiped it away, sniffled and looked down at his phone. 8:30. He flipped it back open and tried Bella's number. Nothing. Went straight to voicemail. Okay, now he was worried. "DAMMIT, BELLA!" He wanted to shout his frustration to the treetops. He had to find her. Ness couldn't lose her mother, too. And what killed him even more is he knew **he** couldn't lose her, either. He reattached his phone to his leg and phased back, racing to run the perimeter of the Cullen property yet again.

But before he got too far, he heard a soft tinkling of a laugh that made him stop in his tracks. "You called?" And there she was, standing before him, the topaz in her eyes brighter than before. Jake was flooded with relief at the sight of her here in front of him unharmed. But then anger swept through him, extinguishing all the relief. He growled at her to let her know of his unhappiness with the situation.

She laughed again. "Oh come on, Jake. Are you growling at me because you're mad that I left or mad that I came back?" Truthfully, Jake wasn't sure how to answer, grateful that he was in wolf form and wouldn't have to. He just looked at her as she glared at him but didn't say a word. After about a minute of this, Jake rolled his eyes and turned in the opposite direction, preparing to leave. Now that Bella was safe and back home, he had no need to be standing here with her at this moment. He still had a patrol to run. But just as he would've run off, he heard the musical voice cut through the space of the trees.

"Jake, stop!" And he did. He turned to look at her but didn't move an inch from where he stood. Her eyes were still angry but she looked to be in pain more than anything. He felt the familiar tug on his heart but he ignored it. _No. Not happening._

Her voice was lower when she next spoke. "Jake, why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong? Please." Anger rose within him and he loped away to the nearest tree.

"Jake wait! Please don't leave! Please!" But Jake hadn't left. He had stopped behind a tree to phase and dress. He reappeared a moment later in his sweats to find Bella standing there, lips parted, looking like she was about to cry. If only she could. This made Jake even more furious. "What, Bella? What do you want? What?"

She flinched at his words and the harsh tone of his voice. But then, she must have regained control of her emotions and then allowed her frustration, all her feelings to mold into one and come to the surface. "What the hell, Jake? You won't talk to me! You won't look at me! And if you do, you look at me like you hate me! You've been treating me like the Plague for these last few weeks now. What the hell did I do? Just tell me!"

Jake narrowed his eyes and he wanted nothing more than to scream at her. But he took a deep breath, swallowed quickly and began to speak in a quieter but venomous tone. "Bella...."

"No, Jake! Tell me the goddamn truth! I'm sick of the damn games! Why the hell are you treating me like this?"

_Games?!!? Is she freakin' kidding me?!!?_ He could feel himself shaking with the desire to phase but he kept himself in check. He relaxed his face and kept a calm expression upon his face. Sam's face.

"No, Jake! Don't do that! You know I hate that goddamn mask you put on anytime you don't want me to know what you're feeling! You're shutting me out! Talk to me! What is going on?!!?"

She was definitely making this difficult. He was having an even harder time tonight keeping himself in control than he had been a few weeks back. He almost preferred the bloodthirsty vampire whose black eyes had horrified the wolf within, urging it to come out and destroy her before she could hurt someone. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "Bella...." he began quietly.

"Jake, is this about the kiss? I thought that we were past it. I thought---"

"DON'T BRING THAT UP!!!" His angry roar had made her stop mid sentence. His eyes had snapped open and flashed to hers. That crying look was back on her pale face again. _Dammit Bella!_ He stared at her. How was he going to make her understand, the internal battle inside him? How could he explain to her that that kiss had been his undoing? That he had replayed it every single day in his mind? How that one kiss had upset the balance that had once existed between them? How could he make her understand? Well, he decided to give it a try anyway.

His eyes softened a little as he fought to keep his emotions under control. He spoke quietly again. "Bella, I just....I just need some time. I'm with Ness now and---" he couldn't think how to phrase it "---I---I just can't be around you right now." There. He had said it. He looked to see how much damage he had done with that one statement. And sure enough, the crying look was now worse. Bella lowered her eyes to the ground and didn't say anything, didn't move. _Oh no._ He groaned internally. _Now we're back to this._ God, why couldn't things just be simple? Oh, right. Because fate loved to fuck with him, that's why. Just when he thought he was going to have to pick her up and carry her back to the house like the statue she now was, in the blink of an eye, Bella's face was next to his, looking up at him with those damn pleading eyes, speaking ever so softly.

"I lost _him_. Please. I can't lose you, too. Please."

The pain in his heart swelled. How was it she could still do this to him? How could she tear him up inside with one look? This wasn't right. But he was helpless to stop it. To stop himself.

"Bells," he sighed and put his arms around her to embrace her. He pulled her into him and hugged her tight. "I'm sorry." He whispered his pleas for her understanding into her ear. "I just--I don't know what to do, Bells. Ever since that day---it hasn't been the same. I've tried to forget it and do the right thing but I---I can't." He could feel her tense up in his arms at his words but he wouldn't let go. She needed to understand. "I feel so lost, Bells. I feel so torn up inside. And I don't know what to do." His voice was being choked off with all the pain he had felt since that one moment with her. He didn't want to say the next words but he knew he had to. "I still love you, Bella." He sniffled, silently cursing the traitorous tears that had escaped his notice, now streaming down his face. Without a warning, Bella pulled away and looked up at him. It didn't escape his notice that she was still in his arms, though.

Bella raised her pale hand to his face, wiping away a stray tear with her icy touch. He raised his hand, intertwining his fingers with hers, offering her a small smile. His tears didn't stop, though. She just stared at him, leaving her hand within his own on his cheek. He had no idea what she was thinking or what she was about to say but he couldn't deny the pleasure he felt at having her in his arms, no matter how cold her skin was, no matter how pale. The gold in her eyes was a new beauty to behold. He missed her chocolate brown but this new Bella was perfect all on her own. And he realized that no matter what, human or vampire, he would never stop loving her. He never had regardless of their changed circumstances after her "change". She had been his. His natural soulmate until that bloodsucker took her away. They had been easy, just like breathing. Jake and Bells. He had loved her with every fiber of his being: unconditionally, whole-heartedly, deeply, undoubtedly, irrevocably. And no matter what, that had never changed. He was ashamed but he knew that Bella had always been his choice even when he wasn't hers, even when the miraculous imprint he had been given chose him.

"Jake,"

The sudden sound of her voice shocked him back to reality. He looked into her eyes. She looked sad, heartbroken almost. He braced himself for the words he didn't want to hear but knew he needed to. Again. This would be it. This would help him to stay true to Ness, his imprint, who he loved. Bella still loved the bloodsucker and he loved Ness. Okay, he could do this. He might still feel the sting of her rejection, yet again, but this was necessary. _Lay it on me, Bella. Help me fix it._ He smirked at the thought. He had always been trying to fix things for Bella and now he needed her help to fix this for him. Funny how life works out sometimes. Then he grew serious again and waited for the words he knew were coming. Bella took a breath out of habit and lowered his eyes to her chest. _Here it comes...._

Bella placed her hand over where his heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest. _Any minute now._ He closed his eyes waiting for the impact.

"I still love you, too." His eyes popped open. Had she really just said what he thought she said? Her eyes were now staring into his as she continued.

"I love you, Jacob Black. I can't get you out of my mind, either." Jake couldn't breathe. He couldn't blink. He just kept staring at her, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. Bella leaned her face in closer to his and whispered. "I love you."

Those three little words sent shivers down his spine. Before he could even form a coherent thought, never mind a word, his lips crushed hers. He felt the jagged pain in his chest again, reminding him of his fidelity but he didn't pay attention to it. He couldn't. Bella's mouth was on his right now, her lips working to part his, her tongue touching his, tasting him while he tasted her....The pain flared and flooded his entire body, screaming at him of the reminder of his imprint. But he couldn't stop himself. The woman he loved was in his arms, her fingers entangled in his hair, pulling his head closer to hers. Guilt mingled with the pain and he knew he would regret this moment later but right now he couldn't bring himself to part from Bella. **His** Bella. **His** Bells. Jake's heart was racing, beating for the both of them. His hands went to her hips, gripping them hard and pushing her into him. She moaned into his mouth as she rubbed herself against him. Jake felt like he was in a frenzy, he couldn't get enough of her. He needed her. Now. He broke his mouth away from hers, he gulped for air and began trailing kisses down her neck. Bella's moans grew louder and all they did was make the frenzy worse. He began to nip at her neck, his hands finding their way to the small of her back. Once he reached that spot where her neck met her shoulder, Bella moaned into his ear, driving him insane and he bit down. Hard.

Bella cried out in a mix of pleasure and pain. She quickly jerked her hands free from his hair and grabbed his face, pulling him away from her. She leaned forward until their noses were touching. "I love you." That heavenly whisper mixed with the love he saw in her eyes was all it took. His lips crashed down onto hers again and he picked her up by the backs of her thighs, hoisting her to him, meeting him more fully. She wrapped her legs around his waist and the friction between them became tighter and more intense. Moans and growls filled the air interchanging between the two as Jake's knees finally gave way and they buckled to the ground.


	9. Explosions In the Sky Part 2 (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was my first lemon scene ever attempted so I apologize in advance.
> 
> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Somewhere in a dusty corner of his mind, Jake knew he should stop this. He knew this was wrong. And if that knowledge wasn't enough, then the pain coursing throughout his body should have been. It had flourished to such a high level that he was trembling. This was going to cost him but right now, it didn't seem to matter. He wouldn't allow himself to think because if even one second something entered his mind, he would stop. And he didn't want to stop. Ever.

He kissed the spot where he had bitten her neck earlier, caressing the non-existent mark with his tongue in a silent apology. He wished he could mark her but it would take more than biting to make a love bite on a vampire's neck. But it didn't seem to deter him. His mouth never left her neck as his left hand trailed down her shirt, stopping right above her left breast. He quickly raised his eyes to her, asking permission, noticing that her head had rolled back with her eyes closed, clearly lost in ecstasy. He lifted his head up to look down at her as he moved both of his hands to the middle of her shirt. He was in between her legs and she was still grinding against him. God, it felt so damn good. He wasn't sure how much more he could take. But he knew he had to make this last. He had dreamed about this moment forever with her and nothing and no one was going to stop him. It had to be perfect.

"Bella."

It seemed she hadn't heard his husky whisper, she was squirming beneath him uncontrollably, rubbing herself against his erection, her eyes still closed.

"Bella, look at me." Her eyes snapped open as she stopped moving, following his command. He noticed her eyes were a darker shade than they had been a few minutes ago, starting to take on those black hues yet again. But this time they didn't frighten him. He knew what she was hungering for.

He lowered his face until he was barely an inch away from her lips, staring deep into her eyes. She needed to know. Even though he had said it already, right now, in this moment, she needed to know. This wasn't just some quickie for him. Not some itch to scratch.

"I love you. I love you so much." He maintained the distance for a moment longer, watching the emotions play out on her face. He tried to keep up but he couldn't, they were too fast. And then he heard it. The words he was waiting to hear to cement the perfection of this moment. "I love you, too. More than you know."

That was it. That did it for him. He crushed his lips to her in fierce longing. He grabbed her shirt, ripping it open with such force that the buttons went flying everywhere. He needed to feel her against him. He had to feel her skin on his. He noticed she had a black cotton bra on. He couldn't help but smile to himself. _So Bella._ He lifted her body up to meet his as he worked to unfasten the clasp in the back, kissing her in the meantime. Their tongues were waging a war for dominance and right now, it was about neck and neck. But when he felt her icy hands move towards his, trying to open the clasp for him, he immediately grabbed her wrists and roughly pinned them above her head. He wanted to do this. This is what he wanted. He stared down at her, glaring almost, willing her to submit to his control. He was going to take his time and she was not going to rush him. She would not rob him of this moment, the moment he had waited what felt like an eternity for. No way. She tried to lift her head to kiss him. Once. Twice. Three times. And each time, he pulled away, sending her the clear message that he was the one dominating, not her. Apparently, she understood because she then stopped trying to reach him. Her dark eyes just gazed up into his, waiting for his next move. Once he felt her give in, he relented and covered her mouth with his, tasting her, taking what was rightfully his since the day he had seen Bella Swan on First Beach.

He tried to fumble with the clasp about another minute or two and when he still couldn't get it, he ripped it off of her in his frustration. He pulled away from her to see the sight that was laid out before him. The moonlight hitting her pale white skin was absolutely gorgeous and only enhanced her exquisite features. He noticed Bella's fussiness in response to his silent evaluation. He bit his tongue to keep from chuckling. He knew that if she could, Bella would be red as a tomato right now.

"You're so beautiful." He needed to reassure her that she was everything he had ever dreamt of, everything he had ever wanted, even more so. Bella smiled a tiny smile and he couldn't help but love her even more. He lowered his mouth down again to hers, allowing her to capture his lips in her own, sucking on his lower lip before nipping at it. _Oh God._ He tore his mouth away, trailing heated kisses down her neck. Her moans were growing louder, more insistent, just like her movements against him. If she didn't stop that, he wasn't sure if he would last. He placed her right wrist in his left hand along with her left one, holding them both hostage, while he placed his right hand on her belly, keeping it from moving upward. "Stop. Just---give me a minute, okay?" He whispered the husky command to her skin and she did as she was told. Once he was sure she wouldn't move, his right hand grabbed her right breast and began to knead it slowly as he resumed the pathway his tongue was making down her chest. Once his face was parallel to his right hand, he took her left nipple into his mouth. He heard her loudest moan yet and sure enough, she started to grind against him again. He was gonna have to stop teasing her or this was going to be way faster than he hoped and not as near as perfect as he was trying to make it. He was surprised he was holding on this long. He licked, he nipped, he sucked on her nipple, rolling it around in his teeth, looking up to see her reaction. He expected to see her head yet again rolled back, eyes closed, but this time she was staring straight at him, watching his actions. This turned him on even more. When he withdrew his hand and his lips from her breasts, he heard her whimper at the loss of contact. He chuckled then. God, how he loved to hear her make these sounds. And for him. She wanted him! Just as bad as he wanted her. God, how he needed her.

He continued his heated trail down her stomach until he reached the top of her pants. He had released her hands in order to bring his own to keep her lower half from bucking up into his face. He noticed that she brought one of his hands to her mouth with her own, sucking on a finger of his like it was giving her life. He felt his dick harden even more at the feeling. _Okay, yeah. Enough playing._ He growled and forced her pants down her legs and off of her in a split second. Black panties. _Mmmm._ He lowered himself until he was face to face with her center. He could smell her arousal. He inhaled the sweetest scent he had ever smelled in his life. And the intoxicating scent stirred the animal within, the primal urges awakening strong and insistent. He needed to get where that scent was coming from and he needed to get there. Right. Now! He ripped his hand away from her and grabbed her panties, tearing them in two, the flaps falling to the ground beneath them.

"Bells,"

She raised her head and looked down at him, a worried expression on her beautiful face.

"Bells, I've never---" He was just a little embarrassed but at the same time thankful for what he was about to say. "I've---well----Bells, I've never done anything like this before."

A huge look of relief swept over her and she gave him the smile he loved. She lowered her hands down to his face, pulling him upward until he met hers. She kissed him once, sweetly, tenderly. She stroked his right cheek with her fingers. "That's okay. Just do what feels good. What do you want to do?"

What did he want to do? Oh God, so many things. Where did he begin? But he certainly didn't know how to verbalize it and he certainly didn't know if he wanted to. Not to her, anyway. Now that she was making him think, the waves of guilt and shame and "wrong" were starting to hit the sands of his brain. It was a chink in the armor, making way for the pain he now noticed was flaring within his body reminding him of his fidelity. _Shit._ Just what he didn't want to happen. He knew it was too good to be true. She had given him too much time to think. _Dammit! Fuck!_ He couldn't go on. The betrayal was too great. No matter what was in his heart, his soul belonged to someone else.

He began to move away, to get up so he could help Bella to her feet so she could redress. Bella must have sensed something was wrong because she yanked his face to hers, forcing him to look at her. He was caught off guard at the action so he went where she pulled him. He was surprised at her reaction and stared at her questioningly. "I love you, Jake. I'm yours." That endearing whisper forced all other thoughts out of his mind, all other feelings, the pain in his body swirled into a big nothing. He crushed her to him as he forced her lips apart with his. Bella had successfully stoked the fire, making them both burn brighter than before.

He moved his right hand down her abdomen and right to her core. One swipe and he felt the moisture there. Cool but still the same nonetheless. Bella was wet. For him! He wanted to be inside her. They had almost crashed and burned before. A close call. No more time for foreplay. And absolutely no more time for thinking. No room for hesitations. "Bells." She whimpered again when she pulled her mouth away from his, waiting for him to speak. "I. Love. You. Too." He had punctuated each word with a kiss. And right before she could draw him in again, he moved away so he could remove his sweats. When he had, he felt Bella's cold hand on him. Shockingly, his member tightened even more as she slowly started to stroke him. He moaned at the feeling. Bella began to increase the pace but Jake's hand stopped her before she could progress further.

He moved to be on top of her again and with Bella's help, he positioned himself in front of her opening. Once he was where he needed to be, the head inside just a bit, he looked at her, willing her to stare into his eyes. And when she did, he whispered "I'm yours." And with that, he thrust deeply into her, making them both cry out.

Jake couldn't believe it. He had only dreamed, imagined how good it would feel to be inside of her. He had no idea that it would be this fucking amazing. He was going to lose control and almost did but he waited a minute before moving. Bella didn't protest so he closed his eyes, willing the beast back into control. Once he felt that he had, Jake opened his eyes and looked down at the beautiful woman below him. Her eyes had turned all but black. But they were on fire. For him and him alone. He bent down and kissed her with everything he felt for her. "I love you." He knew he'd never get tired of telling her that just as he knew she would never get tired of hearing it. This was **his** Bella, **his** Bells and he loved her. They were together as one, in this moment, here and now and _nothing_ could ever take that away from him.

He began to rock into her slowly. Her moans were unrestrained and they picked up in volume as he picked up the pace. With each thrust, his heart swelled. He was still trembling because of the pain in his chest but that didn't matter. His heart felt like it was about to explode with how much love he felt for the woman beneath him. He heard a few whimpers and he was shocked that they had come from him. He was so close. The faster they moved, the harder it was to keep the wolf in control. He wanted to grab her and pound into her like there was no tomorrow. But this was Bella, **his** Bella and he wanted to make love to her. He wanted her to enjoy it, too. She sounded like she was enjoying it, but was she really? Sure, he was able to see into the Pack mind a long time ago and the guys had been merciless with the instant replays of their conquests. So he kind of knew a few things just from seeing them. But, that didn't mean he was an expert. And it had been so long since he had seen them. Seth's thoughts were as PG as you could get. And he didn't understand that coming from a teenage boy, but he wasn't entirely upset at the change in "scenery" either. And Leah? Her thoughts of her and Sam had stopped as soon as she had joined Jake's pack. Thank God. And whoever she was with now, she made sure she locked that up tight in her brain, never releasing it, both to her brother's and Jake's relief. But, right about now, he could use one of those memories. He wanted to make sure that Bella got just as much pleasure out of it as he was.

"Ah!---Fuck, you are sooo----so tight. Ah----Bells,"

"Mmmmm? Yesssss-----yes baby?"

The breathlessness in her voice and the fact that she called him baby was enough to make him come alone. But he was trying to do his best. He wanted to hold out. For her. Another moan escaped her lips. He had to close his eyes to concentrate.

"Baby, I want you------ah fuck-----to come------w-with me."

He gritted his teeth. He could feel his dick starting to twitch. He needed to slow down but couldn't. He opened his eyes and stared down at her, willing her to help him help her.

Bella didn't say a word but he noticed her lick two fingers on her hand, reach down and start rubbing something between them. He noticed her moans were now quicker in succession along with fast shallow little breaths. He slowed down enough to focus on her ministrations. It appeared to be a pink little bundle of skin that she was rubbing in a circle with her fingers. He noticed the speed with which she was doing it and how the faster she got, the more her hips started to buck up against him, thrusting in their own rhythm since he had slowed down to almost a full stop. He was amazed at the sight but then he swatted her hand away, her whining in protest. He wanted to do it. He wanted to give her pleasure. He wanted to make her come. He sucked on two of his fingers as she had done, reached down between them and mimicked her motions. He picked up speed and the wild hip bucking began again. He began to thrust in and out of her again, trying to synchronize the speeds with which he was going with his hand.

Bella's head was writhing about and she was yelling his name. "Fuck, Jake! Fuck!" He started to move faster and faster until he heard her scream his name. "Jaaccccoooobbb!!" Her body convulsed and spasmed as it thrashed about. He felt her walls tighten around him even further, clamping down. And just as if it were on cue, he felt the beginnings of his own release. He removed his hand from her, grasped both of her thighs with a death grip and began to pound into her for all he was worth. Grunting and panting, he felt his sack tighten and a second later, he came inside her. "Ahhhhhh------Belllaa, I love you soo fucking much!!!" He pumped a few more times, jerking above her until the last ounce of his seed was deep within her.

Spent, he collapsed onto her, his head resting on her chest. He was out of breath and he couldn't move. It felt like he had lost all of his energy, all of his life force and had shot it into her, leaving him for dead. He was grateful that the loss of blood to his brain prevented any images, any thought, any emotions from trying to beat their way in. At least, momentarily, that is. He felt Bella's hand pulling her fingers through his hair as she hugged him close. She began to kiss the top of his head lovingly.

"Jake?"

He tried to move his head to look at her but he couldn't move. He wasn't even sure if he could speak.

"Yes, Bells?" Oh, guess he could. Just as long as he didn't move.

She laughed at the breathless squeak that answered her. Her other hand moved to his back, caressing, rubbing, tenderly. Jake coughed and then cleared his throat. He may look like a man, but that was definitely not a manly sound that just escaped him.

"That was amazing. Thank you."

Regardless of his body's protests, he lifted his head lazily and looked at her. He was happily surprised. "Really? You think so?"

For some reason, her smile disappeared and was replaced with a frown as she stopped her living ministrations on him. He didn't understand. They had just had the best night of their lives, everything he had ever dreamed and now she was upset? Then it dawned on him the meaning she took from his words.

"No, Bells. Of course, it was amazing. It was everything I ever dreamed. Better even. It's just that---"

Her frown had lightened a little but was still there. "What, Jake?"

He lowered his eyes to her chest. He felt embarrassed. Almost like a little kid asking an adult. "Well---I wasn't----too bad?" He raised his eyes to hers, a sheepish look on his face. She burst out laughing.

His heart broke. Jake felt his cheeks grow hot as he lowered his eyes again. He was angry but more embarrassed than anything. He had tried to give her pleasure, as much as she had given him. "It's just I've never done anything like that before and I know you're more experienced so you probably expect more. I tried to hold out as long as I could but it was my first time and well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Bella. I know you've had better----"

Bella's hand snaked out and grabbed his chin firmly and forced his eyes to meet hers, cutting him off mid ramble. "Jake!"

He reluctantly looked at her, his cheeks still blushing crimson. If the moon hadn't been high in the sky, he was sure Bella would have never been able to tell. But then again, she did have supernatural eyesight. Jake just wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. His first time with **his** Bella and he had fucked it up.

"You were perfect."

The huge smile on his face mirrored hers as he began to relax. He gave her the smile she always loved. **His** smile. Her fingers had been stroking his right cheek, he turned and kissed her open palm. "How you could ever think you were bad is beyond me. You're not bad at anything, especially this. You did everything right. Perfect." He couldn't help the smug grin that was plastering itself onto his face. Bella rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Oh God. Don't let that go to your head now."

"Too late."

Bella smacked his arm and he laughed. "Come on, Bells. You know you love me."

Even though he was just teasing, Bella's eyes softened and her expression turned into one of sadness. He didn't know what could be making her so sad at a time like this. Oh wait. He did know but he didn't want that to enter their heads yet. He was going to prolong this time with her as long as he could. He was hers in this moment and she was his. She whispered to him again. "You're right. I do."

He couldn't help the tears that were starting to cloud his vision. He wouldn't let them fall but he couldn't control the build-up. "Thank you." He let her see the love he had for her in his eyes. He loved Bella Swan and there was no going back from that.

He hoisted himself up, still somehow penetrating her, and met her face with his. "I love you." Kissing her deeply, he went to move to lift his body off of hers. She broke the kiss.

"No, don't."

He looked down at her questioningly.

"Stay."

He stayed where he was, still looking down at her. He now noticed the farther he was from Bella, the more reason, guilt and shame started to flood in. He wanted to stay in her arms, holding her, caressing her, feeling her, loving her. He would stay in this moment a little longer. He lowered himself back down to her gently, kissing her again as he went, and laid his head onto the same spot it had been before, except this time facing the middle of her chest. Bella's fingers had resumed their ministrations in his hair and on his back. She knew just what to do to relax him. He began to stroke her right arm with his right hand, thinking back on the incredible night they had just shared. He and Bella both stayed silent for a while, each not moving from that spot. He didn't want to let her go. Now that she was his, he wanted her with him, always. He didn't care that she was a vampire. He didn't care that she would never be able to have children again. He didn't care that he could no longer hear her heart beat or see her tears. He didn't care that she had chosen that bloodsucker over him once upon a time. None of that mattered now. All the pain had been worth it. It had gotten them to the present. He loved her. And right now, in this moment, that was enough for him.

"Jacob."

He waited to hear what she might have to say. He heard and felt her sigh contentedly.

"My Jacob."

He was her Jacob. He had always been. He grimaced. Those two words filled him with such happiness and yet at the same time, with such dread. He didn't relish what he was going to have to face after tonight. He knew he belonged here in Bella's arms, just like this. It was right. On so many levels. But a part of his heart, his soul belonged elsewhere. The throbbing pain and his trembling hand as he stroked Bella's arm were reminders of that elsewhere. The elsewhere that was going to be heartbroken, tearing his own heart in half. He felt Bella's fingers brush his right temple and he closed his eyes. He couldn't think about all of that right now. He wouldn't waste a second of his time with Bella. He would deal with his mistakes and self-flagellation later. Later, when he couldn't be in his Bella's arms.


	10. When It's Each Other We Despise (BPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Bella held Jake in her arms, keeping him close to her, to where her heart would have been beating had she still been alive. She couldn't believe what they had just done. Still, she didn't regret it. Bella had been in so much pain before. First, Edw----the hole flamed but eventually she swallowed past it and continued her thought---Edward had left her and then Jacob. Her Jacob. And that had been too much to take, supernatural being or not. Much too much.

Bella lowered her eyes and scanned the top of Jake's cropped hair. She lovingly stroked his neck, making traces upwards towards his scalp and then back again. He _had_ been looking for her. She smiled at the thought.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When she had left earlier in the day, he had been ignoring her just like usual. Even after their little confrontation at the front door, Jake had still acted as if he was glad to be rid of Bella Swan for good. His harsh words and icy tone had hurt her but his "leaving" her speechless in the doorway had been the breaking point. How could he do that to her? And that's when it hit her.

A fuzzy, memory came into view, slowly making its way into her immense vampire brain, taking front and center. Her and ----short breath. _Get it together, Swan!_ Her and Edward, walking out of the forest towards her old home, her father yelling threats in the distance. Charlie had even used her full name she was pretty sure. But that wasn't what stood out in this memory. No. It was the face of her best friend, looking on as she walked forwards with her beloved. Away from him. Leaving him behind. The tree line approaching nearer as the light started to die out of Jacob Black's dark eyes. And just before Bella had crossed the threshold from forest to her backyard, she saw Jake's face. And how that face ripped through her. He was in pain. As grainy and detached as this memory was now, somehow the pain broke the laws of physics, nature, the realm, whatever you wanted to call it and tore at her. She could feel it now. His pain had always been her pain and she felt it increasingly more. Especially at this moment. She had done the same thing to him, had walked away. But she did look back. Even though she had chosen Edward in the end, she had done the one thing Jake hadn't. She had looked back.

Her decision was made. She would wait until everyone else was in Forks and then she would confront him. She couldn't do this. She couldn't lose Edward, her family and her best friend all within weeks of each other. Had she still been human, she was sure she wouldn't have survived. But now that damn curse of immortality (how quickly your perspective can change when the one you chose forever for is forever gone) and the high morals of her said friend and his pack mates were keeping her alive. No, not alive. Existing. Floating in between this world and the next in a permanent state of limbo, never really there but also never really here, either. She couldn't lose Jacob. He and her daughter were the only ones keeping her lightly tethered to this existence. She hadn't realized just how much of a weight Jacob had been, keeping her from floating away entirely until she lost him. And as much as she had wanted him to a few weeks ago, she did not want to him to let her go now.

So she would go to him and get her answers. She would force him to face her, deal with their issues, whatever his worries were or his anger with her. _I don't think so, Jacob Black. You will not turn your back on me._ And with that, she ran to the room Renesmee had been keeping Jacob occupied in and stated that she would be going hunting. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Jake still refused to look at her, not moving an inch. Had she not been expecting this reaction, she would have worried that he had stopped breathing due to him being so still around her. But as it was, she expected the cold shoulder. Bella snorted at the thought. Interesting. She was the ice cold vampire while Jake was a 108-degree werewolf and **he** was giving **her** the cold shoulder? Right. She kissed her daughter quickly and ran off, leaving the two people she loved most to themselves.

Bella had hunted. She ran far enough that she was able to find some elk and satisfy her thirst. She hadn't even really been that thirsty but ever since that day a few weeks ago, she always chose to play it safe. Just in case. Only Jake had known how close the danger had really been. And she couldn't let it get to that point again. Ever. Plus, she needed to give herself some time before returning home. Give Jake some time before she would see him tonight. Until she could get him alone without any interruptions, mainly the wolf and Ness kind.

She had returned back to Forks in record time but it was early. She never knew what made her do it, never mind think it. But before she could stop herself, she found she was back _there_. Right now, the pain was overwhelming, nearly consuming her in its agony. She has to be a masochist. No other explanation as to why she would ever bring herself back here again. After all, the one reason to ever visit this site in the future was gone now. And that fact chewed its way into her, twisting and writhing within her, forcing her to her knees in the grass.

The meadow. Hers and ----- _Bella. You're gonna have to say his name sometime. Get a hold of yourself. You're a strong vampire for Christ's sake._ She slowly pulled her lips apart, molding them to make way for the sound coming. "Edward." The pain was so intense, she was sure that she must've dreamed the whole supernatural destiny thing and she was actually still human, about to die. Her marble arms were wrapped around her middle, gripping tightly to keep herself together. Even though she never needed to anymore, she still felt like she couldn't breath. She was sinking, lower and lower, until her strong body gave way and tumbled fully to the ground. Bella didn't know how long she laid there but she never moved. She wanted to cry! If she could feel this pain, shouldn't she be able to have tears, too? But she couldn't. Her tear ducts had dried up for the rest of eternity. Along with her heart.

The pain was winning. There was no way she could fight it. So she did the next best thing. She gave in to it. She allowed one memory of _him_ to play in her mind. When he had lain here beside her, sparkling in the sunlight. There were no words for the grief and pain she felt at seeing his face again. How she had kept his image at bay in her mind, afraid that one glimpse into the---gulp--- _past_ would shatter her into a tiny million marble pieces. But once she saw his crooked smile, the glint in his topaz eyes as he looked at her frail human form with so much love and heard that smooth velvet voice once again, "Bella," it broke down all the barriers she had built for herself. Memories started to flood in at an alarming rate, almost as if the pain were trying to finish her off now, kill her with the love from a lifetime ago, back when she was human. Edward in biology class. Edward in the Volvo. Edward telling her what he was. Edward telling her about his family. Edward kissing her. Edward leaving her. Her breathing had become a bit ragged at that point. Again, just a habit. Edward in Italy. Edward's face when he realized she was still alive. Edward proposing to her. And her initial reaction which made her wince. Edward protecting her. Edward comforting her. Edward staying with her while she slept. Waking up to Edward. Edward's smile at the wedding. Edward. Edward. Edward.

Gasping for dramatic effect she was sure, she couldn't seem to stop the stampede of painful memories never mind get a second to think, to try to put those barriers back up. And just as she was beginning to expend the last bit of energy she had left to fight the final battle with her treacherous mind, he spoke to her. "Bella."

Sitting up in a flash and whipping her head around, she looked for him everywhere but never found him. "Edward?" She could barely form the whisper that escaped her lips in breathless hope. No answer. Where was he? Where had he gone to? "Edward." Her voice rose in volume as panic began to overtake her. The smothering pain from a moment ago now a forgotten sting. "Edward!" She was on her feet now, flitting from one side of the meadow to the other, searching for her husband. His voice had been so clear, almost like he was right here with her.

Bella scanned the edges of the forest for the next hour, never seeing what she so desperately wanted her enhanced eyes to. His voice never called to her again and the pain that she thought had been forgotten, made an encore performance, brimming with a fresh new level of misery and abandonment to add to it. How could she continue like this? How was anyone, supernatural or not, expected to go on like this? How could they expect her to? She was alone. So alone.

She didn't know how long she sat there, marinating in the pain, old and new alike until she heard a snap to her far left. Her head jerked upwards at the sound. "Edward." But her explorations in that direction only unearthed a doe and her fawn searching for dinner, terrified at the scent and sight of Bella, leaping away deeper into the forest for their lives. But she wasn't feeling particularly thirsty, especially since she had gorged herself on elk earlier, and she settled for turning around and staring back at the entrance of the meadow.

Bella was incredibly sad. The grief was drowning her right along with the pain. She glanced around her. Dusk had fallen in the time she had been wallowing in hers and----Edward's special place. She focused on the meadow one more time before turning away and heading towards home. She had faced the meadow today. And _him_. And she was still here, still standing (just barely), still breathing (even though that last part wasn't really necessary). Surely that had to count for something, right? And if she could face them, she could face Jake, too. And with that thought, she had pushed herself forward at a faster pace. She wasn't going to lose him, too. Not again.

She neared the trees in the part of the forest outlining the Cullen's property. She was about to head towards the house when Jake's scent surprised her. Even though he had always had that "wet dog" smell to her since her change, now she caught the scent of earth and musk, a woodsy type almost. And it delighted her senses. She began to wonder at the new elements in his trail that suddenly appealed to her nose when she heard his husky voice. He was talking to someone. She moved forward, following his scent in.

"I'll see you when you get home."

He was on the phone, she could see, even from this distance, that his russet back was turned to her, unaware of her presence. She was surprised he hadn't smelled her or heard her approaching. She knew being downwind played its part in her former observation while the latter must be caused by his split focus. The conversation he was having seemed to require all his thoughts and attention.

"Promise?" Bella could hear the excited breathless voice of her daughter on the other end clear as a bell.

She could see Jake lifting his hand, wiping something out of the corner of his eye. "Promise."

"I miss you." Bella couldn't help but smile at the unashamed honesty and naivete emanating from Ness. What a beautiful wonderful girl she had.

"I miss you, too, honey." Bella could hear the choking in his voice before he snapped the phone shut. Bella couldn't help the frown that now adorned her face. When he had used that term of endearment, something inside her checked at the familiar word. Jake had always called her "honey" and had never used it with anyone else. Especially Renesmee. She had never heard him use it. Not once. Even in these past few weeks. Sure, she had heard a lot of "sweetheart"s and a few "babe"s here and there, but never "honey". She didn't know why this bothered her so much. After all, Ness was his imprint, his soul mate. He could call her whatever he wanted. She shook it off temporarily and reshifted her focus on her friend's form ahead of her.

She saw Jake raise his hand to his face again and wipe something away. Again. Then she heard the sniffle. Why was he so upset? She thought he couldn't have been happier. Even though she didn't understand his iciness towards her, it hadn't seemed to bother him. He had his life as Alpha, his family, his imprint. What could he possibly have to be upset about? Yes, he was separated from his imprint at the moment but he had just talked to her! He would see her in a few hours. And Renesmee hadn't sounded sad, she sounded happy and isn't that what all wolves want for their imprints most of all? To be happy?

That's when she heard it. The phone being opened and a button being pressed. It was someone he had programmed in his phone already because then she heard the speed dialing followed by him lifting his phone to his ear. She heard his breath catch as he waited to be connected to the person he was calling. The operator's voice boomed out of the earpiece across the space towards Bella.

"The person you have tried to reach--'Bella Cullen'--is not available right now. Please leave a message at---" The automated voice was cut off by the phone being snapped shut. She could see his body quivering with its constant companion, the anger. His fists were clenched at his sides, the one holding the phone looked as if it might burst the little device into pieces with its sheer strength. He had tried to call her? Why? She knew what she had seen before. She hadn't been hallucinating. He _hated_ her. And for what she didn't know.

Her thoughts were broken into by his loud yell. "DAMMIT BELLA!" He sounded furious. Bella was so confused. And what's more, the pain had started again when she heard his own in the cursing of her name. She wanted to reach out to him, hold him to her, plead with him not to be angry with her, never to leave her. But before she could act on any of these impulses, Jacob had gone. He had left in a flash and his scent changed, stronger now. He had phased and was running deeper into the woods, further away from her. She began to follow him.

She had to stop him. She had to see him, talk to him, look into his eyes. She didn't know why but this very need burned within her and overrode everything else, her senses, her reason, her instincts, everything. She was going mad. At the thought, she began to cackle, like any lunatic madwoman would. She noticed Jake had stopped at the sound. She injected some sanity back into her voice before addressing him. "You called?"

The huge wolf stood silently, his eyes meeting hers, a deep emotion swirling within them, fleeting before she could take the time to recognize it. A growl rumbled through his massive chest. Bella had to laugh. Of course, it had been way too easy to hope that he had missed her, that he had wanted to see her. She had never been the reason he had been so upset all of two minutes ago. How silly of her to even consider it. The hurt at this revelation was fresh fodder for the hole in her chest to digest and spit back out at her. "Oh come on, Jake. Are you growling at me because you're mad that I left or mad that I came back?" She couldn't resist taunting him, straining to hide the fresh hurt in her tone. If he was going to poke and prod at the hole in her chest, then she was definitely going to poke and prod at him back.

To her surprise and much to her dismay, the wolf stopped growling at her before turning around to leave. The pain at his dismissal of her started to join forces with the pain from earlier tonight and began to pull her back under. "Jake, stop!" She knew she sounded pathetic, begging almost but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She couldn't lose him. She _wouldn't_ lose him.

The wolf stopped short and then slowly turned towards her, looking at her with no hint of any emotion. It was like he didn't care! The pain was winning yet again. Any second now and she would sink to her knees again, waiting to be dragged into the blackness, not surviving this time. "Jake, why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong? Please."

He turned his body away from her and disappeared into the trees. That was it. He didn't care! He didn't even want to be near her right now. God, how could this have gone so wrong? She began to beg. "Jake wait! Please don't leave! Please!" No response.

Just as Bella prepared to never see her friend again, the pain not allowing her to make it back to her home, she saw a half-dressed Jacob approaching her from behind a tree. While his form had changed, the angry expression from earlier in the day had not. "What, Bella? What do you want? What?" Again with the detached venomous tone. Bella flinched as if he had hit her.

Her knees were definitely about to give in, the supernatural strength not being a capable deterrent in the matter. His anger in combination with the pain inside her was weight enough to crush her, rock hard body or not. He had come back. He hadn't left. _Yet_. This thought renewed her anger. When Edward had left, she hadn't had a chance to plead with him, to tell him what he would be leaving behind. She had been helpless, never given the choice. Well, not this time. This time, she would say what she needed to say. She would fight. Even if she lost.

She channeled everything she had been feeling since that day she had asked him to "help" her, molded it into one huge ball and chucked it at him. "What the hell, Jake? You won't talk to me! You won't look at me! And if you do, you look at me like you hate me! You've been treating me like the Plague for these last few weeks now. What the hell did I do? Just tell me!"

Bella could see him glaring at her and at some point she even noticed he tried to speak but she would not be dissuaded from her cause. Not by his evident anger and hatred, not by his sharp tones with her, not by anything. "Bella...."

"No, Jake! Tell me the goddamn truth! I'm sick of the damn games! Why the hell are you treating me like this?" Then she noticed it. Sam's face. Sam's mask! No he did not just do that to her! Here she is pouring her heart out to him (figuratively of course) and he's shutting her out by doing--- _that_! Her anger only raged even more.

"No, Jake! Don't do that! You know I hate that goddamn mask you put on anytime you don't want me to know what you're feeling! You're shutting me out! Talk to me! What is going on?!!?" She saw him pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. His voice got real quiet. "Bella...."

Again, she wouldn't let him speak. She didn't know if it was because she wanted to get all their issues out on the table or that it had more to do with her being terrified at the reason or _reasons_ he actually had for not wanting to be her friend anymore. For leaving her. She knew it was both but the latter was definitely heavy on her mind.

"Jake, is this about the kiss? I thought that we were past it. I thought---"

"DON'T BRING THAT UP!!!" His explosion had silenced her barrage of questioning. It all clicked into place. That had been the problem. In the back of Bella's mind, somewhere, she had known and that's why she feared it, hoping it was something else, something fixable. Because she knew if it came down to it, if he had to choose, Jake would never choose her. Just as she had never chosen him.

This realization brought on a fresh wave of pain. She loved her daughter. What was wrong with her? How could she have these treasonous thoughts? How could she even call herself a mother? It made her feel sick with guilt, bloody bile climbing into the back of her throat.

"Bella, I just....I just need some time. I'm with Ness now and---" Yes, she knew that. So what the hell was wrong with her? Why did she resent it when she saw Jake's arms around her? Why did she wish it was herself and not her daughter that her best friend had imprinted upon? Bella never had such a strong desire to start a fire around her and then tear herself to pieces as she did right now.

"---I---I just can't be around you right now." _Here it comes._ Bella waited for the strike, the ax to fall. Jake knew her inside and out, could read her like an open book. He always could and would always be able to do so. He could see her traitorous desires before she even realized she had them. He knew that Bella had been selfish before but this was a whole new level for her. A level that required his absence from her life. Before she hurt her daughter. Before she hurt him.

Edward had left her his one precious piece of himself, giving his life for it, trusting her alone with caring for it and here she was about to throw it to the wind. All to claim what she wanted, what she knew she now needed. The thought made her cringe. She stared at the ground, not moving. How could she?

She knew that Jake was doing the right thing, not only for him and Ness but also for her. She should let him do this. It was for the best. But then the pain flared to new heights and she risked a glance up at her best friend before he walked out of her existence for good. She saw his own pain in his eyes as he watched her. They had softened a little since she had last looked at them. She couldn't lose him. She just couldn't. Guilt stabbed at her, causing the pain to drown her yet again but she pushed it to the back of her mind as she flashed over to her friend to plead with him one last time.

"I lost _him_. Please. I can't lose you, too. Please."

She saw his face contort in even more pain and he was breaking inside. She felt him put his arms around her as he whispered in her ear. She couldn't bring herself to hug him back. It would only hurt her even more once he was gone. And from what she could tell, in a matter of minutes, he would be. Gone.

"Bells, I'm sorry. I just--I don't know what to do, Bells. Ever since that day---it hasn't been the same. I've tried to forget it and do the right thing but I---I can't." She was sure she had done the right thing in not embracing him. Just her familiar nickname carved itself a tiny space inside the hole which had already begun to sting and did even more each time he used the name. She braced herself for the new pain that would surely come within seconds of his departure, the thought _Here it comes_ repeating itself over and over, taking root inside inside her mind and never letting go. "I feel so lost, Bells. I feel so torn up inside. And I don't know what to do." That made for two of them. Bella could feel it now. She had no one. Edward was gone. Her family was gone. Hell, even Charlie was gone. In a way. He had moved on with his life, marrying Sue and filling the role of caring stepfather to Leah and Seth, more open to them than he had ever been with her. And now, Jacob was gone, taking her daughter with him. She had no one. And the thought of losing Jacob and Renesmee in one swoop was too much to bear. She could hear his voice choking with emotion as he prepared to deal his final blow to her already crappy existence. _Here it comes...._

"I still love you, Bella." Bella's eyes snapped back to him as she pulled herself away from his body. She saw the silent tears trailing down his cheeks. Had she been paying attention properly, maybe she would have seen this last statement as a final farewell, his tears sealing the deal. They had always been best friends. They had always belonged in each other's lives. They had always loved each other. But the way he had said those three little words just now broke something in her. The tears now confirmed her thoughts. And just like she had always done, the instinct to protect him, to comfort him, his pain became her pain (adding to the other), that old connection still very much present, she wiped away his tears. And just like he had always done, he lifted his hand and joining his fingers with her, leaving them there against his cheek, offering her a weak form of his smile, **her** smile, loving her with his eyes. Yes, that love was now again in the dark depths now studying her face so intently. She had thought it was gone for good but clearly she was mistaken. And she couldn't have been happier at being so completely wrong.

She never regretted her decision. She was meant to be with Edward. No question. It had always been _him_. They had married and had a beautiful daughter. They had had many wonderful years together. As a family. As soul mates. Together. And then by an evil ploy of fate, he had been taken away from her, sacrificing himself in his family's stead. Jacob had never stopped loving her. When she didn't choose him, he still loved her. When she married Edward, he still loved her. When she was carrying the "demon spawn" as he had so lovingly referred to her unborn baby (before any of them knew just how important that "demon spawn" would turn out to be to Jake) and her human life was being drained each passing day, he still loved her. When he imprinted on her daughter, he still loved her. When she had joined the ranks of the stone cold deadly immortals, he still loved her. And when she lost Edward and had been seeking consolation in Jacob that day weeks ago, he still loved her. He had _never_ stopped loving her.

She faintly remembered a thought that had crossed her human mind, back when she had told Jacob of her decision. **_Two futures. Two soul mates.....Too much for any one person._** Perhaps she had been wrong all along. Perhaps she had never had to choose to live without one or the other. Perhaps fate in its own twisted sordid way had given them exactly what they all needed.

That look in his eyes disarmed her and made way for the shocking realization that had been eluding her since that kiss. She couldn't even put it into words but she was sure going to try. Now, more than ever, she couldn't lose him. And she wouldn't.

"Jake,"

Regardless of being an uber strong vampire who could kill a human with one slap to the head, she was....nervous. She had to tell him. But his stare was so intense and she was losing her nerve. What if he left anyway? What if he was disgusted with her as he had every right to be? Without realizing it, Bella had placed her hand on his heart. The beat she felt underneath her fingers calmed her and helped to bring her back to the scene at hand. This was Jacob. Her Jacob. Once upon a time and from the look in the eyes boring into hers, still **hers**. She saw him close his eyes and she blurted it out while she could. While she felt the fleeting courage before he could open his eyes again.

"I still love you, too." His eyes were open now for sure. He stared at her. She couldn't read him but she decided to just get it all out. She had started, no reason to stop now. If he left her even after he knew, well, she had at least told him the truth. Even if it killed her to lose him and she would be kicking herself later for her verbal bombardment, she would say it. She would tell him.

"I love you, Jacob Black. I can't get you out of my mind, either." He still hadn't moved or changed his expression. She wasn't sure if he was even breathing. She felt that fleeting courage again, this time emboldening her to move in. With her face so close to his, she could only whisper it. "I love you."

She waited. Bella was pretty sure that he was going to jerk out of his catatonic state at any second and move away from her. Turning around and running, glaring back at her with that hatred which would be all-encompassing now thanks to her impulsive revelation. Leaving her and never looking back. Ever. But in this moment, she was staring into his dark eyes, her nose just inches from his and she would enjoy this moment. Even if it brought her more pain later on.

What she didn't expect but had hoped beyond all imagining for is what happened next. His lips were crushed against hers, her body being pushed roughly into his. All reason went out the window, if it had ever been there in the first place. Rational thought ceased to exist. As a matter of fact, all thoughts ceased to exist as their lips moved together, their tongues swirled around the other's, tasting each other, never getting enough of each other. Bella was running on pure instinct now. The pain, the conscience, the guilt, the responsibility, the disgust, all gone now. Only instinct remained. And her instincts were screaming for Jacob Black and the fire he was fueling within her.

There was no denying the urgency of this kiss. Jacob had waited for her for forever. And was done waiting. Nothing and no one was going to get in his way tonight. Not anymore. And Bella couldn't agree more.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Needless to say, Jacob had needed her. Wanted her. Tried to mark her even. Oh how she wished he could have. Jacob. **Her** Jacob. There had been one second of hesitation on his part and she was pretty sure it was when they had been talking too much during the moment. _Way_ too much. She could feel him pulling away from her but she refused to let him go. And once he knew she wouldn't release him, he gave in to her.

He had been nervous, it was his first time. Bella was grateful that even after she had made her choice, she still had been the first for both men she loved. It seemed a silly thing, she was sure, an irrational thought on her part, but pleasing and fulfilling to her all the same. And after a while, his desire, his need for her had taken over, willing her to yield to him. He had been patient long enough.

When he had filled her, it had been glorious. There was no other word that had come to her mind. Glorious. He was a god and he was giving himself to **her** , joining his body with hers like their hearts had been so long ago. She refused to let herself think of anyone or anything else, including those two people that she pushed so far away from her mind, she wasn't sure if they'd ever come back. She couldn't let it overshadow this moment which it would most certainly do and she was sure had begun to do during that one second Jake had pulled away. Instead, Bella gave herself to the moment, to Jacob, **her** Jacob.

They declared their love to each other over and over again, him crashing into her at an increasing pace, rubbing her furiously in that spot until they had both released, crying out for each other.

_Divine exhaustion._ It truly was. Bella wanted to kiss him, feel him, love him again but she knew he was incapable of doing so at the moment. Even a werewolf's stamina needed time to recover. So she allowed him to rest on her, never breaking their connection. He had been so adorably cute when he asked her if he had been okay. She couldn't help but laugh at his expression which she could see embarrassed him. She regretted the action immediately but forced his eyes to hers. She reassured him, leaving no traces of doubt to her sincerity. After kissing her, he had tried to move away again. But again she held him to her, refusing to release him. She asked him to stay and he did. And here they were, laying together, limbs entangled on the forest floor, spent in the "glorious" moment of passion they had been dancing around since she had first started falling for Jacob Black back when she still had a beating heart. Bella couldn't think of anywhere else she'd rather be than here in this moment with him. She wondered why when they had started to become friends, when she knew she loved him, that they never ventured further than that kiss on the morning of the newborn battle. Well, she knew part of the reason (which was banished from her mind presently) and she didn't regret it but she couldn't help but wonder.

Almost as if he had heard her thoughts, Jake raised his head from her chest and shifted over a little to the left. Bella began to whine as he moved. "Relax, Bells. I'm not going anywhere. Just moving a bit." He was now resting some of his weight on his left elbow, his hand holding his head up, looking down at her. He still stayed connected to her which kept Bella content. She didn't care that he had gone soft inside her a while ago. He was still inside her and that's all that mattered.

Jake smiled **his** smile and chuckled. "Wow, who'd have imagined you to be so clingy? I mean, come on, _you_?" He was teasing her and she loved it. Bella rolled her eyes as she smiled back up at him.

"Oh, well you know, I could always get up. It's not like we need to be in each other's arms. Here, move." She started to lift herself up underneath him when she heard a growl (a playful one) and felt a light shove against her chest forcing her back to the ground. He had moved to be completely on top of her again, his lips inches away from hers.

"And just where do you think you're going?"

He let out another playful growl as he skimmed his nose along her right cheek.

"To find another sexy werewolf who likes to cuddle and won't find me so clingy. I'm thinking....Quil? No? If not, definitely Embry. Hmmm. Why?"

His growling stopped short as he straightened his head up to look at her.

"Wait. You think I'm sexy?"

Bella rolled her eyes again and slapped his arm. He flinched a little and she couldn't help but feel a tiny bit exultant at his reaction. No crowbars or baseball bats were needed anymore.

"Jacob Black! I should think so considering we just slept together!"

His smug smile refused to disappear and Bella began to wonder if she should just kiss it off him. He was close enough....

"So I upgraded from 'sort of beautiful' to 'sexy' huh? Very nice."

"Wow."

"What?"

"You know, for some crazy reason, when you told me you loved me, I don't know, I just thought you meant, me. But now I see I can never compete."

"Huh? What does that mean, Bella?" She could see the seriousness start to play out on his face. _Uh oh. Too close. He thinks I'm talking about_ \-- She wouldn't let herself finish the thought. Their moment wasn't over yet and she had to work quickly to reassure him.

"You'll always be in love with _you_. I can't compete. I mean we just had mind-blowing sex and here you are talking about how 'sexy' you are. You haven't said one thing to me about me." It had worked, **his** smile was back. And so was hers.

He didn't respond for a minute and she waited. She saw a sparkle in his eye but it vanished just as quickly as it had appeared.

"Mind blowing, huh?"

This time Bella growled and smacked the back of his head. Jake's laughter couldn't be contained. It echoed off the trees and into the space surrounding them. She couldn't resist another eye roll at his goofiness but maintaining the wide smile on her face. This is just one of the many reasons she loved him.

She lifted her right hand and brushed her thumb across his lips softly. His smile grew bigger as he turned his head and kissed her palm. She threaded her fingers into his hair, massaging his scalp again. He had turned back to look at her, the grin still there. "Do you realize that when we were doing homework we could have been doing this? All that time wasted on algorithms and the Civil War." He shook his head as if disappointed.

She played along. "If we had been doing this, I doubt you would have ever gotten your car finished." He smirked at her statement and moved closer to her.

"I'd have gotten it done _and_ been doing this. I'm not sure school would have made the cut. But I've always been better with my hands." His words were definitely thick with implication considering how high his eyebrow was raised, accentuating his meaning. Speaking of high....

"You're good with your hands? Really? You'll have to prove it." She could feel him growing within her. And that word popped into her head again, on its repetitive track. _Glorious._

"I thought I just did." Normally, she would have just rolled her eyes again at his cocky words but right now, she wasn't worried about his inflated ego. He had moved within an inch of her face, staring down at her hungrily. She actually had her mind on something else that was already inflated to an even bigger size than before.... _Glorious._

"Prove it. Again." He covered her lips with his and began to pull out of her. She whimpered and in response, he thrust deeply back into her. She dug her hands into his back and he repeated the motion harder than before, groaning into her mouth as he did. He tore away from her, letting his lips trail down the left side of her neck as he thrust into her, once, twice, three times. And each time was _gloriously_ harder than the one preceding it. He was moving faster now. Bella pulled his body to her tighter. She needed to be closer. She felt him nipping at her neck shortly before he moved away, lifting himself up, coming to a halt, staring down at her. She whimpered just like last time but Jake refused to give in. She felt him willing her to look at him and so she did. She would do anything for him.

He didn't say anything, just stared. She wasn't sure what he was thinking, his eyes unreadable at the moment. After some time and several whimpers later, Bella issued a breathy plea. "Jake, please."

"Please what, Bella?" His eyes still hadn't changed and he hadn't moved an inch. She was a little surprised at the curtness of his tone but pushed it aside, her need for him so much greater.

"Please. I need you. Now." Still he had not moved. Bella was beginning to grow impatient. What the hell was going on? What was he doing?

"And what do you need, Bella?" He sounded almost angry. It didn't escape her notice that he wasn't using her nickname anymore, either.

"You, Jake. I need you. I want you." She tried to raise a hand to his cheek, to reassure him, comfort him, soften him, she didn't know. But as she started to, he immediately clamped his hand down on her wrist forcefully and pulled it back behind her head, keeping it in place. The action had shocked her but she still didn't know what to make of it. He leaned in closer slowly until he was eye level with her, making sure to keep a safe distance so she couldn't lift up and kiss him. She was completely mystified by what she saw in his expression. He _was_ angry! What had happened between now and a few minutes ago? Had she said something wrong, done something wrong, hurt him in any way? She couldn't figure it out. He moved his face an inch closer, even slower than before, still making sure to keep himself away from her.

"And what is it you want?" His voice was so low, it was menacing, scary, full of venom, deadly even. His eyes were boring into hers with their intense studying. _What the hell?_ She didn't understand this. She tried to inconspicuously lift her other hand to place it on his left cheek but he had caught it and repeated the same action as before without moving whatsoever out of his current position. Now, with both of her hands held down above her head, him on top of her the way he was, Bella started to get worried. What the hell was he doing? If this was some sort of game, she was not enjoying it.

She tried to lift herself, to release her hands but he held her where she was. She again tried and he stopped her, clamping down on her wrists harder. She gave another shove, this time with _all_ of her strength and he lifted with her until he forced her back down again, same as before. Now she was angry.

"Jake! Let me up now!"

He didn't flinch when she yelled up into his face. He didn't move.

"I mean it!"

He seemed to get angrier and his grips on her wrists tightened to a point where with a little more pressure, she was sure they would be ripped from her body.

"Did you mean it?" She could hear the double meaning in his words. She knew he wasn't just referring to her failed attempts to throw him off her. But she couldn't quite grasp it. So she replied accordingly.

"Yes! Get off me! Right! Now!" She snarled letting him know how serious she was. She understood he was strong and his strength matched hers and matched any of her kind's. She internally shuddered at the distinction she just made. She also had figured he liked it rough what with his little control game from an hour ago but this, this was too much. It had gone too far.

"That's not what I meant. Did you _mean_ it?" Bella couldn't resist looking up at him like he had gone insane. He clarified things for her. "Do you? Love me? Bella?" Even though it was one question, he stated them as if they were three.

Her anger gave way to her confusion and hurt. Had he doubted her? She had meant everything she had said tonight. How could he doubt that? She hadn't doubted him. At all. Until now.

"What do you think?"

His eyes roamed over her bare chest as he replied. "I'm not sure. I'm wondering if this is just another game for you. Another way for you to forget the pain Edward's caused you." His eyes flashed to hers menacingly. "Again."

That was it. She heaved with all her might and right when she thought she had a chance, Jake forced her back down again, hands still behind her head. "That's it, Jake! Let me up right now! How dare you? Let me up! If you don't let me up in 10 seconds, I'm gonna get myself free one way or another. And I _don't_ want to hurt you. Doesn't mean I won't!" She punctuated these words with a ferocious snarl.

Jake didn't flinch, didn't make a move to get off her, didn't indicate he was willing to listen. He just lowered his head further until he was inches away from her. "No. I want to know the truth, Bella. Do...you...love me? Is that why you came looking for me tonight? The truth." He added his own snarl to the mix.

Bella was crushed but tried not to show it. She tried to shut the book he could read so easily as she added venom to her own voice. "Do you think I would have slept with you if it had been otherwise? Do you think I would have told you over and over if I didn't? That I would have slept with my daughter's boyfriend if it was anything other than that?" Her volume had increased with each question until she was screaming in his face. She figured he wouldn't check at her yelling as much as she figured he would at the mention of her daughter. But if it hit him, he had hidden it well. She couldn't detect anything in those dark orbs, only more anger.

"Yes. I do." He said it with such finality that Bella saw red and pushed him back with such a force that he landed a few feet away from her. But before she had a chance to flash to her feet, he was on her again, holding her down just like before but with even more force. Bella let the little shock at her wrists still being attached to her arms register in the back of her mind. But right now the rage was overflowing. "Get off of me! Now! Right now! If you don't, Jacob Black, I swear I'll fucking kill you!" She heard the snarls but was slightly amazed to discover they were all coming from her.

And again, Jacob didn't flinch at her threats, never mind that she was moving at such a speed beneath him to try and knock him off, only keeping himself above her, his eyes still boring into her. She thrashed, he held fast. She tried to snap at him (not with venom, even though she had threatened it, she would never actually kill him, and one bite of venom injected into his werewolf blood would do just that) and he lifted his head only a little out of her reach but held fast. She screamed at him, hurling threats at him continuously, and still he held fast. Vampires don't get tired. It's not possible. But Bella had never been the normal vampire. Everyone knew that. And even though she still had the stamina to go a few thousand more rounds, she let instinct kick in and shut down. Her limbs went slack as her body turned into a statue, her face set and her eyes staring off into nothing, ignoring the dark eyes that were staring intensely into hers. His expression never changed.

After a while, both of them staying like that, Jacob cautiously moved his head a little closer to hers. Not enough to be bitten by her, but close enough to cover the night sky above her that suddenly held her interest. "Bella." He still had that tone. She ignored him.

He lowered a little more. "Bella," he spat. Still, she ignored him.

"Bells." Her eyes snapped to his at the sound of that familiar nickname. But still, she didn't say anything. Instead, she waited for him to speak. And when he realized she wouldn't respond, he did.

"I just need to know. Did you use me tonight, Bells? To forget _him_?" Still no response. She just stared at him incredulously.

"Bells, I need to know. If you did, it's okay. I won't be angry." Even though his eyes contradicted otherwise. "But I need to know. You owe me that at the very least." She still refused to speak. She could see his anger growing into a full-fledged fury at her silence.

"If you don't want to speak to me, then fine." Acid was dripping from his low tone. "Nod or shake your damn head if that's what it takes. And then I'll let you go." She thought over it a moment. She knew the answer. But she wasn't sure she wanted to give it to him just yet. He had hurt her and not just physically. She knew she had a sordid history with him from before. She knew that it would make it hard for him to trust her feelings, for her to trust herself at times, but she had been completely truthful in her feelings tonight. If he had doubted her, then why make love to her at all? Why stay cuddled up with her in their own little world afterwards? Why? As she pondered all of this in her head, at some point Jacob must have had his fill with her refusal to answer him. He released her hands and quickly removed himself off of her. By the time she was able to sit herself up, he had already begun to put on his sweats. "Get up, Bella." The harshness had not left his tone one bit.

She just stared at him. Had she really hurt this boy that much? She knew she had caused him pain in the past and she knew (wince) she had broken his heart but then they had had both moved on. She thought he had healed somewhat, maybe the wounds she inflicted not completely gone, but scabbed over enough to be better. His cord now tied around his ankle with his phone attached and his sweats in place, Jake turned to her, rage filling his eyes as he took in her naked form still on the ground. He repeated his clipped command once again. "Get up, Bella." And this time he expected it to be obeyed, that much was obvious.

Truthfully, Bella was still in shock. How had one of the best nights in both of her lives turned into one of the most horrible in a matter of seconds? When she still didn't move, Jake strode over to her in three quick easy steps, grabbed her arm and pulled her up roughly. "I said. Get. Up." When she was on her feet, she just looked at him. He refused to meet her eyes, releasing her arm. "Get dressed. Now."

She had no idea where her clothes were at the moment and her head was reeling from the rapid change in his demeanor. They had been playfully teasing each other, about to make love for the second time and then by a snap of fingers, he had changed. She didn't understand it. Again, she wished she could still cry. He turned to see if she had listened to him and when he saw she disobeyed again, his eyes fired up in anger again. "DAMMIT BELLA! I SAID GET DRESSED!" She flinched a little at the change in volume but did as she was told. She began to look around and spotted her pants in a heap to her left. She bent down to pick them up, throwing them on in a flash. She saw her bra on the other side, in a crumpled pile but she knew it was useless to her now. He had ripped it. Next item. She couldn't find her shirt. As she swiveled her head to look behind her, there was her shirt staring her right in the face, held out to her by an impatient Jacob. She snatched it from him angrily and put it on. Since the buttons had all been torn off, she had no choice but to knot it as much as she could. This certainly didn't provide her with nearly as much coverage as she desired but she was fast. She could flash home and change. When she looked up from her fashion improvisation, she could swear she saw amusement flit across Jacob's face before the anger took up residence there again, crossing his arms in a tight stance, watching her.

Bella felt her own anger surmounting his. She flitted to the areas that her torn bra had been and to where her panties lay in tatters, gathering them up in her hands and moving back towards Jacob. She waited for him to speak. She couldn't trust herself to make a sound right now, never mind say a word.

"This never happened, Bella. Understand? I love Renesmee and I'm with her. What happened here tonight meant nothing."

Bella felt like she had been punched. Nothing? That's how he saw it? And how could he rub it in her face that he had someone to go back to, someone he clearly loved while her, he clearly did not? Her lips bared over her teeth as she was about to release a slew of thoughts of her own at him. But before she could get the chance, Jacob spoke again.

"I mean it, Bella. I don't want to take her away from her mother because I know she needs you, but one word and I'm taking her away. And she won't be coming back."

Bella saw red again. "She is _my_ daughter! Don't you even think to try anything you stupid mutt or I swear I will---" He snorted and cut her off mid threat.

"Funny. You weren't thinking like that earlier. Now all of a sudden you get to play the concerned mother. Forgive me if I don't fucking buy it."

Bella hated him. She wanted to attack him. Hurt him even. Hell, bite him! Maybe he'd think about how he had treated her as the venom set in, stopping his heart. But she couldn't trust herself to stop before she really did do damage. And regardless of how mercilessly cruel he was being right now, she didn't want to hurt him. So for now, she would settle for a nice death glare and some silence. He looked amused again for another second but then his anger returned.

He stepped closer, never removing his arms from his chest, each step a subtle warning, until he was toe to toe with her.

"I mean it, Bella. One word." She didn't budge. He lowered his head until he was at eye level with her, willing her to feel the weight of his threat. "And trust me, I'll know." Bella wished he would leave. Odd how only an hour ago she had wished for the exact opposite. Funny how quickly things can change. He slowly lifted his head to glare down at her. "One. Word."

She wanted to say something back. She truly did. She just didn't know what. And that's when she heard it.

The phone attached to his leg was going off, playing some song she hadn't heard of. He stepped back from her slowly, reaching down to retrieve the phone, snapping it open to answer it.

"Yeah?"

She could hear the voice on the other line. It was Seth.

"Hey Jake, listen, we're on our way back to drop Nessie off. She got a little upset and wanted to go home."

She could see the concern on his face although the anger never truly left. "Let me speak to her, Seth."

"Sure thing." They both heard the shuffling of the phone back and forth until Renesmee's timid voice came on the line, the brightness and excitement from before clearly gone. "Jacob?"

"Yeah, honey, it's me." Bella couldn't believe at the change in his voice. But then again, he had just Dr. Jekylled/Mr. Hyded it before so she shouldn't really be all that surprised. And she hadn't missed the "honey". Regardless of his cruelty to her tonight, it still bothered her. "Are you okay? Seth told me you were upset. What happened?"

"I just...."

"What baby, you just what?" He sounded concerned now. Bella couldn't help being a little herself.

"I just missed you." A heavy sigh followed her statement. Jake smiled a little, clearly oblivious to Bella's presence. _More like apathetic._ "Oh honey, I missed you, too. But you could have stayed with Charlie and Sue a little longer. And then I would've seen you right after."

"No. No, I couldn't." Barely above a whisper, Bella heard her daughter's pain. She was definitely concerned now and so was Jake.

"What do you mean, Nessie?"

"I---I had----"

"You what, Ness?" He all but shouted at her in his panic. Bella could barely contain the strength it took to keep her from rushing over to Jake in a flash and grabbing the phone from his hands, begging her daughter to tell her what was wrong. Renesmee had always been upbeat, sunny, warm (not just literally), almost like Jacob himself had been completely before he started phasing. Even when her father had died, she had always kept a smile on her face and pushed forward. But now....

"I had this pain in my heart." Both Bella's and Jake's jaws dropped, worry etching in both their features, their former confrontation momentarily forgotten. "About you," Ness clarified. Jake's expression sobered as his eyes turned to stone. "What do you mean?" He whispered it to her.

"I felt like you didn't love me anymore. That you were gone. Not completely but like you had....gone missing. I don't know how to explain it but it hurt. Really bad. And I didn't mean to but I started to cry. Grandpa got worried and he and Sue tried to comfort me but I just wanted to come home. To see you. To make sure----that----you were still----there." Bella saw Jake's face crumple in pain before he turned away from her. She wasn't sure what to make of all this.

"Honey, of course I would still be here. You know that." Bella could hear the love and adoration in his reassuring whispers.

"I know. I just....the empty feeling, the pain, wouldn't go away. Well, not until a little while ago, anyway." Bella saw Jake's head snap up.

"Ness, when did the pain start?"

"Um, I'm not sure...."

They both heard Seth mutter in the background. "Tell him it was after you talked to him the first time. Like twenty minutes or something later. That's when you started to look upset." With werewolves and vampires around, there were no private phone conversations. Ever.

Jake dropped his head. "And when did the pain start to go away Ness?"

"Um, I don't know. Maybe in the last ten minutes or so? We left Grandpa's five minutes ago. But even though I started to feel better, I was worried. About you. And I just wanted to get home to see you." Bella could hear her daughter's voice choke off at the end and then take a deep breath. She noticed Jake had turned towards her, not realizing it she was sure, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed. He was trembling. He looked like he was in pain.

"Okay, honey, listen to me. You got about another ten minutes or so before you get to the house. I'm gonna meet you there. Just take a deep breath, relax and you'll be home before you know it. I'll be there, Ness. I promise. I love you."

Bella flinched at the words, grateful that Jacob's eyes were still closed and didn't catch her reaction.

"I love you, too, Jacob." Ness' comfort and reassurance coming through in her response.

"Okay honey, I'm gonna phase and run home. I'll see you there."

"Okay."

Bella had turned away from Jake, staring off into the woods, away from her home. She couldn't look at the spot where he had declared his love for her only a while ago and see him standing there now saying the same to someone else. Even if that someone else _was_ her daughter. It hurt too much. Oh, the hole was going to have a field day with this one.

She heard the phone snap shut. She heard his ragged breathing but she maintained her stance. She refused to look at him. She didn't need to be a werewolf, she didn't need to be imprinted to know what that conversation had meant. She and Jake had made love about an hour ago. And only ten-fifteen minutes had passed since Jake's demeanor had changed. Even though Renesmee hadn't known what it was, she had felt it. She had felt Jake's heart tearing from her own. But how was that possible if what Jake said was true? That this had been nothing?

"You are one cold-hearted bitch."

She turned at that. And she saw exactly what she was expecting to see after that little statement, the tremors, the anger. Yeah, it was all there. This time, shockingly, she was less angry. Just hurt. She understood his motivation now. He felt guilty at what they had done and now he was looking to place the blame on her shoulders alone. Maybe that's why he had reacted the way he had before, treating her like this, so he could feel less guilty about what he'd done.

Jake moved forward slowly, his fists now clenched at his sides, the tremors rolling between his shoulders and his arms. Bella didn't make a move, she stayed where she was and didn't make a sound. Just waited for him to continue. And that he did.

"How could you, Bella? Your own fucking daughter! How could you?" His tone was quiet, even, deadly, threatening.

"Last time I checked, Jake, it takes two to tango." She was surprised at how calm her voice sounded, how melodious it was. Because that's sure not how she felt.

He certainly didn't like that answer. The tremors got worse. "So it's all a fucking game for you, is it?"

What? "A game? Really, Jake? Look, I get it. You feel guilty so you want to blame it all on me. But seriously, I'm not playing any game." She couldn't believe he was going this far. Where the hell had her friend gone?

"No, Bella. I'm not playing. I admit, I made a mistake. And I will pay for it for the rest of my life. But Renesmee doesn't deserve that. Whatever sick history we have, she shouldn't be thrown into it!" He was two seconds from phasing. She could feel it.

"Are you freakin' kidding me, Jake? I would never want to hurt her. Never! But---" Her calm demeanor was fading fast. She shouldn't say it. She shouldn't. But if she was going to suffer the memory of his skin on hers later, the poisonous hatred he threw her way every time he looked at her, and the scarlet letter he seemed determined to brand her with, then it wouldn't matter. And so she gave herself to the pain again, surrendered to it willingly. "---I love you. And I thought you loved me, too." She let her sadness show at the end. Jake had reached a few feet away from her and now he stood there, stock still except for the uncontrollable tremors racking his body.

"You're lying."

Bella's eyes snapped to his and she spoke her next words quietly, every ounce of meaning behind them. "No. I'm not." And then it all came rushing out. "I meant every word. I never lied to you, Jake. I do love you." She approached him slowly. His hands were still in fists at his side, reminding her he wasn't out of the phasing zone just yet. The next words burned her mouth. She didn't want to say them but she knew she had to. It was the right thing to do. She kept her expression even to lend sincerity to them. "But now I can see that this is nothing. Compared to what you have with Renesmee. And regardless of what you think Jake, I do love my daughter and I would never want to hurt her. And I did. I hurt her tonight. That was a mistake. One that will never be repeated."

During her confession, she noticed Jake's eyes had softened a little and almost looked pained. But she didn't let him deter her. "She loves you and you love her. Go meet her. I'm gonna go hunt for a while, give you two some space." She glanced down at her dishevelled appearance. "And get some new clothes." She chuckled although she certainly didn't feel the mirth in it. "And if you have to go and take her with you, then I understand. It would hurt but I screwed up tonight so maybe I deserve it." She looked down at the ground sadly. Jake hadn't said a word. She decided now was the time for her to leave. She flashed towards the edge of the trees, away from him, but before she left, she turned to look back at him one last time. "And if you decided to stay, that would be okay, too. Whatever you choose." He still hadn't moved and his face remained unreadable. The only evidence of change were the tremors that had stilled. She lowered her eyes to the ground again and whispered so quietly, barely a trace of sound contained in the one simple phrase she needed to say. "I love you." And then she was gone. She didn't wait around to see whether Jake heard her or not.

She raced to the meadow. As soon as she reached it, the pain tore her open again in conjunction with this whole new set to add to it. She let her knees give way and she curled up into a ball, almost as if she were 18 again, lost in the woods. She wished she could cry. "Edward." She sighed, breaking off into dry sobs. And no matter how much she strained to hear _him_ , he never answered her back.


	11. When It's Each Other We Despise (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Jacob was frozen. He didn't know what to think. His brain had ceased to function, his heart stopped. Had she really just whispered that to him?

He was in pain. So much pain. Bella had disappeared into the night, never telling him her destination. He could follow her scent and force her to look at him and just tell him the damn truth! He was so damn tired of this back and forth between them. He closed his eyes, bringing his hands up to his face, wiping downwards in exhaustion, prompting his eyes to open slowly. He then let his right hand travel back up to his forehead and rest there, rubbing it absent-mindedly as he stared down at the ground.

Everything had been perfect tonight. Even though he had a screaming reminder in the back of his brain reminding him of his imprint. He winced. Renesmee had been in pain, she had felt his betrayal. So much pain that she couldn't be consoled and had to come home. Come home to see if he was still there. He cringed. He didn't want to hurt her. A part of his heart loved her, absolutely no doubt about that. But now he found himself torn, the other half yearning for Bella.

He shook his head and closed his eyes once more. He hadn't meant for tonight to get so out of hand. He had simply wanted to find Bella, making sure she was alright and then go back to their standoffish behavior which proved to be a required safety measure with them. And if he didn't believe in its necessity before, then what happened after she found him should have convinced him now.

He didn't know what came over him. He loved her and he had told her. And then they had made love. And it had been incredible. Everything he had imagined. Even better. She had held him close to her after. He hadn't told her but her minor protests whenever he began to move away from her sent little thrills throughout his body. He loved that she couldn't bear for him to be away from her, even for a second, just as he now felt about her. Their time together had been blissful. Jacob had never been much for religion but if there was such a thing as heaven, this was it. Somehow he had been able to keep all other thoughts, all other images at bay while wrapped in his Bella's arms. And somehow, because of that, everything had felt so right. This is where they belonged. Together.

Sure the pain surging throughout his body had been reminder enough that he wasn't completely free to enjoy this stolen moment. But if he was able to be with his Bella, he'd willingly embrace the pain. No matter how his hands trembled when he touched her, the pain in no way compared to the ecstasy within his heart at being able to touch her, hold her, caress her, kiss her.

Their light-hearted banter afterwards was just so.....them. Like it always had been. Jake and Bells. He could see she loved him. No not see. He knew she loved him. And sure enough within seconds, he was ready to make love to her again.

But something went wrong. Horribly wrong. As they began to move as one once again, he felt the wolf pushing to take over. He had felt it before, the first time, but this was a different primal urge. The wolf was angry. He fought with it as best he could. He knew he wouldn't phase but something was very, very wrong. And just like that, the beast won.

An image-filled whirlwind flooded his mind as he playfully bit her neck. Bella telling him how much she needed him outside of her house the night he had first phased. Bella's agony when confronting him while Sam and the others waited inside with Billy. She had begged him not to leave her. And he hadn't. He had conspired with her to find out the truth. He kept his promise. Only to have her run off to Italy at the first mention of that bloodsucker, leaving him behind. Bella walking away with Edward, hand in hand, Bella guiltily glancing back as he crumbled in pain. Bella's voice piped up in the playback in his head. **_"My personal sun. You balanced the clouds out nicely for me."_** Bella slowly opening her eyes after he had beat life back into her on the beach. Then he could hear the echo of Sam's words from so long ago. **_"She has never been the one for you, she has never chosen you, but you continue to destroy your life for her!"_** Suddenly, an image of Renesmee flashed into his head. Tears were streaming down her face and she was crying out. For him.

No. No. No! The one thing he had feared would happen too soon happened. There was no way he could continue. He couldn't do this with Bella. Not with his imprint in his head, clearly in pain at his infidelity. And then a voice he had never heard before, deep and somewhat scratchy filled his mind, booming in its accusation.

"You continue to destroy her for her!" And then one last image played alongside the one of Ness. Bella staring at Edward, almost as if she couldn't look away. Back in the forest. After Italy. **_"Never,"_** escaping her lips in a hushed whisper. **_"I never had a choice."_** As if that would somehow make him understand her decision as he laid there covered in bandages, half of his body broken. And then Renesmee began to cry harder, a choked "Jacob. No." making its way out to him. And then that voice again. "For her!"

And at that he had pulled away from Bella, staring down at her, waiting for her to recover her senses and notice his absence. That voice. Whose voice was that? Had that--been---his wolf? What the hell? That's just crazy talk! But he then heard the growls, the snarls within him and Renesmee's whispered plea. "Please." His heart ached at the pain he was causing her. Whether it was his wolf or an early onset of schizophrenia, it didn't matter. He was risking Renesmee, his Ness, his imprint. Tearing them apart all for this hour of passion with Bella. Bella, the one girl he had never gotten over. The one girl he had never stopped loving. Then, as if his heart were waiting for his cue, another ache began to take hold of him. He wanted Bella. He chose Bella. He wanted her. Right now. His heart felt like magnets attracting away from each other, pulling him in both directions.

And then the thought hit him. And he heard Bella's voice inside his head once more. _"And now I have to face eternity without him!" "You saw what happened when he left the first time." "This is worse. So much worse." "You're strong, Jacob." **"You balanced the clouds out nicely for me."** "Just because my heart doesn't beat doesn't mean I'm not in pain."_ Broken pieces but all coming to the same conclusion. Leading to the same disturbingly familiar scenario. _NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOO!_ He could feel his brain screaming at the realization.

No! She hadn't used him! Not again! No! She told him she loved him! She told him she was his! He knew that she was still in pain from losing Edward. He knew that. But he didn't think she would go so far as to----- _Oh God!_ And then it hit him. She would. The wolf inside snarled ferociously and Ness' image cried harder, sinking to her knees in agony. He felt sick. He wanted to gag. The pain consumed him, burning him with full force. He could hear Renesmee's sobs in his head followed by her tear-filled plea. "Please."

"Jake, please." His eyes snapped downward to Bella's dark ones. She was staring up at him, waiting on his response. The anger filled him, flooding his senses. Bella was tearing him apart and for what? So she could forget her "pain" for an hour? While causing him and Renesmee an eternity's load of their own? How fucking could she?

"Please what, Bella?"

She looked confused for a second before continuing in her quest to numb the pain he was sure.

"Please. I need you. Now." _Yeah, I bet she does._ The wolf snarled again. His anger was turning into rage.

"And what do you need, Bella?"

"You. I need you. I want you." He wanted to rip her apart. He could feel the old Jacob, the one who loved her rising in protest at the thought but he quickly stifled him. The wolf was taking over and the wolf was pissed! Renesmee was his rightful imprint, his mate and he just betrayed her. If he hadn't been in so much pain alongside the rage, he wasn't sure he could've kept from phasing and tearing her to pieces right there.

Bella tried to touch him, to keep up the charade and get what she needed no doubt. He let her know real quick that he was back in control and that wouldn't be happening anytime soon.

"And what is it you want?"

She tried again. He now held both of her hands behind her head. Hard. He could see she was concerned and she was right to be. Jake wasn't fucking around. He had risked everything to be with her. To hold her, touch her, make love to her because he still loved her. He had risked Ness and their bond. A very heavy price to pay should she ever find out. And Bella? She had used him. Like a damn tylenol! A fucking pain reliever! Just so she could numb it a little. There were no words.

He could hear her yelling at him, obviously very worried now. The wolf within smiled at her discomfort. The wolf felt betrayed and extremely protective of his imprint. And this _bitch_ had somehow gotten beyond Jake's defenses and ripped him to shreds. Again. What he wouldn't give to tear her arms from her body right now.

Jake caught the tail end of Bella's screams. "I mean it!" He decided to push her, get her to admit just how badly she had fucked them both over.

"Did you mean it?"

Bella knew what he was asking. But of course, being as stubborn as he knew she always was, she decided to play dumb. "Yes! Get off me! Right! Now!" He could hear a snarl escaping her lips in warning.

"That's not what I meant. Did you _mean_ it?" She still feigned ignorance, looking at him like he was the crazy one. Right. The wolf sneered. "Do you? Love me? Bella?"

She was angry. And only one reason to be, she had lied to him when she told him she loved him. She knew it was what he needed to let go and give her what she wanted. That knowledge hit him like a ton of bricks and only made him angrier. Yet he resisted the urge to phase, waiting for her response.

"What do you think?"

Still unwilling to tell him the horrid truth. _Unbelievable!_ He allowed his eyes to drink in her bare chest in front of him. No doubt about it, Bella was beautiful. But had he really given up his Renesmee? For this? "I'm not sure. I'm wondering if this is just another game for you. Another way for you to forget the pain Edward's caused you."

He wanted to hurt her. Just as much as she had hurt him. He returned back to her gaze. He let venom coat his tone as he spoke to her. "Again."

That did it. He knew it would. She hurled threats at him, demanding to be released, trying to move him off of her, snarling all the while. But he wouldn't let her go. Not until he got his answer.

"No. I want to know the truth, Bella. Do...you...love me? Is that why you came looking for me tonight? The truth." The wolf was losing its patience and made it known by snarling in response.

"Do you think I would have slept with you if it had been otherwise? Do you think I would have told you over and over if I didn't? That I would have slept with my daughter's boyfriend if it was anything other than that?" He could see Bella trying to hide how much he had hurt her. Too bad she wasn't fast enough. He could sense her weakness and he lunged for the jugular (figuratively of course). He was hurt and he was lashing out.

"Yes. I do." And just as expected, Bella lost it. She became a damn animal, knocking him off but only temporarily. She threatened him, she snarled, she tried to move out from under him, she snapped at him and still he would not let her go. And just when he thought he was going to have to skip the Q & A portion of the evening due to her fury, Bella's body went slack against his. She didn't fight him. Her face was blank and her eyes stared up into nothing, past him. _Oh no, you don't._

Jacob demanded her attention but she had the nerve to ignore him. Finally he called her by the nickname her father had given her back when she was little and then he got her attention. The wolf didn't understand why it was so important to hear Bella's answer but Jake did. He needed to know. Had Bella really used him? Had he really risked everything for nothing?

"I just need to know. Did you use me tonight, Bells? To forget _him_?" Bella didn't answer him. "Bells, I need to know. If you did, it's okay. I won't be angry." He knew he was lying but he needed to know, dammit! "But I need to know. You owe me that at the very least." Again, no response. She just stared up at him without any emotion.

His temper began to flare again. Yeah, of course she wasn't going to answer him because they both knew it. She _had_ used him! And she now knew that he was aware of it. _Fucking bitch!_ The wolf growled dangerously. "If you don't want to speak to me, then fine. Nod or shake your damn head if that's what it takes. And then I'll let you go."

He would. He would let her go and get as far the fuck away from her as fast as he could. He would grab Renesmee and leave. For good. Seth and Leah could go join Sam's pack in La Push. He didn't give a shit about the protests he knew Leah would make. She would do as she was told, even if that meant he had to use the Alpha command on her ass. Again. His father, his sister, his friends would all be fine without him. He would have Renesmee. That would be enough for him. More than enough.

Jake felt like a crazy man. Bella had driven him to this desperation. He quickly remembered a time when he had left home for weeks until he finally showed up at her wedding. All the tears he had cried over her, all the anger he had felt at her chosen path leading to a stone cold heart in her bloodsucker's arms, all the pain and heartbreak because he loved her and she had loved him. But not enough. He was not enough. He had never been enough. He felt like pulling his hair out and screaming his frustration to the sky. Bella had that effect on him. And she was still driving him fucking insane!

She still hadn't uttered a single word. Jake had had enough. He needed to be away from her. Right. Now. He moved to get up to put on his sweats. He couldn't let her stay naked, a constant reminder of his betrayal being thrown back in his face. "Get up, Bella."

Jake worked to fasten the leather cord he had removed carelessly in the heat of the moment back to his leg, the phone along with it. He readjusted his sweats until they rested comfortably on his hips. He glanced up, seeing Bella had yet to move. She just stared at him, testing his patience.

"Get up, Bella." He waited for her to follow his instructions and when she didn't, he decided to take the matter into his own hands. He moved over to her, taking her arm roughly in his left hand, and hauled her to her feet. "I said. Get. Up." Again she didn't move, only stared. It was like she knew what her bare form was doing to him, torturing him with the remembrance of his own skin moving against hers. He let her go, telling her to get dressed.

He waited a minute, giving her some privacy, turning his back. The truth was he just didn't want to look at her. She was haunting him, his heart, his soul. When he felt he had given her enough time, he turned around only to find that she hadn't moved an inch. His temper flared to new heights at her obvious defiance. "DAMMIT BELLA! I SAID GET DRESSED!" He saw her flinch but then move to find her clothing which had been strewn about.

In the blink of an eye, Bella was half dressed. He saw her look around for her shirt which just happened to be at his feet. He picked it up and held it out to her. She grabbed it roughly and threw it on. He could see her struggling with closing up the torn garment. He chuckled internally at the memory. He wondered just where those buttons had gone flying off to. She knotted the bottom of the shirt as best as she could, which left her chest open and exposed, heavy on the cleavage, the fabric just barely covering her nipples. He had done that. He wanted to laugh out loud at the sight but didn't dare to. Bella needed to know he meant business. And he was far from done yet.

She lifted her head, looking increasingly angry and then sprinting to the areas where her bra and panties laid. She snatched them up and returned to her spot in front of him. She rested her gaze on his, looking up expectantly. And still, she didn't say a word. He could feel the anger rising, the wolf begging to be released to avenge their torment, the heartbreak they would both surely feel later on. But he kept control. He needed to make this clear to Bella. Very clear.

"This never happened, Bella. Understand? I love Renesmee and I'm with her. What happened here tonight meant nothing."

He could see that bothered her. He wondered why. Is it because she hadn't cut their little adventure short herself? That he was the first one to call it for what it was and not her? _So fucking selfish. Typical Bella Cullen._ He would never think of her as Bella Swan ever again. He had loved Bella Swan and she had died in that room the night his imprint had been born. Bella Swan was his Bella. His Bella had never meant to hurt him the way she had. And when she realized she had, she felt bad and tried to keep from doing it again. But he had loved his Bella and she had loved him back. This heartless rock statue in front of him was not his Bella. _This_ Bella was Edward's Bella. A Cullen. A vampire inside and out. And he had to get used to that. Especially after tonight.

He could tell she was about to say something but he broke in before she could. **She** was not running the show here. He was. "I mean it, Bella. I don't want to take her away from her mother because I know she needs you, but one word and I'm taking her away and she won't be coming back."

After being mute for so long, he had finally forced a response out of her. Just not the one he was looking for.

"She is _my_ daughter! Don't you even think to try anything you stupid mutt or I swear I will---"

He couldn't help but snort in amusement. Really? Bella Cullen was threatening him? And playing the bereaved mother card? Really? She certainly hadn't cared for her daughter fifteen minutes ago when she had been begging him to fuck her.

"Funny. You weren't thinking like that earlier. Now all of a sudden you get to play the concerned mother. Forgive me if I don't fucking buy it."

He wanted to laugh. He really did. At her. At himself and his own stupidity. How could he have ever thought she loved him? He wanted to go bang his head on a rock repeatedly, bashing his brains out for what he had done. But, being a werewolf, it would only give him a lasting headache, nothing more. How he hated being one sometimes.

Jake forced his mind back to more serious matters. He needed to let her know how serious he was. He moved cautiously over to her, until he was face to face with the woman that had just shattered his heart for the umpteenth time, this time destroying it completely. "I mean it, Bella. One word."

She didn't move and she didn't look like she was taking him seriously. He got closer. "And trust me, I'll know." He could see pure unadulterated hatred in her eyes. _Good. Makes us even._ He raised his head to look down on her. "One. Word."

There they stood, frozen in their confrontation, neither willing to be the first to move, to speak. What they were waiting for, Jake didn't know. He just wanted to get away from her. So why couldn't he get his feet to listen to him?

The ringtone on his phone blaring into the silence captured his attention. He moved away from Bella, picking up his phone as he went.

"Yeah?"

"Hey Jake, listen, we're on our way back to drop Nessie off. She got a little upset and wanted to go home."

He felt his heart squeeze in pain. Why would she be upset? And what could make her so upset that she would want to leave early and come home? He needed to talk to her, make sure she was okay. Bella Cullen was all but forgotten at the moment.

"Let me speak to her, Seth."

"Sure thing." He waited as Seth handed the phone off. Only when he heard her sweet voice on the line did he feel like sighing in relief. "Jacob?"

But something didn't sound right. Her voice was different. It sounded almost....pained. What the hell had happened?

"Yeah, honey, it's me." Again, it didn't feel right when he called her that. Why? Well, he didn't have time to ponder that right now. "Are you okay? Seth told me you were upset. What happened?"

"I just...." What? What happened? He was starting to get worried. She always told him everything.

"What baby, you just what?"

"I just missed you." The heavy sigh that came across the line told him there was more to it. Much more. He wanted to press her for answers but decided that maybe reassurance was needed instead. "Oh honey, I missed you, too. But you could have stayed with Charlie and Sue a little longer. And then I would've seen you right after."

"No. No, I couldn't." Jake felt a chill crawl up his spine despite his high temperature. She had whispered it to him, almost as if she was ashamed. Why? What was wrong with his Nessie? He was definitely worried now.

"What do you mean, Nessie?"

"I---I had----"

His patience grew thin. He had to know what was wrong. It was killing him. "You what, Ness?" He didn't mean to be forceful with her but she was scaring him. He had never heard her like this before. She wasn't one to be down usually. She sounded like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, like she had experienced all the agony life had to offer. All in the defeated tone of her voice. Nothing scared Jacob. He was a werewolf and a strong one at that, Alpha of his small pack. He had faced vampires, an army of newborns. He had willingly thrown himself at the very things that "go bump in the night", fearlessly. Nothing scared him. Except this. Whatever it was Ness was hiding, reluctant to tell him. _This_ was terrifying him.

"I had this pain in my heart." Pain? What pain? Did she need to go to a doctor? Why would she be ashamed of telling him that? "About you."

His heart felt like someone was ripping it out with a spoon to place in front of him so he could watch as it was cut to pieces. He could hear his mind trying to deny the facts that were right there staring at him, willing him to accept the truth of them. _No. Not possible._ He managed to whisper to her.

"What do you mean?"

"I felt like you didn't love me anymore. That you were gone. Not completely but like you had....gone missing. I don't know how to explain it but it hurt. Really bad. And I didn't mean to but I started to cry. Grandpa got worried and he and Sue tried to comfort me but I just wanted to come home. To see you. To make sure----that----you were still----there." The pain he had felt before intensified. He turned around, feeling his head spin, trying to make some sense out of everything. No matter how crazy he was feeling at the moment, Ness needed to be consoled. He needed to reassure he would never leave. It just wasn't possible. He loved her. Didn't she know that?

He couldn't raise his voice above a whisper still. "Honey, of course I would still be here. You know that."

"I know. I just....the empty feeling, the pain, wouldn't go away. Well, not until a little while ago, anyway." Jake straightened as if someone had slapped him. This couldn't be happening. He heard his brain repeating the same thought track over and over, trying to convince itself. _Not possible._

"Ness, when did the pain start?"

"Um, I'm not sure...."

He was about to beg, to plead with her to tell him the truth. He needed to know. But before he could start, he heard Seth's voice in the background. "Tell him it was after you talked to him the first time. Like twenty minutes or something later. That's when you started to look upset."

He had never been more thankful for Seth. He _had_ been watching out for her like Jake had asked. He felt so grateful he might just hug Seth when he saw him next. But the relief was short-lived once he realized what Seth's news now confirmed. He hung his head low in shame.

"And when did the pain start to go away Ness?" He knew the answer but asked anyway.

"Um, I don't know. Maybe in the last ten minutes or so? We left Grandpa's five minutes ago. But even though I started to feel better, I was worried. About you. And I just wanted to get home to see you." She sounded like she was about to cry. He wanted to cry himself. He had hurt her and that knowledge alone was enough to make him try to find that rock he had wished for earlier regardless of the ramifications. He pinched the bridge of his nose, keeping his eyes closed, trembling in pain. He could feel his feet moving but he had no idea where they were taking him. He couldn't find it in him to care at this moment. He just hoped they brought him closer to Renesmee. He wanted nothing more than to see her right now and hold her close to him. Never letting her go again.

"Okay, honey, listen to me. You got about another ten minutes or so before you get to the house. I'm gonna meet you there. Just take a deep breath, relax and you'll be home before you know it. I'll be there, Ness. I promise. I love you." He felt a little awkward speaking the words considering he had said them, never mind cried them to someone else earlier. That someone else who was still here. He could hear her, smell her and he was angry yet again. But he maintained a calm and even tone as he heard Ness speak again.

"I love you, too, Jacob." She sounded better, assured. His heart lifted a little at that but it was far from as light as it should be when talking to his imprint. It was heavily weighed down by other matters.

"Okay honey, I'm gonna phase and run home. I'll see you there." He needed to get off the phone before he lost his temper. Before she could sense the pain in his voice, alerting her to ask the cause, worrying her further, her heart would hurt worse, he knew.

"Okay."

He closed the phone, trying to control his breathing so he wouldn't phase. The wolf would love nothing more than to come out right now and rip Bella Cullen to pieces. Jake was so angry that he considered it but then he remembered Renesmee. She had lost her father and he knew that she couldn't afford to lose her mother, too. Especially at his hands. Plus, as pissed as he was at Bella and rightfully so, he knew he would regret it later on. The wolf growled its disappointment at Jake's level-headed thinking. He decided to lash out at her verbally instead.

"You are one cold-hearted bitch."

He saw her turn around to face him. He hadn't noticed her turn away from him in the first place. He had been too wrapped up in his guilt at causing his imprint unnecessary pain. And again she didn't respond. God, how he hated her!

"How could you, Bella? Your own fucking daughter! How could you?" How could she use **him**? He was committed to Renesmee, imprinted on her! Bella knew this! Why couldn't she have used someone else to forget her "pain" if that's what she needed? Travel up to Denali and fuck some disgusting vampire who was willing to touch Edward Cullen's seconds? Or fuck some other goddamn werewolf? There were plenty who hadn't imprinted yet, who were attracted to Bella when she was alive and still even though she was dead? Why? Why him? And why the fuck did it bother him when he thought of her in another wolf's arms? This only fueled his rage more.

But before he could say anything, Bella's voice could be heard filling the space between them. "Last time I checked, Jake, it takes two to tango."

Forget it. All he saw was red. He hadn't even felt the tremors start, but he felt them now. He was literally seconds away from phasing and tearing her apart, all his rational thinking from before out the window. She didn't even fucking care that she had hurt her own daughter! _Unfuckingbelievable!_

"So it's all a fucking game for you, is it?"

That's all it was. One big, dangerous, fucked up game for Bella Cullen. That bitch!

"A game? Really, Jake? Look, I get it. You feel guilty so you want to blame it all on me. But seriously, I'm not playing any game."

Was she kidding? Him? Trying to blame? Her? What? So now she was going to try to make it look like she hadn't fucked him over, literally? That she was being wrongfully martyred? His head was reeling in the confusion but he shook it off. He couldn't be bothered by her fucked up state of mind right now. "No, Bella. I'm not playing. I admit, I made a mistake. And I will pay for it for the rest of my life. But Renesmee doesn't deserve that. Whatever sick history we have, she shouldn't be thrown into it!"

Just the mention of her name rushing past his lips increased the pain he was experiencing. The wolf wanted out! It took everything he had to keep it in a little longer. And then he heard words he wasn't expecting to hear.

"Are you freakin' kidding me, Jake? I would never want to hurt her. Never! But, I love you. And I thought you loved me, too."

She sounded almost....sad. Why? Because he had caught her in the act? Because he had figured out that she was using him? Again? He was nearer to her. He hadn't realized he had been moving closer but he stopped himself now. The tremors were still racking his frame but he kept himself in check. For now.

"You're lying." He couldn't believe that she was still trying to keep up the charade. It wasn't enough that he now knew the truth? It wasn't enough that she had caused her daughter actual heart-shattering pain? What the hell would it take? Honestly, he didn't want to know.

Her now golden eyes flashed up to his as she began to speak. "No. I'm not. I meant every word. I never lied to you, Jake. I do love you." She was moving towards him slowly now. "But now I can see that this is nothing. Compared to what you have with Renesmee. And regardless of what you think Jake, I do love my daughter and I would never want to hurt her. And I did. I hurt her tonight. That was a mistake. One that will never be repeated."

He wanted to believe her. He really did. He wanted to believe the sincerity that her sad regretful tone was trying to convey to him. He wanted---- Oblivious to his reverie, Bella continued. "She loves you and you love her. Go meet her. I'm gonna go hunt for a while, give you two some space." He noticed she looked down at her torn clothing and chuckle. "And get some new clothes." She was trying to soften him, trying to placate him, something. "And if you have to go and take her with you, then I understand. It would hurt but I screwed up tonight so maybe I deserve it." Her head had dropped down to the ground, refusing to meet his eyes as he assessed her words for any truth they might contain. Before he knew it, she had flitted away from him, ready to leave. He didn't say anything. He didn't trust himself to speak. He saw her turn back, looking at him sadly. "And if you decided to stay, that would be okay, too. Whatever you choose."

He didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he should say anything. He had wanted to get away from Bella Cullen. Maybe he should just let her leave. He couldn't understand why but at that very moment, he felt it. He didn't want her to leave. Not now anyway. But he couldn't bring himself to ask her to stay. So instead he let his mind work to convince him of his now evaporating anger and its justification for being there in the first place. _She played you. Big time._

He saw her lower her eyes when he didn't answer. And then she whispered it. So low that he had to strain to catch it.

"I love you."

And then she vanished. Leaving him to the internal battle raging, his mind warring with his heart. Yet again.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He had no idea how long he stood there, focused on the now cold spot where they had lain together, consumating their need, their desire for each other. The ringing of his phone somewhere in the distance slowly pulled him back to reality. Without thinking, he opened it, not looking at the caller ID to see who it was first.

"Yeah?" He heard his voice. He sounded so old, so tired. He definitely needed to get some sleep. Figure this all out tomorrow.

"Jacob?" The tear-filled croak of his Ness snapped him to attention.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He clutched his hand to his chest, right where his heart was trying to beat its way out. Why was she so upset again? Had she been able to feel pain because he had been thinking about _it_? God, this was killing him.

"Nothing. I just---well, I was wondering when you were coming home." He let out a silent sigh of relief. No pain. Thank God. He heard her continue before he had a chance to respond. "Sorry. I-I don't mean to---bother you. I j-just wanted to make sure you were----o-okay." He was caught off guard by her stuttering, something she rarely did, only when she was extremely nervous. Why was she being so careful with him? He knew she had good reason to be if she had known about the earlier events this evening but she didn't. So what was going on?

"Of course I'm okay, sweetie. Why? What's wrong? Something happen?"

No response. His heart started to beat wildly again. "Ness?"

"No. Everything's fine. It's just-----um-----you said you were g-gonna me-meet me h-here at h-home." Again, silence. "And that was over an h-hour ag-ago." He could hear a sob building up in her throat. He smacked his hand to his forehead. How could he be so stupid? Of course! He had promised to meet her at the house over a fucking hour ago! God, he was royally fucking up everywhere he went tonight! He wished he could kick his own ass for his stupidity and for again hurting Ness unnecessarily.

"Honey," it burned his tongue. Why? "I'm so so sorry. I got completely sidetracked. I'm so sorry. I'm coming home right now."

He heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end followed by a hurt whisper. "Sidetracked?"

He smacked his forehead again. _Way to go, Jake! Just keep fucking up._ "Yeah, sweetie. I came across a trail and I had to check it out." He winced at the bold-faced lie. He hated being dishonest with her. He hated himself.

"Oh." That's all she said.

"Yeah, but everything's fine. Just someone passing through. Nothing to worry about." He needed to find that rock and just bash his head in already.

"Oh. Okay." She sounded better, calmer. He was relieved. He hated it when she was upset. He could've literally fell to his knees and smacked his head to the ground repeatedly, hard, for the next words that came flying out of his mouth.

"Is your mother there with you?" Why the fuck had he asked that? He bit his knuckles to keep from screaming at himself, causing Ness further concern. He didn't know why but the silence following his innocent-sounding question ticked slowly by, almost making his heart stop. Yeah, he definitely needed to inflict some sort of injury to his head so his brain could start working properly.

"No. Just Seth. Why?"

_Why? 'Cause I am just one big fucking idiot, that's why, baby. Because I love pain, causing it, drowning in it. Pain. Pain. Pain. That's my drug of choice._ He then realized he hadn't yet answered her.

"No reason, honey. Just wanted to make sure you weren't alone." More lies. His tongue was on fire. He wanted to shove burning embers under his fingernails at the thought that he hadn't even considered Ness' safety before wondering where Bella was. What the hell was wrong with him? "Listen, Ness. I'm phasing right this second and I'm running home. I'll be there soon, okay?" He had to get off the phone before any more treacherous lies found their way out of his mouth.

"Okay." And just as he was about to hang up, he heard her raise her voice, trying to get his attention. "Jacob!"

"Yes, honey? What?" His heart had stopped again at her yelling for him.

"I l-love you." He shut his eyes in pain. She really did deserve someone better. He wasn't good enough for her. He hated himself, if it were possible, even more.

"I love you, too, sweetheart." He wanted to say something. Anything to make this pain go away, his and hers. But he didn't know what could ever erase that. After a minute of silence, he took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll see you soon."

"See you soon." He closed the phone gently and then brought his hand up to his eyes, covering them in frustration. What the hell was he doing? He needed to get his head on straight and do it quick. Before he got to the house. He looked down at the spot one more time then glanced towards the direction Bella had disappeared in. How he wished he could turn back the hands of time and set everything right again.

He couldn't help but wonder where Bella had gone off to. She wouldn't hunt twice in one day. And it was clear she had fed before catching up with him, the bright gold of her irises giving her away. He knew her real reason was to give him some space, some time. But that didn't help his curiosity. He wished he knew where she was, what she was doing, _who_ she was with. She had had such a sad look on her face right before she vanished into the night air. At the time, he was convinced that it was because he had caught her red-handed, using him, again. But now that his anger had subsided some, he replayed that look over and over in his mind. And now he wondered what the real reason for her sadness was. Is it because she _did_ love him? If so, then why didn't she just tell him when he had asked her? Why didn't she plead with him to believe her, force him even to see that she loved him just as much as he loved her? Why hadn't she spoken when he had begged for the truth? Why had she given in so easily, agreeing with him that it had meant nothing? He had tried to convince himself it had, meant nothing, but his heart really knew the honest answer. It had meant _something_. So why, if she loved him, why did she so readily agree?

He shook his head and sighed heavily, pulling off his sweats and securing them within the coils of the cord on his leg, along with the phone. As he allowed the heat in his spine to spread and he felt himself shift, Bella's sad face entered his mind again. Followed by Renesmee's. Wherever Bella was, he hoped she was okay.

He pushed himself to run faster towards home. He couldn't help but wish again that he could turn back the hands of time and set everything right. But whether it was to set everything right with Ness or Bella, he wasn't completely sure.


	12. Damn Their Lies (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

True to her word, Bella had not come home. And it couldn't have made Jake feel worse. He knew he had asked for this, that he deserved it. He knew that this was the right thing to do. Every time he thought of Ness' smile, every time he remembered the warm chocolate eyes, he knew this was necessary.

The pain of his betrayal had increased ten fold once he had returned to the Cullen household. The closer he got to the door, the more he could sense Ness' distress. But before he had a chance to bound up the steps, burst through the door and take her into his arms, reassuring her of his love for her, Seth stepped into his path.

Impatiently, Jake waited for Seth to speak. But when he didn't, only stared, Jake made an indication to sidestep him to get into the house. "Seth." He politely nodded as he began to move past him.

He stopped only when he felt Seth's hand snake upwards and press into his chest, pushing him back into the position he had just occupied a second ago. Back in front of Seth.

Jacob looked at him questioningly, expecting an explanation. Seth's dark eyes stared into him, almost making him feel uncomfortable. What was this about?

"Seth?"

Still no answer. Jake sighed, clearly annoyed with the obstacle in his path to get to Renesmee. He was losing his patience and fast.

"Seth! Listen, if you have something to say then spit it out. Otherwise----"

"Why do you smell like Bella?"

Okay, Jake was not expecting that one. And then it hit him. _Shit._ He had completely forgotten that their scents would be all over each other. And of course, Seth, a werewolf, would pick it up. _Dammit!_

"What?" Disbelief colored his tone.

"Her scent is all over you." _Shit._

Jake's eyes flashed quickly towards the house, within his reach, praying that Renesmee couldn't hear them. And then he turned his attention back to Seth. He leaned forward a little, speaking quietly as he went.

"Listen, Seth. I ran into Bella while I was on patrol and she was upset. About Edward, you know. She needed me to hold her and I did." He swallowed and he knew Seth could hear it but he continued anyway. His tongue was burning again. "Once the sobs stopped, she just up and left. I don't know where she went but I don't want to worry Renesmee, okay?"

Seth didn't look like he was buying it. He didn't say a word, just stared at Jake, almost as if he were trying to figure out what his alpha was hiding from him through his eyes. Jake couldn't help but shift a little uncomfortably under the younger wolf's intense scrutiny. But he held his eyes fast, willing Seth to just go with it.

"It sounds like she's had a tough enough night already. Wouldn't you agree?"

Seth cocked his head to the left. He was trying to figure out what was going on in Jake's head. Jake decided he had enough. He cleared his throat and pulled himself up to his full height, completely dwarfing the kid in front of him. "Listen, Seth, I want to go see Renesmee. Make sure she's alright. So unless there's something else...."

Seth stayed still for a minute, just staring. Then he shook his head slightly but his eyes were still locked onto Jake's. "Nah, man. We're good." And he moved slightly to the left, making way for Jake to slip past him and bound up the steps and into the house. He was thankful that Leah hadn't been there. He knew that she would know with one look at him. She was keenly observant that way. Plus with Bella's scent all over him, she would definitely know what they had been up to earlier. He was pretty sure that Seth had already caught on and if not, then he was dangerously close. But he'd worry about that later. Right now, he had more important things on his mind.

Jacob hoped he wouldn't have to lie anymore tonight. He wasn't sure he had it left in him after the toll this whole evening had taken on him. Right now he just wanted to make sure Ness was okay and then drift off into a peaceful and, hopefully, dreamless sleep. As soon as the door opened, he could smell Nessie's anxiety. She was really worried.

Before he could move away from the closed door to search for her, she came running in, shrieking.

"Jacob?!!?"

Ness looked so worried. Her face was a little paler than usual and her eyes were red and puffy. Jake felt the pain in his chest as he realized she had recently been crying. He was about to answer her when she ran and jumped into his arms. She held him close, tightly to her as she choked the breath out of him. She wasn't quite as strong as her vampire family but she wasn't exactly light as a feather either. She buried her face into his neck, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Then she began to cry. Jake's heart twisted painfully. She _had_ been worried.

"Ness." She didn't respond, just began continued to sob.

He held onto her and made his way into the living room and towards the couch. He sat both of them down and tried to comfort her. He loosened her arms a little so he could get some air and she started to sob harder. "Honey, it's okay. I just need----to breathe." He chuckled lightly. The sobs didn't end and he felt horrible. "Shhh, it's okay. It's okay. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Shhh. It's okay." He began to rub her back slowly, trying to soothe her. He didn't know what else to do so he just held her as she cried.

Once her sobs began to quiet down to recurring sniffles, he brought one of his hands up to her long curls. He stroked her hair as she calmed down. Ness slowly lifted her head from its spot in the crook of his neck and meekly looked up at him. "There. Better?" He flashed her his smile in reassurance. As he looked at her, he took in her puffy watery eyes. The red rims around them almost like a permanent stain. He gazed into the glistening chocolate, remembering once upon a time how often he had done the same with the previous owner of those eyes. **Her** eyes. And he couldn't have stopped it if he tried. It was in his brain, twisting and weaving its way inside, begging for attention until it took hold. _Bella always looked so beautiful when she cried._ And there it was. He wanted to kick himself.

Here he was holding his imprint, a girl who clearly loved him, upset and crying because she did and he was thinking of someone else. He was disgusted with himself. He shook his head lightly as if to clear away the venomous thought and slowly brought his hand up to Ness' face, gently wiping away the tears. He gave her his smile again and allowed his other hand to softly grasp the back of her neck, pulling her to him until their foreheads rested against each other. "You okay?" he whispered.

Ness sniffled and nodded timidly. Jake raised his head and brought her forehead to his lips, kissing her lightly before he winded his arms around her, pulling her into him. He hated the thought that he had caused her pain. He didn't want her to be in pain. He would do everything in his power to make sure that never happened again. He did love her. Even if half of his heart was crying out for someone else.

He didn't let that train of thought get far. He whispered into Ness' ear. "Come on. Let's go upstairs." He felt her shiver and he grinned. He stood up, with Ness still wrapped around him and made his way up to her room, holding onto her tightly. Once there, he unclasped her hands around his neck and unwinded her legs from his waist and sat her on the bed. He gestured for her to move up towards the head of the bed and she did. He pulled back the covers a bit in open invitation. "Come on. Get in." Again she did as she was told. He tucked the sheet lightly around her and laid down next to her, on top of the covers of course. Ness moved and rested her head on his shoulder. He gently wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in closer. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to rest in the blissful peace of the moment, pushing all other thoughts from his mind.

He was just starting to drift off when he felt her fingers brushing lightly against his lips. And then he felt her lips on his. The kiss started out slowly, gently and then it became one of urgency, one of need. He could hardly believe his Ness was kissing him like this. They had always shared beautiful passionate kisses before but never ones filled with so much yearning, so much desperation before. And then he knew the depth of her pain. How much she had been hurting and still was. And it burned him. He had done that to her.

He felt her tongue swipe against his top lip, clearly demanding entrance and he granted it. Once he did, Ness tilted her head to the side to deepen the kiss. That's when he felt her move and sit up to straddle him. What had started out as an innocent kiss was now turning into something different entirely. Her hands were on his chest, rubbing up and down and she was moving. Her hips were slowly moving up and down causing that all too familiar reaction in him. He was sure she could feel it by now.

Jake was taken aback at this new Renesmee. Whenever they had been intimate before, he had always been the one to push. Never more than she was ready for of course, but he had always been the aggressor, the instigator. Now it seemed Ness was all too happy to take on that role for tonight. He didn't mean to, it was purely on instinct but he grabbed her hips and started to thrust her downwards onto his covered erection. Hard.

She tore her mouth away and moaned, biting her lip and closing her eyes, raising her head to the ceiling while Jake began to assault her neck with heated kisses, continuing his movements. His hands roamed all over her, massaging, rubbing, caressing whatever skin he could find. He felt her fingers locked in his hair, pulling in her state of bliss. And that's when it hit him.

He could smell her arousal clear as day. She wanted him. He didn't think, he couldn't, his mind fogged up with lust. The wolf inside was demanding he take her, his imprint. This is what was meant to be. He growled and turned them around and had her on her back within an instant. He was now on top of her, looking down into her flushed face, her hair splayed out on the pillow behind her. God, she was beautiful. He pounced on her, his lips finding hers roughly, the wolf's insistence playing a much larger role in his need for her now. His hands found their way under her clothing, under her bra and he began to massage her breasts. She moaned into his mouth only driving him crazier and spurring him onward. His right hand now traveled down her fabric-covered abdomen to the hem of her dress. He lifted it up and allowed his fingers to search until they found the destination of that intoxicating scent. He felt her need for him, located right here hotly between her legs, dampening her panties. It made the wolf inside him roar with impatience.

He tore his mouth from hers, leaving her gasping for air as his left hand pushed her bra up over her breasts and he latched onto her left nipple. He needed to distract her long enough so he could allow his hand to do its dirty work. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was shocked that Ness had let him get this far. She never had before. And that's when it hit him. She loved him and she didn't want to lose him. He knew he shouldn't continue, that they were doing this for the wrong reason but the wolf demanded he continue. He was so close, no point in stopping now. His hand pulled her panties to the side, gently so as not to hurt her, and his fingers struck home. As he suckled her lovingly, he heard her moans pick up in volume. Those sounds were driving the animal inside him crazy.

She was already wet. He palmed her mound softly until he felt Ness thrusting upwards to meet his hand, increasing the friction between them. He knew where to touch her now. He wanted to make her feel good, forget everything from tonight. He let two of his fingers find that spot that Bella had showed him earlier and-----

His tongue froze and his eyes popped open, his fingers completely still right above their destination. No, no, no. No, he wouldn't do this. He would not allow Bella or the memory of her "instruction" ruin this moment. No.

"Jacob?" He raised his head and looked up at Ness. She was looking down at him inquisitively. And sadly. He noticed the worry in her eyes. He hated seeing it there, knowing he was the cause. He lifted himself slightly to kiss her lips and whispered his apology. "Sorry, honey." Again, it burned his mouth but he didn't allow himself to focus on that. Ness was now taking his lips in hers, kissing him like _that_ all over again. He felt his dick twitch in his pants. Ness was his imprint and she needed him. The wolf growled in frustration at Jacob's hesitation and urged him to get on with it.

He allowed his fingers to move out of their frozen position and seek out their original intended destination but not before he drew them to his mouth, sucking on them, Ness watching him in nervous and breathless anticipation. Once he allowed his lips to reclaim hers and his fingers found what they were looking for, Ness broke away from him and gasped in his ear. That only made the wolf grow hungrier. He began to rub the pink bundle of skin, slowly at first but then picked up pace once Ness' breaths became shallow, faster. She was moaning in his ear, urging him to increase his speed and that he did. Ness was writhing underneath him, her head thrashing side to side, her hips bucking against his hand furiously. How he hadn't come yet was beyond him but he continued lavishing Ness with all the raging love he could. She was beyond control now, her body moving at an unbelievable speed against his, her moans piercing the room, panting, her hands digging into Jake's shoulders. And then just when he was sure he couldn't finish, that he would end up ripping off his pants and take her right there, the wolf mewling in satisfaction for sure, Ness came. Hard. She screamed and her nails dug further into Jacob's flesh, making him wince in painful pleasure as she rode out her orgasm. She was gasping for air and her eyes were half closed as she trembled beneath him.

"Oh, Jacob." Her breathless sigh should have made him feel better, satisfied, happy even. But it didn't. He felt the already too familiar pangs of guilt and shame creeping in. He kept his face buried in the pillow underneath her head, unable to face her just yet.

They stayed like that for a few minutes until he felt her lips planting kisses on his cheek, near his ear and then down onto his neck. "Now, what about you?" He could hear the playfulness in her voice, the joyful anticipation. He wanted to answer her, the wolf growled at him to. To continue this heated moment. But he couldn't get **her** out of his mind. He had lain with her only two hours ago and now here he was, fooling around with her daughter. He knew that what had happened between he and Ness, what was still happening, was the right thing. It felt right and he knew it was. But he couldn't help but think of **her**. He couldn't even risk thinking her name, fearing he might say it accidentally should he lose control of his traitorous thoughts. He really wished he could step outside of himself and give himself a firm shake. What the hell was wrong with him? He had made love to **her** and then pushed her away, thinking of Ness. Now he was with his Ness, about to make love and all he wanted to do was push her away, thinking of **her**. There has to be some sort of pill for this kind of thing.

He hadn't lifted his face from the pillow but he turned his body to the side, pulling Ness into him. Right now he just wanted to hold her. But it seemed that Ness had other plans. He felt her lips on his chest, shyly kissing his skin. Meanwhile, her hand had made its way to his sweats, pushing her way underneath the waistband and meekly wrapped itself around his erection. He groaned as he felt her small hand grasp him more firmly, her thumb brushing against the head, spreading the pre-cum from the tip around. He wanted to stop. Correction. His brain wanted to stop but his body didn't. He truly did but once she slowly moved her hand upward and then back down, he was a goner. She was smiling shyly up at him now that he had turned his head to face her. Her hand repeated its slow motion and his eyes rolled into the back of his head, closing them. Her hand was so warm.

He felt her start to move a little more, still retaining her slow pace but with a little more movement, trying to grab all of him. He couldn't help but moan at the feeling. God, it felt so good. The wolf was growling in satisfaction inside.

Now she was moving a little faster. His breaths picked up, turning into small pants. He started to feel the familiar tightening. The wolf wanted to inhale her scent as she pleasured him, letting it intoxicate his senses. He took a deep breath and he smelled a familiar scent, sure, but not Ness'.

His eyes flipped open and he shot straight up amidst Ness' protests. _Oh shit!_ He turned his head towards the window but he couldn't see anything there. Ness was kissing his neck, trying to continue her loving ministrations below but he gently grabbed her hand and removed it from his erection, out of his pants and back to her side. "No, Ness."

He waited, staring out the window, his heart beating wildly in anticipation. He inhaled deeply. Yep, still there. He tried to listen, to see if he could detect any movement with his supernatural hearing but the only sound that pierced the air was Ness' sob next to him.

He hadn't realized she'd been crying. He turned to face her, getting on his knees and lifting his hand to her face, wiping the tears away. He could see the sting of rejection in her eyes. He silently cursed himself at his thoughtlessness. "Honey, I'm sorry." Ness just looked at him sobbing, her face showing him her pain. Why couldn't he stop hurting her? What was wrong with him?

"It's just----" Jake didn't know what to say. His mind was so conflicted right now. He loved Ness, he did, but he needed to settle this first before they could take it further. He was being unfair to her, disloyal to her even but he needed to patch up the holes in his heart before he could be hers and hers **alone**.

"Honey, we're not ready yet. And I want us to be ready." Again, the lies burned his tongue. He was more than ready and apparently so was Ness. The wolf was snarling at him, pissed beyond all measure but he didn't pay it any attention. Instead he focused on Ness' teary eyes and whispered "I love you," to her. She smiled at that, a small smile but an encouraging one. "I love you, too." He smiled in response and kissed her forehead, rising to his feet as he did so.

"Get some sleep, honey." He began to walk away when Ness grabbed his arm, her nails digging into his arm frantically.

"Where are you going?" He could hear the worry in her voice. He smiled to reassure her.

"I just need to talk to Seth quick. Don't worry, honey. I'm not going anywhere, just downstairs. I promise." He kissed her lips and then her forehead before he turned back around and out the door. He didn't look back to see her expression. He couldn't.

He made his way down the stairs, his mind focused on the confrontation at hand. He was about to cross the living room to open the front door when he heard it come from behind him. _That_ voice. And it stopped him cold.

"Hello, Jacob."

He couldn't believe the nerve she had, standing here all calm, cool and collected as his life was on the fast track to Hell.

He wanted to snap at her, grab her and throw her across the room in his frustration. But for some reason he didn't. _Yet._

He tensed, his fists at his sides tight, his jaw clenched and then turned to face her.

Standing before him was Alice Cullen.


	13. Comes As No Surprise (BPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Bella wasn't exactly sure how long she had laid down in the meadow, heaving endless dry sobs, declaring her pain to the world. But when she lifted her head, surprised that the hole hadn't dragged her under completely, she noticed the faint touches of grey streaking the sky.

A new day was starting. Bella slowly raised her body to her feet, stiffly, and squared her shoulders. Last night everything had come to a head. She had heard _him_ and _he_ had spoken to her once, giving her false hope, then never again. She had told Jacob how she felt about him, speaking nothing but the truth. Then they had made love, _glorious_ love. And afterwards, he had turned on her, making her feel cheap and used. Making her hate herself worse than she already did for betraying her daughter's trust. She shook her head at the broken memory of his empty words to her as they had come together as one in the woods. _"I still love you, Bella." "I love you. I love you so much." "I love you, too." "Belllaa, I love you so fucking much!" "Come on, Bells. You know you love me."_ They circled around in her brain, the pain threatening to take over again, and then she allowed herself to hear those words, the last bullet in the chamber, pulling the trigger. _"I'm yours."_ And just like that, she allowed the pain to surge through her once again, making her feel worse than before.

But this time, she refused to give in. She had made a mistake. She thought Jacob still loved her. But she had been wrong. He had gotten what he wanted, always wanted if she was honest with herself and now he was Renesmee's. It was a mistake. Nothing more. And then that word burned through her. _Nothing._ Again the pain raged. _"What happened here tonight meant nothing."_ She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, the actions merely out of habit than anything else.

She needed to get up and go home. She had to face facts. Edward---still a slight cringe at his name---was gone. He was not coming back. Maybe, just maybe someday she could hear his beautiful voice again like she did last night. But she wasn't sure when that would be, if ever. She had slept with Jacob Black, her daughter's boyfriend. It was the most horrible, heart-wrenching fact she had to face, the worst of unforgivable offenses, but it was true. She had. And a part of her still loved him and would always think of him as _hers_. Even after the way he had treated her last night, like some common whore, she still had a place for him in her heart. But never again would she allow him to make her feel as bad as she did last night. Never. Again.

So if he had chosen to leave with Renesmee, it would be fine and probably for the better. It would hurt, she would miss her daughter terribly but Bella knew in reality it was a fitting punishment for her crimes last night. And she would take it accordingly. And if he hadn't, if they had stayed, well, she would deal with it as well. She just wouldn't be at home as much.

Her family, the Cullens, had spread to the four winds in the wake of Edward's death. She closed her eyes at the thought but then forced them open. _Enough._ Carlisle and Esme were up in Denali. Bella could go visit them there but she honestly had no desire to. Even though Tanya had been gracious enough at their wedding, she had no desire to see the beautiful, tall, slender red-haired vampire. It would just call Edward to mind and bring up all of Bella's old insecurities yet again. Edward had chosen her but she still, to this day, never felt good enough for him. Tanya would have been a better match, she knew that now. And then maybe he would still be alive today, maybe....She stopped the thought right there. Edward had given his life for his daughter and she knew he would do it again without a second thought. If she and Edward had never gotten together, had he chosen Tanya, then Renesmee would never be. And that train of thought was too much to bear. No, things had worked out the way they should. And now she had the most beautiful, kind-hearted daughter because they had.

Bella shook her head once again to rid herself of these kinds of thoughts. That's the thing with a vampire brain, more room for you to think more thoughts simultaneously, allowing more chances for you to get sucked into your thoughts. Especially thoughts like these. Instead, she focused on her other family members.

Rosalie and Emmett. How much she missed Emmett's booming infectious laugh. She missed her brother dearly. Rosalie had never warmed up to Bella. True, she had helped Bella when she was carrying Renesmee but afterwards, the only affection she ever bestowed on anyone was the baby or Emmett. The little pieces of conversation that she had caught during her statuesque state had indicated that they had traveled up to Denali as well but then soon broke off from the group, heading elsewhere. Bella wasn't sure they would come back. At least, anytime soon. She sighed heavily. How she could use one of Emmett's big bear hugs right about now.

Alice and Jasper. Alice had been inconsolable after receiving the vision that confirmed all their worst fears. Jasper didn't know what to do as neither did anyone else. So he grabbed her and fled from the Cullen household, never saying goodbye or their intended destination or the time of their return. She wasn't even sure they would come back. How she missed her friend. She wished with everything within her body that Alice would come back to her someday. She truly was feeling the loss of her pixie best friend.

And that left Charlie and Sue. She loved Charlie with all of her heart. She did. She was happy that he had moved on and married Sue. He had someone to take care of him now. But he had begged off on visitations way before that dark day came where his son-in-law permanently disappeared from all of their lives. Once Bella moved to the corner and stayed there, Jacob had had to make that call, telling Charlie that Edward had died in a blast overseas. She heard him scan the news quickly before choosing a suitable headline to add to his alibi. When Charlie pressed for more details, Jacob never wavered and met his chief-of-police authoritative tone with equal steel. "Are you sure you really want to know, Charlie? I thought you were happier being on a strictly need-to-know basis." As predicted, Charlie backed down, meekly asking if there would be a funeral in the coming week. When he was told there wouldn't be one at the request of the Cullen family, he simply asked for Bella to call him. And sure enough, Bella never made that call thanks to her numb state all those weeks. She missed him. She did. But, things had changed over the years. Charlie was invested in his job and settling down in his new life with his wife and stepchildren. Leah lived on her own but always made an appearance at dinner, on the nights she wasn't on patrol. Seth loved living at the house, up in Bella's old room, which had been completely redone of course. He couldn't live in a girl's room, he laughingly told Bella when he and his mother had first moved in. She smiled at the memory. Seth was a good kid. Always had been. She couldn't be happier at the choice of a stepbrother.

Still, her relationship with Charlie was strained. It had started right when she "changed" and grew even more over the years. He never wanted to know more than he needed and that just created more distance between them. Renee had all but disappeared in the last nine years. She had talked to Bella sparsely over time, a phone call here and an e-mail there, but never a visit. It wouldn't be possible for Bella to visit Jacksonville. It just wasn't feasible, too much sun. Yes, Edward had stayed inside that one weekend they had gone to visit Renee and Phil back when she was still in school. But it wouldn't be so easy to pull off with Bella now being the one needing to be out of the sun. Her mother wouldn't accept it, never mind allow it to happen. Plus, she hated the thought of bringing all her worries, all her cares and woes into her mother's sunny life, touching it darkly in any supernatural way. So they had also grown distant over the years, finally dwindling down to Christmas cards and a bi-monthly e-mail if they were lucky. Bella hated it but she accepted it for what it was.

As for her old friends, well, she never saw them. She knew that Angela and Ben had gone away to school and heard through Charlie (which really meant through the townspeople) that they had gotten married and moved to New York. Angela was a big time editor at The New York Times and Ben had become a lawyer, with a 5 year-old son and another on the way. They sounded like they were happy. Mike Newton had stayed in town, taking over Newton's Outfitters from his parents and running the store himself. He had gone to the community college and taken a few courses but ultimately decided that school just wasn't for him. Bella had only seen him out in town a few times after her wedding but afterwards, she barely ever ran into him, much to her relief. He had noticed the change in her features, how pale her skin now was, the sharpness of the planes of her face. She hated the questions so she was more than happy when she stopped seeing him around. Eric had gone away to school somewhere, she had no idea where. She didn't really hear anything about him. Lauren never mattered to Bella so she never asked after her. Tyler was now selling cars up at the Ford dealership in Port Angeles. He had yet to be married. Jessica had not spoken to Bella since her wedding but she heard plenty about the girl who had once called herself Bella's first Forks friend. Jessica had moved down to LA, deciding to give acting a try. Auditions didn't pan out for her as planned, but she was working two jobs and still giving it all she had. Bella hoped she would get what she wanted someday.

Bella shook her head again, this time with more urgency. _Stupid vampire brain._ She hated it when she would get stuck in her thoughts like this. She looked up at the sky once again. Now she could see pink and gold adding their own touches to the lightening sky, amidst the grey. She shook her head one more time and began to head for home.

It wouldn't matter if Jacob was there or not. They had made a mistake last night. _Nothing._ It would **not** happen again. Somehow, she would get through this. She had to. Recalling his words in her head because even if they came from **him** he had spoken the truth. "For _her_. For _him_." And that's who she would go on for. For her. For him. That was all that mattered to her now.

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By the time Bella reached the property surrounding the Cullen home, she knew something was different. Something that made her stop and listen. She couldn't hear anything. Only hearts beating, one fluttering, the other fast but steady and both of their easy breathing. So apparently, Jacob had decided to stay. The night anyway. Not a problem, she would just flit into the house, change and be gone before they could wake. But not before she would kiss her daughter on her soft head one last time.

Bella moved closer to the house, still sensing something was out of place. She wasn't quite sure, but it made her wary, cautiously making her way up the stairs and to the door. And then she knew.

The scent was still there. Fading but still present. No, it couldn't be! Bella burst through the door, calling out, her previous plans of subterfuge forgotten in her present discovery.

"Alice!" She only whisper-screamed it but she knew the other vampire could hear her. "Alice, where are you?"

No response. She looked around, scanning the living room and kitchen with her eyes, finding no sign of her sister-in-law or anyone else for that matter. She tried following her scent, it leading upstairs to hers and Edward's room. She slowly opened the door, half expecting to see Alice sitting there on the bed that proved to be a superfluous addition to the room. But she was mistaken. Still, no Alice.

Bella began to worry. Alice's scent had all but vanished just like the other ones once they had all taken off. This was new, very new, only hours old. She wanted to search the rest of the house, not caring if she woke Jacob and Renesmee now. She had to find Alice. As she passed the dresser, intent on her pursuit, her eyes caught her reflection quickly in the mirror. This stopped her. She had forgotten her bedraggled appearance. The leaves and twigs tangled in her long mahogany hair, the torn shirt barely covering her chest, dirt caked under her fingernails, never mind she knew she still had **his** scent all over her. She wanted nothing more than to dismiss it all and not care, continuing her quest for Alice. But she knew there would be questions. Questions that she would not have easy answers to. Plus, Bella had never been good at lying, in human or vampire form. She didn't want to take the risk. Alice was a smart cookie and she would know, even without her sight. And she would be disgusted as she should. Possibly making her never want to speak to or see Bella ever again. And that, Bella could not have. She couldn't bear to lose the only bit of family she had left, the only family that had come back home to her.

She opened the drawer quickly, pulled out a suitable outfit, flashed into the bathroom down the hall, and jumped in the shower. Normally, she wouldn't need one but she needed to wash away **his** scent. She shampooed her hair, rinsing out the remnants of last night's events as she did, and lathered her body at an inhuman speed. Once she was done, she stepped out of the shower, dried off and dressed as fast as lightning. She towel dried her hair and then threw it and her messy clothes into the hamper. She'd deal with it all later. She flitted downstairs calling out to her sister yet again.

"Alice!"

"She's not here."

Bella whipped around at the sound only to be met with two dark angry eyes. The same eyes from last night. Bella leveled her own glare at him.

"What do you mean she's not here?"

Jacob just smirked and continued to pour himself a glass of orange juice. "I mean, she's not here. She was. Last night. But she and Jasper went out hunting. They'll be back later." He began to gulp down the drink in his hand as Bella stared at him. She reminded herself of the promises she had made to herself that very morning. No. She would not kill him. She wouldn't. But he didn't need to look so smug or act like such an ass.

He finished the juice, placing the glass on the counter in front of him. He looked back over at her, a mocking smile on his lips but the anger in his eyes never leaving. "So...."

Bella didn't say a word, just continued to glare at him. _I will not kill him. I. Will not. Kill him._

His glare met hers with equal ferocity. "So, where'd you go last night?"

Bella wanted to laugh. Why the hell should he care? Hadn't he told her she meant nothing to him only hours ago? Even though she wanted to chuckle at his stupidity, at his split personality disorder that seemed to be showing itself more and more to her each second that passed between them, she didn't.

"Out." That's all he was going to get out of her. She thought he'd press the matter further, ask more questions that he had no right to even assume that he could ask. But instead, he lowered his eyes to the counter and spoke quietly.

"Oh."

Bella wanted to sigh. So here they were, awkward as can be the morning after, far from what they ever were previously. Yeah, last night had definitely been a mistake, never mind his flipping out on her afterwards. This was the way it was going to be apparently. There was no going back to the close friendship they had enjoyed before. Nope. No going back. Ever.

Just when Bella couldn't bear the tension-filled silence between them a moment longer, turning her head, about to walk away, Jacob cleared his throat and spoke up again.

"I--I wondered---where you were."

She stopped short. She couldn't believe this. Just how screwed up was he in the head? She turned around to face him, her mouth open in disbelief. She saw that his eyes were gazing into hers now and she noticed that they had softened a little, looking somewhat pained. She felt the old urge of reaching out to him to comfort him, take him in her arms but she strongly resisted it. She only had to remind herself of how used she had felt that morning. How dirty, how incredibly _wrong_ he had made her feel.

"Why would you care where I was? You were here with Renesmee, weren't you? After all, it was _nothing_ , remember?" Venom had seeped into her tone once "nothing" had come tumbling out of her mouth. She saw him wince for a second and she expected the anger to return but instead she saw something else. Was that....guilt?

He lowered his head in what appeared to be shame. Bella was confused, surely he didn't feel this much guilt on her behalf, did he? Or was he just really regretting what they had done last night? And now finally realized his part in all of it? That she wasn't to blame for it all alone?

"Bells...." His voice sounded full of agony, strained even as it reached her ears. She wanted to scream, he was driving her insane. What was with all the back and forth? Why was he doing this to her? Did he love her or not? Did he use her? Or not? She just wanted the truth! Just like he had last night.

"What?" She hadn't meant to be so curt but she couldn't help herself. He had hurt her and she wasn't going to forget that anytime soon.

At her clipped tone, Jacob slowly lifted his head and looked at her. His eyes were now completely soft, gentle in their meaning. He looked tortured, pained even. He sighed heavily before continuing.

"I'm sorry."

Bella blinked her eyes in habit. Did she really just hear that? Sorry for what? Sorry for what they had done or sorry for the way he had treated her after? She needed clarification.

She tried to soften her tone a little before she spoke again. "For what?" He winced slightly again. Well, she tried.

He made his way around the counter separating them slowly, Bella's eyes watching him the whole time, her body never moving. He didn't stop until he was right in front of her, looking down into her face. Bella wanted to move, to get away from him, to walk away but she found herself frozen to the spot.

He had left about a foot of space in between them. He slowly lifted his hand out to her, fingers spread as if he was begging her to close the gap separating them. And when she didn't move, he sighed again. "I'm sorry. I just thought---" He closed his eyes, it seemed it was taking him a lot of effort, an almost painful one, whatever he was trying to say. She hated to see him in pain but she stood where she was, refusing to budge an inch.

He opened his eyes and rested them on her again, willing her to feel his pain. "Bells. I don't know what I thought. I--I panicked. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?" And as he said this last part, he moved forward, closing the gap, and slowly lifting his outstretched hand to cup her chin. Every instinct, every ounce of reason and sanity within her was screaming for her to move away, to jerk her chin out of his hold and push him back. But she couldn't seem to get herself to listen. He was moving his face closer to hers. "Please." He whispered the words to her lips and stopped his progress, holding his lips right above hers, staring right into her eyes.

Those eyes. They would be her undoing. They were telling her that he still loved her. That last night had not been "nothing". They were begging her to forgive him his outburst, his cruel words. They were saying that she was the reason he had stayed, her and her alone, nothing and no one else. They were beckoning to her, demanding she close the remaining distance between them, willing her to remember last night's passionate exchange. She found herself getting lost in them, her brain completely fogging up, no rational thought getting through at all.

Before she could stop herself, she found that she was lifting her head to meet his, her lips very nearly close to his, feeling his hot breath brushing past them. His eyes began to close in anticipation, his breaths staggering, his heart beat picking up, her eyes closing in response. She felt her top lip gently touch his.

"Jacob!"

Without even thinking about it, Bella had flitted into the living room, far away from Jacob at the shock of Renesmee's voice. She saw his eyes flip open, take in her new location, and silently mutter something to himself, moving his hand to wipe down his face the way he always did when he was stressed. They both scanned the rooms for the owner of the shrill call they had heard seconds ago, half expecting to see her standing in the doorway with hurt and anger on her face at the scene she had just witnessed. Instead, they couldn't find her anywhere until they heard her light steps on the stairs. Bella looked up to see her daughter bounding down the steps towards them. Renesmee's eyes were wide with shock at seeing her mother unexpectedly.

"Hey Mom. When did you get here?"

"Just this morning, sweetie." She plastered a small smile onto her face for her daughter. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jacob drop his head and move back into the kitchen. She was going to have to watch herself, she almost gave into him again and that was dangerous. Neither of them had heard the change in Renesmee's breathing, never mind the movements from upstairs indicating that she was very much awake. Jacob was messing with her head, she needed to stay away from him, that much was clear. She didn't doubt the sincerity of his apology, she had seen it in his eyes, but she swore never to do anything to hurt her daughter again and she meant it. She would not do _this_ again.

"Oh. How was hunting?" She noticed her daughter's cheery smile, her bronze curls framing her face in such a beautiful way, making her look like nothing short of a goddess. Of course, Jacob would want _her_. Not only was she his imprint, she was dead-drop gorgeous, stunning in a way that Bella could never hope to achieve, even in her immortal state. She couldn't blame him for loving her. And she couldn't blame Renesmee for loving him back. She was his soul mate and Jacob certainly was not hard on the eyes himself. He was perfect and so was she and they were perfect together. That thought burned her but she had to accept it. She had had her happiness with Edward. Her daughter had the right to her happiness as well. And so did Jacob.

"Boring like always." Bella rolled her eyes jokingly, making her daughter's smile beam brighter. "How was last night? How was the party?"

She noticed her daughter blush slightly and lower her eyes, not meeting her mother's gaze. "Oh, you know, it was fine. Grandpa and Sue said to say hi." She stammered quickly as moved away from Bella to go into the kitchen. From her peripherals, Bella noticed Jacob lower his head again, eyes to the floor, as he opened the refrigerator door to retrieve the eggs.

Renesmee's breath hitched when she came upon his form in the kitchen. Usually she would have run and jumped into Jacob's arms, smiling as widely as was allowed, Jacob catching her, laughing. But this time, their greeting was very formal, subdued almost. Renesmee caught herself and traveled in the opposite direction to the pantry. "Good morning, Jacob." She spoke so quietly, Bella almost didn't hear her.

Jacob turned around and gave her a small smile before turning back to the eggs now frying in the pan on the stove. "Good morning, Ness." Again, very low that Bella almost didn't catch it. Her eyes wandered back and forth between the two who oddly weren't talking this morning. Her eyes came to rest on Jacob's back, which oddly enough was clothed in a t-shirt she hadn't seen him wear in a while, and watched him as he flipped the eggs in the pan. He seemed....nervous. And that's when she noticed, besides the t-shirt, he had on khaki shorts and.....were those sneakers? What the hell? She hadn't seen him this clothed since.....well since last winter when they had all gone to that Christmas party Sam and Emily had thrown, the one time the Cullens had been allowed over the treaty line since Jacob had been hurt fighting the newborns. Yeah, Sam and Emily wouldn't have cared if the packs' members had arrived half-naked but the citizens of La Push that weren't in on the wolf secret might have started to ask questions. Like, why were all these boys not dressed when it was clearly ice cold temperatures outside and there was snow on the ground? But that had been the last time....and then she forced her eyes to Renesmee. Her daughter was watching Jacob work out of the corner of her eye, blushing still slightly, clearly captivated each time his arm muscles flexed when he moved the pan. _Uh-huh._

This revelation brought on a new wave of pain and it claimed her before she started to mentally chide herself. This was going to happen, she knew it was only a matter of time. Even back when Renesmee had been a little girl, riding on the furry back of the russet wolf as she and Edward looked on, they had known this day would come. It was inevitable. She just didn't expect to be all alone when it did. She didn't expect just how much it would hurt.

She had known something would happen. In the back of her huge mind, she knew. She had heard the pain in her daughter's voice on the phone the night before, she had seen how Jacob had looked agonizingly in pain at the sound of his imprint's. She knew that he would feel guilty for causing her that pain, ashamed of what they had done and that he would do anything to make her feel better. To make it up to her. She knew but she had hoped against hope that it wouldn't be that. Not merely an hour after they had made love themselves, that he had made love to her, professing his undying love to her. How could he?

When she noticed Jacob turn towards Renesmee and give her a small smile and a wink and that his actions made her blush brighter and lower her eyes to the toaster she was working, Bella forced her eyes elsewhere. She was glad she hadn't kissed him. How dare he? The nerve! What, did he expect to have them both? Her one night, her daughter the next? What were they supposed to keep some kind of sick schedule? How she wanted to rip his fucking head off!

Without even realizing it, she was now standing in the very spot she had been frozen in weeks ago, refusing to move, to hunt, to speak, to feel. She wanted to laugh out loud. Here she was, in that corner again, not moving, not wanting to think, staring through the glass out into the open expanse of woods. Except this time, it would be Jacob forcing her here, not Edward. How very full circle. _Oh Edward._ How she missed him.

She didn't have too long to let those thoughts eat away at her, though. She caught the scent and then heard the voice behind her.

"Bella!"

Bella's head whipped around until her eyes found the source of that voice. That voice she knew so well. That voice that was like balm to her cold heart.

"Alice!"

She flashed over to the smaller vampire, jumping into her arms, Alice laughing the whole time. "Alice, how I've missed you!" She squeezed the woman in a death grip, her eyes closed as she took in her scent, the feel of her marble frame, never wanting to let her go. She protested when she felt Alice's arms gently remove her arms from around her neck.

"I can see that."

Alice was still laughing. Bella opened her eyes and gave her sister some room to breathe, figuratively of course. She noticed the sparkling golden color that Alice's eyes now held. Bella felt....warm. She didn't want to lose Alice, ever again.

"Alice, where did you go? Where have you been? What made you decide to come back? Where's Jasper? Did he come home with you? Did anyone else? Have you heard from them at all? Where----"

"Bella! Bella! Bella!" Alice laughed again, clearly overwhelmed at the barrage of questions thrown at her. "All in due time. I'll answer every question you have but in a little bit, okay? First, there's someone I'd like you to meet." Bella stared at her sister puzzled. She glanced back to Jacob and Renesmee as if they might know. She saw Jacob's jaw tighten and he moved to stand in front of her daughter, almost protectively. He looked....unhappy at best. She didn't understand it but she dismissed the thought and turned to face Alice again.

"Okay." She didn't mean for it to come out so timidly but it did. Then she noticed Jasper step into the house behind Alice, followed by someone who looked to not be from around here. She heard another heartbeat, this time almost matching Renesmee's pace. She caught the distinct smell of.....human, but not solidly. This only puzzled Bella further.

He had long dark hair, twisted into a braid down his back, brownish skin, and yellow-tinted dark eyes. He looked absolutely gorgeous. She felt confused, who was this that Alice and Jasper brought home? As she wondered, she noticed the man's eyes raise to meet hers and a warm smile formed on his lips. She didn't know what it was but she could almost swear that this man was staring into her eyes, trying to figure her out or something. She didn't know why she felt like that but she did. Before her thoughts had a chance to take her away on that track, Alice's voice broke in.

"Bella, this is Nahuel."


	14. Comes As No Surprise (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Jake was definitely not at ease with the current situation in the Cullen household. Alice and Jasper were back which on one hand made him sigh with relief. Maybe they would help with the whole Bella situation, get things back to normal, depending on what the "normal" was that Jake wanted. On the other hand, after Alice's greeting to him last night, their return could complicate things even further, making them all blow up in his face. He had never really hated the pixie before. Not until now.

Not only had she brought a stranger into town with her that just happened to thirst for blood like them. Oh no. But now this Nahuel was inside the house, looking over Ness and Bella constantly with way too much interest. Had he known this was the pixie's plans, he would have stopped her little scheme last night.

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Alice had surprised Jacob then, appearing suddenly behind him after he had descended the stairs ever so quietly. He had first smelled her scent upstairs in Ness' bedroom. And thank God he did because he didn't know if he would've been able to stop himself. He wondered just how much the pixie had heard already.

Sure enough, Alice had given him that knowing smile, making him shake with rage.

"Easy, Jacob. Is that any way to greet an old friend?" He hated her trilling voice. He really did.

"Friend?" He scoffed at the dirty word. "Friend, huh? You mean the kind that leaves in the middle of the night, not saying a word to anyone, abandoning their family after their husband and father just died?"

He remembered all too clearly the nights Ness had cried into his shoulder once her father was gone. He remembered the pain even more because it had echoed within his own chest each night. And there was nothing he could do or say to make it better. Just be there and let her cry it out. All those weeks Bella had stood in the "corner", never moving, never saying a word, worrying him beyond belief. That day that he thought he was going to have to make the worst decision that anyone would ever have to face. Oh yeah, he was definitely pissed!

He heard a hiss come from the pixie. "Jacob Black, you have no idea what Jasper and I went through after we lost Edward. So don't you dare stand there and act all holier-than-thou with me!"

He began to shake more. But before he could add a retort, Alice smiled, as if satisfied at his reaction. The smile grew bigger as she took tiny graceful steps toward him. Once she reached him, Alice lowered her head for an instant, inclining her chin towards him, all the while keeping her golden eyes locked on his. And then just as quickly, she raised her head and smiled again. "Besides," she turned around and began to walk back to the spot she had been in earlier. "It seems like you've been quite the shoulder to cry on around here." Jake's eyes narrowed as she turned in her spot, facing him.

"So, Jake....seen Bella lately?"

Jake's eyes widened a little at her words and then he was furious. "No I haven't!" Snarls were escaping his chest in rapid succession. Dammit, why didn't he take a shower when he had the chance?

Alice began to laugh her musical little laugh. How he hated it. "Funny, I thought you had." She glared at him for a second and then began to prance into the kitchen, looking for something, Jake wasn't quite sure what.

"What do you want, Alice?"

"Well, a phone charger for one thing. These Motorolas are such a bitch sometimes. They never last longer than an hour, I swear." She began to open drawers, searching through each and every one until she found what she was looking for. "Ah. And another is never to hear you 'comforting' my niece again. Ever! I could go the rest of eternity without ever coming home to those awful sounds again. God! Imagine, my Nessa with a dog. Ugh." She shook her head and Jacob's tremors got worse. He definitely wasn't that far from phasing.

"That's not what I meant, Alice. Why are you here? Why did you come back all of a sudden?" Dammit, he wanted answers!

"Well," she plugged the little black phone into the charger and then plugged it into the wall. "I'll tell you what. I'll talk to Bella about it when I see her later." She began to prance out the back door but then she stopped short and turned around to face him, staring him dead in the eye. "You sure you don't have any idea where she could be, Jacob?" She wasn't getting a thing out of him, only more anger and possibly teeth to her little marble throat if she didn't stop looking at him like that in the next minute.

"No." He spoke through gritted teeth, hoping she would get the meaning and leave him the hell alone. Alice stayed where she was for a second, still staring. Then she shrugged her shoulders lightly, ending the standoff between them. "Shame. Oh well. If you do see her, let her know that Jas and I are going hunting with a friend and will be back tomorrow." She turned to leave but Jake wasn't about to let that go. "Friend?"

She once again turned to face him. "You really have trouble with that word, don't you, Dog? Yes, friend. I'll bring him with us tomorrow and introduce him. I want him to meet the Cullen family, not the household pet." She gave him one last look and shook her head in disgust. "Uck." Then she turned and began to walk out the back door. "And make sure you finish what you started with my niece _before_ I get back!" She made sure to shout her warning over her shoulder towards him as she left. Jake just shook his head and ran back upstairs.

Before he entered Ness' room, thoughts began to plague him, swirling in his mind. Did Alice know he had been with Bella earlier that night? Is that why she kept asking him about her? If he had seen her? He knew he should've taken a shower as soon as he got home. _Stupid!_ He smacked his fist to his forehead. Well, he had been _preoccupied_. Nothing he could do now.

He made his way into the bedroom to find Ness curled up in the bed, fast asleep. He sighed in relief. She had been through a lot tonight, a definite emotional rollercoaster and he was glad it was at an end. Despite Alice's remarks, he couldn't help but remember what had been happening between he and Ness right before he caught the pixie's scent. He knew it should make him happy, excited, aroused even. But all he felt was shame and guilt. He loved her. He knew he did. But he couldn't get what he and Bella had done earlier that night out of his mind. He wished he could take a hot poker and burn the images from his mind, the feel of her skin, her scent, the sounds she had made filling his ears, how his heart had swelled when she told him she loved him and she was his. But nothing he did could ever take it away. And to be perfectly honest, Jake wasn't sure he really wanted to. He was so damn conflicted. How could he love both women at the same time? Surely he needed some kind of professional help. A special doggie psychiatrist. Alice would laugh at that. He shook his head and chuckled at the thought.

He lifted Ness gently, without waking her and placed her underneath the covers. He brushed a bronze curl out of her face and stared down at her. She was truly beautiful, definitely the best parts of Bella and that bloodsucker together. And she was his. He kissed her forehead and turned the light out. Normally he would have gotten into the bed beside her, on top of the covers of course and held her until he had fallen asleep himself. But this time, after all that had happened tonight, he just didn't feel....right. And so he grabbed a pillow off the bed and laid out on the floor, just like a dog would.

The next thing he remembered was hearing light footsteps approaching the front door. He opened his eyes, wondering if Alice had indeed returned as promised (more like threatened) or if Leah was coming off patrol to report to him. It was first light out. It had to be one or the other. He began to get up and stretch his back. The floor not all that surprisingly hadn't really been all that comfortable. He yawned and was about to stretch his arms over his head when he heard her voice in a quiet whisper. "Alice!" He did a double take. Bella was home? Then he heard her again. "Alice, where are you?" She must've caught the pixie's scent as well. He slowly crept to the door, making sure not to wake Ness, and silently closed it behind him.

He wasn't sure what he was going to say but he needed to see her, talk to her, even if it was only her screaming at him for what an ass he had been last night.

But before he could make it down the hallway, he heard the sounds of the shower start in the bathroom on the other side of the house. Damn, she had thought of it way before he did. Why couldn't he be that smart and have done that very thing when he walked in the door last night? _Oh right, because Bella didn't have a crying girl in her lap when she came home._ He winced at the sarcasm of his thoughts towards Ness. He felt immediately guilty. She wouldn't have been crying at all last night if it hadn't been for him. He just hated the way Seth and Alice had _known_ he had been around Bella. He hated the questions that he didn't have answers to. And he hated that he had told them all lies. He hated himself. He hated that Bella had had it easier than him, dodging the Q  & A without any effort whatsoever.

Amidst this Jake-self-hater's brigade going on in his mind currently, Jake somehow managed to grab new shorts, a t-shirt and shoes from Carlisle and Esme's room (the room he had been using as storage for himself since the others had taken off and the only room that didn't smell the absolute worst) and changed quickly. He bounded down the steps as he heard the shower turn off. Good, he would wait for her downstairs. They needed to talk.

He made his way into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator, grabbing the orange juice and placing it on the counter, followed shortly thereafter by a glass. He had opened the container when he heard the whispered call again.

"Alice!"

She had begun to walk into the kitchen, somehow not facing him. He smiled at the fact that she was walking right towards him and she didn't even know it. For some reason, he kind of liked that she always seemed to find him even when she didn't mean to. "She's not here."

He saw her spin around to face him. He noticed her hair was still wet from the shower, clearly foregoing the blow dryer in a bid to find her little pixie friend. The scent of strawberries cascaded over him and almost knocked him over. God, how he had missed that smell! What was she doing to him? She knew how he loved that smell, damn! She was trying to kill him, that was it! She had to be! There was no other reason for her to smell so deliciously mouthwatering to him. Yeah, that was it. She wanted to kill him.

He had all but forgotten his intended conversation with Bella and was more than content to keep sniffing the air until her angry voice snapped into his thoughts. "What do you mean she's not here?"

He smirked. Ah, his Bella, still angry. How predictable. Well, he could be just as stubborn as she. He poured himself a glass of orange juice before responding to her. "I mean, she's not here. She was. Last night. But she and Jasper went out hunting. They'll be back later." He didn't even look at her, just emptied the glass as fast as he could, trying to give him an extra second to think about what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. Once he placed the glass on the counter, he looked up to find her still glaring at him. He couldn't help but smile. He knew he was being a bit of an ass right now but he couldn't help it. She was just too damn cute when she was angry. Immortality had not changed that.

"So...."

He waited for her to say something and when she didn't he internally winced. He would take anything, her yelling at him, her telling him what an ass he was, anything. But the silence, he hated silence from her, it was way worse than yelling could ever be.

He decided to just ask her what he wanted. Just be direct. "So, where'd you go last night?" He wanted to add _"With who? How long were you there? When did you get home?"_ Even though he knew she had only returned home mere minutes ago, he still wanted to ask. And more importantly, _"With **who**?"_ But he didn't.

She stared at him for a good long minute before answering curtly, "Out."

She wasn't going to elaborate any further and he knew that. He hated it but he knew he should let it go, draw the line right there. After all, he had been the one to chase her away last night, not the other way around. He dropped his gaze to the counter top in front of them and answered her the only way he could think to.

"Oh."

The silence began to fill the room along with tension. He didn't know what to say. He desperately wanted to drop to his knees and beg her forgiveness but at the same time, he wanted to know. Did she really love him? Did she still want him as much as he still wanted her? Did she regret last night now because of what he had said or had she begun to regret it before that? He needed to know the answers to these questions. He just didn't know where to start.

Bella looked pissed. And the more time that passed, the more pissed she looked. He knew she had every right to be but he still hated that her sole reason for being so was him. He cringed at the memory of the words he spoke to her the night before, how cruel he had been. Yeah, he was definitely at risk of losing her. And he couldn't bear the thought. So he cleared his throat and tried to start out gently.

"I--I wondered---where you were."

Okay, not his best but polite, simple, friendly. Not too bad.

Apparently he was wrong. She snapped back at him. "Why would you care where I was? You were here with Renesmee, weren't you? After all, it was _nothing_ remember?" He winced uncontrollably once she said that. Okay, he deserved that. Without realizing it he was sure, Bella had called him out on everything he had done wrong last night within those three questions. Guilt and shame crept back into his mind at the thought of the "time" with Ness. He should've stopped it and he didn't. He was weak. Just like a dog. Just like Alice had said. He hung his head in shame. He felt even more guilt at her throwing his harsh words back in his face. He silently prayed to whatever god that would listen to him at that moment that it had not all been "nothing" to Bella. Because it certainly had not been "nothing" to him.

Now more than ever he had to know. "Bells...." His voice sounded pained. He hadn't meant for it to give him away so easily. He knew he wanted to say something, he just couldn't think how to say it.

"What?" She was definitely not doing him any favors. She was hurt, extremely pissed off and lashing out at him. Truthfully, he deserved it. He knew he did.

He raised his head to look at her, trying to convey the meaning of his next words to her, the truth and depth of them. "I'm sorry."

He saw Bella blink in surprise. Another human habit taught to her by the Cullens for certain. "For what?" She very clearly was not accepting his apology without some sort of explanation.

Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself around the other side of the counter now facing Bella. He reached his hand out to her, leaving his hand open, fingers outstretched, a plea for her understanding and forgiveness. "I'm sorry. I just thought---" He so badly wanted her to lift her hand to his, intertwining their fingers like they used to. He hadn't realized just how much he desired her touch, no matter how icy it was now. He closed his eyes, hoping against hope that she would somehow hear his thoughts and give him what he so desperately wanted. He was an addict now. He had taken a hit and he was hooked. There was no going back. He would always want **her**. Bella was now his drug of choice.

When he didn't feel the familiar touch on his fingertips, the one he craved, he opened his eyes and stared into hers. "Bells. I don't know what I thought." _I fucked up._ "I--I panicked." _I was an ass._ "I'm sorry." _A big one._ "Can you ever forgive me?" _Please say you will. I can't be without you now. I don't know how._ He needed her to forgive him with every fiber of his being. He cupped her chin gently with his outstretched hand, bringing her face closer to his. In all honesty, he was surprised that she hadn't moved away. She had been so angry before but he rejoiced that luck was favoring him now, striking her dumb momentarily so he could show her just how much he needed her.

"Please." He whispered it. He would get down on his knees and beg if she demanded it but right now he was hoping he wouldn't have to move from this position. His lips were poised right above hers, barely an inch apart. He felt a silent thrill rush through him as he noticed her raising her head to meet his. He couldn't help it if he tried. His heart pounded in his ears and he knew he was close to panting. He wanted so badly to kiss her. He closed his eyes and he felt his heart stop as her top lip brushed gently against his.

"Jacob!" _Shit!_

He knew she was gone before he even opened his eyes. Sure enough, she had fled to the living room, looking around wildly for her daughter. For the first time ever, he cursed Ness' timing. And right on cue, he felt the familiar pain in his chest, making his hands tremble once again for his disloyalty to his imprint. Even if only in his thoughts. Followed right by fresh guilt and shame. The cycle that never seemed to end for Jacob.

He heard Ness' footsteps on the staircase as she greeted her mother pleasantly, chatting her up. He couldn't believe he had been stupid enough to not hear her wake, just right above their heads. What if she had heard? Wouldn't that make for a fun scenario? _Yeah, Ness, I'll make you breakfast in just a sec. Just as soon as I'm done kissing your mother. You like 'em overeasy right?_ Yeah, that would work out real well.

He trudged his way back to the refrigerator, grabbing the carton of eggs so he could really start breakfast. As he cracked the shells, releasing the eggs into the pan, he couldn't help but be secretly happy at one thought. Bella had almost kissed him again. It definitely wasn't just _nothing_ to her. He smirked to himself as he flipped the eggs in the pan.

He heard a small gasp as someone entered the kitchen. He knew it was Ness, her heart fluttering at full speed. "Good morning, Jacob." He was a little surprised at the restrained greeting but when he snuck a glance over, he noticed the blush on her cheeks as she made her way to the pantry to grab bread.

They hadn't talked since last night and there was definitely some tension between them. He smiled at her to try to ease some of her shyness. "Good morning, Ness."

Renesmee still hadn't said a word and blushed further as she stood watching him, waiting by the toaster. He tried once more to get some of that color out of her cheeks, the timid expression to soften a bit. He smiled and winked at her. But it had the opposite effect he had been hoping for. Her cheeks were now a bright crimson and she dropped her gaze back down to the toaster.

And Jacob would be a fool if he thought any of this had escaped Bella's notice, the difference in their behavior towards each other. And one quick peek when she wasn't looking confirmed that Bella had indeed noticed. She was no longer facing them. She was now back in **her** corner, the one she had refused to move out of not that long ago, staring out of the glass yet again. Jake's heart sank as he realized that he had hurt her yet again. Hurt her so much that she couldn't bear to look at them any longer. So much that she was back _there_. Again.

He was going to have to talk to her about this. He needed to come clean with her, tell her how he really felt, no more back and forth. He didn't want to hurt Ness, he truly didn't but Bella had a hold on his heart now, too. And this time he couldn't let her go. Not like last time. He wouldn't.

Just when he was considering on asking Ness to finish up breakfast so he could go over to Bella and steer her outside so he could talk to her, he heard that damn annoying voice again.

"Bella!"

And on cue, he saw Bella's head swivel around until she found her sister-in-law.

"Alice!"

Alice's annoying musical laugh began to fill the air again, making Jacob want to stick cotton in his ears just to block out the damn sound as he saw Bella run and jump onto the pixie, her arms embracing her tightly. He smiled a little. He knew Bella had needed her, missed her greatly. And to see the happy expression on Bella's face, he'd take the evil pixie any day.

"Alice, how I've missed you!"

His smile grew wider as he turned to dump the forgotten eggs onto the plates already placed on the counter. He loved to hear her happy.

"I can see that." He heard Alice's laugh cut short by Bella's endless questions. "Alice, where did you go? Where have you been? What made you decide to come back? Where's Jasper? Did he come home with you? Did anyone else? Have you heard from them at all? Where----"

"Bella! Bella! Bella!" Jake turned around and noticed that Alice had somehow weaseled her way out of Bella's death grip. He almost wanted to laugh at the scene he had missed but could see very clearly in his mind. Alice removing Bella's arms from her neck, struggling to push her back just a bit. Well, the pixie wanted to see Bella, here she was, clingy and never willing to let go just as much as ever.

"All in due time. I'll answer every question you have but in a little bit, okay? First, there's someone I'd like you to meet."

Jake tensed. He had forgotten all about the "friend" Alice had mentioned the night previously. He had completely blanked out on getting details from the small vampire so he could be ready and warn Seth and Leah if need be. Not that it would be a regular bloodsucker, he knew they didn't hang around those types but still. His pack was protecting the property, his imprint was in the house, he had a right to know these things. He silently cursed himself for his distracted mind and instinctively moved to stand in front of Ness. He saw Bella turn towards them, looking expectantly as if they knew who Alice was talking about. When she saw that they didn't, she quietly gave her consent. "Okay."

That's when he saw _him_ walk through the door, right behind the blonde-headed vampire. His name always escaped Jake. Jasper or something. But right now, he couldn't be bothered with names. He heard the heartbeat right away, echoing closely to Ness' but stronger. He also caught the scent of something distinctly human but not completely solid. He noticed the dark skin, the long black hair in a braid, the brownish-yellowish eyes.

He didn't like this guy right away. There was something about his gaze, almost predatory in a way as it roamed over Bella and then Ness. Jake moved to completely block Renesmee from the stranger's view. He had an overwhelming desire to move forward, grabbing Bella's arm and drawing her back to stand behind him, next to Ness. But he fought it, knowing that that action would most certainly not be welcomed by the other Cullen family members, never mind Bella herself. So he settled on glaring at the newcomer, conveying the warning in his eyes, impossible to ignore.

Well, it would have been impossible to ignore if the man had been staring at Jake. Instead, his eyes rested on Bella's form again. Alice decided now was the moment for introductions.

"Bella, this is Nahuel."

They all stood silently for a moment, taking in each other. Alice cleared her throat and continued.

"He's a half-vampire." Bella's mouth opened in shock, Nahuel watching her all the while. Jake saw her turn to Alice, whatever expression Jake couldn't see clearly making Alice shift uncomfortably. If he wasn't completely taken aback, he would have enjoyed watching the pixie squirm.

"Just like Nessa."

And then all hell broke loose.


	15. This One World Vision (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Before Jake even had a chance to react to the information Alice had conceded, Bella was in front of him in a flash, crouched defensively, growls emitting from her lips. Bella was....protecting....him? Why?

"Bella! What in the world---" Alice was clearly shocked at this development. She hadn't seen that one coming, that's for sure. Neither did Jake.

He felt a small trembling hand grip the back of his shirt and he turned his head quickly to see the look of pure terror on Ness' face. Of course, Bella had stepped in front of him. He had stepped in front of Ness! How could he have forgotten, even for a second? Bella's ferocious words brought his attention back to the scene before him.

"Alice! How could you? Were you even thinking? Do you not remember the husband I just lost? Did you forget we're supposed to be protecting _her_?" The venom in Bella's tone seeped through the air, causing everyone to stand rigid and wait for Alice's reaction.

They didn't need to wait too long. Alice's own growls could be heard, answering her sister-in-law's as she too leaned forward into the all-too familiar hunting crouch of their kind. Jake knew this was about to get ugly. He needed to get Ness out of here but he couldn't leave Bella. He slowly drew his hand back to Ness' and pried her fingers from his shirt, then relocated his hand to her left hip and gently pushed her back further. He never thought Alice would really hurt Bella or vice versa but he didn't want Ness getting hurt in the fray. She may not have the average strength of a normal human girl, but that didn't mean that he would allow her to be within a danger zone. And by the horrific expression on Alice's face and Bella's rigidity in front of him, her face remaining unseen, this was definitely becoming a danger zone and quickly.

At first, Ness resisted him. She didn't want to be away from him, especially now, but one quick serious scowl from Jacob persuaded her to otherwise and she began to move back in the direction his hand led her. Once satisified with the distance now between them, Ness almost out the door, Jake now tensed, ready to break the two vampires apart if necessary. Well, not before he gave the pixie a well-deserved kick in the stomach, a small smile of satisfaction tugging at his lips. It's not like it would really hurt her and it was giving him a nice warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach. The _dog_ hoped fervently he would have the opportunity.

But just when Jake was beginning to feel good, light-hearted almost, since he couldn't even remember, the blonde-headed bloodsucker had to go and ruin it. He could feel the gentle waves of calmness trying to break against where he and Bella now stood. He couldn't help but start to feel mellow. He glanced over to the vampire, the golden eyes intensifying their focus on Jake, him feeling almost light-headed with the happy waves emitting from Jasper. Oh how he hated that bloodsucker! All Jake could do was glare in return. A small amused smile answered him back.

In the midst of Jake's thoughts of Ness' safety and fighting the sea of calm threatening to now drown him, he had missed the exchange still ocurring between Bella and Alice.

"--you be that stupid?"

"Are you serious, Bella?!!?" Alice's roar was almost deafening. There was no doubt left. The two vampires were within a breath's (figuratively of course) distance of losing their tempers. A flicker of movement out of the corner of Jake's eye caught his attention. The stranger called Nahuel had begun to move forward. Towards Bella. Without even thinking, Jake automatically stepped forward to stand at her side, tremors beginning to roll through his arms. Nahuel didn't fail to notice the defensive action and halted his progress, his eyes cautiously resting on Jake. The tremors slowed but did not stop altogether. Jake made sure his eyes never wavered from Nahuel's.

The calm was now a raging ocean, the waves crashing and breaking against them, as Jasper worked to maintain the emotions of the situation. It only pissed Jake off more ironically. He did not like being controlled like this. He needed to be ready to phase at any second, to protect Bella and Ness from this "stranger". He did not need this Dr. Feelgood 'Let's-have-a-love-in' peace crap invading his mind. He was about to turn and tell the blonde vampire so when Bella beat him to it.

"Jasper! Don't even try that crap with me!"

Jasper smiled sheepishly and Jake could feel the waves ebbing but not completely gone. _That's better._ Bella began to rant at her sister-in-law.

"Edward's gone, Alice! Never coming back! Ever! Get that? He's gone because of the Volturi! He's gone because---" She was cut off when a low growl entered the room. Everyone turned their heads in the direction of the sound. Standing beside Ness was Leah in wolf form, her body clearly tensed at the scene she had stumbled upon in coming to make her report to the Alpha.

Jake noticed Ness' eyes were wide as saucers, clearly horrified, silent tears streaming down her face. He felt the stab of pain in his chest at her pain so evident in her expression. The echo of Bella's words played over and over in his head until it finally registered. He never ever thought he'd think it, never mind actually believe it. But, thank God for Leah. If she hadn't interrupted when she did....

Leah's angry eyes confirmed his suspicions and he felt even more pain at not realizing it sooner, what he had really needed to do to protect Ness, his imprint, and yet hadn't even thought to do. His heart felt heavy inside his chest. Ness stared at him, her wet eyes silently pleading with him. He softened his tone yet stayed firm.

"Leah, get Ness outta here, would you? I need to talk to her mom and Alice for a sec." Leah's massive head swung up and down quickly and then she prodded Ness gently out the door with her big snout. Ness looked like she was about to protest again but one short nod from Jake and she exited out the door, followed by the gray wolf.

He waits a minute as he can hear the retreating light footsteps of his beloved followed by the paws digging into the earth. He turns to face Bella who now wears a shocked expression upon her pale face. She meets Jake's eyes with her own and he sees regret, shame and hurt swimming in them. "I almost...." The whisper is such a slight one, he has to lean forward a little just to hear her, her lips never giving away that a sound was made.

"Yeah." He can't help but speak gently to her. She looks as if she's about to cry, break apart, make that dry sobbing noise only she could make, tugging at his heart strings yet again. He wanted nothing more, right there in that moment, than to take her into his arms, never letting go, but they have an audience. Damn these bloodsuckers! Instead he slowly lifted his hand to her left shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze, a little sample of his smile, the one only for her, appearing on his face. She offers him a little smile in return and moves back to face Alice. Bella was still angry, but clearly less than before Leah's interjection. It appears Alice's anger had lightened some as well, now out of her hunting crouch, Jasper at her side, his hands on her shoulders.

"Alice." Her tone is now calm and even, giving off a deadlier edge than before but nevertheless serious and straight to the point. "You know Edward---" Bella cuts herself off and looks to Jacob. He nods quickly and Bella continues. Ness is far enough away now. Bella stares straight at the pixie, conveying the sincerity and deep meaning with which she now spoke.

"You know Edward sacrificed himself to protect her. You know that. What could possibly have made you think that it would be okay to go around telling people about her? Especially people I have never even heard of, never mind met? Especially when I lost _him_? For God's sake, Alice, what the hell could you have been thinking?"

The pixie glared at Bella, a snarl escaping her as she retorted Bella's accusation. "Of course I know that, Bella, better than anyone. I'm the one who saw it fucking happen!" Jake flinched at Alice's swearing, she was annoying to be sure but he had never heard her use that word before and definitely never towards Bella, hurled at her almost like a rock to the head. But he noticed Bella stayed absolutely still, betraying no emotion or thoughts. She was getting very good at this statue thing. His amused reverie was broken into yet again by the pixie. He had to resist the urge to automatically roll his eyes every time a sound came out of her mouth. Instead he chose to focus on her sneer aimed at Bella as she spoke.

"He was my brother, Bella! And I'm perfectly aware of why _we_ lost him." Jake didn't miss the inflection in her statement and neither did Bella. The pixie continued regardless. "Do you really think I would be stupid enough to put _my niece_ in danger? After what _he_ did for her? Especially since...." Jake noticed the light go out of Alice's topaz eyes. "....it's my...." Her tone got lower and lower with each word, her eyes descending to the ground, her head hanging in shame. "....fault?" Bella's eyes went wide as did Jake's. Jasper's hands squeezed the shoulders they were resting on and for the first time since they had returned, the vampire spoke.

"Alice, we talked about this." A quiet whisper, a gentle reminder of a conversation passed that the rest had not been privy to.

"Jas." Alice lifted her head slowly and looked sideways back at him. "Don't. Just---don't." Jasper's hands squeezed harder but he remained silent, his eyes still trained on his mate's. Another conversation, this one private and unspoken, was happening between the two. Again, another one they weren't privy to. Jake felt almost uncomfortable watching them, like he was intruding or something. He heard Bella's voice break the silence beside him, her tone now softer as she spoke to her best friend.

"Alice." The vampires turned and focused their attention on their family, in truth the only family they really had left. "How can you say that? You know that's not true. You know that the way---" Bella took a breath in the old habit of her human days before she went on. "---Edward planned it, you couldn't see anything until you did. That was not your fault and you know it." Jake noticed her eyes had softened at the words.

"Bella, I wasn't watching for him. Not for _that_ or anything close to that. I should have been. I should have been able to see that something like that might make him....react the way he did. But I didn't. And for that, I'll never be able to forgive myself. Every time I see you and I see that beautiful sweet niece of mine, I'll always know that I failed. I failed him. I failed you. I failed Nessa." The pixie's eyes tightened in pain as she spoke her niece's name. "I failed our family. And it's always going to be because of me." Her head had made its way back down to the position it had been in prior, eyes downcast, hung in shame.

"Oh, Alice." Bella's tone had saddened but she made no move to be closer to the pixie. The silence seemed almost too much to bear until a footstep broke it, the family forgetting that there had been a witness to their little intimate moment. Jake's head swiveled fast towards the sound and growled menacingly. Nahuel had moved even closer to Bella. Again! Jake took a step forward, shielding some of Bella with his body, ready to protect her. Did this guy have some sort of death wish? Nahuel made him feel uneasy, threatened and most of all, alarmed. He was almost surprised when he heard Bella's snarls halfway hidden behind him aimed at the stranger as well. Apparently, Bella didn't feel too comfortable around him either.

Nahuel stopped short again and raised his hands slowly in a surrendering gesture. His voice was quiet and even, his eyes doing their best to convey his sincerity. "I mean you absolutely no harm." Jake's growls and Bella's snarls had lowered but still resounded within both their chests. "I promise. I was only curious to meet this....Renesmee." Jake tightened at the words but kept his stance. "I've heard so much about her. From your sister, of course." He gestured his left hand towards Alice and Jasper who now watched the exchange with neutral interest. Nahuel turned back towards the two in front of him and continued his plea for Bella's understanding. "You see, there aren't many around like me. Like _her_. Out in the world. The only others like me are my half-sisters." Jake did not like where this conversation was going. The new enlightening information did not help to ease any of the tension he felt in his body, it only served to tighten it more.

Oblivious to Jake's stare (or apathetic to it), Nahuel further explained his reason for accompanying the remaining Cullens home. "And when Alice told me that Renesmee lived with her mother, I grew even more curious and just knew I had to meet you both." Jake didn't even like that Nahuel spoke Ness' full name so freely. He wanted nothing more than to rip the stranger's tongue out of his head and shove it back down his throat, choking him. "You see, Bella," Rage flared inside Jake. The tremors grew worse. Jake was pretty sure he was about to phase and he wouldn't be able to stop it. He felt a small hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently, making him all but still with the motion. He glanced back at her briefly and saw the smile again directed at him. She was telling him it was okay as she listened to Nahuel's long-winded (in Jake's opinion anyway) explanation. He nodded his head once shortly and then focused his attention on the man before them once again, never moving from Bella's side.

"My mother didn't survive my birth." Jake felt Bella tense at that moment. Not as in a ready-to-attack tensing but as in a caught-off-guard, prepare-for-the-onslaught tensing. "And neither did the women who gave birth to my sisters. It is a rare thing indeed for a woman to survive such a birth as that." Nahuel shuddered, clearly a dark memory assaulting him at the moment. "My father, Joham---well, let's just say he likes to experiment. As far as we know, we are the only ones of our kind." Jake snuck a glance at Bella. Her eyes had all but turned into liquid pools of topaz, her mouth frozen in a grimace, her mind clearly somewhere in a memory echoing Nahuel's Jake was sure.

"At least we were until I heard about your dear Renesmee." Bella's eyes snapped up at that as Jake's head did towards the stranger. He narrowed his eyes at him. No. He didn't like this Nahuel one bit.

"So you see," Bella moved forward a little, standing completely at Jake's side to face Nahuel fully. "I have good reason to evade this....Volturi, too. If they knew we existed, from what your sister tells me, we'd all be for the worse. Especially Joham." He smirked slightly which only made the urge to rip his head off stronger for Jake. Nahuel seemed to sense Jake's eagerness to do so and quietly sighed while lowering his hands. He looked straight at Bella, willing her to understand his intention.

"I promise you, I mean you no harm. And no one shall know of her existence through me. I swear it." Bella's stance seemed to relax a little and Jake couldn't help but watch her intently. The tremors had eased but it didn't help his discomfort with the interaction he was seeing unfold before him. If anything, it only made it worse. He didn't trust this---well, a bloodsucker's a bloodsucker, half-human or no, beating heart or no---bloodsucker before him and he certainly did not like the way he seemed to be manipulating Bella's thinking. He hoped Bella would be smart about this one.

He heard her heave a sigh and speak clearly. "I'm sorry, Nahuel. It's just that we're **very** protective of her around here." Jake hadn't missed the emphasis placed on "very" and neither had Nahuel, both of them taking in her subtle warning. But to the bloodsucker's credit, he simply nodded his head in agreement.

"I understand. It is to be expected." Bella relaxed even more as did Alice and Jasper who had stayed silent throughout the conversation, choosing to let Nahuel speak for himself. Nahuel moved closer and Jake's tremors started again and he responded by grabbing Bella's arm roughly and pushing her back behind him protectively. He felt Bella's hand once again tighten its grip on his shoulder, demanding his attention. Jake didn't want to tear his eyes away from the intruder but he did anyway. He met Bella's golden ones again and this time she leaned forward, reaching up to whisper in his ear. "It's okay."

Sometimes Jake hated the magic effect she seemed to have on him. Truthfully, always had on him and probably always would until the day he died. Most of the time he had marveled at it, thankful for it in the beginning of his werewolf days so he wouldn't hurt her like Sam had Emily. That fear had always carried within him ever since Sam had let those images slip in order to enforce his reasoning of keeping Bella and Jake separated on Jake's first day on all fours. Well, before he used the Alpha command to enforce it even more. But, Bella had always had that effect, even when she drove him to within an inch of his insanity with her indecisiveness, her back and forth. And then he had considered her ability as a proven fact that they were meant to be together. Even after she had chosen the bloodsucker. Right up until Ness came into the world, grabbing hold of his heart and never letting go.

But now, he hated it. Every instinct he had, as Alpha, as a wolf, as a human interested in self-preservation, was telling him this situation was not going to end well. Somehow he just knew it. He felt threatened and it wasn't just plain old jealousy because the new bloodsucker had been eyeing up his two girls like they were glasses of ice water in a hot dry desert. Something was off. He just didn't know what it was but either way, he wanted to listen to his instincts, he wanted to be rid of this threat that the other two thoughtless bloodsuckers had brought home with them. But again, Bella put him under her spell, calming him, bending and twisting his heart and mind to her will. Sure enough, the tremors ceased and he relaxed. Damn her for doing that to him!

Bella gently removed her hand from his shoulder and stepped out in front of Jake, meeting Nahuel halfway. "Again, I'm sorry."

Nahuel watched Jake and saw that he was tense again. Jake had tightened with every step Bella had taken, feeling less and less at ease the farther she was away from him. It's not like she couldn't handle herself, she could. After all, she was a strong vampire. But, it didn't help to ease Jake's mind. He wanted to protect her from this half-vampire breed. But, she had made it clear she wanted to handle this herself and he would let her. Nahuel nodded his head once slowly. "It's only natural for a mother to want to protect her daughter." His eyes came to rest on Bella once the word "mother" rolled out of his mouth.

Bella shot him a polite smile. "Yes. Well, thank you for your understanding. Welcome to our home." Nahuel smiled warmly at her. "Thank you." Bella stuck out her hand in greeting and Nahuel accepted it. Jake felt the anger rise again in him, the wolf snarling as he realized that Nahuel didn't let it go, his hand lingering on hers longer than was expected or welcome for a friendly handshake.

He inwardly sighed in relief though once he saw Bella gently remove her hand from his, smiling all the while. He had seen that one way too often. She was trying to take the sting out of the rejection of the physical contact. He wanted to laugh and pull her into his arms for a hug. _Same old Bella._ He couldn't do that now but he definitely was going to claim it later.

Nahuel didn't seem bothered by it. As a matter of fact, his smile only increased as he bowed his head reverently towards Bella. Alice skipped over to Bella, grabbing her arm in a sisterly embrace, the heavy confrontation of earlier clearly forgotten. "Nahuel. Jasper." She turned her head in Jake's direction, amusement mixed in with disgust evident on her face. "Jacob." Jake smiled to himself. Freakin' pixie. Oh how he wished he could've gotten that kick in, just once. But somehow, he knew that Bella would mind now and then he'd be in the doghouse. He laughed at the ironic thought. Eventually he caught himself to find Alice glaring at him, Bella looking mildly concerned as if Jacob had completely lost it, Jasper's intensely scrutinizing stare trying to gauge his mood and Nahuel's unchanged expression.

Actually, Nahuel wasn't even looking at Jacob. Or Alice. Or Jasper. Just Bella. His eyes had not moved off her face. Jacob felt all the laughter flowing out of his system at that observation. He narrowed his eyes, his brow furrowed as he watched the "house guest".

Bella's concern turned to confusion as she tried to figure out Jake's angry stare. She followed his eyes up to Nahuel's staring intently back at her. Her confusion turned to discomfort and Jake swore if she could have, she would have been blushing beet red. Alice also seemed to notice Bella's anxiety as did Jasper being the "emotional thermometer" in the room. "So, boys, I would like to steal Bella away for a little while. We have a lot to catch up on." The pixie winked at Bella, making her smile gratefully. Before anyone had a chance to respond, in the blink of an eye, the two girls were gone.

Jake caught their scent, they had gone out the back door and he looked mournfully after them. He wanted to talk to her badly. But he saw that it would have to wait. He knew how much Alice needed her girl time and how much Bella needed Alice. He sighed and turned back to the kitchen. He and Ness had clearly left a mess, breakfast waiting to be finished. As he began to pick up the plates and throw the food out, it hit him. _Ness! Shit!_

With all the excitement, he had completely forgotten about her. He needed to find her and make sure she was okay. He knew she was physically, that Leah would take care of her but he had seen the hurt look in her eyes. Bella had almost spilled the true reason behind Edward's demise today. If Leah hadn't interrupted her.... _Thank God for Leah._ Whoa! Two times in one day. That was just too much for him to stomach. Ness may not have found out the truth but she had been damn close. And the look she gave him told him that she knew she had been close. He sighed heavily again, not even caring when he heard Jasper approach him. He refused to turn around. He didn't want to deal with him or Alice or any other bloodsucker. He just wanted Bella. And....Ness. He just wanted them both to be safe and happy and loved. But at the same time, he didn't want to lose either of them. Why was this so hard? Of all the times he had laughed at Blondie each time her channel surfing had resulted in a whiny soap opera on TV. Now it seemed his life was turning into one.

"Jacob. What's going on here? I sense a lot of sadness and hurt and....angst coming from you. You seem....very....torn....about something."

_You have no freakin' clue, Bloodsucker._ He finally turned to face Jasper and replied as only he could. "Well, thanks, man. You know, for a minute there, I got worried. I mean, my head not being violated by all you vamps on a daily basis? Me actually having some privacy? Me trying to figure out my own thoughts and feelings? Perish the thought." He snorted in typical sarcastic fashion and continued on with the clean-up not caring that the other bloodsucker was watching their exchange with interest. As long as he was nowhere near Bella or Ness, Jacob didn't care much what Nahuel was doing. Unless he was attacking a human of course. But other than that, let him sit there and watch with his creepy stare. He threw the toast in the garbage and put the plates in the sink, grabbing the pan on the way and settling in to wash them.

He felt Jasper's hand on his shoulder and he shirked it off. "Jacob. I think I know what you're so....torn about. And all I can say is it's never easy. It's not supposed to be. But in the end, you have to do what's right." Jacob had been so engrossed with the circular motions the sponge was making on the plate in his hand, trying to tune out the annoying southern accent of the vampire behind him that he barely caught the last statement. But he did. He let the plate clatter into the sink and dropped the sponge, turning the faucet off and gripping his hands on the sink in front of him, holding his weight up. He turned his head to the right to face Jasper who was now at his side.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Jasper." His tone was menacing and deadly. "So, I suggest you shut your mouth and stay the fuck out of it." He stared the vampire down but Jasper didn't flinch, never mind move. He had an amused smirk on his face, his eyes lit up in response but at the same time gleamed with something else. Was that....pity? _Oh fuck no!_ Jake leaned his head in a little closer. "I mean it." His voice was dangerously threatening.

"I meant do what's right for you. I know you love them both. But in the end, you have to do what's right for you. Because it will be better for everyone that way."

Jake straightened up, grabbed the towel, dried his hands and threw the towel back on the counter, walking away towards the back door. Fuck this, he could do the dishes later. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. As usual. Fucking stupid bloodsuckers." He passed a smiling Nahuel, which more and more looked like the Cheshire cat's grin, and bounded down the steps but not without passing a nice glare in the stranger's direction.

Jake needed to get out of there before he phased and made a mistake, breaking the treaty and turning Bella against him and possibly Ness should he kill one of their own, never mind one of their "guests". Plus a beating heart might complicate things. He should really discuss that with Sam and get a clear idea on the rules concerning half-vampire breeds that supposedly didn't exist but were not imprinted upon by the packs but were "guests" of the Cullens on their turf. Yeah, he should definitely get clarification on that.

He hurried to the treeline, barely stopping to strip off his clothes and tie them to the cord around his leg, kicking his shoes off on the way. He'd get them later. Right now, he just needed to see her, talk to her, make sure she was okay. He phased and began following their scents into the woods.

_Jake._ He could hear Leah's voice clear as day in his head.

_Yeah, Leah?_

Everything okay?

Yeah. Everything's fine. It all worked out. Hey, thanks for before. Good thinking.

She shrugged it off as he knew she would. She hated being anywhere in the neighborhood of emotional vulnerability. _No problem. So, what was going on back there? And who's the new freak?_

He laughed at the term. That's exactly what he was, that goddamn bloodsucker, a freak. _Eh, I don't really want to talk about it. But, we're gonna have to be on our guard, this one's only half but still, it's a new bloodsucker in town._

He felt Leah's surprise at the new information. _You mean like Ness? I thought they said that she was the only of her kind._ Through Leah's mind he could see Ness sitting patiently on a boulder, overlooking the sea as the gray wolf turned to look at her. He felt the usual longing for her begin to stir up in his heart. He knew he was wrong, he had betrayed her. He hated himself for it but he had never asked for any of this. That's the one thing he hated with a passion about being a werewolf. You never had a fucking choice! Recruited into a war you didn't choose. Imprinted on your "other half" that destiny picked out for you, having absolutely no choice in the matter. The alpha commands just another thing - no choice. He hated it. But that didn't excuse any of what he had done of course but Jasper had been right although he would never admit it to the leech. Jacob was torn. Leah heard that but mercifully ignored it. Jake was shocked but answered her question.

_Yeah, apparently they were wrong. Either way, I hate to do this but we gotta double patrols. I might have to even ask Sam to help out. We can't ease off until the 'freak' leaves._

Leah agreed wholeheartedly. Her eyes once again rested on Ness' back, echoing once again in Jake's mind. He felt the old familiar pain start up in his chest at their separation. _Jake. Anything you want to talk about?_

Leah had softened somewhat in the years that had passed. She had been happier in Jake's pack than obviously in Sam's and it showed. She and Jake had actually become great friends. He even made her his second-in-command which burned Seth somewhat because he had always idolized Jake and wanted to show off his "mad" werewolf skills. But Seth being Seth, he accepted it without vocal complaint. After all, he loved his sister as much as she loved him. They looked out for each other and that was that. But just because Leah wasn't as bitter anymore didn't mean she couldn't pull out a real nasty retort when she wanted to. She had always been blunt, that was just her way. So quite frankly, Jake had been surprised that she hadn't bitten his head off once she heard the disloyal thoughts in his head. Leah wasn't overfriendly to Ness (she was still half-bloodsucker after all) but she had tolerated her because of how important she was to Jacob. Ness was an imprint and that was an extremely important status in the packs of wolves.

_Jake?_ Fuck! He had completely forgotten she had heard all of that.

_Yeah. Sorry, Leah, I just don't feel like talking right now. Maybe later._

Leah knew something was up but didn't press further. _Okay._

A minute of silence passed as Jake did his damndest to concentrate on the trees flashing past him. Then Leah decided to break it.

_So, you gonna come see your imprint or what? She's been waiting for you._

Jake internally cringed and he hoped to God Leah hadn't caught it. If she had, she didn't think it. He did his best to recover quickly.

_Yeah. Just do me one more favor, Leah. Can you take her to La Push? To my dad's? I'll be there in a bit._

Okay. Going anywhere in particular?

He didn't answer. He didn't want to risk her hearing it. He didn't even want to risk thinking it. It would only cause his chest to sting worse. Leah's eyes crossed over Ness again, letting him see her. _Too late._ The throbbing pain pulsed harder inside his heart. He swallowed hard and began to focus on the trees again, trying to clear the images of her from his head.

_Yeah. But I'll be there real soon._

Once again, Leah didn't push. _Okay._

He saw Leah turn to the treeline to go phase and dress. _And Leah?_

_What?_

_Thanks._ He felt her shrug it off again. Too close. Way too close to that vulnerability again.

_No problem._ And then he felt her phase out.

Now he was completely alone in his head. And what a dangerous place to be. He pushed himself faster until the trees were nothing but green blurs in the landscape, racing by him in his rush to get _there_ as fast as he could.


	16. Hush, It's Okay (BPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Before Bella had a chance to mutter any kind of protest to Alice's tugging her along, she and her sister-in-law, within the blink of an eye, were standing outside the cottage not too far from the Cullens' property. Her cottage. _Their_ cottage. Habitually, Bella gasped at the sight. She hadn't had the courage to come here ever since---well, that day. The day that her husband had been taken from her. She could feel the hole start to burn, the scabs of old pain crumbling and falling into the abyss, making way for new and very fresh waves of immense pain. Involuntarily, in reaction to the surging in her chest, Bella took a few steps backward, her eyes never leaving the sight before her. This was too much. _Way_ too much. This is where they had built _their_ life together. Their _forever_. That word burned like poison in her mind, taunting her with images of what should have been and would never be.

She felt the hole roar, beginning to pull her back under in its familiar desire to possess her very being. Just as she was about to turn and make a run for it, she felt Alice's hand tighten her grip on her own.

"Bella." She looked over at her best friend in response to her soft pleading. Alice, above all, looked concerned and....sympathetic? Bella had no idea why but this annoyed her at the very least. If Alice was so _sympathetic_ to her feelings, then why had she brought Bella here? To the one place that would surely destroy her, consume her with the pain, burning her to a pile of ashes? Why?

Almost as if Alice had inherited the mind reading abilities from her brother upon his death, she answered Bella's questioning thoughts. "Bella. I didn't bring you here to hurt you." Alice's actions seemed to indicate otherwise but again Alice confronted that thought, too.

"Bella, I brought you here because we need to talk." Bella's eyes stared blankly at her sister-in-law, failing to capture the meaning behind the words spoken. Alice tried again ever so gently. "Alone."

Bella still could not grasp the reality that was staring her down. She tried to be present, to take in the words that Alice had said, to try to make sense of it all. But the pain was so great, too great. It traveled out of her chest into her limbs, and up into her mind, down into her toes until it seemed she would faint with the exertion of it. Bella needed to be numb, to focus on something else entirely until she collapsed, sobbing helplessly, as she had that night in the meadow. She winced at the memory. "Okay." She couldn't get her brain to formulate any other words than that. But Alice seemed to accept it as enough for now. She nodded her head slowly and began to walk towards the door, pulling Bella along with her.

Bella dug her heels into the ground beneath them, refusing to budge an inch further, forcing Alice to halt her progress, turning around and looking to see what had caused the holdup. "D-D-Do w-we-e---" Bella's stammering only helped to increase the fear she felt. "----h-have to go ins-s-side?" If she walked through that door, never mind touched the knob or the wooden paneling of it, the pain would crush her. Not killing her of course, but it would take over her body for the rest of eternity, never letting up, never going away, never giving her a moment's rest. She wasn't ready.

"Bella." Alice's golden eyes softened towards her friend as she lifted her hand to cup Bella's cheek and softly stroke the marble skin in reassurance. She spoke quietly as she continued, almost a whisper that Bella could barely hear never mind understand. Her brain was overwhelmed right now. "Yes." Bella cringed and began to pull back, Alice letting go of her hand and gripping her shoulders, locking her in place.

Bella hissed in response. "Alice. I can't. I j-just....can't." She struggled against her sister-in-law's iron grip, not making any progress whatsoever in the fight to get free, relinquishing her body to her fate. The pain was going to possess her, hold her, control her, live in her, no matter what thanks to Alice's steadfast determination to throw Bella to it. No point in fighting it any longer.

"Bella." She refused to look up at Alice, instead choosing to study their feet below. Just because she had surrendered herself to Alice, to the pain, did not mean she was going to be pleasant and understanding about it. Alice, the last person she would have ever expected, was sacrificing her to it all too willingly. That made her the enemy.

"Bella!" She still refused to lift her head. She couldn't bear the betrayal staring back at her from the face that she had once loved so dearly. That she had trusted. Alice's finger brought Bella's chin up forcefully yet gently as Alice forced her stare to hers. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I promise. Trust me."

A glare settled in on Bella's expression directed at Alice. Alice sighed deeply, retracted her finger, removed her other hand from Bella's left shoulder down to her hand and turned them back towards the cottage again. They had quite a bit to go until they were back in front of the small wooden door. Bella had moved back further than she thought. _Dammit! If only I had fought for a few steps more...._ She couldn't allow herself to finish the thought because Alice's free hand was now turning the knob, looking back at Bella in anticipation.

"Come on, Bella. It's time."

Bella could swear she could hear herself gulp as her fear overtook her. Alice swung the door open painfully slow until the inside of the house now stood bared to their sight. Alice took a step inside, Bella following reluctantly soon after. One quick visual sweep of the room before them indicated nothing had been touched, everything was still in its place since that morning. Bella's eyes came to rest upon a small pile of shards in the middle of the kitchen that was branched off from the living room, now a permanent indentation in this little house. Bella didn't know what had happened, she didn't see it coming. She didn't feel Alice losing her grip on her hand or hear Alice screaming for her. All she knew was that she had been right. It had come for her.

The blackness was swirling faster now, growing bigger, encompassing her sight, pulling at her, trying to pull her into itself. Alice's pleas fell on deaf ears. She began to suck in mouthfuls of air as if that would somehow help, keep her from being consumed by this blackness. It didn't even register that Alice's hands were on her, working to coax her out of her painful catatonic state. Bella felt helpless. She wanted to cry out, claw her way back from the darkness, the storm of pain that was so desperately trying to pull her under to a place where she could never crawl out from, she could never be helped.

Just when she was about to give into it, to be fated to live in that darkness for the rest of her existence, she felt fire grab hold of her and pull her back. The black hole roared with anger at losing its victim, trying to pull her in even harder but the fire was too strong. Eventually, it collapsed into itself, retreating. For now. In her ear, she heard a deep husky voice. "Bella."

This immediately brought her back to the present. She blinked her eyes to focus on the scene around her. Alice stood about two feet away from her, a horrified expression upon her face. The cottage had not changed, nothing had been touched. How long had she been under? She felt the fire around her again. Bella looked down and noticed two large russet arms clasped around her, holding her together. Again.

She slowly lifted her head and looked back to find Jake staring down at her, evidently worried. "Bella?"

She stared into his dark eyes for a minute too long. "Jake." A whisper of a plea, a whisper of gratitude, a whisper of longing. He must've understood all the subtle meanings because a slow grin stretched across his face. _That_ smile. Bella found herself smiling in return.

The quiet moment was broken into by a loud clearing of the throat. Bella had forgotten where she was and just who was standing in front of her. She looked up to see Alice's annoyed face staring at her expectantly. "Bella? Are you all better now?"

Bella winced at her sister-in-law's sarcastic tone. She looked back again to see Jake's angry expression directed at Alice. Since she was able to think clearly once more she decided she better act quickly before anything else happened. She slowly stood up and brushed herself off, Jake releasing her in the process as he followed. Had she fallen to the ground when that happened? Well, it shouldn't surprise her in the least. It had happened at the meadow. Why not here, the one place she swore she would never come back to? Her head was starting to hurt with all the thoughts that were running through it, vampire brain or not.

She felt the fiery touch on her hand again, engulfing it in its flames. She turned to look at him. His eyes had softened from before and he looked concerned. "Are you alright, Bells?"

Bella nodded her head. She didn't trust herself to speak just yet. He had saved her. Yet again. She couldn't be more grateful. "Do you want me to stay?" She knew that she had been angry with him just an hour or so ago and rightfully so but now she couldn't help but be happy at his presence. Was there no end to his generosity?

She looked into his warm eyes, willing him to understand as she gently shook her head. She saw pain flash through them for a second before they were replaced with Sam's eyes. How she hated that. Sure enough, he dropped her hand and stared down at the ground. How had she hurt him again? She silently cursed herself for her carelessness.

"Well, dog, now that your services are no longer needed, you can leave." Alice was beyond angry, that much was clear just by the venom that now coated her tone. "Here," she grabbed something off a nearby table, a small rag doll it appeared to be, and threw it past Jake and Bella out the open door. "Go fetch!" Jake's eyes raised to Alice. The tremors had started and were rolling through his arms and up to his shoulders. He was angry! Alice's lips bared over her teeth, a snarl escaping them as she crouched into a defensive position. Bella knew she had to do something and quick before it got any further out of hand.

She rushed in between them and held out her hands. "No! Stop! Both of you! Enough!" She first turned to her friend. "Alice. Relax. I'm going to stay here and talk with you like you asked, okay? But stop being such a major bitch to Jacob already, will you? He's been here, helping us, taking care of us without asking for a single thing in return. So, please. Enough already?" Alice's mouth shut in shock and she narrowed her eyes at Bella. Now, she was the hurt one. _Great. You're just batting a thousand today aren't you, Bella?_ Bella took a few steps closer and gently laid her hand on the smaller vampire's left shoulder. "You know it's true." Alice hung her head down, the floor being the new focus point for her golden eyes. "I still love you, Alice. Stop being such a drama queen!" Bella laughed and Alice raised her head, looking pissed more than ever until she began to laugh, too. "Me? The drama queen? I wasn't the one on the floor seconds ago looking all One-Flew-Over-the-Cuckoo's-Nest! Ha!" Bella internally cringed at the quick memory but forced a smile onto her face. "True." She laughed once again before squeezing Alice's shoulder and then turning towards Jake.

He was watching their interaction with interest, shock still playing around the edges of his eyes at Bella's words. She slowly made her way toward him and raised her hand to him, placing it on his right forearm. "Jake," He stared so intently at her it made her shiver. A vampire with an ice cold body shiver, that's right. Only Jake could do that to her. "I promised Alice she and I would talk on our own. So, that's why you shouldn't stay. Not because of anything else." She slowly enunciated each word, hoping he would understand. Because if she had a choice, she wouldn't let him leave her side. He seemed to understand because he nodded his head and seemed less tense than before. She knew Alice was watching this exchange between them and that she would come to regret it later along with all the questions but right now she just couldn't bring herself to care.

"Jake, do me a favor, go check on Renesmee for me, will you? I'm worried about what I said earlier. Even though Leah stopped me, I still have a feeling that I may have gone too far. Will you do that?" He gave a short nod. She knew he would, her daughter being his imprint and all, she just didn't expect that he would look so pained to do it. She squeezed his forearm in reassurance. "Thanks. I'll see you both later, okay?" He gave a short nod once again and Bella turned to head back in Alice's direction.

But before she could lift her hand, his huge one clamped down on top of hers, holding her there. She turned her head back towards him, wondering what he was doing. She glanced down at their hands and then back up at him again. She felt him squeeze her hand and he lowered his head a bit so they were at eye level with each other. If Bella had had a heart, it would have begun to race and her breathing would have picked up. His proximity was making her nervous. He seemed to know because a slight smirk played upon his face. "I _will_ see you later, Bells." Bella could only incline her head in response. His smirk grew wider as he released her hand, shot a quick glare in Alice's direction, turned and walked out the open door.

Bella was still a little caught off guard at his sudden reaction but she composed herself before turning back to her sister-in-law. She met Alice's eyes which were narrowed in scrutiny at Bella. Bella almost gulped. She felt stronger when Jake had just been here a second ago. Now she felt entirely uncertain and wary of the coming conversation. Alice's eyes lost some of their tightness as she gestured for Bella to sit on the small couch before her. Bella slowly made her way over to it and sat down. Alice joined her and made herself comfortable. Bella waited for her to speak. She didn't want to be the one to start this discussion. Not after what Alice had just witnessed especially.

The silence grew into minutes. Bella squirmed. She hated this. She decided she would start this "talk" off after all. "Alice I---" "Shh!" Bella stared at her sister-in-law in shock. "I can still smell him. Hang on." Then it hit Bella. Alice was waiting for Jake to leave.

A few more minutes passed until Alice turned to Bella. "Okay, I think we're good." Bella waited for Alice to speak again. She tried her best to focus on her friend's features and not the house surrounding them. Alice seemed back to her usual jovial self that Bella had known since that day she had met her at the Cullen household. Her friend once again.

"So, Bella," Alice smiled and Bella noticed a light in her topaz eyes although she couldn't name it at the moment.

"How long have you and the dog been fucking?" Now Bella gulped.


	17. Hush, It's Okay (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Jake had originally intended to work his way towards Sam's. He knew he needed to inform the other Alpha of the Cullen's new houseguest as a courtesy and as he had mentioned to Leah, possible back-up.

He knew he was wrong. He could feel the pain of it in his heart. Ness needed him and he had not gone to her straightaway like he knew he should have. Especially after seeing her in Leah's mind, looking all torn and saddened, tugging on his heart. He was just so damn confused! He was sick of the frustration, the longing, the confusion, the pain, the constant tug of war in his heart between right and wrong. He needed to make a decision already! But it was easier said than done. Ness was his imprint and she would be for the rest of his life. That wasn't something he could just make go away. However the imprint came to be, destiny, the Elders, whatever, they knew what they were doing. There was no way to break an imprint. His heart became heavy at the thought. Heavy because he knew he could never be with Bella and also heavy because of the disloyal wish that he could break away from Ness.

If he wasn't phased and running around in wolf form right now, he'd be pulling his hair out with his hands, screaming in frustration all the while. He was literally half a mile away from Sam's and he increased his speed.

He began to think of Sam and Emily. They were happy together, Emily being Sam's imprint. True, the way they had come together had not ended the best way. Well, for Leah, anyway. He knew Leah had never gotten over Sam. She dated around here and there but no one ever took hold of her heart the way he had. She had never imprinted, none of them entirely sure if she ever would or even could. There had never been a female werewolf before her.

Jake remembered one night he had phased while she had been on patrol around the property of the Cullens. She hadn't known right away that he was present and Jake could see why. She was knee deep in memories of her and Sam. The first time she and Sam met. Their first date, a dinner at a restaurant in Port Angeles he had taken her to, trying to make a good impression on her. The waiter spilling their drinks all over Sam's dark jeans and white button up dress shirt, his hair pulled back into a neat ponytail. How incredibly ridiculous he looked with the wet soda stains all over him, the ice cubes in his hair, the soda dripping down his face, the waitress apologizing profusely as she rushed to grab towels. Sam's cheeks had reddened as Leah laughed her heart out until he finally joined in. Reluctant to end the date due to another's clumsiness, they then went back to La Push and walked along First Beach, hand in hand.

Their first kiss which happened soon after. Her whole world had shifted then and she knew she was forever changed. No one else would ever hold her heart the way he did. Their continuing kisses in the time following, growing more passionate, bolder. The first time she had seen Sam kiss Emily in front of her, making her feel almost like an intruder yet at the same time, even more heartbroken. The first time he had called her the nickname he gave her, Leelee. The first time she heard Sam call Emily "Em". The first time he told her he loved her. Her heart had soared when she heard those three words. The day Sam had moved in with Emily. The day he had asked Leah to marry him and she had accepted. The day he had walked away from her towards Emily, never looking back. The first time he had slept over, holding Leah well into the night without speaking, making sure Harry and Sue didn't hear a thing. The first time she had seen Emily in his arms, her arms. The first time they had made love---Jake had cleared his throat at that point to let her know he was there. The memories immediately ceased but not before one popped out uncontrollably.

The first night Leah had patrol after she had learned to control her phasing, she had run near Sam's house. She didn't know why, she didn't know what she expected or even wanted. She just ran there and she immediately regretted it. When she was at the edge of the yard, she could hear them. He was making the same sounds he had with her, using the same words he had when he had lain with Leah. Her heart stopped, bursting into a thousand pieces inside her chest and she ran until she was far enough away that she couldn't hear the co-mingled cries of passion any longer. Jake pretended not to have heard that. In truth, he felt sorry for Leah. Now he understood why she had been so bitchy under Sam's reign, so vindictive. He now knew why she had a hard time even being near Sam and Emily's house, never mind inside. Leah pretended that Jake hadn't heard anything as well and they continued to discuss patrolling.

He didn't know why her situation was replaying itself in his head at this very moment but it was. He thought again of Ness. And then Bella. He seriously just wanted to scream. Then something inside of him snapped.

He had to see Bella. Right. Now. He skidded to a stop, probably about ten feet from Sam's yard, and changed direction. His feet dug into the ground as he pushed himself faster. He knew that Alice wanted some alone time with Bella but he really couldn't care less what the pixie wanted. She hadn't been here to help with Bella and the mess that _their_ family had left behind. He needed to see Bella and he needed to see her now.

Before he knew it, he was out of La Push and was running through the back woods of Forks. He was close to the Cullens' house already and he came upon their scents. He followed them across the river and to _that_ place. He shook his head. He wasn't so sure if that was such a great idea. Bella hadn't been back to that place since Edward had died. Leave it to the little leech to fuck everything up.

Sure enough, once he reached the tree line bordering the cottage, phased and dressed and reached the open doorway, the sight before him broke his heart. Bella was on the ground, collapsed onto her knees, holding herself together like she had done all those years ago after Edward had left her the first time. He saw Alice's hands on Bella's shoulders, vigorously shaking her, yelling her name, trying to pull her from her catatonic state. Bella made no response, no indication to show that she was even present, never mind that she heard Alice' pleas. He rushed over to her causing the pixie to straighten up and back away. He bent down and embraced her, pulling her to him and held her tightly. He had seen that look on her face before, in the "corner". He would not lose her again.

"Bella."

He whispered into her ear, willing her to hear him and come back to him. "Bells, please, don't do this." Nothing. He gripped her tighter, pulling her back into his chest. He could hear the pixie moving slowly in front of them, no doubt watching every move he made, hearing every word he spoke. He just could not bring himself to care. Bella was the only thing that mattered right now. "Bells, please." Still nothing.

"We need you."

He held her even tighter. " _I_ need you."

He started to feel the familiar lump rise in his throat when again she didn't respond. "Please, Bells." He lowered his face into her hair, her neck and sighed heavily. And then he got angry, real angry. She was not doing this to him again! "Bella." He spoke harshly, trying to jolt her back to reality. Still no response.

He shook her a little and spoke again, this time with more acid lacing his tone. "Bella."

It seemed to have worked because before he knew it, Bella's head had swiveled around until her eyes caught his. She didn't say anything, just stared. He was happy that she had come back from wherever she went, back to him but he was afraid to let her go. "Bella?"

She looked….relieved and….better at his presence. "Jake." He couldn't help but smile, **his** smile, the one that she loved. He saw her smile in return. He'd give anything to have this moment never end.

And sure enough, the evil pixie had to ruin it. She cleared her throat annoyingly loud and then spoke to Bella. "Bella? Are you all better now?" He saw Bella wince at the evident sarcasm. That bitch.

Bella had turned her head back to look at him but he only had eyes for Alice. How he wanted to rip that fucking pixie apart! He felt Bella begin to get up so he let her go unwillingly and proceeded to get up himself. He noticed Bella had grown quiet again and had lifted her hand to her head as if it was hurting her. He grabbed her other hand in his, willing her to look at him and she did. "Are you alright, Bells?"

She nodded in response. She still hadn't spoken since she said his name and he was worried that maybe she wasn't out of the woods just yet. "Do you want me to stay?"

She slowly shook her head and he felt all the breath sucked out of him. He knew that it shouldn't hurt him, that it shouldn't still bother him but it did. He had been here, helping her and he was good enough for that but as soon as bloodsucker came rolling back into town, he was expendable, no longer needed. Didn't make a difference which one of the family it was or one of their friends. Even with Edward gone, she would always pick the damn leeches over him! He let go of her hand and lowered his eyes, trying to control his anger, his hatred for the supernatural beings that had taken everything from him since they had forced their way into Bella Swan's life.

"Well, dog, now that your services are no longer needed, you can leave." How he hated that goddamn pixie! And as if her tone hadn't been insolent enough, she continued her ruthless push to get him out of there, away from **his** Bella. "Here," He saw her reach over to a table near her and pluck a rag doll off of it. It appeared to be one of Ness' old dolls. She then threw it past him out the door. "Go fetch!" Oh he wanted to get something in his teeth and rip it apart alright. It just wasn't the doll.

He had had enough of the damn pixie. He felt the tremors start and then spread throughout his body. He was literally seconds from phasing and ripping the fucking leech apart. He noticed she was ready herself, crouched, her teeth bared, snarling. _Good. Let's do this._

But before he could do anything, Bella rushed in between them with her hands held up as if to keep them apart. "No! Stop! Both of you! Enough!" He had a hard time not listening to that voice. Sure enough, as expected, the tremors slowed until they ceased altogether. He saw Bella turn towards the smaller vampire, pleading with her. "Alice. Relax. I'm going to stay here and talk with you like you asked, okay? But stop being such a major bitch to Jacob already, will you? He's been here, helping us, taking care of us without asking for a single thing in return. So, please. Enough already." He almost laughed at the expression on the pixie's face. She looked hurt and….guilty. But he didn't, partially because he knew it would only serve to piss Bella off further and partially because he was still in shock. Had Bella really stood up for him? To a leech? That she loved? He had a hard time concentrating on any other words coming out of their mouths. He almost pinched himself just to make sure he was still awake. He almost did so until Bella turned to face him.

She placed her hand on his forearm ever so gently. That touch stirred something within him, something he hadn't felt since about an hour ago when she had almost kissed him. She smiled at him innocently as she leaned forward a little to speak. She really didn't have the slightest idea of what she did to him as he felt something else stirring as well. "Jake," He focused on her eyes, not allowing himself to glance once at her lips for they surely would be his undoing and he would embarrass himself. Wouldn't the pixie love that? She'd laugh about it and taunt him for years if she saw him in that condition. And that he could not have. Whatever Bella had to say, he hoped she said it quickly.

He thought he noticed her shiver. That wasn't possible was it? No, it must be a trick his eyes were playing on him. Unless she was feeling it too….uh oh, the tent situation was about to be a problem and the pixie was about to get a full view. _Dammit!_ Mercifully, Bella spoke just then, making him focus on her words instead, all but saving him.

"I promised Alice she and I would talk on our own. So, that's why you shouldn't stay. Not because of anything else." He understood, the enunciation she had provided unnecessary. That made sense. He mentally cursed himself for thinking otherwise earlier. He should've known Bella wasn't trying to be cruel to him. He really needed a good slap. That was twice now in 24 hours that he had accused Bella of something that she obviously wasn't doing. And rather than give her the benefit of the doubt, he just allowed himself to be sucked into the lie, to believe the very worst of her. He looked into her eyes and saw the sincerity in them shining back at him. Yeah, he definitely needed a good slap.

He badly wanted to kiss her. To hold her in his arms again. But he knew the pixie's presence wouldn't allow that to be possible. Oh how he hated that pixie. Seriously, couldn't she and those other leeches have stayed the hell away? Or at least go away for an hour or so and give him and Bella some privacy…he involuntarily chanced a glimpse at her lips, okay make that two hours. Bella spoke, bringing him out of fantasy land.

"Jake, do me a favor, go check on Renesmee for me, will you? I'm worried about what I said earlier. Even though Leah stopped me, I still have a feeling that I may have gone too far. Will you do that?" He was surprised at her request. She could have simply asked him to leave but she had been thoughtful and considerate of her daughter's feelings. Whereas, he thought guiltily, he had not. In truth, Renesmee had not once entered his mind since he had arrived at the cottage. His heart hurt at the thought. He nodded in response and he felt Bella squeeze his arm. He looked up at her, losing himself in her eyes once more. "Thanks. I'll see you both later, okay?"

He felt the familiar stirring starting up again. He had to get out of there. But not before he responded to her.

She started to turn away from him to head back towards the pixie when he clasped his hand on top of hers which was, funnily enough, still on his arm. He clamped down willing her to look back at him and that she did. He saw her look down at their hands and he squeezed in order to get her full undivided attention. He began to lower his head a little, noticing Bella's wide-eyed expression of fear and uncertainty playing out on her face. He couldn't help but grin at her. "I _will_ see you later, Bells." He hoped she got his meaning and it appeared she did because she only moved her head up and down once as an answer. His let go of her hand, his grin so huge his cheeks were hurting, turned and left the cottage. Not before he shot a death glare in the pixie's direction, though.

Once he reached the trees, he stripped and phased. He knew he should honor Bella's request, after all, Ness was his imprint and she _did_ need him. But he couldn't help but be curious as to why the pixie needed to talk to Bella alone. He was pretty sure that Alice knew all of what they had been up to in the last 24 hours or so. She had made that much clear by her reaction to Bella's scent being all over him last night. And now that little scenario that had just occurred in front of her must have given her more ammunition to be suspicious, if not confirmed it for her. Plus, Jasper's reaction implied that he and Alice knew more than they were willing to let on. He didn't know how but they just knew.

He waited, trying his best to be stealthy and quiet, willing his heart beat to slow as much as possible. He knew Alice couldn't see anything he was planning due to his werewolf status and he did his best to stay downwind. But, luck was not on his side in this matter apparently.

He heard Bella start to speak. "Alice, I---" She was cut off by a loud "Shh!" Silence for another minute when Alice spoke again. "I can still smell him. Hang on." Goddamn pixie! He knew he wasn't going to be able to hear anything no matter what he tried. He gave up and decided to head for La Push.

As he began to head in that direction, he heard Alice's voice slowly dying away with each bit of distance he put between them. "Okay, I think we're good. So, Bella," And with that, he couldn't hear them any longer. Freakin' pixie! How he hated her!

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jake reached Sam's in record time, faster than when he had first traveled here minutes ago. He phased at the tree line, throwing on his shorts and making his way through the yard, up the back steps, and knocking on the back door.

He waited a minute or two before the door slowly opened revealing a disheveled looking Emily. Her hair was all out of place, unraveling from her braid, smears of flour and dough were on her face, her apron covered in even bigger stains of the mess. If her appearance was any indication as to the state of the kitchen, he had no desire to see it.

"So, Em, who won? You or the flour?" Emily rolled her eyes in annoyance at his teasing. "Is there something you needed, Jacob?"

Jake chuckled quietly but then got straight to the point. "Yeah, is Sam here?"

Emily began to wipe her hands on the apron, not realizing that she was just making her hands even dirtier. "No. He's out patrolling with Paul. He won't be back for another hour or so."

"Oh." He wasn't counting on that. Why hadn't he heard Sam when he phased? Well, he couldn't focus on that now. He'd have to find him and talk to him. "Okay, I'll find him. Thanks, Em." He turned to make his way back down the steps and did descend down a few when Emily called out to him.

"Jacob!" He turned to face her, looking at her questioningly. "Yeah?"

"Listen, I just made some food. Are you hungry?"

He arched an eyebrow while staring at her apron. She laughed at his response. "No, not this. I actually cooked while I was baking so that's why it looks like World War III on this thing." He stared back at the woods. He really did need to talk to Sam….

"Please. I haven't seen you in a while and I would really appreciate the company." He stared back at her, thinking to himself. Sam or food? Sam could wait....

He bounded back up the steps he had just come down and passed Emily as she opened the door wider for him, laughing at his predictability. Nothing and no one could ever pull Jacob from his food. That was a whole love affair entirely of its own.


	18. The Sea's Evaporated (BPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Bella stared at Alice in shock. Had she really just asked her that? Again it's as if Alice read her mind.

"Oh come on, Bella. It's quite obvious something's going on between you two." Bella swallowed. She wasn't sure just how to answer that. She looked away, unable to meet her sister-in-law's expectant stare any longer.

She felt Alice grab her hand and squeeze it reassuringly but still refused to look up at her. "Bella, tell me what's going on. I come back and you and the dog seemed to have gotten awfully chummy while he's also getting 'closer' to my niece." She heard Alice speak through gritted teeth. Bella's eyes closed. So it was true. He had slept with Renesmee, too. She wanted to throw herself on the couch and cry. If only she could.

"Bella, talk to me." Bella compelled herself to open her eyes and turn to look at her friend.

"I'm so lost, Alice. I don't know what to do. I don't know--" The dry sobbing made an appearance once more much to Bella's chagrin. "----what am I going to do? I'm a horrible mother, a horrible wife, a horrible sister, a horrible friend, horrible all around." With that last word, she threw herself into Alice's lap, the sobbing louder and racking through her marble body.

She felt Alice's fingers stroke her hair as she let Bella sob it out. Since she couldn't form any of her own tears, simulating the experience would have to do.

She "cried" for the husband she lost, the love of her life, her "existence" as she had told him once. For her daughter who she loved more than her own life, who she had defied everyone and everything to bring her into this world. For her family that had abandoned her in their own states of grief at their son/brother's loss. For the loss of the relationship with her mother. For the loss of the one with her father. For the one person whose heart she had always held and never given him anything in return. He had been there no matter what and even when he imprinted and things had been set right between them, he had still remained her best friend. When Edward was gone, he had been there, caring for her and her daughter. And now thanks to Bella's own selfish needs, she had set everything out of balance. She had done the unthinkable, she had let herself lean back into the old love she had once held for her friend, encouraging his in return, making him war within himself between the old love he felt for her and the rightful love he felt for her daughter. For the fact that he had given himself to her daughter only hours after he had given himself to her. For the shame and guilt she felt at how she had acted since Edward's death. For the fact that Alice would now know of it, too. She prayed to whatever god would listen to her that her daughter would never know the true extent of just how horrifically a mother she had been in the last couple of months. She wanted Edward, she still loved him, but he was forever gone which made her sob harder. She wanted Jacob but he was now someone else's, someone he would never leave to be with her thanks to the imprinting process, someone who she couldn't bear to hurt. She was hurting him, she knew it, because he was torn between her and Renesmee. She was hurting Renesmee because of the pain her daughter had described on the phone last night, the magnitude of it echoing out of her voice. She was hurting everyone. Again. She sobbed and sobbed until there was nothing left in her to create those sounds again.

Slowly, she lifted her head and went to wipe her eyes out of habit before realizing there was nothing there to wipe. She dropped her hands to her lap and stared down at them, unable to face Alice.

Mercifully, Alice had not made a sound the whole time. She had just been there. Bella felt Alice's hand on her shoulder as she now began to speak.

"Bella,"

Bella still refused to look at her but she listened. What choice did she have?

"How long has this been going on?"

"Not long." Bella mumbled, refusing to speak clearly, not willing herself to hear the actual words. "Nothing happened until….last night."

She heard Alice sigh. "Well, that explains your scent all over him." Bella looked up at Alice with a confused expression upon her face. "Jas and I got back last night. Jas and Nahuel went hunting and I went to the house to find you but you weren't there. And it's a good thing you weren't because---" Alice turned to look at Bella, her eyes wide at her almost confession.

Bella looked down and whispered. "It's okay, Alice. I know." Alice's hand gently squeezed her shoulder as she continued.

"Well, I….heard….them." Alice winced but Bella just stared blankly ahead. If she had a heart, it would be broken into a million pieces right about now. As it was, the hole was starting to surge once again. This time, she would give over to the blackness willingly if it came for her again. "But, he must've heard me or smelled me or something because he came downstairs looking for me. I saw him and told him I would be back, but not before asking where you were. That's when I noticed your scent was all over him."

Now Bella was the one who winced. She started to question Jacob's motives again. Why had he not at least showered when he got home? Before he caught up with the other wolves? Before he started--deep breath--fooling around with her daughter? What, was he wearing her scent as a badge proudly? Going around shouting, 'I finally fucked Bella Swan.'? She could feel the anger at him returning. Thankfully, Alice interrupted her thoughts.

"Anyways, I asked him again where you were and he kept yelling at me that he didn't know. He seemed angry every time I mentioned you so eventually I let it go. I had no interest in wrestling with the dog after he had been doing the same thing with my niece only seconds ago. I had no desire to smell her all over him, too, ugh."

Bella closed her eyes again in pain. Alice's hand gripped her shoulder tighter in apology.

"Sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to be so callous." Bella opened her eyes and shook her head. "No, it's okay. Like I said, I know what he did, Alice. I saw them this morning, the way they were both acting. I knew something had happened then." She gave a sigh and turned her attention back to her sister-in-law.

"Go on."

Alice nodded sympathetically before continuing. "Anyways, I told him to let you know that we were back and would be off hunting if he saw you. And then I left to go find Jas and Nahuel, leaving the dog looking mighty pissed." Bella saw the smug grin on Alice's face before she spoke again.

"You know, I had a feeling something wasn't right before." Bella noticed that faraway look in her eyes had returned again.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Bella, I couldn't see you for a while."

Bella's eyes widened in disbelief before she calmed and answered Alice.

"What do you mean you couldn't 'see' me? Jake and I didn't do anything until last night."

Alice's eyes snapped up to Bella's in response. "Bella, you seemed to blank out way before that. You would just disappear for hours at a time. Now, I know that being around wolves and Nessa would help with that but it worried me. For weeks, I could see you, standing in that corner, not moving." Bella was a little bothered by that. Why hadn't she come home then when she was clearly needed? But she let that go for now in order to hear Alice's explanations behind her visions.

"Every once in a while, it would be blurry but you never disappeared. I figured those were the times Jacob or Nessa would approach you." Bella's jaw dropped in shock. "Oh Bella, please. Did you really think that we wouldn't check up on you? We might not have been here but we always called Carlisle to see how you and Nessa were doing. He was in constant contact with Jacob. He never knew where we were but he would always give us your latest update, Jacob's latest attempts to get you to feed…." Alice trailed off while Bella's expression never changed.

Bella couldn't think at the moment, she was too shocked. She turned and stared at the coffee table in front of them. "Bella, I'm sorry we weren't here. I am. If I could go back and change it, I would. Maybe then this--" She gestured wildly around them and towards Bella. "---would be different. That's one of my biggest regrets. But Bella, I know it doesn't make it right but you have to understand, we had just lost Edward along with you and Nessa. It was something I could have stopped and failed to do so. It hurt so badly. If Jas hadn't grabbed me and left, I don't know what would have happened, what I would have done." Her voice lowered with each word until it was a mere whisper as Alice's head hung down in shame.

Bella reached her hand out and lifted the smaller vampire's head to look at her. "You really have to stop blaming yourself for that. It wasn't your fault and you know it. Edward made sure to not make any decisions until he was close to Volterra. He knew how your visions worked, that you were busy watching the Volturi instead. None of us could have ever seen that one coming. Visions or no."

Alice's eyes glazed over and if she could've cried, Bella swore she would've. She pulled Alice into a hug and held her tight. "You need to forgive yourself. It was not your fault and you need to stop blaming yourself. Edward wouldn't want you to. _I_ don't want you to." She heard the sobbing sound coming from Alice now and she returned the favor, holding her sister-in-law as she cried it out.

A few minutes later, Alice stopped and slowly pulled herself from Bella's arms. "Thanks, Bella." She went to wipe her eyes and then stopped, letting her hands fall to her lap. Bella wanted to laugh. Some things never change no matter how long you've been one of the undead. Alice offered her a small smile and sighed. Then she continued.

"So after a while, we lost touch with Carlisle. It must've happened when we were down in South America. Anyways, that was the first time you disappeared. It must've been for a few good hours. I panicked and told Jas we had to come home immediately. But just as we were making preparations to leave, you reappeared. I was relieved to say the least but I still felt the need to come home. Jas and I decided to leave the next day, relaxing a little now that you were back. And then, by some weird twist of fate, we met Nahuel."

Bella knew what Alice had been referring to, the kiss and then the race afterwards. Her interest piqued at the mention of Nahuel.

"We weren't sure at first because we never knew that anyone like Nessa even existed before she did, you know. But we listened to his story and saw his eyes. He told us how he was raised by his Aunt Hulien, how he lost his mother, how evil his father really is. We spoke with him for a while and he even offered to introduce us to his aunt. Being that she was still back in the jungle he was raised in, Jas and I knew we didn't have that kind of time so we declined. But he insisted and so we agreed. Now that you were back in my sight, there was no need to rush."

Bella nodded as Alice continued her story. "We met his aunt along with a few other vampires and they all told us the same story. Nahuel, as far as they knew, was the first of his kind. He's 150 years old, Bella! Can you believe it? It's crazy. I knew Nessa would live a long life but, wow!" Bella tried to take all this in. "As far as they know, they're immortal just like us even with a beating heart and everything. It's amazing, isn't it?"

Bella could only nod. "Eventually, Jas and I decided it was time to leave. A couple of times you had disappeared, only for a few minutes at a time, but still, I wanted to come back. We decided to invite Nahuel to come back with us, giving him a chance to meet Nessa. He was intrigued to say the least to meet another half-human, half-vampire that he wasn't related to. But what really sealed the deal I think is when he heard about you."

Bella's eyes snapped to Alice's, surprised at the direction the story had taken. "Me? Why me?"

"His mother didn't survive his birth, Bella. Neither did the women who had his sisters. You're the first one, that they know of, to survive. Needless to say, he left with us that very day and now here we are."

Bella wasn't sure how she should feel about that. Nahuel had been polite enough but he had been looking at her strangely. Maybe this was why, maybe he was stunned that she had lived. Well, figuratively anyway. She shook it off only to be met with Alice's questioning stare. "So…."

"So, what?" Bella shrugged her shoulders.

"So, tell me. How did all this happen? How did you and Jacob get to this point?"

Bella winced again but met her sister-in-law's eyes head on. "It just did, Alice. We didn't plan on it or anything."

Alice rolled her eyes. "I know that, Bella. But I mean, how did you guys let it get so far? Last time I was here, he only had eyes for Nessa and you---well, you only had eyes for Edward." Bella cringed. There was the accusation she had been waiting for. The one she didn't want to face.

"Alice, no matter what happened between Jacob and I doesn't mean that I don't still love Edward. You know that." Nothing was said for a moment and Bella was afraid Alice didn't believe her.

Alice slowly nodded her head. "I know. It's just that---he's your daughter's boyfriend, Bella." Bella dropped her head into her hands shamefully.

"I know." She couldn't help but mumble. She refused to look at Alice.

"I mean, it's not my business really. But I know how much you love Nessa and this is completely out of character for you. And for the dog. I mean, listen, he's not my favorite person, but it seemed like when he imprinted all he could think about was Nessa. I didn't think with Edward being gone, that would change."

"It just happened, Alice. I was so devastated by Edward being gone I just, I don't know. He told me he loved me and I realized a part of me still loved him. We kissed but then he made it clear that Renesmee was the only one for him. I knew I had been wrong and I agreed with him. We seemed to go back to normal and then for some strange reason, he started avoiding me." She couldn't help it. She just blurted everything out to her friend.

Alice didn't say a word, only listened. Not that Bella could've seen the look on her face anyway with her head still in her hands. "I didn't understand it. He said we were still friends but then he started to push me away and Alice, I couldn't take it. He started to see Renesmee and I just couldn't. I had just lost Edward. I lost you guys. Hell, I even lost Charlie. I couldn't lose Jacob, too."

She waited for a reply but heard none so she continued. "I waited until Renesmee went with Seth and Leah to Forks and I confronted him, demanding to know what his problem was. When I mentioned the kiss, he freaked. So then I knew it was about that. He told me that he couldn't, he didn't know what to do, that he still loved me. And I told him I still loved him and then before we knew it, we were kissing and then _it_ happened."

Bella lifted her heard to look at Alice. The pixie's face was blank, listening to Bella's story. If she had made any judgments, Bella couldn't see them. She decided to just get it all out in the open. "Afterwards, everything was fine. Neither of us were willing to think about what we would have to face later on. We were about to go for the second round when he freaked again. He started treating me like shit and yelling at me, telling me how I had used him to forget Edward---"

"Did you?"

Bella's mouth dropped in shock for the umpteenth time that day. "Of course not! How could you even ask me that?!!?" Bella was angry now. Why did everyone always assume the worst of her? What the hell?

"Relax, Bella. We're talking here, a heart to heart, if you will." Alice smirked at the sentiment. "Just tell me the truth. Did you? Use Jacob? To forget Edward?"

"No!"

"Okay then. You didn't use him. So continue."

Bella glared at her sister-in-law. How could Alice even ask her that? Alice rolled her eyes again. "Oh come on, Bella. You said you didn't use him and I believe you. Just go on already."

Bella stared at her a moment longer before resuming the story. Alice rolled her eyes again in response. "Anyway, so he accused me of using him which I CLEARLY DID NOT DO!" Not even a wince from the pixie at the raised volume. Damn. "He told me that I could never say anything to Renesmee about what happened or he would take her and they would leave, never to come back. He said that it had meant nothing." She cringed at the memory. _Nothing._

She looked up at Alice, expecting a response. Not a word. "Anyway, so Renesmee talked to him on the phone. Seth had called him to tell him they were headed home early. Renesmee said she had had a pain in her heart, like she felt he was separating from her. It didn't start to go away until a few minutes before the call."

Alice nodded her head. "When he yelled at you and pulled away from you."

"Yeah."

"Okay, then what happened next?"

"Well, he looked upset, obviously at the pain she felt, the pain we had caused. I was, too. I mean, Alice, I do love my daughter and I don't want to hurt her. That was never my intention, I swear." Alice nodded her head again, remaining silent.

"He was angry and accused me of playing a game, hurting him and her. Of course, that wasn't the truth at all. I told him I still loved him but I would back off and give them their space. I had a duty to Renesmee as her mother and a duty to him as my best friend. It hurt but it was for the best. I left and stayed out until this morning." Alice didn't need to know she had been at the meadow breaking down.

"I came back, showered and dressed, and went downstairs looking for you. I knew you had been there because I had caught your scent. But instead, Jacob was there. He told me you were out hunting and then started to apologize to me for the night before. He told me he panicked and asked me to forgive him. He leaned in to kiss me and I started to lean in myself when we heard Renesmee call out for him. Needless to say, we both broke apart before she came in and he went back to making breakfast and I went back to the---well, the corner. And then you guys came in."

She sat back, her head resting on the cushions, waiting for Alice's response to the whole story. Alice cleared her throat again and began to speak. "Well, it's a good thing that she didn't walk in on the two of you. That would have hurt her tremendously."

Bella closed her eyes in pain. Alice was right. She braced herself for the tongue-lashing she was about to receive, telling her how selfish she was, how stupid she had been, how unfaithful she had been to her daughter and her husband's memory.

"Do you love him, Bella?"

Bella's eyes flew open. She hadn't been expecting that one. "What?"

"Do? You? Love? Him?"

Bella thought long and hard about how to answer that. Not that she didn't know the answer but she wasn't sure how Alice would react. In the end, she just decided to go with the simple truth.

"Yes. I do love him."

"Truly, you do? If the two of you were together and decided to stay that way, imprinting be damned, you're aware of how much that would hurt Renesmee, your daughter?"

Bella closed her eyes again. "Yes."

"And you're willing to live with that?"

Bella opened her eyes and looked at Alice. She hated herself for her next answer.

"Yes."

Alice sighed. "I'm not gonna lie, Bella. This is one fucked up situation."

Bella couldn't stop it. She started to laugh. She hoped Alice wouldn't think she was being insensitive or callous, she just was so relieved to be able to finally talk to somebody about it. Alice didn't seem to take it that way, though. She began to laugh, too.

Once their laughter died down, Alice turned to Bella. "Well, Bella, we know how you feel. Question is, do we know how Jacob feels?" Bella shook her head. He _had_ told her he loved her but that had been before everything else. He _had_ tried to kiss her again and the way he had leaned towards her earlier….but if he did, he wouldn't have slept with Renesmee last night….would he?

"It's clear he still loves you, Bella. That little display earlier and with the over protectiveness in the kitchen, the boy definitely still loves you. But it's also quite clear that he loves Nessa. It seems he's in love with you both and hasn't made a decision. I mean, last night, he slept with you and then went home and...."

She let her voice trail off mercifully but Bella already knew where she was headed. Yeah, if he had loved her then why? She wouldn't allow that thought to consume her brain. She'd cross that bridge when she came to it. There was one other thing bothering her, though. And she needed to get it out.

"Alice," The pixie turned to her. "I do love my daughter, I do and I don't want to hurt her. I really don't. Tell me, should I leave and let them be happy? Should I do the right thing here?"

Alice sighed and looked pained for a minute. "You know, Bella. I've been so incredibly lucky. I saw Jas, I met Jas and now I have Jas. I've never loved anyone else nor had an inkling to. I've never seen anyone else, only Jas. And he loves me as much as I love him. I don't know what I would do if I ever--" She heard Alice gulp softly. "---lost him."

Alice was silent for a minute before continuing. "I know you love Nessa. I know you do. I can't tell you what the right move is here. But I can tell you one thing. If Jacob is merely a comfort zone here, a security blanket almost, then yes, leave and let them be happy. But if this is something more, if it's something that you and Jacob can't turn away from no matter how much you try, then I don't know. That's a tough call. I guess, that would be up to you and Jacob. It really hinges on what he decides, I think. He's the imprinted one and from what he's told us all these years, that's not something that can be easily broken. So, I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you. But if you really do love him and he loves you, then wait and see. But a decision needs to be made. Soon. Before everyone gets hurt any worse, you and Jacob included."

Bella nodded her head, taking in everything Alice was telling her. This was definitely not a situation that applied to the rules, rules that you could easily follow, telling you which way to turn and what not to do. Alice had been right. This _was_ one fucked up situation.

"And, Bella."

Bella looked up at her sister-in-law. "You say I need to forgive myself. So do you." Bella narrowed her eyes trying to understand the meaning of her words. "Edward loved you and you loved him. He did what he thought was right. He wouldn't want you here suffering for the rest of your life. You know that. He would want you to move on and be happy. Even if that means with Jacob." Bella dropped her head shamefully into her hands once again, making the sobbing noise again. She hated this. Why did _he_ have to go and leave her? If he hadn't, everything would be right back on track again, she with Edward and Jake with Renesmee. She wouldn't be this person she ceased to recognize anymore. This person that she hated.

She felt Alice's arms wind around her, holding her in a gentle embrace. "Shh. It will all work out, Bella, I promise. Shh." She let Alice hold her once again as she continued to sob relentlessly. After a bit, Bella's sobs quieted and she pulled herself from Alice's arms. "I'm sorry, Alice. I just need some time alone. I mean, I just need---" She wasn't quite sure what she needed truth be told. But Alice seemed to know.

"That's okay, Bella. I understand. I'm gonna go back up to the house. Do you want to come home for a bit or do you want to stay here?"

Bella shook her head, refusing to glance around at her surroundings. "No, I think I'm gonna go walk around for a bit."

"Bella…." Alice's tone sounded like a warning one.

Bella was taken aback. Did she really expect Bella would just go looking for Jake after all of this was out in the open so they could have a little roll in the grass again? Really?

"Alice." She couldn't help but snap at the pixie. "Do you see me disappearing in the next hour or so?"

"No, but---"

"Then stop worrying. I just need some time alone, okay?"

Alice narrowed her eyes at Bella as if she was trying to determine the truth behind her words. When she was satisfied, she slowly stood up and walked with Bella to the door.

"Alright. If you need anything, Bella, you know where I'll be."

Bella nodded. Alice embraced her again quickly. "I'm glad you're home, Alice." It was true. She was happy to have Alice back at least. It made things slightly less complicated in the huge mess that was now her life. Plus, she had missed her friend. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too, Bella. I'll see you soon, okay?" Bella nodded again, smiling as she watched Alice disappear in a flash. She gripped the knob and slowly started to close the door. She stopped when her eyes rested on the broken shards once again on the floor of the kitchen.

Before, it had brought her to her knees, gasping for breath. Now she stared at it, the memory coming to the surface unwillingly.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She had been here that day. She was washing dishes after she had just fed Renesmee and Jacob. The two were watching television now in the small living room, laughing at some comedy they were watching, about two and a half boys or something like that. She didn't know. Bella had never kept up with television before and she certainly didn't now. But from the sounds of it, the show sounded entertaining. She smiled to herself. She loved hearing their laughter, the warm sounds filling the room.

Jacob had offered to dry the dishes for her as he always did but of course she had shooed him into the living room with her daughter. What did Bella have, if nothing else, but time on her hands? She could handle the simple chore herself. "But, Bella, you just cooked. Let us help you with the dishes at least." He was still pleading as Renesmee pulled him into the other room by the hand. Bella just shook her head at her friend. "I'm fine. Go enjoy yourselves."

She had been halfway through drying the dishes with the towel when Edward filled her mind. How she missed him. She had no idea where he had gone off to, he had been so secretive when he left. He had assured her that he was going to consult with someone regarding the Volturi situation. He would be back soon. She couldn't wait to have him home. This problem was killing her with worry and frustration at their helplessness should the Volturi indeed come here. Alice had seen their decision to come here two days before Edward left. She knew it was only a matter of time before they decided just when they would come here to see if the rumors were true. She sighed out of habit. She missed him so much.

Suddenly, the door flew open with a bang. Renesmee screamed and Jacob had her as far from the door in a split second, standing in front of her protectively. Alice and Jasper were inside, followed by Emmett and Carlisle. "Bella!"

She turned to face her in-laws, plate in hand, clearly surprised at the shock of their entrance. "Alice! What's wrong?"

"Bella." Alice's voice was breaking. "I'm so sorry. I didn't see it until just now. Oh my God. How could he?"

Bella felt a chill go down her spine. "What? Who? Alice! Talk to me!" Jasper's hands were on Alice's shoulders urging her to continue. Emmett and Carlisle behind them, looking worn and saddened. The chill traveled back up her spine.

"It's Edward." Bella's grip tightened on the plate. To this day, she is still surprised at the strength of that little plate, how it didn't break just then.

"What are you talking about, Alice?"

"He's gone to the Volturi."

"No." Bella whispered it, praying that what Alice was about to say wasn't true.

"Daddy?" Renesmee's cry filled the room. All heads snapped in her direction.

"Jacob!" He turned to look at Bella as she yelled to him. "Get her out of here! Now!"

He went to follow her instructions but Carlisle stopped him. "No, Jacob. I'll take her. You're needed here right now." Jacob stilled and looked across the room towards Bella. The look he sent her increased the chill she felt. He was wondering the same thing she was. Why was he needed here right now? What could possibly have happened to make it that he was needed by Bella more than his imprint? Bella knew and so did he but they didn't verbalize it, their expressions only confirming their worst fears.

Carlisle pulled a shocked but clearly upset Renesmee from Jacob's arms, with a departing kiss on the head from Jacob, and out the door with him. "Come on, sweetie. Esme wants to see you." And with a flash, they were gone. Jacob turned to stand next to Emmett.

Bella could feel the waves of calm breaking against her, trying to force their way in.

"Jasper! I do not need that crap right now! Cut it out!" Jasper nodded his head shortly and did as he was told. She could feel the calm wave leaving.

"Now, Alice, tell me what you saw."

"Bella," Her voice sounded even more broken than before. "He's gone to the Volturi."

Bella nodded, silently urging Alice to continue. "He sacrificed himself to them. For Nessa."

Bella nodded again and then it hit her. Did Alice just use the past tense? Sacrificed? What? No, that couldn't be!

"Alice, you see visions when someone makes a decision. Just like last time. We'll leave at once, go to Volterra and stop him. Come on, we don't have a second to waste." She started to move forward but Alice stopped her.

"No, Bella. Not like last time. Last time, the Volturi hadn't made a decision yet. And when they did, it was in Edward's favor. This time they _made_ a decision."

She felt a twinge in her chest, unsure of what it was. "And?"

"Bella, he didn't give them a choice. They couldn't risk it like last time. He attacked in broad daylight. They had to end the threat quickly."

Damn Alice! She used the past tense again. She shook her head slightly trying to rid it of Alice's careless grammar mistakes.

"Bella, Aro wanted him alive but they didn't have a choice. One of the ones who---struck him---"She saw Alice wince at the words. "---heard him say something before he...." Alice trailed off then started up again. "He cried that you were gone and he couldn't live without you. He couldn't live without his Bella. And that's when they----finished it." Alice winced again.

"Alice!"

Everyone's eyes snapped to Bella's at once. "Stop using the past tense, goddammitt! He's not dead. You don't get visions from the past, you don't. You get future visions and you always told me they're not certain. This can change. Just like last time!"

Jacob moved closer to Bella and before she knew it he was standing right beside her. But she didn't pay any attention to him. Her wrath was for Alice alone.

"Alice, answer me dammitt!"

Alice winced but then answered. "Bella, in my visions I saw the clock in town. The time was 8:04. Bella glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall with everyone else. It read 11:01. Bella looked back to Alice confused. With the time difference accounted for, that would make it….

Bella gasped. "No! NO!" She dropped the plate she forgot she was holding and it shattered as it hit the ground. "NO!" She felt Jacob's strong arms around her, holding her. She struggled against him, hitting him, slapping him in the face, jabbing her elbows into his sides. She could hear him groan in pain but he never once gave an inch, only pulled her tighter against him. "Call him, Alice! Do something! Don't just stand there! You can't let this happen!"

"I'm sorry, Bella. I tried. He shut off his phone and there's no one I can reach in time. I'm sorry." Her voice broke on the last statement. Jasper's hands on her shoulders tightened.

"NO!" Bella couldn't stop screaming. "NO! How dare you let this happen? How could you? You're his family, do something! For Christ's sake, DO SOMETHING!!!" Bella collapsed to her knees, Jacob along with her, never letting her go. Emmett stared at the ground, refusing to look up. Alice and Jasper watched as the clock above them ticked to 11:03.

Bella was screaming incoherently now, fighting to be free. She would do something if they wouldn't. She would try to get to him, to call him, something. She would do anything. She silently prayed to a god that she had never called out to before, as a vampire or a human, to save _him_. She knew she was one of the immortal damned, her husband also one of them, but she begged for mercy anyway. She started to make the sob sounds. Jacob rocked her amidst her struggles trying his best to soothe her. And then, they all heard the final tick. Everyone except Bella and Jacob looked up to see the hand on the clock move to the 4 spot. Bella didn't need to look. She felt it.

It felt like half of her body had been ripped from her, half of her heart, half of her soul if she still had one. She stopped sobbing and went slack in Jacob's arms, falling against him as he kissed her hair and whispered to her. It sounded something like "It'll be okay, Bells. I promise." Bella wasn't sure. She couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't feel. She was gone. She even missed the breaking of Jacob's voice as he pleaded with her or the hot tears that were now falling on her neck. He rocked her back and forth but Bella knew no matter the motion, no matter the heat, no matter the pleas, she would never be alive again. Not because of her vampire status. Not because her heart had ceased to beat long ago. Because her other half was gone. Taken from this world in a brutal second, taking her with him.

She did hear one thing. Alice had started to make the sobbing noise as well. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

Bella saw red. Within a flash, Bella got the better of Jacob and hurled him across the room. She now stood, fire in her eyes, willing to tear apart anyone and anything. "Get the hell out! All of you! What good are you if you can't even save your own brother's life?"

Alice looked stricken and began to sob harder. Jasper turned her into his body, holding her tightly as he glared at Bella. "Bella…." She could hear the warning in his tone but she couldn't care less.

"I said get out! NOW!" Emmett stared at the ground, ashamed and then made his exit, followed by a sobbing Alice and glaring Jasper. "And don't come back!"

Jacob had gotten to his feet in the meantime and tried to approach her. "Bells...."

She turned on him instantly. "That means you, too! Get out!" She saw pain flash in his eyes but she couldn't be bothered by that. His pain was nothing to hers. After all, he still had his other half.

"Bells, please. Let me---"

"Let you what? Comfort and console me? You'd like that, wouldn't you! Now that Edward's gone, you can finally have a crack at me! I don't think so, Dog! Now get the hell out!"

Jacob flinched at her words and then his eyes became angry. They were still glistening from the tears he had shed moments ago. He took a deep breath and then spoke calmly. "Bells, I understand you're upset----"

"Upset?!!?" Bella couldn't help but roar with rage. "Are you kidding me?!!? UPSET?!!? I'm beyond upset, Jacob!! Now get the FUCK! OUT!!!"

He flinched again but didn't move a muscle. Instead he tried again. "Bells--"

"I SAID GET OUT, YOU STUPID MUTT!!! NOW!!!"

He took another deep breath and then turned around to leave. Once he reached the door, he looked back at her. He sighed heavily. "I love you, Bells."

Bella snarled in response and leaned forward into her usual hunting crouch, ready to spring. If he didn't leave in one second, she wasn't sure she could control herself or even would want to.

"I'll be here when you want to talk." With that, he walked out softly shutting the door behind him.

Bella collapsed to the floor again, sobbing endlessly.

After a while, she ceased to sob or make any other noise. She slowly lifted herself to her feet, walked out of the cottage, and made her way to the Cullens' house only to find half of her family already gone.

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The memory still made her shudder. Bella closed the door and began to make her way to the place that she felt safe thinking of Edward in. She had already faced the pain there and she had survived it. She felt _him_ there. She had heard him there. So there is where she would go.

Alice said she needed to forgive herself, move on, be happy. How could she when she felt half of herself missing? How could she just let _him_ go? She didn't know but she knew at some point she would have to move on. Alice had been right. He would want her to be happy, not be the person she had been these past two and a half months.

Before she knew it, Bella was there. The meadow never seemed to change, adding more to the feeling of being a permanent place for her and Edward. She was surprised that the pain didn't try to drag her under like it had last time. Maybe it was because she had already risen above it here. She didn't know but she was happy at the thought.

Bella sat down comfortably, taking in the sights and sounds. The way the wind whispered through the grass, the color of the flowers, the birds singing somewhere far off. The sun was not out as per usual in Forks but it was light enough that it almost could be, bringing the memory back of Edward glowing in the sunlight. Sparkling. She closed her eyes and focused on _him_.

And that's when she heard it. "Be happy."

Her eyes flashed open and she looked from left to right. Edward's voice again? She knew he wasn't here but she was surprised at the fact that he had spoken to her without being willed to. She smiled a little as she closed her eyes again and basked in the feeling of knowing he had spoken to her. She wasn't sure how much time had passed until she heard a movement behind her.

She opened her eyes, swiveling her head to find the source of the sound. Way too heavy to be any sort of wildlife except for a mountain lion, elk or a bear, all of which were nowhere near the town of Forks. She squinted her eyes unnecessarily, hoping it would somehow make this stranger appear in front of her.

Then she caught his scent. She heard the snap of a twig to her left and turned her head that way. There he was, in all his glory, smiling down at her, almost smugly.

"Hey Bells."


	19. Turns Us Into Compromise (BPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Her jaw dropped open. How had he found her here? Oh, right, her scent.

She saw him approach her slowly, cautiously almost. She just stared up at him from where she sat. He smirked down at her, a little glint in his dark eyes. He came to a stop right in front of her.

He was without a shirt again, of course. He hadn't been wearing one earlier in the cottage but her mind had been too preoccupied with the situation at hand to notice. Well, except that one moment he had leaned in towards her, his tone thick with implication, telling her he would see her later. Those tiny words had sent chills down her back, making her shiver. Her. A vampire. Shiver! Which had then lead to memories of last night which were now making an appearance yet again in her brain as she took in the chiseled russet chest in front of her.

His smirk grew wider as he watched her eyes scan over his body. "See anything you like, Bells?"

Bella's eyes flashed to his in the annoyed realization that she had been looking at his features way too long and he had noticed. She slowly closed her mouth, turned her head a little to the left and stared away from him, choosing to focus on the trees instead. She heard him chuckle. Of course, the arrogant bastard's ego would be satisfied, seeing her checking him out. Why not? He'd had both mother and daughter within 24 hours after all.

She ground her teeth as she realized he probably figured she was embarrassed at being caught in the act. Far from it.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him move closer until he was on his knees in front of her. He leaned in a little. She could feel anger rising in her chest, along with some of the anguish she had experienced when Alice confirmed her worst fears. _One more inch, Mr. Black, and you will regret it._

She saw a smooth russet hand extend out to her gently. Before she could think about turning her head and breaking it from his body in one fluid movement, she felt his fingers brush away a strand hair from her eyes. She froze. The sweetness and intimacy of the gesture confused her. One part of her yearned to reach out to him, grasp his huge hand in her own, intertwining their fingers and bringing it to her cheek to rest. The other part wanted to tear and claw at him for everything he had put her through. For the things he was making her feel again. For subjecting her daughter to their twisted love story.

That thought sobered her up quickly. Love story? Well, yes, they did have a love story. Just a very unconventional, messed up, angst-ridden love story. One that had not had a happy ending, at least not for them together. Instead, they found their own happy endings in others. Others that their souls belonged to, setting it right between them forevermore.

Until Edward was gone that is. Bella closed her eyes in pain. Edward had been her everything. She had chosen him, given him all of herself, her heart, her body, her soul. And she had never regretted it. Jacob had imprinted on Renesmee, permanently linking the bond between their souls and hearts, never to be separated. And now....now everything was, as Alice had so eloquently put it, _fucked up_.

Once Edward Cullen was no longer, Bella had ceased to feel anything. Numb. Cold. Dead. She snorted at the thought. But it was true. He had died and she had died with him. And then somehow, someway, Jacob had come into her life once again, shining his warmth and sunshine into her existence. Just like last time.

And just like last time she was warring with her feelings for him. Friends but something more. Two people who would have been if there had been **_no monsters and no magic. Effortless. Comfortable as breathing._** She loved him and she knew and acknowledged this fact earlier this time around.

And just like last time, there was someone else in the way. Someone who weighed on her heart. Someone she couldn't live without. Someone she couldn't bear to hurt. Her daughter.

She winced as she thought about the confession she had made to Alice only a short while ago. _"Do you love him, Bella?" "Yes. I do love him." "Truly, you do?" "If the two of you were together and decided to stay that way, imprinting be damned, you re aware of how much that would hurt Renesmee, your daughter?" "Yes. And you re willing to live with that?" "Yes."_ Wincing turned into a full-on body cringe. How could she have been so heartless? She may vaguely remember bits and pieces of what it was like to be human, but still she had never forgotten the pain she had felt at Edward's departure, the pain she had seen reflected back in Jacob's eyes when she inflicted it again and again on him. How could she do that to her own daughter? Cause her daughter's eyes to have those same haunting, empty depths that she had seen staring back at her from the mirror during those four months of her "zombie phase"? Forget cringing. Bella shuddered.

"Bells."

He spoke softly as she felt his hand return to cup her cheek, pulling her back towards him. Even though she was used to his werewolf temperature by now, the heat he made her feel by his touch alone still seared her every time their skin made contact. A small part of her was thrilled, begged for him to let that hand travel further down, for his lips to brush against hers. All the other sane parts screamed in horror at how wrong that other small part was.

She refused to open her eyes. She knew what she had to do and she wasn t ready to face it yet. She just wanted time to stand still so she could feel his heat against her, his palm never letting her go. But it was only wishful thinking. His husky voice interrupted her bliss. "We need to talk."

Her eyes snapped open as she looked into his face. Gone was the smug grin plastered there before. Now he looked sad, his dark orbs flashing pain, the all-too familiar torture she was used to seeing. Her chest felt tight, slowly constricting, ready to face the onslaught of what was to come.

"I know we do."

He pulled his hand back, leaving her marble cheek cold and yearning for warmth. She tried to keep the disappointment from showing. She tried to close that book that he was so easily able to read.

He lowered his eyes to the ground and settled himself back onto the balls of his feet, staying on his knees, a few inches further away from her. She was relieved and at the same time, hurt.

Silent tension strained the air around them in the open meadow. The sights and sounds which had been a comfort to Bella mere minutes ago now were the most painful things to hear as she waited for the words she knew were sure to follow. He had finally come to his senses and was determined to do the right thing. It was a small consolation that she would not have to hurt her daughter after all, Jacob being the voice of reason and saving Renesmee's heart in this scenario which in turn horrified herself that she would not be the one to do so first. The pain, the loss of the only other boy she ever loved was _much_ greater.

Jake's eyes had not lifted. She waited for him to speak, to deliver her this final blow. She silently wondered how she would be able to see them together day after day, holding hands, holding each other, kissing, hugging, touching . Or how would she be able to pretend not to hear when they were upstairs having sex? Maybe Jacob would be merciful and considerate, sparing her by taking her daughter to Billy's, to his old room, whenever he was out fishing with her dad. She winced again. She didn't want to think about that so she moved on. The day of their wedding, would she be able to be the mother-of-the-bride and give her daughter away, a smile a permanent fixture on her face for all to see? Do the same the day Renesmee made her a grandmother, giving birth to the first of many children she and Jacob would have? How would she deal with all of this? In truth, she wasn t sure she could. Maybe Jacob would spare them all and take Renesmee away like he threatened. Bella couldn t bear to lose her but she wasn't exactly Mother-Of-the-Year, either. Maybe it was better this way.

She noticed Jake's eyes raise to hers and he opened his mouth to speak, looking pained as he did so. "You know, last night...." _Here it comes._ Bella didn't want to relive last night. Not only had it ended in the most painful way imaginable but it had also been one of the most intense passionate glorious nights she had ever experienced and she would never have it again. So why dwell on it? Why relive it? At least she could keep that small part of him locked away for the rest of eternity. Hers and hers alone.

She waited for him to continue. He had cast his eyes downward again while taking a breath. When he was done, he met her eyes once more. "When I said....those....things, I didn't mean---" He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. Bella almost wanted to reach out and pull him to her, holding him and telling him it would be okay, he looked so pained. But she didn't.

"Mean what?"

His eyes flew open at her clipped tone. Honestly, Bella was shocked at it herself. Where had that come from?

"I didn't mean to hurt you." He exhaled. There. Whatever he had been struggling to say it was now out. Wait, what? That was it?

She tilted her head to the right and looked at him puzzled. She arched her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for him to explain.

He raised himself back up onto his knees again, this time moving himself to be positioned right in front of her, his eyes staring down at her, burning hers with their intensity.

"Those things I said to you. About us, about Edw----" His eyes went wide but then relaxed when he noticed she had not flinched. She had heard him catch himself but with his heat surrounding her, he was holding her together. Like always. "About _him_. They were heartless, Bells. I was so pissed. For one stupid second, I let myself think you were using me. To forget him. And I lost my temper. But it's no excuse."

Bella winced when he had stated the age old accusation against her. Bella Swan. Selfish. So selfish in fact that she would sleep with her best friend, her daughter's soul mate, take his virginity and profess her love for him even, just so she could forget Edward for a couple of hours. It burned her. She lowered her eyes in anger, refusing to look at him.

If she was honest with herself, she couldn't really blame him. Once upon a time, Bella Swan had been selfish and had used him for hours, days, months even, to forget about Edward. Even though this boy had come to be one of her best friends, someone who she couldn't stand to be without in her lifetime, in the beginning, she had still used him. Because he had done what he was doing right now. Holding her together.

She felt his hand gently cup her chin and force her to look at him. "I am sorry." If his whispered apology didn't melt away her anger, the vulnerable expression he now wore sure did. When she didn't respond he whispered again, gripping her chin a little more firmly. "Forgive me."

Her eyes searched his and he was doing the same. They were trying to read each other, see what was going on in the other's head, looking for traces of sincerity and meaning.

She didn't even realize she had done it. She couldn't stop herself by the time she knew what she had done. She had brought her hand up to his, pulling it away from her chin and holding it tenderly. She sighed as she felt the flames spread from their joined hands into her limbs and all throughout her body. She smirked a little as she stared at him.

"Sure, sure."

His eyes widened a little and then he burst out into laughter. The warm, full laughter that she loved echoed off the trees and into the open sky above them. She couldn't help but join in. Raucous laughter mixed in with the melodious tinkling of bells, the sounds intermingling to sound like beautiful music in her ears. Music that she never wanted to stop.

"Bells...." Jake shook his head, still laughing, when Bella saw his arms snake out and grab a hold of her, pulling her into his embrace. He had buried his face in her neck and each exhale of warm breath was torturing her. A pleasant torture, but still torture nonetheless. "What am I going to do with you?" The words spoken against her skin, into her hair were driving her slowly insane. The laughter turned into quiet chuckling which quickly died down. Now the silence had returned and even though she was in his arms, Bella still didn't feel comfortable.

She still had her own questions which needed to be answered. They still needed to work out what was going to be done for the future. Could they still be friends? After their exchange a minute ago, that seemed like a definite yes but once she voiced her concerns, would they still be able to remain that way?

"Bells." She heard his strained whisper muffled against her hair. "It wasn t true what I said." Bella felt puzzled now more than ever. Hadn't they just gone over this? She knew that he now believed she hadn't used him. She could have been a complete bitch, justified in his treatment of her last night, torturing him with his guilt but she loved him. She saw the pain in his eyes, she felt it in his embrace, his touch. He was truly sorry. She had forgiven him. So what was he going on about now?

Almost as if he read her impatient mind, he answered her. "It wasn't---- _nothing_ to me, Bells." Bella felt her breath catch. So that's what he was worried about. True, he had said that very thing to her. It still tore open the hole a bit each time she thought of it, the words resounding in her head over and over. _"What happened here tonight mean nothing." Nothing._ As she replayed that scene repeatedly, she stayed silent, not sure how to respond just yet.

Apparently, it was too much for Jacob to bear because he pulled back and studied her expression. She saw the pain return to his eyes. Right now she could hurt him just as much as he had hurt her. But she didn't want to.

Instead, she spoke the truth. "For me, either." She saw his eyes darken at her words. He was staring at her funny. He wore an expression that she couldn't name at the moment. He didn't say a word, he just stayed where he was, frozen, never looking away. He stayed that way for what seemed like an eternity.

She arched her eyebrows questioningly at him, then waving her hand in front of him. "Jake?" She dropped her hand and furrowed her brows. What the hell?

And that's when he did it. He reached out and pulled her to him, pressing his mouth to hers. She didn't respond, just merely let him kiss her. She felt herself willing her brain to give in, but she knew she couldn't. Not with what she now knew.

When Jake realized she wasn't kissing him back, he moved his mouth down her jaw line to her neck, kissing every inch of skin on his way. "I love you, Bella. So goddamn much baby it hurts."

Bella still didn't give in. She so desperately wanted to. She did. But she couldn't. She just couldn't. She would have to do the right thing. For once in her goddamn life. She steeled herself for what she would have to do. She would have to let him go. He wasn't hers to have.

He worked his way back up to her mouth, kissing her lips, her nose, her eyelids, her cheeks, her forehead, anything he could find he kissed. "Last night after you left I was so damn worried. I knew I had fucked up bad and I--" He let out a long sigh. "I was so stupid for saying that. I was a real prick and I'm so sorry, honey. So sorry." He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently and then pulled her into a hug. She felt her resolve crumbling.

She hugged him back, resting her head into his chest. She felt the sobs beginning to build. She wanted to break down and beg him to stay with her, to never leave her, to forgive her for being so selfish in her own needs, her own desires. But instead, she choked back the sobs and gripped him tighter to her one last time before pulling back a little to look up at him.

He stared down at her, fear in his eyes. She was trying to get herself to speak, make the words tumble out of her mouth but they wouldn't come. Instead, he spoke. "Do you love me, Bells? Just tell me, do you?"

Bella looked at him with uncertainty. This wasn't helping! She tried to form her lips around the lie she was about to tell. It burned on her tongue, the vicious poison of it. She opened her mouth to inflict the worst kind of damage she ever could on this boy but instead of the answer she had mentally prepared herself to give, she found herself speaking truth instead. "Yes, Jake. I do. Love you."

The smile on Jake's face couldn't get any bigger. He laughed joyfully and picked her up, swinging her around in a circle like he used to and held her to him in a tight embrace. She couldn't help but feel guilty at the happiness she felt, echoing the happiness of her friend before her. She was supposed to be doing the right thing. Not encouraging him. She meekly put her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder. What had she done?

"Oh, Bells. You've made me so freakin' happy." She slowly smiled and closed her eyes, taking in his scent. She could hear his smile mirroring hers in his voice. She knew she was wrong and she had to fix it. But couldn't she just enjoy this moment a little longer? It's not like she would be able to hold him close like this ever again once she did what she needed to do.

She heard Jake sigh and then felt him press his face into her hair, inhaling deeply.

"I love you too, honey."

Bella's eyes snapped open and her smile disappeared. She saw red. In her head she could hear him. _"I miss you too, honey." "I love you, too, sweetheart." "Ness. I love you."_ Without a second's hesitation, she freed herself from Jake's grip and pushed him backwards with such force he came to land more than twenty feet from her.

Jake was on his feet in a flash, staring wildly at her. "Bells?"

She snarled in response. "Don't call me that!"

Jake looked taken aback. "What? Bells?"

"No! Honey! Save the pet names for your imprint!" She couldn't help but snap at him. She saw hurt in his eyes but it didn't deter her anger one bit.

"Bells...." He began to move towards her and she leaned forward into her usual hunting crouch, her lips bared over her teeth. "What's wrong?"

Bella snorted. "What's wrong? Ummm, let me see, hmmm. Well, you were so 'worried' about me last night, you went straight home and consoled yourself with my daughter! Hmmm, that ring any bells?"

Jake lowered his eyes for a second before bringing them back to hers. She could see it now. He was angry. Nevertheless though, his next words were spoken calmly.

"Bells, I didn't--"

"Bullshit! Tell me, Jake, how was it? Was it good? How did she rate? Better than me or worse? Is it better to have the experienced MILF or the shy young virgin? Tell me."

Jake's mouth hung open in shock but he quickly closed it and focused on her. She could see the tremors starting to roll through his shoulders.

Good, she wanted him to phase so she could have an excuse to tear him apart.

"Bells, listen to me. I didn't sle---"

"You're so fucking full of it, Jacob! Please! Alice heard you two going at it! I saw you two this morning! Don't fucking lie to me!"

Jake's eyes tightened in anger but again he kept Sam's mask on. That infuriated Bella even more.

"Tell me, Jacob. How is it that you can fuck me, tell me you love me and then go back to my daughter and fuck her, no doubt telling her you love her? In what fucked up world is that okay? Tell me."

"Yours, Bella."

Bella snarled viciously. "What did you just say?"

His face grew more angry. "You heard me."

"My world? What the fuck does that mean? And how the fuck does that make it okay for what you did, Jacob? Tell me."

"Oh please, Bella. What I did? How about what you did? You've fucked everything up since day one."

Bella cackled at the words. Oh, of course this was all her fault.

Naturally. She wished she had Alice's wit sometimes, to be able to tear the dog down with mere words. She'd give anything to have Alice standing here, feeding her lines.

"Are you serious?!!? How did _I_ fuck it up?"

"BECAUSE YOU CHOSE _HIM_!"

Bella blinked as she heard Jacob roar. He was shaking now, no doubt about to phase. He moved to within a few feet in front of her, staring her down coldly, she glaring right back.

She opened her mouth to hurl more accusations at him but he cut her off.

"Don't even, Bella. You know it's true. You and I were supposed to be together. Not the way all this sick shit turned out! I was there for you, waiting for you, helping you, begging you to choose me and you didn't, you chose him!"

Bella glared at him but decided to let him finish while she thought of what she wanted to say, to throw at him. He continued on.

"And ever since you did, everything's been out of whack! You were supposed to be with me but no, you had to choose the fucking bloodsucker!"

Bella snarled at him. "You stupid mutt, if I was supposed to be with you then why didn't you imprint on me? Did you ever think of that before you started blaming everybody else for your being fucked up? For your being a DOG?!!?"

The tremors grew worse and his eyes flashed as he moved closer. "I might've imprinted on you, Bella, had you chosen me. Had you let me in instead of still holding onto him? Did you ever think of that?!!?"

Bella growled but remained silent. He had a point. Even though she didn't think it was possible, they would never know. And he was right, she had kept him at bay all the time, only letting her love shine through for him in that one kiss way back when. Maybe he would have imprinted on her. Then again, maybe he wouldn't have. Regardless, she had never given up Edward for him and she knew right now that she wouldn't if she had to go back and choose with all the pain she felt right now at Edward missing from her life, she would still do it again.

"Maybe you're right but either way, it doesn't make a difference. Doesn't change things. There's nothing that can excuse your behavior last night, Jacob. And you know it."

He glared at her. "My behavior?!!? What about _yours_? I didn't start this thing, Bella. _You_ did! _You_ kissed _me_! Remember?"

Bella flinched uncontrollably at the memory. He was right. She had done that. Still, she did not hold the blame in this alone.

"I remember you kissing me back. I remember _you_ being the one to tell me last night that _you_ love _me_. I remember you also being a willing participant. Stop trying to shift the blame onto me here, Jacob! You're wrong and you know it! I can't believe I let you touch me today, kiss me, ugh! What the hell was I thinking?"

She snarled in disgust and she heard a roar come from him. He all but blurred with the coming phase and she welcomed it. She couldn't wait for him to lose it. But instead of the huge russet wolf she expected to see charging at her, Jacob stilled and looked at her, anger and pain evident in his eyes.

"Bella." He sighed and his eyes softened a little, giving way to pain fully. "I'm sorry."

Bella did a double take. Did he really think by apologizing all was going to be okay again between them? He was dead wrong. She went to tell him so but he cut her off. He raised his hands and slowly walked forward, pulling himself closer to her.

"I fucked up, Bella. You're right, okay? Everything you said is true."

He now stood a foot away from her and she instinctively went to take a step backwards. His eyes followed the motion, the pain in them reaching deeper. He sighed once more.

"Last night, I freaked out. I said some awful things, things that I regret. I really believed that you had used me as some kind of, I don't know, sun to **_balance the clouds_** for you or something. Like you told me I did long ago. I knew you were in pain. When you didn't speak, didn't move, you scared the shit out of me, Bells. You did."

Bella didn't make a sound. He took this as a sign to continue.

"I really thought I was gonna lose you. And I thought that I-I---" Jake closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them. "---I thought I was going to have to be the one to---well, you know. Then you asked me to help you do it and you just about killed me. You made me so angry because you were so willing to just throw it all away, end it all for him. Again. Like the day you jumped."

Bella realized Jake really had no idea just how closely those two scenarios echoed each other. Only difference is there would be no surviving _that_ jump.

"You scared me so bad, Bells. I said the words without even thinking. And then you kissed me and I--I haven't felt anything like that since....since you chose him. It was like I was suddenly alive again, having you in my arms, kissing you, you kissing me back, I don't know. It just felt....right. Like it used to."

Bella didn't make a movement but she secretly agreed with him. It was wrong but it had felt _right_.

"I know it was wrong because of Renesmee but I don't know, it was like you had a hold on my heart again. All the balance that was restored by the imprint now seemed out of whack. I was in love with you again but still in love with her. I know it's fucked up. Trust me. I've been back and forth with it all for weeks."

Bella lowered her eyes to the ground, letting him continue his story.

"I tried to stay away from you, I did. God knows I did. It was hard but I tried. But you, Bella, are as stubborn as they come and of course, you didn't let me stay away." Bella looked up to find Jake smiling. She internally cringed. That had been her mistake. That was where she had let it get out of control.

"I even started to see Renesmee in order to try to restore that balance. I knew I wasn't being fair to her. Or to you. I figured if the romantic part of the imprint was kicked into gear, maybe, just maybe we could go back to the way things were. For all of us."

Bella nodded. She could see the logic in this but at the same time, she glared at him. So he was just using her daughter at that point?

Echoing her thoughts, Jake sighed. "I didn't use her, Bella. I do love her and she is my imprint, my soul mate. Making her my girlfriend is just the next step in the process. You know that." Bella nodded again and lowered her gaze a little.

"After last night happened, I _did_ worry about you. But after I acted like such an ass and I wasn't really sure what I was feeling, I let you go. I regret that. I do. I should have followed you."

Bella winced again at the memory. No, it was probably best he had not followed her. Although, she wished he had not gone home last night to do _that_ instead.

"But, I didn't. I promised Renesmee I would see her, I was worried about her. So I went home. And she was upset, crying, scared. She practically jumped into my arms the moment I walked in the door. I he--"

"So that's why my scent was still all over you."

Jake's eyes went wide. "What?"

Bella hadn't even realized that those words had come from her. She had never given her mouth permission to speak them, never mind think them. And she wasn't too crazy about the relief that flooded her voice when she had.

"Alice said that she could smell my scent all over you when she saw you last night. That's why."

"Bells,"

Bella forced her eyes to his. Yep, the anger and pain were still there in his onyx.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Bella shook her head. No, she couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't tell him how she had thought that **he** had been the one to use **her**.

"Bella...."

She made herself look past him, to the trees behind him, picking a spot there to focus on. She didn't care about the warning she heard in his tone. She would not tell him. Jacob being Jacob, he stepped into her line of vision, demanding her attention.

"Bella, answer me."

She didn't want to see that pain that shone back at her so fiercely. She tried to turn her head away but a huge russet hand cupped her chin forcefully and turned her eyes back to his. He wasn't letting her get out of this one.

He leaned forward a little and huskily whispered to her. "Please just tell me." Dammit! Why is it that when he spoke in that tone of voice, her brain became mush. He bore into her eyes with his, melting her, swaying her to giving into him. Where the hell was all the super strength she supposedly possessed? Why couldn't she resist him? She was a disgrace to the name vampire.

Bella's lips opened of their own accord, her voice stepping forward on its own, clearly under Jacob Black's spell, Bella's feelings be damned.

"I thought....I thought that maybe...." If she were still human, her cheeks would flush in embarrassment and shame. "....maybe....you just wanted to....get into my pants once and for all. That you....used me."

Bella heard a small strangled cry and she knew it hadn't come from her. His eyes were in flames as he stared at her, making her squirm under his intense gaze. The pain was immense. She could feel it stabbing into her rock hard skin, burning her, working its way to the hole. Great, that was all she needed. He looked so sad. She wanted to kiss away the frown he now wore but didn't. She knew that would be the wrong move.

She saw the pain change to anger and his grip on her chin tightened. It didn't hurt but she was uncomfortable. She should have known that would make him angry. And as much as she had been happily pushing for that reaction only a few minutes ago, strangely, she did not want that now. Not with him having an actual reason to be mad at her, to hate her. And this time, he would have every reason to.

"Bells,"

Bella winced at the harsh whisper. So much pain coated it, pain she had helped to put there.

"When I told you I loved you, I meant it."

She could feel him willing her with his eyes to believe him. And truth be told, she did. But that small insecure part of herself nagged at her, sat there like the devil on her shoulder, whispering evilly into her ear, reminding her of his betrayal of her heart.

"If you did, then why did you go straight to Renesmee right after, Jacob? Why did you sleep with her? If you love me like you say you do, then how could you do that?"

Jake's eyes dulled to let the pain flood in. He sighed and loosened his hold on her chin but didn't let her go.

"Bells, I'm sorry. I just---I wasn't thinking. I'll be honest, this whole thing has me for a fucking loop. Half the time, I'm not even sure what to feel, never mind do. I feel like I'm being ripped right down the middle. One side belongs to you and one side belongs to her. She's my imprint, Bells. You know how that works. I can't just turn away from that."

Bella forced her eyes down, refusing to look at him. She knew he wouldn't release her from his grasp but she couldn't look at him. She just couldn't. Those words, as true as she knew them to be, cut into her deep. Jake was right. And she knew it. But that didn't make it any easier to hear.

"And Bells.....I do....love her."

Bella felt the hole start roaring again, making an appearance it so seldomly did in Jacob's presence. Apparently, there was still a part of her soul left after Edward's death because now she could feel it dying. There it was. The truth staring her blindly in the face, she couldn't deny it. Jacob wasn't **hers**. He was Renesmee's Jacob now and always would be. As gung ho as she had been earlier to do the right thing, she barely keeping it together to prevent herself from falling to her knees, sobbing, begging him to love her instead. To choose her. But, she swallowed the lump in her throat back down, she forced the sobs to stay locked inside her chest and she commanded the hole to quell. She had to do this. She had to.

"But...."

She forced herself to come back to her body, to be present, at the sound of Jake's voice prompting her brain. But? What but? After that statement, how could there be any buts?

"I also love you."

Bella's eyes flashed to his. They were still small tide pools of pain but sincerity reflected on their surfaces.

"And I swear, Bells, I know it's gonna kill me, but---I can't---give you up."

Bella could have sworn she felt her heart restart at the words. She felt the faux burning of moisture at her eyes. God, how she loved this boy.

"I mean, I don't want to hurt her. Or you. But, I just---I don't wanna lose you, Bells. I love you. I just got you back for Christ's sake."

Bella smiled a small smile. She desperately wanted to take his hand in hers and kiss it. And then she wanted to kiss him. And never. Ever. Stop.

Jake gave her a smile in return. **Her** smile, although a little duller than usual because of the pain he was feeling.

"I'm in love with you, Bells. I have been since I was 15, since that day I saw you on First Beach. You were it for me. You flashed that smile at me and I was done for."

Bella smiled wider at the memory. The day her Jacob came into her life. How times sure have changed since then.

"You know, I was so relieved that Charlie had bought that truck so I wouldn't have to drive it. I never wanted to see that thing ever again. Good riddance. But after I met you, I must've thought of a thousand different ways to sabotage it so I could repair it. So I could see you."

Bella looked up at him in surprise. She had never known that before. He had never told her.

He smirked at her expression. "Oh yeah, we're talking, alternator problems, your battery mysteriously going dead, air being let out of the tires. I had a whole list!" He started to laugh.

Bella's eyes widened. Her hand flashed out and smacked his arm. "Jacob Black, my God! Do you know how bad that could've turned out for me? Sheesh."

His grin grew wider and more mischievious by the minute. He leaned forward a little more and whispered in that beautiful husky voice of his.

"Maybe. But it would have turned out very well for _me_."

He started to lean in closer, the smile gone now, his eyes shining with a different light. He began to get closer to her lips.

Bella removed his hand from her chin and slowly stepped back, keeping her eyes to the ground. She didn't need to look at him to see the disappointment, rejection and hurt. She could feel it coming from him all too well. She cleared her throat.

"So, continue the story."

"Huh?"

Bella now looked at him. Yep, she had been right. More pain and....pissed off? She couldn't be sure. His lips were in a tight thin line as he stared at her.

"The story. You went home last night and....?"

Bella really didn't want to hear it but she needed something to distract him. She had to get her bearings back in order to continue with her plan.

Jake stared at her for the longest time. Bella started to wonder if maybe she had pushed him too far this time. But as she was about to take a step forward, back towards him, Jake seemed to snap out of it, shaking his head as if to clear it, and resumed his story. The moment was over.

"Anyways, so Renesmee was upset. I held her and let her cry and when she was done, I brought her upstairs. She started to kiss me and---"

Bella cringed. She definitely did not want to hear this. Screw the plan. She forced her eyes to the ground yet again and began to step back when his voice called out to her.

"Bella! Please! I need to get this out! Please, just....listen to me, okay?"

Bella stood still but refused to meet his eyes. She studied the ground at her feet instead.

"I didn't sleep with her. We did....start....to do....some....things---"

Bella clamped her hands over her ears like a child, feeling that familiar anger at Jake resurfacing. "Enough! I don't want to hear anymore! All I want to know Jake, is how could you go from what happened with us, no matter what you may have thought at the time, to doing---" Bella grimaced. "----whatever with her? How?"

Jake lowered his eyes this time. "Bells---"

"No! I don't want to hear anymore. No matter what you say, you can't ever make this right. That was horrible to do to me and horrible to do to Renesmee! How could you? You can't fix this, Jacob. You can't fix this." The last words were spoken in a broken whisper.

Jake hung his head, staring at the ground and away from Bella. She spoke gently this time, all the anger faded away, showcasing only the hurt. "I'm going to leave, Jacob."

His eyes snapped up to hers in disbelief. "What? No! Why?"

She laughed quietly without mirth. "You really have to ask? After everything that's happened? That you just told me? I'm going to leave with Alice and Jasper when they go. I know if I ask them to, they'll leave tomorrow."

Jake hung his head down again.

Bella moved forward and placed her hand on his shoulder, whispering to him. "It's for the best, you know. This way you and Renesmee can be together like you were meant to be. And this _thing_ \--" Bella gestured between herself and Jake. "---will stop. Now. Before anyone else gets hurt. Before anyone gets any more hurt than they already are."

Jake never looked up but she saw his lower lip tremble before he bit down on it.

She squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "It'll be okay, Jacob. Things will be better without me around here messing them up." She winced as she realized how that sounded. Exactly like a guilt trip. She did not want that at all. So she quickly changed her tone, making it light-hearted.

"Besides, Alice has been dying to take me shopping." Bella stuck her finger in her mouth in a gagging motion. "She wants to refill all our wardrobes as always. I'm sure that will keep us busy for a while." She smiled half-heartedly before she saw him close his eyes in pain, never once lifting them to hers. She wished she knew what she could say to make this better for him.

She felt the urge to throw her arms around his waist just like she used to but knew she couldn't. Instead, she took two steps back, putting some distance between them.

In a lightning fast movement, Jake's hand shot out and grabbed her wrist in a tight grip. His eyes flashed open, tears falling down his cheeks, his eyes pleading with her, falling down to his knees in front of her. "Please, Bells. Don't go. I know I fucked up. I'm so sorry. Please, Bells, you have to forgive me. Please, I'll do anything. Just don't leave. I'm begging you."

Bella closed her eyes tightly. No, he could not be doing this to her! She had to shut herself off from his pain but it was too late. Just as it had always been, his pain became her pain. A heart that now ceased to beat inside her chest had not changed that. She felt him release her wrist and then put both hands on her hips, pulling her closer to him until he placed his chin on her stomach, wrapping both arms around her.

She opened her eyes slowly to find him staring up at her, his dark eyes glistening and the tracks of his tears fresh on his face. Pleading with her to stay. Begging her.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself. She spoke softly but with determination. She removed the emotion from her voice. "It's for the best, Jake." There. She had said it so matter-of-factly that it couldn't be denied.

She saw his eyes cloud up with more tears until they spilled over the brims of their prisons, being released to run down his smooth cheeks. He gripped her tighter, not willing to let her go. He kissed the fabric covering her stomach reverently and once again looked up at her. He whispered just one word. "Please."

He was breaking her with the pain she could see all over him, inside him, looking back at her. Couldn't he see that she didn't want to do this? Didn't he know that if there was any other way....if he wasn't her daughter's....? Didn't he know? Couldn't he tell?

Without her permission, her hand strayed to his face, gently stroking his cheek. He turned and kissed it and then brought his eyes back up to her face. She sighed again. "Jake....I don't want....to go. I don't but this is for the best. This is....what has to be." The tears were coming now faster. She had to use her inhuman speed just to catch them all with her fingers.

He pulled her to him even tighter. She wiped his cheeks and then buried her fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp. "But....I love you." That very whisper broke her heart.

He sounded like a boy, a warm, kind-hearted boy that she had hurt long ago. He had been her sun, lighting up her life. She hadn't picked him. Instead, she broke his heart over and over by going back to Edward but never really making a clean break for Jake's sake. She should have done the right thing back then but instead she had been selfish. She wanted them both and she had them both. Both of them staying loyally by her side, never leaving until ordered away, until she had to make a choice. Even then, Jake never left her side. Not until he imprinted. And even then, he had always been there for her. And now, he wanted her, loved her. The one person she had always chosen over him was gone, leaving the path free and clear (except for the imprint) for him to love her and she to love him back and now Bella suddenly decides to do the right thing? She truly hated herself.

How could she have been so cruel to this boy who had done nothing but love her unabashedly, giving her his heart, who she had always been more than enough for even though he had never been enough for her?

She didn't deserve him. She knew she didn't. Even if he had imprinted on someone else, he could not be hers. He deserved the type of love only the imprint could give. He deserved so much better than her. She couldn't help but forgive him everything from the night before that he had admitted to, everything that he had said when he looked up at her like the lost little boy that was now before her, crying, pleading with her to stay. She needed to let him go no matter how much she didn't want to. "I love you, too. But---"

She took a deep breath as she saw his eyes tighten and then noticed the moisture in his eyes once again as he pulled her closer. Her head felt like it was swirling with all the thoughts and memories, the garage, the bikes, the tent, heat, a mountaintop, a bracelet, **her** Jacob. Back when he had been hers. She was about to give this up.

Then as if by some weird chance, one of those memories got stuck in her brain, screaming at her, trying to force itself out. She was trying to finish her statement, the one that would cut the chord between them. Permanently.

But the memory wouldn't let up and before she knew it, the words were out of her mouth and into the air between them. She couldn't take them back now.

**_"But I can't fight with an eclipse."_ **

Jake's eyes widened and so did hers. What the hell did that mean? Why had she said that? It didn't even make any sense. The memory of her informing Jacob of her decision, back on that day of the newborn battle, when he had been lying in bed, injured had been ruthless as it penetrated her mind, grabbed hold and wouldn't let go. She remembered those words. His words. Why had she said that? Why? Granted, she guessed, they could apply but she was trying to end this between them, not bring up the past that they both still desperately clung to. Right away she could see the effects of her mistake.

Jake had not moved, not spoken. If she hadn't heard the sounds, she couldn't be sure he was breathing. Bella bit her lip, another human habit, specifically hers and hers alone. She saw his eyes narrow but that was it. She wasn't sure what to do. She began to try to back away, loosen his grip on her when she felt his arms tighten again, pulling her back towards him. But still, he did not move, his eyes did not blink. Bella was worried now. What had she done?

Right when she was about to ask him if he was okay, he roughly grabbed her face and pulled her down to him. He forced her lips apart with his own, sticking his demanding tongue into her mouth. She was shocked at first, taken aback by his startling reaction, but soon she found herself kissing him back. Their tongues battled for dominance as he pushed her to the ground.

Not once did he let up, him now hovering over her, pressing himself into her. She could feel every inch of him against her body. She was so glad she didn't have any more need for that trivial little thing called air but he did. He pulled away, gasping for breath as she continued kissing his jaw, down his neck. She even stuck her tongue out to taste him. She wished she could put into words just exactly what he did taste like but now all she tasted was fire.

After a couple of breaths, apparently Jacob had had enough because now his hands had found their way into her hair, grabbing hold within the strands and pulled her back to him. His kissing was full of ardent need as he forced his tongue back into her willing mouth. At the same time, he began to move against her. Hard. She cried out into his mouth at the feeling. She felt the familiar spark start at the bottom of her stomach, beginning to build into a steady flame. Almost as if he could sense her arousal, he began to grind even harder causing her to moan endlessly, muffled by him.

His teeth caught her bottom lip as his hands began to roam her body, making sure to stop at her breasts, his fingers working their way into her shirt, her bra and squeezing. She couldn't stop the sounds coming out of her mouth if she wanted to. Automatically, she began to grind her hips back against his causing even more friction and making him groan. She worked her hands down his back, scratching, towards his backside and held him tighter to her. She felt the fabric underneath her fingertips. _Those have got to come off._ The only thought she'd had since this started. And again her mind succumbed to the fog, the haze that consumed them, blocking out everything else.

Bella slipped her fingers inside his shorts, working their way towards the front, never stopping until they found what they were looking for. She gripped him hard and squeezed. She heard him gasp in return and he pulled his mouth from hers to nip at the skin of her neck below. She began to stroke him fast and he moaned into her shoulder, kissing it afterwards. His hand had found its way into her pants, slipping past the panties and into her folds. "So wet." He murmured into her ear, causing her breath to hitch as he slowly circled the pink bundle of nerves, the lazy circles picking up in rhythm to match her hand on him.

He groaned again as she forced her hand to still on him, making her fingers pull out and unzip his shorts, freeing his very large erection.

She had known he hadn't any boxers on, her fingers' search from earlier confirming it and now she was thankful that he had gone commando that day. Moaning at the feeling of his hand still diligently working on her and his tongue claiming her neck, she brought her hand to her mouth, licking it a few times and then proceeded to grab his member and begin stroking it again. She heard him groan one more time before he brought his mouth to hers, attacking it once more. His hand sped up as did hers. She could feel the familiar heat suffusing throughout her entire body. The fire was coming to claim her.

He moaned into her mouth and she could feel him beginning to tense. The fire was coming for him, too.

Bella cried out against his mouth, gently nipping at his lips. Jacob's fingers had ceased their motion and had moved further downwards, one finger slipping inside, finding purchase. She bucked her hips against the pleasurable intrusion when she felt another finger enter. Her hand around his erection slowed in her quest for heat, the flames now spreading through her veins, her skin on fire. If Jacob minded, he didn t show it. Instead he pumped his fingers in and out at a faster pace, adding a third for good measure.

He had pulled his mouth from hers and she missed him. She opened her eyes as best she could to find him watching her intently as she bucked harder, his fingers moving faster. She was panting now. Her hand had left his member completely, both of them now digging into his shoulders, clamping down as she began to feel the heat completely consume her. He increased his speed as did she. He was moving harder, rougher and she was about to burst into flames. She couldn't take it anymore. She thrust her head forward, capturing his lips in hers, biting down on his bottom lip. He groaned and she moaned into his mouth in response. He pulled away again, this time growling in her ear.

"Come, Bells. Right. Fucking. Now." And with that he bit down into her neck, making her scream in a pleasurable pain.

The flames overwhelmed her, her body on fire as she strained and convulsed against his hand, crying out in ecstasy, digging her nails into his shoulders with as much force as he had sank his teeth into her neck. "Fuuuuckkk." She kept moving her hips to prolong the orgasm as more wetness rushed from within onto his fingers. He was still slowly moving them, gently massaging her inner walls before withdrawing. He extracted his teeth from her neck, softly kissing the skin there as Bella lay gasping, coming back down to herself second by second. She turned her head and kissed the pulse point of his neck. He in turn, pulled those three fingers into his mouth, licking them clean as she watched, making her even more turned on. "You taste so good, Bells."

She moaned again. "Jake...."

He looked down at her, a grin upon his face. His eyes were still dark, focused on her with their raw intensity, reflecting the need she still felt for him. She lowered her hand down to his erection once again and gripped him. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as she smiled. This time she began to move herself towards him, making him move further above her so she could take him into her mouth. She heard him hiss when her lips made contact. She swiped her tongue on the underside of the head and his body shot forward a little, almost causing her to fall. She chuckled. He caught himself just in time and laid back like she gestured to him so she could enjoy him fully.

Her hands went to work, cupping his shaft, twisting and turning, fisting, stroking as her mouth did all the rest. She would alternate movements. She would gently kiss the head, then push him into her eagerly awaiting mouth, engulfing him as far as she could, then twist her head in movement as she came back to the top of his penis. And when she would hear him whimper, she would then force him into her mouth, sucking with wild abandon, stroking him fast until she could feel him tense up and then would stop everything altogether. He would growl at her each and every time. "Bella...."

She would smile against him, knowing she was torturing him and loving it. But at some point, Jake decided to even the playing field because she felt his hand back in her pants, gently massaging her cheeks, his fingers working their way down to her seeping arousal. He inserted one into her and she moaned against him, causing him to tighten yet again and hiss. He began a slow movement within her and she picked up her pace while bucking her hips back against his hand. He brought his other hand to her hair, gripping it in his pleasured state. She began to suck vigorously and he pulled out of her and out of her pants, placing his hand in her hair next to the other one. He was tensing up, his grip tightening in her hair, his eyes closed. "Shit, Bells, I'm gonna---ughh--oh God---" She prepared herself, tightening her grip on him, her lips like a vise on the head, waiting to taste him, as her hands worked the shaft faster. The fire was coming for him now.

In the blink of an eye, Bella was on her back, her pants and panties thrown off, her legs spread and he was inside her pounding away. His grip on her hips was so tight she was surprised he hadn't torn her apart. She dug her hands into his backside, silently pleading with him to go in deeper and harder. He knew because in a second he was doing just that. Her breathy moans and his growls filled the air around them, keeping them secluded in their little passionate bubble.

Bella was doing her best to meet his demanding thrusts with her own but she felt the heat spreading again. He was pushing into her so deep she felt like he was hitting the back wall of her womanhood. His growling grew more intense as he pushed faster and faster. She felt the liquid heat in her veins, the fire in her stomach, it flooding her chest as the flames consumed her. She cried out as she came again, grabbing Jake's head and pulling him down to her and meeting him halfway, taking his lips with her own.

His pace never slowed. A few more thrusts and she felt him tense against her. She clamped down on him and he thrust into her, his hardest yet, his body starting to jerk above hers. She moved her hands to cup his backside and pull him tighter against her. He tore his lips from hers, releasing a strangled groan mixed with a growl into the air. She felt him explode inside her, liquid fire shooting into her body. He collapsed on top of her and lay there panting against her neck. She loved feeling his full weight on her now that she was no longer human and it wouldn't crush her. She held him gently, tenderly rubbing his back, loving the feel of him still inside her, softly kissing his shoulder.

There were no words. Bella laid there, basking in the warmth that surrounded her, was in her still. She didn't know what was going to happen. She didn't know what they were going to do but right now she couldn't find it in her heart to worry about it. Because she was laying here with **her** Jacob. She wound her arms around him and snuggled her face into the crook of his sweaty neck. She just didn't care. She licked some of the sweat still wanting to taste him and she heard him softly groan.

"Are you trying to kill me, Bells?" He was somewhat muffled by her neck but she heard him. She smiled and moved her mouth to his ear. She licked the lobe and bit down on it, hearing him gasp and whispered.

"Maybe."

His head snapped up and he looked down at her. She could see a smirk on his young face and his eyes burned with that same intensity again.

"Really now?"

Bella nodded, her smile growing wider as did his. He moved his hands to lift the shirt she was still wearing and had never bothered to remove to expose the skin of her stomach. He brushed his fingers across it, causing her to whimper. Fire, fire, fire. That's all they were surrounded by, fire and more fire. He had flames at his fingertips for sure because the fiery trail they left in their wake surely couldn't be caused any other way.

His smirk got bigger as he trailed his hand down to her core where they were still connected. Bella's eyes watched him in anticipation as he gently circled her nub, causing her to move a little. "I don't know, Bells, I don't think it's gonna work." She flashed her eyes up to his wondering what he meant. His eyes burned brightly, a mix of lust and amusement. She felt him softly pinch her clit, causing her to make a sound she had never known she could make before. A sound she had certainly never made with Edward. She pushed that thought out of her head as quickly as it came.

Jake chuckled and slowly lowered his head down to hers until their lips were only inches apart. He stared into her eyes and then spoke to her.

"But you're welcome to keep trying."

She felt him harden within her again and he gently removed her arms from around his back, cuffing both wrists in one hand and holding them above her head as he raised himself, presumably to start moving again.

Bella found herself anxious at this eerily disturbing familiar scenario. She looked up into Jake's eyes and he stared back at her, his need for her evident in them. _Uh uh._

In one swift movement, Bella had Jake flipped onto his back with her on top. He looked surprised to say the least and he tried to flip them back over but Bella wasn't having it. She knocked him back to the ground. He tried again. And again she kept him underneath her.

Giving in, Jake placed his hands onto her hips as she sat down on his length in one quick motion, earning a nice hiss from him. In a flash, Bella grabbed Jake's hands, removed them from her hips and placed them next to his head on either side, her hands locking his forearms to the ground.

She slowly lowered her head to his until her mouth was two inches from his. He tried to lift to kiss her but she squeezed her thighs in unison with her hands on his arms and he stopped, lowering back down. He looked at her with a shocked expression which soon turned into a very turned on one when she gyrated slow and hard on top of him once. Twice. He stared up at her in awe and she moved her face an inch closer to whisper to him.

"Practice makes perfect."

Jake grinned as did she. She kissed him chastely, then sat up slightly and began to move her hips back and forth, trying to take as much of him in as she could. She set the rhythm to hard and slow, stoking the fire further. When the heat began to build again, then and only then did she let Jake's arms go. She figured he would take advantage but instead he stayed where he was, only moving his right hand to stimulate her clit while gripping his left hand onto her left hip. A moan escaped her at his ministrations but Bella got the message and began to move faster, slamming down onto him with such force that he hissed again. "Holy shit, Bells. Fuck."

Eventually, her hand took over for Jake's at her center and he had both hands on her hips now, moving them faster, harder, thrusting up into her mercilessly. Their cries grew louder and louder, their bodies moved faster and faster. Bella didn't even register that Jake had now flipped them over, pushing her left knee to her chest, and was crashing into her with such force, hitting a new spot he had never reached before, making Bella thrash on the ground below him.

In their race for fire, they didn't notice the eyes that watched them from a distance, well inside the trees. They were so caught up in one another they hadn't heard anyone approach. Their scents co-mingled in their passion that they hadn't smelled anyone, either. Their eyes only for each other as they now joined the fire once again, crying to the world around them, straining, holding each other tightly until they collapsed in a heap of spent energy, they had never seen anyone lurking nearby. Even when Jake's heartbeat slowed back to its normal rhythm and he lifted his head to look into Bella's eyes and whispered "Stay," they still didn't hear a sound. And when Bella whispered back "I love you," and kissed him with all the love she had for him, they still didn't see the eyes tighten and then make their way back into the woods, leaving the lovers to enjoy their post coital glow.


	20. 'Cause Soul Mates Never Die (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DIsclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

"I should have never stopped fighting for you."

He kept his eyes focused on the sky above them but he felt her turn her head up towards him. They were laying in each other's arms, spent after what was turning into the best day of Jacob's life, holding each other closely. He had one arm behind his head and the other around Bella, the both of them now fully dressed after their little sexcapades. Jake smiled at the thought. Things couldn't be more perfect.

Bella didn't say anything and neither did he for the moment. A perfect peaceful moment where he held the woman of his dreams in his arms. The woman he had always loved since he was 15. The woman he knew he had always belonged to and truthfully, always would in some small way.

He inhaled her scent one more time. Strawberries. God, could this woman be any more perfect? He smiled and reached for her hand, intertwining her fingers with his. He brought their hands up to his lips and kissed the back of hers before settling them back down again somewhere near his stomach. He pulled her tighter into him and closed his eyes, sighing, content to stay here forever.

"Jake?"

"Mmmmm?" He didn't open his eyes but focused on the perfect sound of that voice. **Her** voice.

"You didn't."

He opened his eyes and shifted his gaze down to her. "Didn't what?" He wasn't surprised that he couldn't form a coherent thought right now. He was lost in **her** eyes. They might not be the chocolate brown that he had lost himself in more than once, but they were still **hers**.

"Stop. Fighting. For me."

He blinked. That's not how he felt. Regret, pain and anger washed over him in waves as he stared into her beautiful topaz. He laid his head back down, closing his eyes and then opening them again to stare back at the sky.

"I did, Bells. If I hadn't, maybe then things would have been different. Would _be_ different."

He closed his eyes in pain once again. "Maybe if I had done something different, told you a little earlier how I felt about you, forced myself out of the friend zone sooner, kidnapping you that day at La Push and keeping you locked up in Dad's house, never letting you go so you could go to _him_." He grimaced at the thought. Cliche as it sounded, hindsight truly was 20/20.

He forced his eyes to open, taking in the sight of Bella looking down at him, a humorous smile upon her lips. Those incredible lips that had made him feel reborn and branded themselves into his soul only a few short hours ago. "I don't think Charlie would have been too keen on that idea. Billy's son or not, that would not have gone over well."

Jake chuckled. "Well, it's not like it would have happened anyway. I was so scrawny you probably could have taken me." He winked at her and she laughed. How he loved to hear that laugh. It wasn't the one his heart had lifted every time to hear once he had met Bella Swan but it was lost in there with the musical lilt that now escaped her throat. Somewhere.

"True. I probably could have." She laid her head back down again against his chest, right above his heart. He wrapped his arms around her tighter and held her there. Nothing was said for a few minutes, just the sound of the breeze along with his slow breathing and steady beat of his heart. He removed his hand from hers and began to gently stroke her hair. At least that color had not changed, the beautiful mahogany he loved to run his fingers through.

Bella heaved a heavy sigh and she once again raised her head to look at him. "But, things are the way they are. There's no point in going over the 'what if's. No matter what, in the end, I chose Edward and you imprinted....on Renesmee." Jake saw Bella frown slightly, her eyes cast down at his chest.

So there it was. The one word they had tried hard to avoid for the past five hours. Him trying even longer than that. Renesmee. Right on cue, he felt the pain in his heart. He groaned and shut his eyes. But all he saw was her, the all-too-familiar image of her crying in his head. That was worse, so he instead opened his eyes to find a very pained looking Bella staring at him.

The pain on her face broke his heart. He didn't like seeing her like this, especially knowing that he was the one who helped to put it there. He brought his hand up to her face, laying it softly on her cheek. Bella closed her eyes and laid her head into his palm.

Why was this so hard? If Jake had to make a choice right now, he knew who he'd choose. Without a doubt. But what of the other? How could he break her like that? How could he break himself like that? Because no matter what she would always be a part of him. Just as he would always be a part of her.

He felt the lump start to rise in his throat. Why the fuck did he have to become a werewolf? Why is it that he was blessed with the gene and not someone else? Not that he would ever wish this on anyone else but look at Quil. He loved to phase, loved to patrol, to tear bloodsuckers apart. He loved it when he imprinted. Surely, there had to be another Quil on the rez somewhere that his gene could have been given to. But that wouldn't have ensured keeping the bloodsuckers away for good. Maybe if they had just moved away the year before like they had planned, Bella would have never met _him_.

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He remembered the day he had heard that little bit of information. He had never quite lost it like that before, feeling that much rage and hatred for the family that was now including him as one of their own. He had had Renesmee in his arms, picking her up and swinging her round and round, her giggling all the while. She had been two technically, but she appeared to be five or six and that was one of her favorite games to play with Jake. He would pick her up by her hands and spin, spin, spin in a wide circle, making them both dizzy with laughter.

He had been in the middle of one of those spins when he caught the tail end of a conversation that he wasn't meant to hear. Edward had been sitting inside with Bella, playing his "lullaby" for her on the piano while Jake and Renesmee were out in the front yard. Once Edward finished, he heard Bella approach her husband and she quickly pecked him on the lips. "I'll never get tired of hearing you play that for me, Edward. So beautiful. Thank you."

He heard Edward stand up, no doubt embracing Bella, and whisper to her. "You're beautiful, Bella. So beautiful. Every day I look at you, I thank whatever force, whatever higher power is out there for not letting us leave. If we hadn't decided to wait, I might never have met you. And that, my dearest Bella, would have been the biggest tragedy of my existence." He heard Edward kiss her then.

Jake had stopped then, tensed. What did the bloodsucker mean "if we hadn't decided to wait"? What? Might never have met Bella? What? He could hear Bella and Edward's lips smacking as they met again, making him nauseous for the first time in two and a half years. He began to feel ice up his spine as understanding dawned on him.

"Jacob! Jacob!"

He looked down to where his name was being called to find a very confused Renesmee staring up at him, her eyes wide and her little cheeks all flushed from their previous laughing fits. "Jacob! Why did you stop?"

He continued to stare at her, her face making him angrier and angrier. He hadn't realized that she was a few feet off the ground still, clinging to his large hands with her small little ones. The tremors were starting and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't will them away. He was losing control and this little girl in front of him, his imprint, was pushing him over that edge.

Renesmee noticed she was shaking in his strong grip. She stared up at Jacob, her eyes worried for him. "Jacob! Are you okay? Are you sick? What's wrong Jacob? Do you want me to call Mommy?"

Yeah, sure, that was all he needed right now. Jake lowered her to the ground gently, letting her find her balance on her two little feet before he dropped her hands and stepped away. Renesmee looked upset and she began to rush towards him. "No, Renesmee."

She stopped where she was, looking horrified that he had told her no. "But Jaaaaacooooob, you promised." She now wore her famous pout that she always wore for her parents when she wasn't getting her way and stamped her foot.

Jake had never seen that pout before because he was never able to tell her no. This time was different. And as he looked at her, trying to control the shaking, the rage, he realized he had seen that pout before and that foot stomp. On her mother.

But now all of her mother's features were framed by the bloodsucker's. His bronze in Bella's ringlets. His nose sitting beneath Bella's brown eyes. His smile extended over Bella's pink kissable lips even though they were not formed in a smile now. Bella's peach mixed with pink cheeks with the bloodsucker's paleness shimmering beneath. Their child. A child that he himself would never get to have with her mother.

The rage flared and it was a futile attempt at best to control it. He stepped back further. Renesmee's little cheeks went from flushed to scarlet as she lost her little temper. "Jacob! Come back here! You promised!" He kept taking steps backward, each step costing him as he felt the imprint pain. He was hurting her, denying her but he couldn't do anything about it. He was losing it. He felt sick with the anger he felt looking at her features, reminding of what he could never have. What would never be.

Renesmee watched him with her eyes in slits. She stamped her foot again and this time her cheeks were beet red. "I hate you, Jacob! You're nothing but a--a--" He watched her search for the right word she wanted to hurl at him and the recognition on her face when she found it. "--a dog!" That did it. He lost it and he couldn't help the roar that escaped his chest in response to the child's meaningless words.

"RENESMEE! GO INSIDE! NOW!" He growled to accentuate his meaning. She gasped in fright and her angry expression fell, cloudy eyes and pain replacing it. The pain in her face, the imprint pain was worse, making him squirm but the tremors only got worse. He took a step back further.

Renesmee watched him, a stray tear sliding down her right cheek. "I-I HATE YOU JACOB! YOU'RE MEAN!!!" And with that, she turned around and started to run towards the house. She was stopped halfway by Bella, who had come outside to see what was going on, scooping her up into her arms and glaring at Jake. He glared right back, the wolf threatening to tear itself out of his body at the sight of her.

"Jacob, what's going on? Why is Renesmee crying? Are you two fighting?"

He shook but didn't answer her. Then he saw _him_ behind her with a scowl upon his pretty boy bloodsucking face. "Jacob! What is the meaning of this?"

Jake lost it completely then. He phased at the edge of the tree line, ripping the shorts he had been wearing, howling with rage. Renesmee covered her ears as did Bella. Edward just scowled in his direction. Refusing to look at the bloodsucker that had ruined his life, his _real_ destiny, Jake stared towards Bella and Renesmee. One his true destiny, the other his present destiny. The one he could not have, the other the one he could, the only small part of her that fate would allow him to have. The consolation prize for the **_finished-second-place werewolf_**. He couldn't bear the pain. He looked at Bella once more, watching her stare back at him in angry disbelief while soothing Renesmee by stroking her hair as the little girl cried.

Edward snarled and they all turned to look at him. Right, Edward, the mind reader, of course he had heard everything.

_What do you care, bloodsucker? You've got her and you always will. So what the fuck do you care?_

"She is my daughter!"

_Yeah, no shit, Sherlock._

Edward snarled again and leaned forward into an offensive position, about to spring at Jacob. Jake rolled his big eyes.

_Doesn't mean I don't love her. I do. She's my imprint. I'd do anything for her, you know that._

"Even if she's---just a consolation?" He arched his eyebrow in challenge, daring Jacob to deny it.

Jacob glared hard at him. _Yes._

Edward's face grew angrier but then relaxed a little. He stood up straight next to his wife and daughter. He quickly nodded, obviously appeased with the sincerity he had read in Jacob's thoughts.

_Now let me ask you something, Bloodsucker._

Edward stayed silent while Bella looked back and forth between them along with Renesmee, curiously wondering about the unspoken conversation taking place in front of them. Jake took that as his cue to continue.

_Is it true?_

"Is what?"

_What you said to Bella in there? That you almost decided to move before Bella came to Forks?_

Edward was stock still. A shock of realization played upon his marble face as he now understood what Jake was asking and what had enforced his angry reaction. He looked pained suddenly as he fiercely met Jake's eyes.

_Just tell me!_

Edward looked even more pained if that was possible. And then the topaz of his eyes cooled and he gave a brief short nod confirming the worst.

Jake broke. He lifted his head and howled so loud that again Bella and Renesmee covered their ears. Edward stared down at the ground, refusing to watch the painful display Jake was putting on. Jake looked at Bella, his heart breaking once again at what he had lost. Pain was in her expression, clearly echoing his even though she had no idea what could be hurting him. She just knew he was in pain. Jake sent her a mournful look and then turned, running into the forest, getting as far from the girl that he could never call his own as he could.

Emmett had told him the story later. He and Emmett had actually come to get along well and formed a type of friendship that rarely existed between vampires and wolves. Well, didn't exist, actually. Emmett had come to appreciate Jake's blatant fuck-you attitude to Rosalie and her bitchiness and his never-ending blonde jokes. There were even times he and Jake would sit there for hours, playing video games well into the night, trying to think up more. Emmett had been all for Jake's googling it when they came up short. He had given Jake a sheepish grin when Rosalie had overheard them and flashed upstairs to their room to smack him on the back of the head. The two's arm wrestling matches always ended in laughter and further macho goading, making the rest of the house laugh. He had liked Emmett. He was okay for a bloodsucker.

Apparently, the Cullens had decided four months before Bella came to Forks that the time had come for them to move on. People were starting to question their aging, especially Carlisle who looked ten years younger than he should have. People were starting to notice and that meant it was time for them to go. Also, Forks was a bit tired. Even for them.

The only ones who were reluctant to leave were Carlisle and Alice, both making strong cases for staying until the end of the school year. The hospital was still short-staffed and overloaded with patients. There weren't as many questions as they initially thought. People were starting to accept that it was just part of his condition that kept his skin milky white and his eyes a light honey.

But the real force that had kept them there, the one Edward would so gladly thank, was Alice. She stood up in the middle of the room, facing her family, presenting her reasons for staying as if she was an attorney in court, pleading for her defendant's release.

It would be weird to pull out of school in the middle of the first semester. Who would start over at a new school in the middle of the year? That was just nuts. Plus, there was still the matter of the annual Christmas party they threw for the town of Forks. Okay, maybe people being in the house wasn't the best thing right now, but it was their last Christmas in Forks. For a while.

Needless to say, the pixie had won her case. They stayed. A week after the New Year, Alice began to get visions of a new girl coming to Forks High in the next two months and she seemed very excited. Edward had gleaned from her thoughts that this girl would get to know him, become great friends with Alice and be accepted into the arms of the Cullen family. She didn't have a name, which only served to further Edward's dismissive attitude towards the whole thing, but she described the girl and let Edward see the flashes she had gotten.

Edward wasn't impressed. He contemplated leaving the family behind and making his way up to Denali, waiting for his family to join him in July like they planned. But Alice had begged him to stay, promising it would be worth it.

Esme had given him her sad mother look and he acquiesced. And the rest was history....

Emmett had clapped him on the shoulder sympathetically as Jake took all this in, his heart re-breaking with each detail. He knew he had always hated the evil pixie. She had ruined his life. Hopefully, someday he could return the favor.

The next day he saw Renesmee running in the yard, with a jump rope in her tiny hands, grabbing onto her Uncle Emmett as he lifted her up into a giant bear hug. She was laughing gleefully and the sound tugged at his heart. He needed to get over it. This was his life now. And he had to accept it. No matter what.

He knew in his heart he would never forgive Bella for choosing the bloodsucker. She had hurt him the worst he had ever been hurt in his life, causing him the kind of pain that he couldn't have even imagined before he had met her. She had come into his life and had turned it upside down even before he started phasing into a huge wolf. He had loved her with everything he had, giving her all of him that he could and she took it all and broke him.

He had told her once that he understood the attraction she had to Edward. Like a drug, something you couldn't live without. And he thought he truly did even more so when he had imprinted but honestly, he didn't. He couldn't. He would protect Renesmee with his life. Bella had thrown her life away for Edward. He wanted Renesmee to be happy even if that meant being without him, no matter how much it would hurt. Bella could only be happy if she was with Edward or so she had convinced herself. That was the difference. She didn't _want_ to be happy without the bloodsucker. He was so angry and hurt but as he saw Renesmee glance over at him and smile timidly, he knew he would have to let **her** go once and for all. For all of their sakes.

Renesmee whispered to Emmett to put her down and that he did once he saw Jake approaching them slowly, a huge smug grin strecthing Emmett's face. He nodded at Jake quickly and backed up a few feet to give them some space. Renesmee stared shyly at him and he made his way over towards her, stopping within two strides of her.

He could feel all their eyes on him, watching his every movement from the porch they adorned, now wary since his reaction to her yesterday. Truthfully, Jake couldn't believe himself, either. How could a little girl, his imprint, get him so angry? Angry beyond control like she had? She hadn't done this to him. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't to blame.

An innocent child born into extremely weird circumstances. Nothing more.

He meekly smiled down at her which in turn pulled a wider smile out of her. He felt his heart expand with the love he felt for her. She crossed the distance between them, her footsteps light in trepidation. He hated that she was unsure of whether she could approach him or not, thanks to him.

"Are you all better now?"

He knelt down in front of her, giving her his best puppy-dog eyes and sad face until she began to laugh. He smiled in return, his heart feeling lighter already. He laughed with her and then pulled her in for a gentle hug. She returned it warmly, laying her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. "I missed you, Jacob."

He sighed. "Me, too, Nessie. I'm sorry I was mean to you yesterday. I didn't mean to be."

"That's okay. I forgive you."

He smiled a little wider at her innocence, her precociousness, her warmth which was very near to his own, at his Nessie.

Then he heard her little whisper. "I love you."

He pulled the little girl in closer as he hugged her a little tighter, making sure not to hurt her with his big frame. His eyes began to cloud with unshed tears. "Love you, too, Nessie."

She sighed this time, a cute little sigh as if the world had been lifted off her small shoulders. "My Jacob."

Those two words brought the tears over the edge, spilling slowly down his cheeks as he hugged her tighter to him.

He closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head softly. His Nessie.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jake laid there, thinking, replaying every memory, every feeling of that day and he felt the imprint pain yet again. This time it was stronger. He focused his eyes on Bella's calm expression, her eyes closed, clearly enjoying having her head turned into Jake's hand. Then she gently kissed it. He felt the tears threatening to start and he quickly swallowed, forcing the lump back down.

Bella heard the sound and quickly opened her eyes, staring at him. She offered him a small smile as she laid her head back down on his chest. "What are we going to do, Jake?"

Jake wished he knew the answer to that. He really did. But seeing as how he couldn't come up with a plausible one at the moment, he just spoke honestly. "I don't know, Bells. I wish I did."

Bella remained silent and he continued. "I don't know what the right thing is here, Bells. I love Renesmee, I do. She's my imprint, my other half. She was made for me. And I for her." He could feel her tense against him at the words.

"But," He lowered his hand down to her chin to make her look up at him as he spoke again. "I also love you. And I have. For the longest time. You're my heart, Bells. No matter what, a part of this will always belong to you." He punctated his statement by grabbing her hand and placing it upon his heart, holding it there. He willed her to believe the amount of love he had for her with his eyes.

Bella stared at where her hand now lay. She nodded but didn't move her eyes from the spot. Jake wanted to stay here with her, longer, convincing her of just how much he did love her, but he knew he would have to go back to La Push and soon. As nice as this little bubble had been, time still marched on in the outside world, their lives with it. The pain in his chest was a recurring reminder of that very fact.

He was going to have to choose. This wasn't fair to Bella, to Ness, to himself to keep doing this. To keep all of them in some kind of sadistic limbo while Jake tried to decide who he loved most.

In all honesty, Jake wasn't sure he could choose. The imprint was a strong bond and could never be broken. Not without killing the wolf, the imprint or both. That much was sure.

Okay, maybe not literally but the pain would be too great. No matter how much of a masochist someone might be, who could survive that type of pain and how much of it?

Either way, he was bonded to Renesmee permanently and she wanted him. He had no choice in the matter. His soul and half of his heart belonged to her and that was that. He truly was _her_ Jacob.

But could he really give up the one thing he had wanted for so long? Bella? **His** Bella? Now that she was free and clear to love him as he had always wished she would? She tugged on the other half of his heart. The half that had always belonged to her and her alone, regardless of the imprinting.

Why did this have to be so goddamn hard?

Bella's voice broke into his thoughts. "Jake,"

He looked up at her to find her eyes staring back into his.

"I think I should leave for a while."

His eyes went wide but then narrowed in frustration. "Bells...." He couldn't help the tired sigh that escaped his lips. They were not going over this again!

"It would be best. You know that."

He let go of her hand and removed his arm from around her head to bring both his hands up to rub his eyes, groaning as he did. He then turned his head and glared at her. Why the fuck did she thinking leaving him would make it any better? If anything, it would only make it worse.

She took a deep breath and then began her case. "Jake, come on. What are we doing here? You just said it yourself. You love Renesmee. _I_ love Renesmee. You're imprinted, your soul bonded to her permanently. You may love me but you're never going to love me the way you love her." Jake rolled his eyes and turned his face away from her. He _may_ love her? She was really starting to get on his nerves.

"And even though we've had sex a few times--" His eyes snapped back to hers and he intensified his glare. "---amazing sex--"

"What happened to mind blowing?" He had asked her coldly, no amusement or teasing in his tone whatsoever. He was getting pissed now.

He saw her wince a little before she continued. "Okay, mind blowing, amazing sex but---"

"Love, Bells. It's called making love." He didn't know why but the way she was labeling what had happened between them not once, not twice, but four times, three alone in this clearing, was really irking him. _I sound like such a girl._ Quil and Embry would be hysterically laughing at him had they heard him, the hurt evident in his tone at her casual attitude. Jake was angrier at the thought. But he didn't like the way she casually referred to it bothered him. It had been more to him than some physical need between them, it wasn't just some....roll in the grass. He turned back towards the sky, trying not to get angry.

She sighed heavily once more. "Jacob, you and I both know that if Edward wasn't gone, none of this would have ever happened."

The shaking started as he shot up to a sitting positon, face to face with her now, shooting daggers at her with his eyes. Her eyes widened a little in surprise but she didn't move. "Are you fucking kidding me, Bells? Didn't we just go over this? You told me that you weren't using me to forget him, remember? Are you telling me you were fucking lying to me now?"

He expected her to get angry, narrow her eyes at him and throw a death glare of her own his way. If there was one thing that would piss her off, it would be the implication of her selfishness. That always got her going. But instead, it was her turn to groan as she laid back on the ground, away from him, holding her hands to her eyes.

"No, Jake, that's not what I'm saying and you know it." She removed her hands and opened her eyes, now staring up at the sky as she spoke. "Jacob Black, you know I love you, I do. I always have. And I'm not saying that I regret anything that has happened in the past 24 hours. I don't. Well, except that. I hate that I've hurt you so much that you can't trust me when I say I truly love you, that you can think I'm just using you to forget him. I hate that I've done that."

Jake was a little shocked. This wasn't what he was expecting at all. He felt his anger simmer down just a little as he listened to her.

"But, Jake, things worked out the way they did. I married Edward and you imprinted on Renesmee. It's just the way it is. We made our choices, well not you obviously," Bella added that in quickly when she saw Jake about to protest. "But we did. And we accepted them. I was happy with Edward and you were Renesmee's. You even told me that you loved me properly, like family, remember?"

He did remember saying something like that to her once. At the time it had been true. He didn't realize that all he had done was allow the imprint to bury his feelings for her deep down to where they could never resurface. They had never disappeared, the imprint couldn't do that. _Nothing_ could do that.

He slowly nodded and waited for her to continue.

"Everything was okay then. But then, like you said, Edward died and suddenly everything was out of balance. It was like, I don't know, like the first time he left except....different. This time I knew he was never coming back and it killed me, it did. But, you were there, again, and I just knew I loved you."

He looked down at her in awe and with as much love as he could muster.

"I don't know. I mean, I had always loved you but this time it was different. I didn't plan on it but it just---happened." Bella shook her head in disbelief, Jake watching her every movement.

Bella looked pained and he wondered what could possibly cause her to frown like that right now. His heart was light at hearing how she loved him. "I know it's selfish of me. But that's me, right? Bella Swan--Bella Cullen--" Jake winced at the correction she made. "--selfish as can be, only worried about herself." Most people would have taken this as a guilt trip or as a way to gain positive praise of oneself or sympathy but he knew her. She really believed this of herself. And as much as he loved her, she was partially right.

She shook her head again and continued on with her point, sighing. "Jake, I really don't mean to be selfish and this is going to come out all wrong, but I couldn't lose you again." She stared up at him with hopeful eyes.

Jake wasn't sure what to think. In his heart he loved this girl, but he knew where this was going. And that wasn't something he could do right now, couldn't think even.

When he didn't respond, Bella sat up, facing him again and moved closer until her face was an inch within his, their noses almost touching. "I love Edward, Jake. I always will. A part of my heart will always belong to him so I uunderstand what you're saying. And I don't regret marrying him, loving him. I'm sorry but I don't." Jake lowered his eyes. Okay, so maybe he didn't know where this was going.

"But I love you, too." His eyes snapped up to hers and she was softly smiling. "I do. I love you, Jake."

He felt the lump again. God, what was with him and all the crying lately? Maybe his earlier observation had been right. Maybe he was turning into a girl.

"But this time, I'm going to do it the right way. I'm not going to be selfish, I'm not going to tear you in half anymore."

Jake's eyes widened in surprise and her smile grew as they both remembered his telling her the same thing so long ago. He had been trying to tell her how much he loved her, letting her make her decision. If she was happy then he could be happy, right? Well, pretend to be happy, anyway. And now Bella was telling him the same thing.

He could feel the tears swimming to the surface. _Ah, screw it._ Let Quil and Embry laugh all they want should they ever find out. He _was_ a girl, in love with this woman, the only one who had ever been able to turn him into one.

"Bells---" His voice was breaking.

She smiled wider as she stroked his cheek softly. She now spoke in whispers. "I love you, Jacob, and I always will. But I'm setting you free. You belong with Renesmee. You both deserve to be happy. There's no one else I'd rather take care of her, protect her, love her." Her voice didn't betray anything except the determination with which she was speaking.

He felt the wet trails down his cheeks before Bella's cool fingers wiped them away tenderly. She brought her forehead to rest upon his softly. "Bells, plea---"

"I'm going to leave tomorrow with Alice and Jasper and won't be back for a while. I'm going to give you two the space I promised."

Jake began to protest again. No! She couldn't leave. "Bells, no don---"

"Love her, Jacob. Take care of her for me. She's yours now."

Bella wiped the tracks of fresh tears off his cheeks. He nodded, realizing he wasn't going to win this argument. He still loved her but maybe Bella was right. Maybe this was for the best....

Bella smiled again and then leaned in, kissing his lips gently. He kissed her back with all the love he had for her, his tears mingling with the kiss. When he finally allowed them to break apart, he whispered his final plea brokenly. "Stay. Please." She leaned away, still smiling and then kissed his forehead softly.

In a flash, Bella was at the edge of the clearing, looking back at Jake. He was watching her through his clouded vision, sniffling once, trying to keep himself from begging her to come back. Because he knew she wouldn't. She had made his decision for him. Again.

She smiled again and whispered to him. **_"Love you, Jacob."_**

It stabbed into his heart to do it but he whispered back to her. **_"Love you more."_**

And with that, Bella Swan--- _Bella Cullen_ \---was gone, vanishing into the trees within the blink of an eye.

Jake then put his head in between his knees, curling into a ball as quiet sobs tore through him, racking his huge frame as his heart broke yet again.

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**BPOV**

Somewhere in the distance, far off from Forks, from the meadow, Bella finally came to a stop. She ran and ran until she just couldn't. Not that she was tired or anything. Vampires never get tired after all. But, she wasn't thinking. She wasn't feeling. She was numb.

She stood there for a while. She was somewhere in the huge expanse of wilderness that ran through the Olympic Peninsula. She didn't care where. But here she didn't have to face anyone, answer any questions, or see or hear anything she didn't want to. Where she wouldn't have to face **him**.

She remembered his broken look back in the meadow, his heart clearly hurting at her hands yet again. The salty tears still imprinted on her lips from when she tasted them as she kissed him back. The fire at his touch now a permanent branding on her skin. But right now, she felt cold. Vampire or no, this was the first time she ever felt _ice_.

Even the hole was quiet, abandoning her, realizing she wasn't worth pulling under anymore. She sank to her knees as she replayed every single minute of that day. Every single moment with Jacob, backwards in time, leading right up to the day she had met him and he had asked her how she liked her truck. She would never regret Edward or Renesmee but she wished she could have split herself in half and given her other half to Jacob, the one that would always belong to him. Her soul, her heart, the half that was his.

But such things weren't possible and her time had passed. She had made her decision, only having one heart, one body, one soul and she had given all to Edward. And now he was gone and with him, all the parts of her that were his.

Bella kneeled down until her head was near the ground, clutching her chest with both arms even though there was no pain there, no hole to hold together. She shut her eyes. The sobbing noise made its appearance again and claimed her, consuming her in the grief she felt at her loss.

For _her_.

For _him_.

And just like she had that night in the meadow, Bella broke down.

Bella Swan had done the right thing.


	21. Everything's Made To Be Broken (RPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

**RPOV**

Renesmee wasn't sure what to think. She had been here at Billy's for hours. Hours! And not one word from Jacob! Not to mention the pain she felt in her heart. Just like last night. Again.

For the millionth time, Renesmee rubbed the spot where her heart was practically beating out of her chest. Billy noticed. Again.

"You okay, sweet pea?" Billy said his line perfectly for the little scenario occurring between them every fifteen minutes since she got here. Mixed with just the perfect amount of concern and tenderness.

And right on cue, Renesmee nodded, her hand dropping down to her lap. "Yeah, I'm okay." She squeaked, actually squeaked this time! The beauty of improvisation.

And just like always, Billy would mumble "Okay," and turn back to the baseball game he had been watching.

Renesmee would then try to focus on the images on the screen in front of her but she just couldn't. Why is it that men seemed to like this game so much? It was boring to her, something she thought mere humans only had an interest in until her family took her along for one of their games. They had been right. The speed had been fascinating to watch, the strength behind every crack of the bat. But she still didn't get it.

She tried hard to, though. Jacob loved baseball, the Seattle Mariners being his favorite team. Although she couldn't quite comprehend all the yelling at the television whenever a game was on (it wasn't like the players or coaches could actually hear him), she knew he was passionate about the sport. So one day she figured she'd watch a game with him. He had grinned brightly when she had suggested it. How she loved that smile. It was one of her favorite things in the world. That smile stayed there the whole time until she made the mistake of asking him to explain the sport to her.

_"Wait, how does a top and bottom of an inning work out?" "Okay, so wait, three strikes and they're out but they can also get four balls, why?" "What's with all the hand signals?" "Batting average? Is that how many home runs they've hit? Okay, okay, I get the whole three outs and the inning changes, I get it, but if they're past the 9th inning and it's not tied, why are they still playing?"_ Eventually, Jacob just huffed in annoyance, withdrew his arm from around her which earned him a nice pinch on his forearm (he rubbed it and whined that it hurt making her grin in satisfaction, that'll teach him!) and told her she should go see what Esme was cooking for dinner that night. She had scoffed and stormed off to the kitchen. She had tried, she really did! She spent the rest of the night glaring in his direction anytime he smiled at her, which only made them wider. Eventually, he apologized and told her the number one rule of watching sports with him: never ask questions. Bottom line. She huffed but forgave him, his infectious grin forcing one out of her reluctantly. She could never be angry too long with that smile. _Her_ smile. She turned to stare out the window. She missed Jacob.

She heard Billy say something to the TV. Apparently, the Black men suffer from the same delusion that someday these people will hear them and change their playbooks to satisfy both father and son. Renesmee inwardly groaned at the sight. She needed something to occupy her mind. She slowly stood up and started to make her way towards the kitchen.

"Something wrong, sweet pea?"

Billy had turned his chair to face her with a worried expression on his face. She smiled softly. "Bathroom." She hated how timid her voice sounded all the time. Like a little mouse.

"Oh, okay." Billy turned his chair back around, content to leave the subject alone and get back to his game. This household obviously did not have the impression of a female influence for a long while. Anywhere in the neighborhood of girls and their "things" and the Black men shut right down and pretended not to hear anything. The only thing missing was them, clamping their hands over their ears immaturely and proclaiming, "What? I can't hear you!" Actually, Jacob did do that. She silently laughed at the thought.

She made her way through the kitchen, down the hallway and into the small bathroom at the back of the house. She closed the door quietly and locked it. She put her hands on the small counter and looked up into the mirror hanging above it. She stared hard at her reflection. She looked a little....gaunt. Ness hadn't fed in a while but she tried to maintain a diet of human food. It grossed Jacob out when she fed. It had been okay when she was little but now he said he hated to see such a beautiful woman lying over a dead deer with blood on her lips. She knew he had said it in jest but deep down, it bothered him. He just couldn't get used to the sight. Ness had a secret suspicion that it had more to do with his prejudice against the "leeches" than anything else. Even though she was half of one, not to mention the daughter of two such creatures.

So she tried to make him feel more comfortable and she stuck to human food. But her strength paid the price. Human food did not sustain her nearly as much as animal blood did. In effect, she had darker circles under her eyes than normal. She looked tired and she actually thought she looked a little thin. The pink that was usually in her cheeks seemed absent. She pinched them to try to get some color. Not a stain. She just felt....weak. Almost....human. She sighed and leaned back away from the mirror.

Where was Jacob? He must know she needed him, now even more so with the pain in her chest. Her pain was always his pain, that's what he had said, right? So, shouldn't he know? Shouldn't he be here by now? Leah had waited here with her for a few hours before finally claiming she needed to go home and help her mother with something and leaving. Where was he?

Ness hated this. It's not that she didn't like visiting La Push, or visiting Billy, but she didn't like not knowing what was going on. Not seeing her Jacob. She had tried to call him, the last time being twenty minutes ago and she just kept getting his voice mail. _His phone must be off._ Which had made her more anxious than before.

It didn't escape Billy's notice how many times she would go to use the phone in the kitchen, her sad sigh indicating that yet again the phone had gone straight to the automated message. Every time she would walk back into the living room to sit down again, Billy would try to offer her some small form of reassurance.

_"Don't worry, sweet pea. I'm sure he'll call soon." "There's nothing that would keep him away from you, sweet pea. He must be dealing with some pack stuff." "Hang in there, sweet pea. He'll be here before you know it."_ And each time, he would smile at her kindly before turning back to his game. She appreciated his efforts at calming her fears but she knew they wouldn't work. The pain in her chest was just too intense. The last time she had felt anything close to this was....last night.

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Last night, when she had been at Grandpa's house in Forks. She felt so bad. Sue had been opening her presents, this one from Grandpa. He had just finished telling her how he had specially ordered it from the jeweler in town when Ness had cried out. The force of the pain in her heart was overwhelming inside her chest and coursed through her veins at such a rate that she was knocked breathless with it. Naturally, everyone had rushed to her side, asking her what was wrong, how many fingers were they holding up, should they call Jacob, should they call 911, should they call Carlisle, wait was he back yet, etc. The questions didn't cease until Seth had crouched down next to her, his hand gently placed on her forearm and asked her if she wanted to go home. At the time, she had declined and begged the party to continue. Seth nodded his head, looked over at Leah who stared back at him with equal ferocity and then stood up and moved back to his seat at the table.

She knew they were now watching her closely and she tried to ease their discomfort but the pain was just too great. It grew and grew until she couldn't take it anymore. It became too much. She apologized to Grandpa and Sue, feeling bad for ruining the party. Of course they both rushed to tell her that it was nonsense, that they just hoped she would feel better soon. So Renesmee said her goodbyes and let Seth and Leah lead her out to the car. At that point, the pain was at its highest and Ness couldn't keep the facade up any longer. Tears began streaming down her face in response to the overwhelming pain she felt and Leah and Seth exchanged a worried glance. Leah decided to stay in Forks and help her mother clean up. She leaned down towards the window and mumbled that she hoped Ness felt better soon before disappearing back into the house.

Seth jumped into the driver's seat and started back towards home. He kept asking her if she was okay and all she could do was nod her head. She laid her head back onto the seat, closing her eyes, trying to will away the pain when she felt Seth's hot hand on her arm.

"Are you okay?" He sounded so worried Ness had to do something to reassure him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She forced her eyes open and glanced towards him, sending him a small feint smile. He didn't buy it, though, like she had intended. "Ness, tell me, what can I do?"

She turned her head towards the window and closed her eyes again. Suddenly, his face was in her mind and then for some reason, she just felt like he didn't love her anymore. That he wasn't _hers_ anymore. Like he was gone. And that caused the pain to flare up, making her whimper. She felt the car come to a stop. She opened her eyes to find that Seth had pulled over and was now looking at her, obviously distressed. "Ness?"

She looked over at him. His russet cheeks with his dark eyes burning into hers. He reminded her so much of Jacob. _Her_ Jacob. She groaned at the thought and closed her eyes again.

"Ness! Talk to me!" Seth was anxious now. "Ness!"

She forced her eyes open again, for his sake. Would this pain ever stop? She felt so sick, hurting so much that she could only whisper back to him. "Sorry."

His eyes widened and then looked at her with a puzzled expression upon his face. "For what?" He sounded exasperated.

"For this. I don't know why it hurts so much."

"What hurts, Ness?"

"In my chest."

"What hurts in your chest, Ness? Come on, tell me."

"M-My h-heart." And at that, she broke down into explosive sobs. Seth held her while she cried like this, unsure of what to do. He patted her head and shushed her like a parent would a child, repeating over and over again, "It'll be okay. I promise."

When she began to breathe again, her tears stopped and she began to get back some semblance of control, Seth had questioned her again. "I don't want to upset you, Ness, but what did you mean when you said you had pain in your heart?"

Ness sniffled and then looked down. Seth's shirt was all wet from where she had just been crying against it. She felt bad. "Oh no, Seth, look what I did to your shirt. I'm sorry."

Seth shrugged his shoulders. "No worries. It's not like I wear 'em all the time anyway."

"Which is why you need all the ones you can get. I'll wash it for you when we get back to the house." She began to sit up in her seat, smoothing out her dress, hoping he'd drop it.

Seth knew her too well, though. "Ness, come on. Tell me what's really going on." She looked up to see the worry in his eyes. This was really scaring him. Well, she couldn't blame him. Technically, she had been in so much pain that it had made her yelp so loud effectively scaring everyone, had to leave early, just went on a crying binge for the last ten minutes after telling him there was a pain in her heart and now she was trying to be all evasive. Yeah, she definitely couldn't blame him.

She lowered her eyes in embarrassment. "I-It was ab-bout Jacob."

Seth's eyes widened again. "Jacob?"

Ness nodded her head. Seth was silent for a second and then continued on.

"What about Jacob, Ness?"

"I um--" She didn't know why but she felt uncomfortable talking about it. Well, it did sound kind of weird, even to her and she was no stranger to weirdness. Neither was Seth really. She looked up to find him looking at her expectantly. So Ness took a deep breath and decided to tell him.

"Well, I just f-feel like Jacob doesn't l-love me anymore. Like he'll be g-gone when I get h-home." And as she expected, the thought drove her back to tears and more ragged sobbing. Seth once again held her and tried to soothe her.

"Shhh, it'll be okay. It will, I promise."

She couldn't be more grateful for those small words of comfort because she really believed them. She just needed to see her Jacob and all would be okay. It had to be, like Seth said.

After a few more minutes, Renesmee's sobs quieted down and she tried to get her bearings back. That's when she noticed the pain was a little bit less. It wasn't nearly as huge or consuming as it had been earlier. Her heart started to feel warm again and....fuller, like it was healing itself back up. Her breaths were evening out and she felt less anxious, less sad. She lifted herself up again and smiled at Seth.

"I feel better."

Seth looked surprised. "Really?" Then he must have thought better of it because she then saw his relief. "Oh thank God, Ness, you had me so worried. Are you sure you're okay?"

Ness nodded again. "Mmhmm." She started to feel happier, more confident that her Jacob would be there once she got home. He would be there. Waiting for her. And she would rush into his arms and all would be well in the world again.

"Ness, I don't want to upset you but...."

Ness frowned. She saw the cautious yet concerned look on his face.

"But, I think you need to tell Jacob."

Ness' frown intensified as she turned in her seat and stared out her window. Her heart had just started to feel lighter a mere minute ago, why was he trying to bring it back down again?

She felt his hand on her arm once more. "Ness, I just think it's important that he knows. For all we know, he could've felt the same pain. You are his imprint, after all. Surely, he'd be able to tell if you were....distressed."

She refused to look at him. In truth, she was scared to tell Jacob. What if he got mad and accused her of not having faith in them? And then didn't want to be with her anymore? She shook her head to clear her thoughts. No, Jacob wasn't like that. He'd be worried more than anything. But then another thought entered her mind. What if she actually hurt him by stating her insecurities to him? Made him worry that he wasn't doing enough to show her how much he loved her? She didn't want to do that. She didn't want to worry him. He got so scared when it came to her, whether it be her physical safety, if her eyes looked glassy, if she wore her seat belt at all when he wasn't in the car with her, forcing her to have a bodyguard 24/7, etc. Emily had assured her that it was natural with all imprints and their wolves. They were just overprotective. But Ness could tell it wore on Jacob. And anything that wore on him wore on her. And she did not want to see that look on his face yet again because of her.

"Come on, Ness. You know if you don't tell Jacob, then I'm going to." Ness turned and glared at him. "Not on purpose, you know that. But when I do, then he's gonna be all pissed at me for not bringing you to him right away. Do you want me to get chewed out and forced to go patrol with Paul for a week as a _favor_ to Sam? Sharing Paul's mind really sucks, Ness. His mind isn't exactly the purest. Every time I patrol with him, I get sick to my stomach. You wouldn't want to do that to me, now would you?"

Seth gave her his best puppy-dog eyes look, a trick that he learned always worked on her, and she felt herself beginning to smile even though she didn't want to. "Seth, his mind can't be that bad."

He looked over at her like she had just said something crazy. "Have you ever actually been inside Paul's mind?"

She shook her head as her grin grew wider. "No. But it can't be that bad."

Seth snorted and rolled his eyes. "Trust me, Ness. The man makes the mind of a psychopath look like a trip to Disney World. That's how truly disturbed he is."

Ness laughed warmly. Seth had a point, Paul was nuts. But in a good way. He was just a pain to put up with. Jacob had always told her that. Seth smiled in return and she felt better. And just when she was sure nothing could ruin it again, he did.

"Please, Ness. Please. Don't let me patrol with that idiot, please. Last time we patrolled he said he'd put a leash on me, tie me to a fire hydrant and call animal control. Please."

Ness laughed again at such obvious absurdity. Yeah, sounds like something Paul would say. She turned to find the puppy-dog look once again staring back at her. She chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Oh, okay."

Seth smiled brightly. "Thanks. Here, use my phone. He should be out on patrol right about now but he always has his cell."

And begrudgingly, giving Seth a nice glare as she punched in the speed dial number which melted when she saw the puppy eyes again (how she hated her weakness for that face, it was all Jacob's fault, that's how he always found himself forgiven for his latest offense and Seth had seen that and now used it against her, too), she told Jacob about the pain and her worries. Truth be told, she had left out some details, smudged the timeline just a bit (much to Seth's chagrin) and the actual scope of the pain but Jacob got the idea. And of course, just as Ness predicted, he was worried. She had heard it in his voice. He told her he would see her back at home soon. He had told her he loved her. She would have to kiss that worry away. She beamed at the thought and sighed happily.

Up somewhere on cloud nine, Ness' chest felt all but feather light as Seth pulled the car into the familiar driveway. She leapt out of the car and bounded up the steps, Seth calling for her to wait up. She turned to find him right behind her. Wow that werewolf speed was fast. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She beamed at him, happy that her Jacob was coming home to see her. "Of course I am, Seth. Thank you so much for everything tonight."

Seth smiled in return. "No problem. Glad to see you're feeling better. I don't have to patrol until Jake gets here. Do you want me to come inside and wait with you?"

She shook her head gently. "No, that's okay. I'm alright. Jacob should be here any minute. But thanks, anyway."

Seth nodded his head. "Okay. Well, get some rest, Ness, and I'll see you tomorrow maybe."

Ness leaned forward and hugged him. "I will. And thanks again, Seth. You are such a good friend." And with that she flew up the stairs and up to the door, opening it and turning before heading in, waving. "Night."

Seth waved back. "G'night."

Ness then hurried inside and shut the door. She ran over to the couch and threw herself on it excitedly. She couldn't wait for Jacob to be home. She smiled as she thought of how good it would feel to be wrapped up in his arms.

Five minutes passed and she stared up at the clock on the wall. She thought Jacob had said he would meet her at the house. Maybe she was mistaken. She shrugged her shoulders and went back to thinking about him. He would be here any minute.

Fifteen minutes later, Ness felt the pangs of anxiety in her chest again. She glanced once again at the clock. That was strange. No matter where he was in the woods, he should have been back by now. Plus, he knew how she had been hurting and she would be his first priority. She knew how he worried. She shrugged again. Maybe had some pack business to attend to, catching a scent somewhere of another vampire that was passing through. He would be here soon.

Twenty minutes later, Ness was starting to panic. She was pacing in the living room, staring at the clock and then at the front door and then back. Her anxiety was high now. What was going on? Surely, she would have heard something by now. Seth was still outside, wasn't he? He would have heard Jacob's thoughts and would have told her if Jacob was caught up chasing a vampire, right? She stepped to the window and peeked outside. No Seth. No Jacob. She was starting to worry now. She glanced at the clock again. Maybe just a few more minutes before she'd call for Seth.

Thirty seven minutes later, Renesmee was a mess. She was pacing wildly, wringing her hands, her eyes flashing between the clock, door and window. She was close to calling out for Seth but she didn't want to worry him. What was going on? She didn't feel the pain again but that didn't help the terror she felt now. Her nerves were frayed. Why had Jacob told her he'd meet her here if he hadn't intended to? Did something happen? Was he in trouble? No, no. Seth would've known and then so would she because he would've raced to the house to retrieve her and bring her to La Push if something happened. That had been Jacob's contingency should something ever happen to him. So, no that couldn't be it.

And then it hit her. The pain she had had earlier, Jacob's disappearance from her heart for that amount of time, his reluctance to return to her. She plopped down on the couch and gasped. He didn't love her anymore. He didn't want to be with her anymore. Tears started to gather in her eyes as she let her insecurities take over.

Ness knew she had pushed him into the whole relationship thing. He hadn't been ready and then she had gone and kissed him. Oh God, she hadn't meant to, she just loved him, wanted to be with him, close to him, held by him, loved by him, that was all. And wasn't that how the whole imprinting thing worked anyway? He was her soul mate and she his? So what could be more natural than to take the next step? Right?

But what if he didn't love her anymore? What if he loved someone else more than her? What if he didn't want her? She couldn't bear the thought.

In response to her fears, Ness jumped up and grabbed the phone. She got him immediately and he apologized incessantly. He had gotten "sidetracked". Ness wanted to scream, to cry her pain to him. How could he have been so careless? But she didn't. She was just relieved that he was now on his way home to her. She hung up the phone feeling a little more at ease, but not much.

Once Jacob walked in, she couldn't wait any longer. She threw herself into his arms and immediately began crying. He had held her, letting her sob it out. After a while, she had somewhat calmed down, feeling more comforted by his presence, his embrace, his warmth that he carried her upstairs to put her to bed. And then _that_ happened.

She hadn't meant for it to but she had just been so scared she was losing him. She began to kiss him with desperation and he had responded. One thing led to another and before she knew it, she was gasping in ecstasy as he brought her to the edge of blissful oblivion. That was the first time she had ever felt anything that wonderful and she loved Jacob even more for giving it to her. Her gratitude was such that she surged with a new found confidence and tried to return the favor, only to be interrupted. She had thought he didn't want her but he just said they weren't ready yet. At the time, she had been angry, rejected, but she now saw the logic of his thinking. He had been right. She wasn't ready.

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The memories of his groans and her gasps, how he had felt, how he had made her feel brought the blush to her cheeks that she was looking for and then some. She came back to herself and realized she was still in the bathroom. The blush brightened as she figured Billy was probably wondering if she was okay she had been in here so long, replaying everything in her head.

She checked her reflection one more time and then unlocked the door, opened it and stepped out. She slowly made her way back down the hall and was about to go into the kitchen when she stopped by a familiar door. Jake's door.

Ness looked down the hallway quickly. She could see the back of Billy's head in the living room still turned towards the television. Maybe she hadn't been gone as long as she thought.

She cautiously turned the knob and opened the door to reveal the childhood room of the man she loved. It hadn't changed since the last time she had been here with Jake and they had come in here to hang out. She quietly made her way inside and closed the door.

She glanced around and saw all the car posters on the wall, little wooden carvings on his dresser, a picture of him and his mom on the desk. She made her way over and picked it up. Jake's mom had died when he was little. But he had remembered her and he loved her just as fiercely as he did back then. It was still hard for him to talk about Ness had found out when she had asked him after seeing the picture for the first time. He had smiled gently, his eyes glistening as he dropped his head to look down at the wooden carving he was working on, simply telling her it was his mother and she had died in a car accident several years ago. The way he had said it with such finality left no room for further discussion and she hadn't pushed it.

Ness smiled at the little boy in the picture who was giving a cheesy toothy (well, somewhat toothy, some were missing) grin to the camera, his mother laughing at him. Her Jacob. How she wished they could have grown up together. Ness sighed and then placed the photo back on the desk. Oh well, however she got her Jacob, it didn't matter. She just wished she could have known him back then, know everything about him.

Her eyes scanned to the next photo, one of Jacob and herself. Sitting on the front steps here, Rachel had grabbed a camera and taken the picture. Just a simple one, Jacob two steps above Ness, behind her, with his arm around her shoulder, both of them smiling at Rachel. Ness' heart warmed. _Her_ Jacob. She placed the photo back down. She turned around and made her way back to the door when she noticed Jake's top drawer of his dresser open ajar. She went to shut it for him and noticed that a bunch of t-shirts were strewn inside haphazardly. Ness rolled her eyes and laughed. Typical Jacob.

She pulled out all the chaotic shirts and began to refold them, placing them back into the drawer one by one. She smiled happily as she continued the mundane chore. She loved this man so much she'd do anything for him. Hopefully, someday, she'd be folding both of their clothes really soon. She smiled wider at the thought.

She grabbed one of the white t-shirts and something dropped to the floor. She bent over to pick it up, wondering what on earth he could be hiding in his t-shirt drawer, a quick thought wondering if she wanted to know but then thought better of it. It was Jacob. Her Jacob. It wouldn't be anything truly horrible.

She turned the object over in her hands. It was a photograph. It was one of Jacob and---her mother? They were sitting on what appeared to be a driftwood tree, she had seen a few when Jacob had taken her for long walks on First Beach. Jacob was laughing hard, his eyes squinting in amusement, and holding his hands up in a mock gesture of defense as her mother had her hands balled up into tiny fists, raised and ready, and stood over him threateningly, smiling wickedly but good naturedly. Ness wondered who took this picture. This was clearly from when her mother was human, the slight pink color in her cheeks giving her away, her eyes a deep chocolate, almost like Ness'. The picture was great. She loved to see two of the people she loved most in this world so happy, laughing together, having fun.

But why was this in a drawer and not in a frame on his desk? She turned it over in her hands again and saw a small bit of writing in the top right corner she hadn't noticed before. _Bells, March '06._ Her finger traced the long creases that stretched on the back leading to the front if the photograph. This picture had seen its fair share of handling. It looked like it had been folded about a thousand times, over and over again into tiny squares. How this picture was still in one piece, Ness didn't know. Any more creases and it would fall apart, never to be put back together again. A shame because it was such a nice picture.

She turned the photo over again and stared hard at the two figures. They really did look happy. Her mother obviously showing her sense of humor that was rarely shown around the Cullen household and only seemed to come out when she was around Jake and Ness. Jake's genuine laughter and amusement at her mother's antics. She wished she and Jacob had a picture like this. She placed it down on the desk in front of the other two pictures.

And then she had a thought. This picture should be put in a frame right now before it got any more ruined. She wouldn't dare touch his mother's photo. So instead, she grabbed the one of Jake and herself and removed the photo from the frame, replacing it with the photo of Jake and her mother. She stood the frame up next to his mother's and placed her photo on the desk in front of them. There. Now that picture wouldn't get any more wrinkled and she could get a nice frame for the one of him and her. Plus, she wanted a photo like that of the two of them, laughing like they always did. That would be a picture to put up in her room for sure. She softly smiled and resumed her folding.

Then it hit her. The pain was so sudden and intense that she couldn't help but cry out from the force of it. It was consuming her, trying to possess her, own her, kill her. Tears started streaming down her face and she began to gasp for air that seemed to have disappeared out of her lungs and refused to return.

She heard the door bang open and felt someone crouch down besides her, taking her in their arms and holding her. The arms felt warm. Jacob?

She turned her head to find Seth holding her, rocking her, staring at her worriedly. "Ness! Oh my god, are you okay? What's wrong?!!? Talk to me!"

But Ness couldn't. She couldn't get air in fast enough. The pain was so severe. It was coming in huge tidal waves, dragging her under, forcing her down, down into the blackness of it. She managed to strangle out one cry. "J-J-Jacob!" And then she succumbed to the blackness.

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It was a while before Ness came to. When she did, she was laid out on the couch in the living room, with Billy, Seth, Emily and Sam looking over her. She tried lifting herself to sit up but her head felt dizzy and she immediately laid back down with a groan.

Emily placed a hand on her shoulder, rubbing it gently. "Rest, sweetie. Relax."

Renesmee shook her head to try and clear the dizziness away and when she couldn't, she just turned her head to face everyone. "What happened?"

They all grimaced but Emily was the one to answer. "You passed out. How are you feeling now?"

Renesmee frowned in response. "A little dizzy. Is Jacob here?"

Emily lowered her eyes as if she didn't know how to answer that. "No, sweetie. He's not."

Renesmee's eyes filled with tears. Why was this happening again? What was going on? Where was Jacob? She decided to focus on something else so she wouldn't start crying. She cleared her throat in hopes to clear away the lump that had formed but of course it stayed, refusing to move an inch. "How long was I out?"

Emily lifted her eyes again to meet Ness'. This one she could answer apparently. "A while. You passed out on Seth and he brought you in here to lie down. Then he called me and Sam and we rushed right over."

Ness let her eyes wander to find Seth sitting on the loveseat opposite her, next to Billy in his chair, both looking clearly distraught. She felt really bad. She hadn't meant to make them worry. "Sorry."

Billy smiled and Seth's eyes snapped up to hers. "That's okay, sweet pea. You just gave us a little scare, that's all." He was trying to comfort her and she was grateful. She smiled meekly at him but then her smile melted away when she met Seth's hard gaze. That wasn't like him. She tried again.

"Sorry, Seth. I didn't mean to scare you."

Seth's eyes flashed and in a second he was on his feet, glaring down at her. "Why are you always apologizing?"

Ness was taken aback at his reaction. Why was he mad at her? She hadn't meant to pass out. The pain had just been too much.... She could feel the tears about to spill over onto her cheeks. Her vision was getting cloudy.

"Why are you always so worried about everyone else and never yourself? I mean, Jesus, you scared the living shit out of me in there. How bad was the pain _this_ time?"

Ness gasped. Not only had she never heard Seth curse in front of her before, never mind Billy, but she was shocked that he had blurted out her secret like that. Only she, Seth, and Jacob knew that she had had a pain in her heart and why. How could he do that to her? She thought he was her friend. Ness couldn't hold them back anymore. The tears broke free, streaming downwards.

Emily spoke then harshly. "Seth! That's enough out of you! Let the girl rest." Emily then turned back to Ness and her tone softened. "Now, Ness, what is it about this pain? Can you tell us?"

Ness glared at Seth who seemed to squirm a little under her gaze. Good, he should feel guilty. She broke her eyes away to stare into Emily's. "It's nothing, Emily. I just....had this pain in my chest. It's no big deal, though. Nothing to worry about."

"Bullshit!"

All eyes wide and shocked turned to find Seth red-faced and angry.

"Seth...." Sam's tone had a warning attached to it.

"No, Sam. I'm sorry. This is all complete horseshit!"

"Seth!" Emily and Sam, both this time, yelled at him. Ness began to cry harder. Why was he treating her like this? What had she done? She tried once again to reach her friend.

"Seth, I'm sorry I passed out on you. I'm sorry I scared you. I d-didn't mean to. I p-promise, I'll never do it a-again."

Seth's angry face fell and gave way to a pained expression. And then, just as quickly, the anger returned. "Dammit Ness! Stop apologizing! You have nothing to apologize for! You did nothing wrong!"

If that was true, then why was he yelling at her like this? She couldn't help the sobs that escaped her chest now.

"Seth, that's enough. I may not be your Alpha but I will kick your butt out of here if you can't control your temper. So calm down. Right now. Do we understand each other?"

Seth never took his eyes off Ness and she shrunk under his glare as she saw him nod once causing her to cry even harder. Emily glowered at Seth and then gathered Ness into her arms and rocked her, patting back softly as she cried. "Don't worry, sweetie. Don't worry."

Eventually Ness cried herself out and she began to breathe normally again. Sam and Billy looked around helplessly, not sure what the right move was here so they just left Emily to comforting Renesmee. Seth continued to glare at the floor, never moving. A few minutes later, Ness sat up, feeling better than she had earlier and sniffled. Emily looked at her with concern. "All better now, sweetie?"

Ness nodded then wiped under her eyes. Emily handed her a tissue so she could blow her nose. Ness smiled at her in thanks. The room stayed quiet for another minute or so until Sam spoke up.

"Ness. We need to talk about this pain you're having. Seth filled me in on what happened last night already." Ness glared in Seth's direction, his eyes refusing to leave the floor to meet hers. "Don't blame him, Ness. He's just trying to do what's best for you. And from the sound of it, Jacob doesn't seem to know what causes the pain, either. So maybe it's best you tell me what happened in there before and we'll try and figure it out together, okay?" Ness nodded slowly and moved her eyes to the floor. She really did not want to have this conversation. Not right now, anyways.

And she got her wish. At that precise second, fate decided to help her out and sent Jacob through the door. It banged open and he slammed it shut, his gaze coming to rest on the scene before him. Ness gasped and jumped up, running to meet him. She threw herself at him, hugging whatever she could grab while burying her face into his chest. "Oh Jacob! I missed you!"

She felt his arms around her but they were loose. They didn't tighten, pulling her into him, like they usually did. She pulled back to look up at him. His eyes had red around the edges, glistening like black water, looking down at her blankly. She noticed the dry tear marks on his face. He had been crying. Why? Had he felt the pain too this time?

He looked so....broken. She was afraid to raise her voice above a whisper, afraid that anything higher than that might shatter him into a thousand pieces right in front of her. "Jacob, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

He didn't answer her, just looked at her. She could almost feel herself start blushing under his intense stare. What was he looking at? Why didn't he answer her? "Jacob?"

"Jacob."

Jacob's head snapped up at that. He and Renesmee both turned to lock gazes with Sam.

"We need to talk."

Jacob nodded and began to walk out the door with Sam, Seth following. Renesmee gripped him tighter and he reached around his back to remove her arms and let them fall gently in front of him. He went to leave once again when her arm snaked out and grabbed his hand desperately, making him stop in his tracks. What was going on? She could feel the tears building again.

He turned and gently but firmly pried her fingers from his hand, one by one, then let her hand fall again. She could feel the pain in her chest returning. Ness drew in a quick dry sob.

Jacob heard it and he raised his hand to her shoulder, squeezing in soft reassurance. He gave her a weak smile, an empty version of what it used to be and then stated plainly, "I'll be right back." There was no warmth to his tone, no feeling, nothing. Just words, that's it. That's all they were. Ness was terrified.

Jacob turned and walked out the door to meet the other two wolves outside.

Ness watched him go, in fear that he may never return again. Never return to her. The tears flowed silently, her heart pained more than it had in Jacob's room before. Something was wrong, very wrong.


	22. Sooner Or Later It's Over (JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Once the sobs ceased, Jake sat there and held his head in his hands, refusing to get up and go to La Push as the pain in his chest demanded, refusing to move. How had this gotten so completely out of his control?

Jake took what seemed like the tenth deep breath in a span of thirty seconds, trying to calm down. The tears were threatening to overtake again and the lump was back in his throat. Why was this happening to him?

_Bella._ The only thought track in his brain for the last hour since she had left. And each time, the memories came with it, starting the crying jag with it all over again. Bella Swan on First Beach, flirting with him awkwardly. He didn't care, she was beautiful. Her big doe eyes reeling him in, taking him prisoner and never letting him go. Bella laughing in the garage after he had told her a few of the many pranks Quil and Embry had pulled throughout the reservation. The way her arms had felt around him when she threw them around his middle, trying to comfort him that day on the bike path. The way her small hand seemed to fit in his. The joy he felt when she told him she didn't care that he was a werewolf as long as he wasn't hurting people. Her face that day he had "broken up" with her. The terror coursing through his veins at the sight of her on the sand, eyes closed, not breathing. The relief when she started to again. The pure unadulterated bliss he felt when she was sleeping in his arms even though the bloodsucker had been close by, watching, stinking up the tent. The feeling of her close to him, her heartbeat a lighter thumping echoing his heavy loud one, as she gave him those three incredible dances. They hadn't moved much but it was one of the best times of his life and also one of the saddest. It had been a goodbye. Bella's small smile as she considered his offer, the one Edward had begged him to make, knowing full well she would reject him. _If only...._

He stopped right there. The imprint pain surged through his chest, traveling throughout his body, leaving fire in its wake and taking his breath away at the intensity of it. He felt guilty. He would never wish that. At all. He just wished he hadn't imprinted on her. And then he found himself wishing he could love her the way he was supposed to. The way he loved Bella. _Bella...._

Sure enough, the tears started to well up again and his throat began to close, the lump strangling him. He took another deep breath.

And then another.

And another.

He needed to get his head on straight. He needed to be strong, like the animal growling at his weakness for the wrong girl inside him. He needed....

Bella was in his head, torturing him, smiling at him, causing his heart the greatest pain it had ever known next to the loss of his mother. He needed her. He heard her words play over and over in his mind. _"I'm going to do it the right way." "I love you, Jake." "I'm not going to tear you in half anymore."_ He saw her rueful smile as she turned to look at him one last time before leaving the clearing. The smile that plainly told him she was doing the right thing, above her own needs and desires. She wouldn't be selfish anymore.

Jake raised his face out of his hands finally and stared out over the open grass towards the trees. He couldn't take this. Why was his life so goddamn complicated? Did fate sit there and get a laugh out of the pain that was inflicted upon him? At every time he would be so close to finally getting **his** Bella only to have her taken away at the last second with a "Just Kidding" echoing in the air? Why did fate hate him so goddamn much? He had accepted the werewolf destiny he had been handed. Maybe not as well as he could have, but he did. He protected his people against the bloodsuckers, honored the treaty, loved his family and his brothers, loved the girl of his dreams and did right by people. Why was he being punished? He had accepted the alpha status, begrudingly and out of necessity more than anything, but he had. He did what he needed to do. He took care of his pack, small as it might be. He protected their allies, putting their needs above his own. Okay, so the force behind that was the girl he loved but still, he did it. For her. He hadn't been all that happy that he imprinted, his choice being taken away from him, but that little girl, the magic of the imprint was hard to resist, if not altogether impossible. And he had accepted it, protecting her, loving her, being whatever she needed. So why was fate so angry at him?

He shook his head. This whole poor me-life hates me-i hate the world thought track wasn't getting him anywhere. There was no point in thinking those things. He sighed as he got to his feet. The pain in his chest demanded he go to La Push. That was where he was needed so that was where he would go. The pain roared again at the resentment he felt that he had to go, bidden like the dog he was. He winced and rubbed his chest lightly. Sometimes, he really hated the fucking imprinting. Soulmate or not, he didn't like his choices being taken away from him. Forcefully, as the stinging in his chest would concur.

Jake sighed. His time with Bella was in the past. He should be thanking his lucky stars that he had had any time with her at all. That he had been able to kiss her, hold her, make love to her. They would always have that at least. Something to be locked away into their hearts for the rest of their lives. Well, the rest of his, anyway. Bella, for the rest of eternity. Jake sighed again and closed his eyes in pain. _His Bells._

He tried not to think about how perfect her body had been underneath him only a few hours ago, moving with his in a flawless rhythm. The sounds she made, screaming his name as she came for what must have been the eighth time in their lovemaking. The way her nails dug into his back as her head thrashed back and forth in ecstasy. The way her lips seemed to claim his in an almost primal way as they crashed together time and time again. The new positions they had tried, allowing him better access, hitting spots that made both of them worship the other. The way he had pounded into her that last time, a strangled "I---ungh---love---y-you---ahh----Bella," making its way out of his mouth as he jerked behind her, exploding inside her for the last time before he slumped forward, collapsing onto her back, panting against her neck. The way she had turned her head back towards him, raising her hand to his head to pull him closer so she could kiss him as he came down from his high. And how she had kissed him, like it would be the last time they would ever hold each other in such a perfect state of bliss. They both knew it, except Jake thought it would be the last time only for a while. He hadn't known that Bella would end it completely. If he had, he would never have let her go, never let her get up and get dressed, never let her separate from him. He would have stayed nestled inside her for the rest of the day and night, alternately making love to her throughout the time, if that's what it took. No matter how exhausted he felt, he would not have closed his eyes for a second. Not one. Then she couldn't sneak away and disappear. He should have because now he would never know that incredible feeling of her skin against his ever again. He would never feel her lips on his ever again. He would never be able to claim her as his.

Ever.

Again.

Jake shook his head again trying to snap himself out of it. He needed to get going. Staying here and torturing himself with such images, such thoughts was not a good idea. It wouldn't help to heal the chasm in his heart. He took a deep breath to steady himself and turned to leave the clearing. He needed to get to his dad's and pick up Renesmee. He sighed mournfully as he thought of how excited she would be to see him, knowing that the traitorous half of his heart would also be happy to see her. The other half would still be mourning his loss and making him feel unfaithful. That thought stopped him. _Unfaithful? Traitor?_ The wolf growled at him again in anger. He once again tried to shake away the thoughts. He needed to get himself together.

Jake took a few steps forward and then stopped. He saw something on the grass a few feet in front of him. He moved forward a little and then bent down to see what it was. He held it in his hand and gasped. It was a piece of Bella's shirt, the white fabric practically burning his fingers at the images it brought to mind.

He had ripped her shirt.

Again.

In the heat of the moment, up against a tree, he had gripped her tighter to him, only to feel the smooth material underneath his fingertips and not her skin like he wanted. He stopped moving for a moment, making Bella whimper in frustration as he glanced down and saw that the fabric was pressed against his chest. He had growled in anger. He wanted her skin on his, feeling her on him, against him like it was supposed to be. His hands went to the shirt and he looked up into Bella's eyes, glaring at her for keeping this impediment between them, a barrier to their full connection. She had smirked mischieviously and then rocked her hips against him, her moan almost sounding like a petulant whine, letting him know she wanted him to continue the rhythm they had been moving in only seconds before his observation. He grinned back just as impishly and then ripped her shirt in one motion, making her gasp. Within seconds, the shirt was off, the bra with it and her chest was fully pressed into him, making him groan at the feeling. This was how it was supposed to be, her skin against his. He could feel the fire, the lightning currents flowing through them at the fresh contact.

He looked into her eyes, letting his smile melt away into a harsh glare. Bella's smirk never left her face. Instead, she moved her hips in a tight circle, pulling him in further, moaning so loud, throwing her head back, letting him know what she wanted. He wouldn't move. Her eyes came back to his, pleading, a slight whimper escaping her lips. Those perfect lips.

He still wouldn't move. Bella huffed in frustration, her smile now gone, glaring back at him. Then and only then did Jake's impish grin reappear and then he pulled back and thrust into her.

Hard.

She gasped again which only urged him on. He drove into her faster and harder with such force he was surprised the tree was still standing long after they had moved to reposition themselves so he could take her like the animal he was.

He turned the scrap over and over in his hands, hearing her gasps, her moans, her whimpers over and over in his mind. Strawberries, topaz, white, mahogany, fire surrounding them. _"I love you, Jake."_

Then Renesmee was in his mind, her gorgeous smile, her beautiful brown eyes. He winced at her obvious pain, making it his pain. He knew he didn't deserve it, had no right to expect it but he silently prayed for her understanding and forgiveness for his slights against her. He loved her. She was his soulmate and he hers. He grimaced, his decision making a painful incision in his heart right down the middle. One half laying in a tattered heap and the other half healing, glowing even, with what he knew was to come.

Then he thought of Bella. He hoped one day she could forgive him as well for what he was about to do.

He shoved the piece of material into his pocket, ran to the edge, stripped, secured the shorts on his leg and phased. He took off like a bat out of hell. He could hear Renesmee's soft voice in his head like an echo of the pain inside his chest. _"Jacob. I love you, Jacob."_ He pushed himself faster, all but a blur against the trees. His heart pounded in rhythm with his paws against the earth. He knew what he needed and what he couldn't live without. This is what was to be. There was no denying it, no running away from it, no supressing it. He should have known.

Faster. Faster. Even though he was in wolf form, the animal inside snarled at him in fury in response to those thoughts. How dare he cheat on his imprint not once, not twice but four times? Who did he think he was? What makes him think he's so special, that he'll be _the_ one? It snarled again. The wolf knew who it wanted and it was time the man knew it and accepted it. Jake mentally agreed to placate the angry animal. He felt a little bit of the pain dim at his submission, the snarling quiet down.

Jake gritted his teeth again and pushed himself even faster if it was possible. Their scents met him halfway and accompanied him to his destination, that one in particular calling to him, pulling him towards her, **_like a thousand steel cables_** connected between them.

The edge of the woods was coming into view.

Then the grass.

Then the steps.

Jake skidded to a stop.

No. It couldn't be.

What he saw tore into him, making the pain feel like a pin prick next to it. His head snapped up and he howled in agony.

He was too late.

He burst at full speed to close the remaining distance, phasing and running up the stairs and into the house. He rushed from room to room in hopes of finding her, finding someone, not caring in the least that he was naked. No, no, no. Darkness and an eerie silence fell over the house. This could not be happening. His search came up empty as some part of him knew it would.

He broke for the kitchen, grabbing the handset off the counter. He punched in the number he knew by heart at an inhuman speed.

It rang once.

Twice.

Three times.

And then a voice picked up.

Just not the one he was hoping for.

"The number you dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up an-"

Jake hit the OFF button with such force it was a miracle the phone was still in one piece. He decided to try again.

He turned it on and upon finding the speed dial number he wanted, pressed the button and waited for it complete the call.

Again the line rang once, twice, three times. And again the same voice picked up.

"The number you dialed is no longer in service. Pleas-"

Jake pressed the OFF button and slammed the phone down on the counter, effectively breaking it.

His hands found their way up into his hair, pulling in his torment, his hell, as he roared in anger.

How could she do this to him?

And then, a sudden thought struck him.

The scents.

Why hadn't he thought of that before?

Realizing they would be stronger to his keen wolf nose, Jake flew out the door and phased. He began to circle the house, trying to pick up their scents, her scent, any scent.

Nothing.

How was this possible? No, it wasn't. It was impossible. There's no way they could have--

And just as suddenly as that thought had hit, another one did.

The scents he had followed in.

The only remaining trail left.

He took off in that direction and his heart gave a little start when he picked them up again. Hers the most potent to him.

He followed the traces, as faint as they were now that some time had passed since his last foray in this area. They led him back to where he first came across them and he noticed they made a slight turn to the left, taking off into the woods deeper.

He picked up his speed and let his nose guide him to the one who now held the remaining half of his heart.

The scents became stronger.

He ran faster.

He was getting closer.

Something clicked off inside his brain when he started to recognize his surroundings. _Okay, that's strange._ Then he realized, she must have gone looking for him. It was the only way to explain why she had come out into the woods this far. His heart began to beat faster and his mind was starting to haze with the euphoria of such a thought.

He pushed his legs faster.

Once he reached the point of no return, the other scents drifted off while hers remained. He was still a little puzzled but in complete ecstasy as he realized his wish, his fervent hope that she had been looking for him was an increased chance of reality now. There was no other explanantion for the risk.

Although, once he got her into his arms, he was going to have a talk with her, chide her gently but with firmness so she would never venture such a trip again.

At least not without him.

He had only been a few feet in when he realized the scent was beginning to weaken. He felt his heart drop into his stomach a bit as the smell indicated the change. The only thing he was holding to is that it was leading him to that one place.

Home.

He reached the edges of the property, her scent still beckoning to him in a whisper of a breath. He was puzzled at the choice of location but was thrilled beyond anything that this was a confirmation of his hopes. She had come to find him.

He stopped right at the tree line and phased, throwing on his shorts quickly before bounding out into the open. He hated that he had to switch, the trail not as strong to his nose in this form, but he couldn t take the chance of any visitors, the occasional stray neighbor or straggler walking around catching him on all fours, in all his massive canine glory.

He caught the lingering traces of her scent and followed it to its destination, shocked beyond all reason that it led straight to the house. How had he not known she was here? Had she come to see _her_? And not him? He swallowed hard at the thought.

Jake shook his head, trying to clear it of the lingering doubt of what he knew deep down inside to already be true. No, he had to hope. They were meant to be and that was that. Sure there had been some bumps and scrapes along the way. After all, hadn't he read in one of Esme's motivational calendar things that 'nothing worth having is ever easy' ? He snickered to himself. Leave it to him to remember such a ridiculous thing like that at the most crucial moment of his life.

He was about to ascend the stairs when someone stopped him, moving into his path, restraining him from moving further. He was slightly shocked to find Leah as his obstacle in his hurry to get to her.

"Leah. What are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He hadn't missed the icy inflection in her tone.

He didn't have time for this. "Leah, I don't have time for this. I have to go."

He made to push past her but her hand shot out and pushed him back.

Hard.

He stumbled to catch his footing. He couldn't help the anger roaring out of him.

"Leah! What the fuck?!!?"

Leah snarled viciously in response. "Are you fucking kidding me, Jake? You're really going to go in there, smelling the way you do?"

Jake's brows furrowed angrily and he moved forward until he was towering right above her. He made sure his voice was calm yet cold. "I don't give a fuck what I smell like. I'm going in there, Leah, and you're not stopping me. Now move."

Leah didn't budge. She just glared at him maliciously. "You should. Sam and Seth are in there. They'll pick it up right away. If they haven't already."

"I don't care." He tried to push past her again. And again she wouldn't let him. He was getting pissed now.

"Leah, move the fuck out of my way, I m not kidding."

Her eyes never left his. "No."

"Leah." He got right in her face, letting her know the seriousness of his anger. "Don't make me."

She growled lowly and brought her face closer to his, their noses almost touching, the daggers shooting from both their eyes almost piercing the others in the close proximity. "No."

"Move out of my way, Leah." The authority of the Alpha filled the short air in between them.

Reluctantly, Leah stepped back.

Jake nodded his head in approval. "Good." He began to bound up the steps when he heard Leah's voice behind him.

"She's gone, Jake."

He stopped short and turned slowly back towards his Beta. He gritted his teeth.

"You're lying."

Leah moved closer now, looking up at him as she made her way to the foot of the stairs.

"No. I'm not."

Jake didn't want to believe her. Deep down inside a part of him knew she was speaking the truth but he refused to let it sink in. He glared at her maliciously.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Leah didn't move. Her eyes didn't even flinch at his venomous tone.

"They're gone."

Jake descended the few short steps between he and the smaller wolf, making her back up a few feet in response. "What are you talking about? How do you know that?"

Leah's eyes flashed with anger and resentment towards Jake. "I saw her before they left."

Jake felt his head spinning wildly and was surprised that he had not stumbled to catch his balance. What? No, that didn't make any sense. Why would she see Leah of all people? What was going on? Her scent was here but....no, it wasn't possible. He maintained a semblance of calm and then asked the next question quietly but not quite removing the acid from his voice. "What do you mean _saw_ her?"

Leah scoffed. She gave Jake an incredulous look as if she was offended that his tone implicated his doubt of her story. "Because she fucking called me, that's why!"

Again, the dizziness hit Jake. This was becoming way too much for him. Nothing Leah had said made any sense to him. She wouldn't call Leah. That would be the last person she would call for anything. Hell, she'd put Blondie on speed dial first before ever asking to see Leah to tell her anything. He glared at Leah and turned back towards the steps, ready to climb them back to the house. He would see for himself where she was, scent or no scent. And Seth and Sam's noses be damned. "Right."

Leah spoke menacingly next. "She did, Black."

Jake stilled for a second but then thought better of it and continued to place his foot on the next stair, continuing his ascent.

Leah's next words were dripping with venom. "But at least she had the fucking decency to take a shower first."

The next thing Jake knew is he found himself snarling and hurling back towards Leah. In a flash, he was before her, his hand around her throat, lifting her off the ground, squeezing. To her credit and Jake's surprise, Leah didn't struggle against him to free herself from his hold. She just glared at him coldly, the hatred shining through her eyes.

"Who the fuck are you to say that to me, Leah?" Leah didn't flinch at the words being shouted in her face. She remained as still as a statue while he took every bit of his frustration and anger out on her. "Today is not the day to fuck with me. You're going to tell me what you know and you're going to tell me NOW!"

Leah flinched then. Her shoulders sagged a bit under the weight of the Alpha command she had been given. The clear, cut hatred now burned brightly in her eyes as she kept them trained on Jake's. "Fine. But do you mind taking your fucking hands off of me first?"

Jake didn't move, didn't release her. He stared hard at the woman who stared just as hard back with an equal amount of loathing. He brought her face closer to his, growled warningly and then moved her back, opening his hand, letting her fall to her feet, stumbling to regain her balance.

Jake crossed his arms as Leah slowly raised her head, her hand massaging her throat, her glare all the darker and more malicious in her obvious revulsion. He slightly smirked as he allowed her anger to reflect right back at her in his eyes. He had meant what he said. Today was not the day to fuck with him.

Silence filled the air between them and Leah's expression never changed, her eyes never leaving him, her hand never resting from its incessant kneading of the spot where he had grabbed her. Jake stayed still as well, not moving, allowing this to go on for a few moments longer before losing his patience with her.

Again.

"Leah! NOW!" He saw her slump down a little and wince as the authority reverberated out of his throat.

"Fine. But do you mind if we go somewhere else and have this conversation? Somewhere more....private?" She glowered fiercely at him, her brows arched in spiteful challenge.

Jake knew why she was making this request and he honestly couldn't care less. Let Sam and Seth hear it. Who cares? He just needed to know where she was. "No."

Leah looked over at him in shocked disbelief. "Jake, what the he--"

"I said no, Leah!" She shut her mouth. _Ah, wise move._ Finally, she was seeing things his way. "Tell me right now, Leah. Don't make me say it again."

Leah's lips formed into a tight thin line and the fire in her eyes burned brighter. There was no mistaking it now. She definitely hated him. Her hand left her throat and she took two long steps towards him, moving precisely and cautiously, almost like a predator.

"I seriously doubt that you want me to tell you _everything_ , Black. Unless you _want_ your precious little imprint to hear what you've been up to when she's not around."

Jake didn't flinch, didn't make a sound. Leah's eyes didn't move from his, the defiance crystal clear, daring him to make the wrong move, say the wrong thing, now that she without a doubt was holding something over his head. But Leah didn't know that she was in a losing battle. Because, quite frankly, Jake didn't give a shit.

But right as the smirk spread wider on his face, right as his eyes lighted in amused anger, Ness' image filled his head yet again, the stream of tears plain as day on her face. He didn't want to hurt her any more than he already had. No matter what, that was something he would not do. Even in his desperation, he would not do it to her. Even **she** wouldn't be cold-hearted enough to carelessly inflict that kind of pain on her. Inside he cringed at his apathetic cruel thinking.

He nodded curtly, silently giving his assent to her request for a change in location. She took it rightly as such and turned around, walking towards the trees. He waited a minute and then began to follow, slowly, keeping a distance between them.

They had been walking for about ten minutes, more than enough space in between them and any supernatural eavesdroppers, when Leah stopped short and turned around to face him. Her eyes scanned their surroundings, flickering about, making sure they were absolutely alone before bringing them to Jake's.

His arms still crossed against his chest, his eyes stayed stone still, trained on her face, willing her to tell him what he was dying inside to know. "Leah, tell me."

Leah slowly brought her hand back up to her neck, rubbing it gently, glaring at him yet again in her disgust. Jake rolled his eyes and rage built inside him. He had had enough of the overdramatic bullshit. "Leah! Goddammit! Tell me right NOW!" Again, he saw her wince slightly at the command. He chuckled in his head, laughter without any real mirth, at the sight before him. Truthfully, he hated using the authority of the Alpha and only did so in extreme cases and as an absolute last resort. Leah's stubborness had made him use it not once, but four times within the span of fifteen minutes. Needless to say he was not in the mood and he was losing all tolerance he ever had for her.

Fast.

"Leah!"

"Okay, okay. Chill out! Jesus, Jake, what the hell has gotten into you?" Her hand stopped moving but she kept it where it was, resting against her throat and she took a deep breath, closing her eyes. Once she exhaled, she let her hand drop, she squared her shoulders and then proceeded to move forward a few feet, moving closer to him. Jake didn't move a muscle.

"I did what you asked me to, Black. I brought your imprint to Billy's and waited there with her for you to come rescue her on your big white horse or wolf or whatever the fuck you want to say." She scoffed in disgust. "Anyway, while we were there, Ness started to have pain in her chest. The same as last night. I kept asking her if she was okay but you know how she is. Quite the little martyr that girl is, not wanting to worry anyone. But I could tell. She had the same expression from last night and she kept rubbing her chest. The pain was there."

Jake's face stayed the mask he had set it in. A small twinge of guilt nagged at him for the pain Ness had felt at his betrayal. He really didn't deserve her. She deserved better.

Leah continued on as if this information meant absolutely nothing to her, just merely making a report to the Alpha regarding an uneventful nighttime patrol.

"I knew you'd get your panties in a twist if I didn't let you know what was going on so I tried your cell a couple of times. Nothing. Just voicemail. Your phone was off." She turned towards him then, giving him a meaningful look. He ignored it.

When Leah could see she wouldn't get any kind of reaction from him, she went on with her story, her harsh glare never leaving his face.

"So I figured that maybe something happened. You know, with that new bloodsucker being in town and all and like the stupid bitch I am, I thought maybe, just maybe, you needed my help. So I phased and asked Seth if he had talked to you. He said he didn't so I knew something was wrong. I asked him to watch over Billy's place and I went to find you. Imagine my surprise when I came across your scent near the border." She gave him a feigned expression of surprise laced with biting sarcasm underneath.

God, how he hated her bitchy side sometimes.

"Now I knew that you wouldn't be anywhere in La Push without seeing your imprint first. I mean, you guys can't be without each other, live without each other, even for an hour, right? True love, soulmates and all that crap?"

Even though Leah had released the question into the air rhetorically, Jake knew what she was really asking. But he didn't respond. He just needed to know where the fuck she had gone off to already. His eyes narrowed at her and a wicked grin spread slowly across Leah's lips.

"So I followed it back towards Forks. I figured I'd find you, give you the run down of the whole Ness situation and then get to finally go home and get some fucking sleep, seeing as I've been playing babysitter all day after running early morning patrol. I was a little surprised that your trail led further and further into the forest, farther away from Forks but I, again, like an idiot, thought, 'Maybe he needs my help.' And that wasn't the case was it, Black?"

Jake's eyes flashed. He was an inch away from losing it completely, phasing and tearing her to shreds. Okay, maybe not literally, but it would take her a while to heal. His chest heaved angrily, slowly.

But she was a girl. And regardless of his display earlier and Leah's overindulgent bitchiness today, Jake wouldn't lose control like that. He closed his eyes briefly to try to still the raging beast inside him and then opened them again to find Leah staring at him.

Her eyes had actually softened a little and there seemed to be....pain in them. She spoke as if she was elsewhere, far away, tired like she had just run the world's longest and fastest marathon. "I didn't mean to, Jake. I honestly was just trying to find you to make sure you were okay. I was so damn tired and pissed off and worried. But I never thought---" Her eyes lowered to the ground and Jake began to wonder where this was going.

Leah took a deep breath, closing her eyes and swallowing quietly. "I didn't even think that---- _that_ was possible." She said the last words quietly. She then raised her gaze to Jake's, her eyes glistening with an innate agony.

Jake didn't show a hint of weakness, remaining the silent statue still. Leah lowered her eyes again and closed them in pain. She took another deep breath.

Jake huffed in impatience. He didn't have fucking time for this!

Leah's eyes shot open at the sound and they flashed to Jake's face. All the pain was gone, resentment had returned.

"Oh I found you, alright." Acid coated her voice as she spat the words out. Jake's brows furrowed further.

"I saw you."

Jake's eyes tightened.

"And her."

His jaw clenched.

"Together."

His fists became taut underneath his arms.

"Jacob."

He slowly focused his eyes on her face, meeting with unwavered determination.

"Why?"

Jacob's eyes tightened once again and he formed his lips into a thin line.

"You know why."

Leah stared at him for a second, almost as if she was trying to figure out something in his eyes. When she didn't seem to find what she was looking for, she broke her gaze, shaking her head and began to pace.

"You're letting her do it to you again, Black. What's the matter? Were you not broken enough last time she pulled this shit?"

Jake didn't respond. He just stared at the ground she was working into a groove in her furious trek in front of him.

Leah raised her hands to her scalp, grabbed bunches of her hair and pulled. "God! I mean, how could you be so freakin' stupid?!!?" Her voice was now raising in octaves, her anger clearly shining through as she dropped her hands and turned to confront him.

"She's using you again, Jake! The bloodsucker's gone and she's using you to _hold_ her together!" She spat the words at him in disgust for his obvious stupidity. Jake tensed. She was using the words she had seen in flashes of conversations between himself and Bella once upon a time. Not only was she mocking them, but she was taking them and throwing them right in his face. A vain attempt to convince him how ridiculous he was being by helplessly loving the one girl who had always held his heart. The one he had unabashedly given it to.

He was close, very close to that edge that Leah was eagerly trying to push him over.

"God! If only I had known, I would have never fucking helped her! That fucking leech bitch!" Jake's eyes narrowed as he took in her words. He hated the name-calling, the insults against **her** , but he'd bitch Leah out another day. Right now, he just needed fucking information already!

"Wait, what? Back up. What do you mean, helped her?"

Leah's eyes met his, only now being made aware of his presence again after her infuriated ranting. She didn't say a word, only stared.

Jake was frantic. "Leah! Tell me! What did you mean?"

Her eyes softened a little with pity but retained the anger. She swallowed before continuing to speak evenly. "She called me."

"Yeah, we already went over that part. Why did she call you? What happened, Leah?" Jake's desperation was leaking through, showcasing the chink in his armor. He didn't care. He _needed_ to know.

"I left you both....in the clearing." Leah took a deep breath again. "I went back to Billy's to check on Ness. Sure enough, as I figured, she was still in pain. I was gonna stay there until---you got back." She cleared her throat quietly. "But, I was there for a while and like I said, I was exhausted so Seth was going to phase and cover for me for a while. I was going to head home for a bit. But that's when I got the call."

Jake's eyes fastened onto hers wildly, begging her to tell him what he needed to know, had to know.

Leah, surprisingly, silently agreed to put him out of his misery.

"She called me, asked me to meet her at the treaty line. Sad to say, I agreed, figuring maybe you would be there, too. I wasn't sure if I should just ignore what I'd seen or talk to you about it. It's....a little confusing, to say the least. I mean, here you are, going out with her daughter, imprinted on her even and yet you're screwing her mother. I mean that's--"

"Enough, Leah." Leah looked at him in disbelief as he growled at her.

"For Christ's sake, Jacob! It's fucked up and you know it! I mean, I'm not the poster child for imprinting but this is way beyond anything that's normal and---you know what, it's just completely all fucked up! It's sick! Even for werewolves and leeches, it's fucking sick! We're talking Jerry Springer type shit. I mean, what the fuck are you thinking?!!?"

"Leah...." Another warning growl. One foot was over that edge. If the other foot made its way over, he couldn't guarantee he could keep himself in control. The tremors began to rock through his body.

Leah's ranting was far from done, though. "No, Jake! I mean, come on, I know you got a raw deal, alright? She chose the bloodsucker over you, she became one of them, you imprinted on her daughter. Fate fucked you over, I get it. It sucks on so many levels that even I can't complain. But this....this is wrong and you know it."

Jake worked to slow down the shaking. He closed his eyes in pain. "Leah, please. Just tell me where she went." He was begging her in a hoarse whisper. He couldn't believe it but yes, he was actually begging Leah Clearwater. Hell, he'd get down on his knees if that's what it took to find out where **she** had gone.

He opened his eyes to find Leah's incredulous eyes staring back at him. "Haven't you heard anything I've been saying, Black? Trust me, you're better off not knowing. It's hard for you to see it that way now, especially after you got some but it's al--"

A hazy red settled into Jake's vision. He felt the familiar heat start to consume his form. "LEAH!" He saw her cringe as she crumbled under his authority. Dammit, that was five times now! It only pissed him off more. "Tell me where she went!" Leah opened her mouth but he cut her off. "Quickly!"

"I don't know."

He roared again. "What the hell do you mean you don't know?!!?"

"I mean I don't know!"

That was it. Jake shook his head and turned, bounding back the way they came. He knew he should have checked the damn house! Now all this time was fucking wasted and she might be---no, she couldn't be gone. She said she wasn't leaving until tomorrow. She had said that! She wouldn't leave, not without saying goodbye. To her daughter. To him. No, she wasn't gone. He needed to find her and quickly.

"Jake!"

He could hear Leah's strained pleas behind him but he only increased his speed. Leah had distracted him from going to her. He wouldn't let her do it again.

He could feel the air shimmering around him so he wasn't the least bit suprised when he saw a big gray wolf pass him on the right. He didn't care, though. It only made him move faster.

Just a couple more bounds and leaps and he would be back in the yard, leading to the house where his Bella was waiting for him. His heart leapt at her name. He moved even faster in his rush to get to her.

As he made to hop over the log in his path, the gray wolf leapt in front of him, blocking his path. He made to move past her, dodging to the right, but the wolf blocked him again. She growled dangerously and he glared back at her.

"Goddamit, Leah! Get the fuck out of my way! Don't make me tell you again!"

The wolf barked in laughter and then, within the blink of an eye, a very naked Leah stood before him. He angrily averted his eyes. They had all seen what each other had to offer at some point, being shapeshifters for nine years played a key role in the inevitability. So he had seen it all before, eyes roving appreciatively over her curvaceous form like the rest of them had every now and then when her back was turned, always worth the ass kickings later each and every time when she caught glimpses of their memories, but now it only served to anger him further.

"Leah! What the fuck?!!?"

He heard her snort sarcastically. "What's the problem, Almighty Alpha? You can fuck Bella three ways from Sunday, pounding her into the ground and grunting like a damn animal for the world to hear but now that i'm standing here, au naturale, you're blushing like a shy schoolgirl?"

He met her eyes evenly and coldly stared at her. "I said. Get. the. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Way. Now."

His tone left no traces of doubt to the imminent dangerous reaction she was pushing him to. But Leah didn't back down.

"No. You didn't let me finish." She arched her brows, daring him to contradict the fact.

Jake looked past her shoulder. He could see the house in the far view, past the edge of the trees. He needed to get there but the woman in front of him looked damn well determined that he wouldn't. Not unless she spoke her piece first. He could always give her a command to let him pass but inside he cringed at using it again on her. If he did, he was no better than Sam. That thought alone made him give in.

Jake growled menacingly. "Fine. But make it quick."

Leah snorted again but complied with his request.

"I went to the treaty line as agreed. The only problem was you weren't there and it was just the bloodsuckers stinking up the place. Bella asked me if I had seen you." Leah rolled her eyes. "I told her I hadn't and instead asked if she had seen you. Shockingly, the bitch, looking all Miss Innocent, said she hadn't. _Then_ ," Leah spat the word out, dripping with disdain. "She actually had the fucking nerve to ask for permission to cross the line."

Jake's eyes widened. Leah had his attention now.

"I flat out told her no, that it wasn't my decision to make, that it wasn't even yours and of course the leech got all pouty and threw a temper tantrum." Jake growled in response to the slurs. Leah continued as if she hadn't heard him.

"When I finally had enough of her shit, I asked her why she needed to get into La Push so bad. She told me she needed to see Ness. I certainly know a crock of shit when I hear it and I just laughed at her. She was fucking you like the goddamn whore she is only a couple of hours before and now all of a sudden she's playing Mommy? I mean, seriously, what the fuck?"

"Leah, I swear to God, one more word...."

"Or what exactly?" Of course Leah had to challenge him. His eyes flashed dangerously.

"I'll find a way to get you back into Sam's pack. The Elders might say it's not possible but I **will** find a way, so help me God."

Leah's eyes opened wider as she assessed the level of Jake's threat.

"And I **will** leave you there."

He just stared at her. She seemed to understand his meaning all too well and her eyes narrowed again, holding his in contempt.

Jake decided to move the conversation along. "Now, tell me what happened with Bella."

Leah's eyes flashed brilliantly but she spoke anyway. "She begged me to contact Sam, contact Billy, anyone so she could go see her daughter." Leah's voice now sounded flat, cold even. Jake refused to let that enter his conscience. She had pushed him to his limit.

"I wasn't going to do it but I figured you'd be all pissed if I didn't help your girlfriend out so I made the call to Sam. Of course, he didn't like it as expected but when I told him Ness was at Billy's and that you didn't want her to leave until you came to get her yourself, Sam relented."

Jake was surprised. He knew Sam had not made an easy decision. After all these years, he still didn't trust the Cullens. So his allowing Bella over came as a shock to him.

"The conditions were that the other two bloodsuckers stay behind at the treaty line while Bella and I made our way to Billy's. Jared and Quil came to babysit the others in case either of them decided to try anything."

Jake nodded. Good plan, wise, cautious. Even though he knew better. He hated the pixie with every fiber of his being, but he knew she would never attack them unless provoked.

"I took Bella to Billy's to see Ness. But when we got there and were heading up the stairs, she just stopped."

Jake's chest constricted a little bit.

"I asked her what was wrong and she just started saying that she couldn't do it, she couldn't go in there, she couldn't hurt her, blah, blah, blah."

Jake felt his head start to spin again. Why hadn't she gone inside? And what did she mean that she didn't want to hurt her?

"I had no patience for the drama, I grabbed her hand and started to pull her to the door but she resisted me. Finally I just let her go. I had had enough. That's when she broke down crying. Well, not crying, but you know what I mean."

Yeah, Jake did know what she meant. The horrible dry sobbing sounds all vampires made. His heart cracked thinking of his Bella making that noise. It shattered into a thousand pieces when he realized he most likely knew why.

"I wasn't sure what to do. I mean, I have a crying leech on my hands on the reservation and my Alpha nowhere to be found. I offered to try to call you, to see if you were phased, but she wouldn't have it. That's when she told me they were leaving."

Jake felt the familiar stinging in his eyes. His throat started to close. He had been right. He was the reason she was so upset. But not why he had hoped.

Leah seemed to sense the pain swimming behind his eyes and her jaw unclenched and she relaxed her stance a little. "I asked her what she meant and she said that she and the leeches were leaving. They weren't sure when they would be back but they would be in touch."

Jake tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat. His eyes stared blankly at Leah's.

Leah's eyes softened once more. "I asked her why she was leaving, why she couldn't even say goodbye to her daughter, although I kind of knew already. She just shook her head and said she would call her soon. I asked her again."

Jake swallowed again, this time even louder. That damn lump just wouldn't go away.

"She told me that she missed Edward and she needed to get away for a while. So the other two were going with her, along with that new guy."

Jake closed his eyes. Inwardly he hissed at the thought of that asshole being around his Bella without him to protect her.

"She said with _him_ being gone, she didn't have any other reason to stay."

And there it was. The words that were his undoing.

The pain in his heart magnified a thousand fold. How he was still alive after the huge explosion inside his chest, he wasn't sure. Must be the side effect of being a fast-healing werewolf.

Jake opened his eyes again to find Leah staring at him intensely. He inhaled, letting air fill the now empty cavity inside his chest. And slowly, he let it out. His head was no longer screaming, the animal within no longer raging, his heart no longer playing tug of war. The thoughts in his head silent, almost an eerie calm settled over him.

He pulled himself up to his full height and focused his gaze on the wolf before him. "You're sure they're gone?"

Leah nodded, her eyes alight with something he couldn't quite place. Recognition maybe?

"Yeah, Bella left after that. She went to meet up with the others at the border and then they got the hell out of Dodge."

Jake nodded once. He had done a check of the property earlier. They were gone. No denying that now.

She had lied to him. She had left him. And she hadn't even said goodbye. The scene in the clearing earlier didn't count to him. She took what she needed and she left, not giving a damn what this would do to him. Why else change her number without telling him? Why else have the pixie do it, too? Why call Leah and do the whole get-Sam's-permission thing behind his back? He could've done that. He could've talked to Sam. Why had she done all of this?

Simple, she didn't give a fuck about him. Not really. _"I love you, Jake."_ He snorted at the memory. Yeah, she loved him alright.

Like she said, she had no reason to stick around. Now that the bloodsucker, the one she _really_ loved, was gone.

"Jake."

His eyes dilated in response to the gentle tone beckoning him back to the present. Leah looked slightly worried now, the anger evaporated from her eyes.

"You okay?"

Jake nodded, not wanting to speak. He didn't want to discuss this anymore. He was done with it. Done with it all. Goodbye Bella Swan and good fucking riddance.

_Bella Cullen._

He took another deep breath and averted his eyes to the left. "Get dressed, Leah. Head home and get some rest. I'll take patrols tonight."

Leah didn't make a move. "You sure?"

"Yep. Go. I'll take it from here." He crossed his arms and sidestepped her to the right and slowly started walking back to the red house in the distance.

He heard Leah turn around to face him but he kept his back to her and kept walking.

"Jake, if you ever need to--"

"I said I got it, Leah. Now get out of here. Go home." He stated it simply over his shoulder to her, not bothering once to check to see if she heard him. He knew she did.

Sure enough, he felt the familiar shimmer in the atmosphere and heard the thumping of her paws against the earth as she raced in the opposite direction.

By now, he would have been dying to go over everything, allow his brain to analyze and register every word, every action, everything that had to do with **her**. But, no. His brain was strangely empty. As empty as his chest. He felt numb, not hot, not cold, not in pain, not sad, not happy, not conflicted, not angry, nothing. Even though his senses were on constant alert and he could hear and take in everything around him, it all meshed into the background, his ears pushing the sounds far away as they could, almost like that pounding that happens when blood rushes to your head. His eyes were taking in the shapes and colors around him. He knew he was getting closer to the house. His house. The little red house of his childhood. He knew the grass beneath his feet was green. He knew it was still slightly wet from the fine mist of rain that had slowly spread throughout the reservation earlier when he had been at Sam's. But all of this didn't seem to matter. Because, even if he was seeing it and recognizing it, all he could see was topaz. And how it haunted his vision.

He didn't remember telling his feet to move forward. Hell, he didn't even remember giving them the command to move at all. So he was even more suprised to find that they had changed direction all on their own, carrying his huge frame past the little red house, down the driveway, onto the road, passing houses until they reached a familiar driveway. He then saw them turn and head up the driveway and onto the sidewalk. The sidewalk led up to a familiar doorstep and before he knew it, his arm was in on the act too and impulsively reached out and made his hand knock on the huge white door. It's as if his brain was disconnected from his body and he was just along for the ride.

His hand moved freely of its own accord and again, knocked, this time a little harder. The door swung open to find a familiar face peering slightly up at him.

"Jake! I haven't seen you in forever! How've you been, man? What's goi--"

"Embry." His voice just had to act on its own, too. Inwardly he cringed at the sound of it. It almost sounded....broken and....desperate.

Embry moved forward a little, pulling the door with him. Somewhere, in Jake's mind it shockingly registered that Embry's mom must be home. "Jake, what's going on? Is everything alright? Is Ness okay?"

Jake didn't say a word. He just stared at Embry.

And sure enough, his body acted without his consent.

Again.

He burst into tears, the sobs shaking his body so hard, he collapsed to his knees, right there on Embry's doorstep.

Embry opened the door and bent down, snaking an arm around Jake and helped to pull him back up. Embry's nose scrunched up but he didn't mention the icy smell emanating off his friend, burning his nostrils.

Once Jake was on his feet, still crying so hard that his nose began to run, Embry gently pulled him into the house and shut the door.

He moved Jake to the living room, helping him to the couch and sat him down. Embry patted him on the shoulder. "One second."

Embry rushed up the stairs and straight into his mother's room without knocking.

"Embry! My God, you scared me half to death!"

"Sorry, Mom. Listen, Jake's here and I've gotta talk to him. Do you think maybe you could run to the store and get some snacks for us?"

Jake heard silence and he knew they could both hear his sobbing repeatedly. He was sure the whole reservation could hear it. But he couldn't stop. Something had broken in him and he couldn't get it to stop.

Embry's mom must have agreed out of compassion because before Jake knew it, he could hear her making her way down the steps and out the door a minute before her car started and backed out of the driveway, leaving he and Embry to talk. Normally, she would never give in so easily. She had a reputation for being a hard ass and was always on Embry's case. But seeing a giant man in her living room crying like a little girl who'd fallen and skinned her knee most likely had helped to sway her decision in her benevolence.

Embry made his way back into the living room and sat down on the other side of the couch. He clapped a hand down on Jake's shoulder. "Jake, talk to me. What's going on, bro?"

Jake cried harder and buried his head in his hands, sobbing into them. Embry patted his back a few times. "Dude, tell me. Is somebody hurt? Did something happen? Come on, talk to me."

Jake shook his head and tried to stop the sobbing, just for a second, to take a quick breath so he could manage some sort of reply. It worked. "No. Everybody's fine."

"Okay then, good. Now, tell me, what the hell's going on?"

Jake took a few more deep breaths, trying to calm himself enough so he could speak further. The tears were still streaming freely down his face but at least the sobs were dying down.

"Is it Ness?"

Jake shook his head, removing his hands from his eyes. "No."

"Billy?"

Jake shook his head again, swallowing thickly.

"The twins?"

Another shake.

Embry's face twisted up in confusion.

"Okay, something with the pack then?"

Jake sniffled. "No."

"The Cullens?"

Jake turned his head and looked at Embry through cloudy eyes. "No."

Embry's eyes narrowed and then realization played out on his face. He slowly leaned forward a little and whispered. "Bella?"

Just hearing her name sent Jake into hysterics again. The tears flowed heavier and the sobs returned. Jake nodded before burying his face back into his hands, his head hanging down, crushed with the weight of all the emotion he was suddenly feeling. He felt Embry's hand clamp down on his shoulder and grip tight.

"Jake...." He heard sympathy in Embry's dejected tone. He cried harder.

Embry sighed. "Alright man, tell me everything."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Embry's eyes were as wide open as they had been the past hour as he took in everything Jake had explained.

"Wow."

Jake looked at him in annoyance. His tears had since ceased and he had been able to get himself somewhat under control. "Dude, that's all you've been saying for the past ten minutes."

"I-I'm sorry, bro. But, wow. I mean, wow." Jake rolled his eyes, giving Embry a pointed look.

"I'm sorry but Jake, I never knew that was possible. No, scratch that. I never thought it could be possible. I mean, how? No, never mind, you told me how." Embry scrunched his nose a little. He had never quite gotten past the whole vampire/necrophilia thing. A heart that isn't beating, well, isn't a beating heart. And no beating heart = Dead. No changing that equation.

Embry's nose scrunched higher.

"But seriously, Jake, what happened? I thought everything was good between you two, set right by the imprint on Ness and everything? She was happy with her bloodsucker and you were happy waiting for Nessie? What the hell happened?"

Jake sighed heavily and stared down at his hands. "Once _he_ was gone, things became....complicated."

Embry snorted. "I'll say!"

Jake growled. "Embry, come on, man. If I wanted to hear this shit, I'd go talk to Leah."

Embry raised his hands up in mock surrender. "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. It's just....freakin' mind blowing!"

Jake winced at the familiar words. Unbidden, the memory played in his head, forcing the lump to rise in the back of his throat yet again. He swallowed it back down. "Yeah. Mind blowing." He knew Embry could hear the sarcasm in his voice but he didn't care. "What am I gonna do, Embry?"

Embry shook his head. "I don't know, man. That's a tough one. Do you still feel a strong pull to Ness?"

Jake nodded his head and kept his eyes trained on his hands. He didn't trust himself to look up and see the pity in Embry's eyes.

Not yet.

"But you still love Bella?"

Jake nodded again.

"Shit, Jake, damn if I know."

Jake rolled his eyes again. "Thanks, Em."

"Sorry, it's just....Sam's always told us that the imprint is unbreakable. And we've all seen how Quil dressed up like a princess and played Malibu Barbie for years. It was what Claire wanted. Jared never went a day without seeing Kim. He said it hurt too much. Hell, we all saw how much it hurt. And Sam. Sam loved Leah but the pull to Emily was too strong, he couldn't fight it. Colin and Brady, they're stuck to their imprints like glue. I mean, they're young guys and already, they're committed for life. It's unbreakable, man. We've all seen it. We all know it. There's no way around it."

Jake still refused to look up. "I know."

Embry's voice got a little lower. "Then what made you think that you could?"

Jake sighed again. "I didn't, Em. But I couldn't give **her** up." One more sigh and his head dropped a little lower. "I love her."

Now it was Embry's turn to sigh. "Listen Jake, you know I'm not one for the whole imprinting thing. You know that. But, I gotta say, as your friend, you were a lot happier when you were concentrated on Ness."

Jake closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear this. His heart didn't want to hear this. Well, one half of it, anyway.

Not yet.

He opened his eyes and gently shook his head. "Maybe."

Embry grimaced. "Maybe? No, you definitely were. I mean, don't get me wrong, Jake. I know how strongly you felt about Bella, I was there. Your thoughts were filled with her. And that day in the garage....it was clear you were head over heels for the girl." Embry laughed at the memory and Jake let a small smile form on his face. "We saw that, man, and forget it. Quil was not letting that one pass him by."

Jake remembered that day all too well. She had come back to him that day, granted, paler and a little thinner than he would have liked, looking like the ghost of first loves past, but she had come back to him. All on her own. His smile stretched a little wider until it fell completely as he remembered the reason she had really come to see him that day. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back into his hands.

"But, Jake, it didn't work out. I mean, she married the bloodsucker, had a kid with him even. She became one of _them_. She made her choice and it wasn't you."

Jake gritted his teeth but never opened his eyes or moved his head. "I know that, Embry. I was there, remember?"

"Yeah, I know you were. But it seems like you've gotten a sudden case of amnesia these past couple of months."

Jake growled quietly. Was Embry trying to force him over the edge, too?

"Look, you imprinted on a nice girl. Okay, she is Bella's daughter which, in my book, proves just how fucked up fate really is with the whole thing, but you did. And Ness is gorgeous, a real sweetheart and she makes you happy. You can't deny that. I've seen you with her. She loves you and she makes you smile. I've never seen you even remotely close to what I saw today because of her."

Jake didn't move. Embry took this as his cue to continue.

"She's the one for you, Jake, and maybe I'm pushing it here but, Ness is going to choose you each and every time. She doesn't see anyone but you. And the best part? Her heart's still beating. For you, brother."

Jake opened his eyes and looked over at his friend. Embry's points had all been surprisingly valid but the hurt, broken part of him still yearned for what he couldn't have. What he could never have.

"For someone who claims to be anti-imprinting you sure are pitching the sale hardcore for one."

Embry smiled. "Hey man, I never said I cared for the whole soulmate, destiny thing. But....you are my best friend and I want to see you happy. And Ness? She makes you happy."

Jake sighed heavily once more and turned his eyes from his friend. He stared blankly at the table in front of them. "Yeah. She does."

Embry began to get up. "Look at it this way, this is a chance to start fresh. Whether **she's** giving it to you or fate or you yourself, it's here. Take it. Let this shit with Bella go. Trust me, no good can come from that anymore. It's only gonna hurt you, her and Ness. You had your fun."

Jake's head snapped up and he growled again.

Embry rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, dude. You had your time with her and now it's over. Time to let it go. So what do you say? Time for you to head over to Billy's and pick up Ness?"

Jake's eyes closed. Embry was right. He had to move on. He didn't have a choice. Bella was gone and she should stay that way. In his heart at least. Maybe someday they could be around each other. Maybe someday they could be friends again. But for now, this was for the best.

It would be a lie to say that Jake didn't hold any anger towards her, any resentment. In truth, he hated her. He loved her and he hated her. She again had taken his choices from him. Almost as if she knew he had chosen her and ran as far as she could before he could tell her. Honestly, he didn't know if he could ever forgive her for that.

He felt the familiar pain in his chest swell for the umpteenth time that day when he remembered Leah's words. _"....she was still in pain..." "The same as last night."_ Jake winced, opened his eyes, took a deep breath and stood up. "Man, when the hell did you go all Dr. Phil on me?"

Embry slapped him on the shoulder and smirked. "Right about the time you went all Lifetime on me."

Jake gave a small chuckle. It wasn't real laughter but it was a start. "Thanks, Em. I owe you one."

Embry rolled his eyes and laughed again, moving towards the door. "Yeah, yeah."

Jake chuckled again and was about to turn and leave when he remembered something. "Hey, Em."

Embry turned around, looking at him expectantly.

"You mind if I use your shower quick?"


	23. I Don't Want the World To See Me (BPOV/SPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

**BPOV**

When Bella arrived back at the Cullen household, Alice had shot her a death glare which never seemed to waver. It followed Bella into the kitchen while she hastily grabbed her cell phone off the counter. It followed her upstairs to the room she and Edward had shared, wrinkling its nose as she passed. It waited for her while she was in the shower, all too eager to resume its heated gaze once Bella popped out of the bathroom, fully clothed and smelling somewhat better. It followed her back down the stairs and into the living room and onto the couch, then turned to ask Jasper to take Nahuel hunting, giving him a meaningful look. Jasper was all too eager to nod understandably, give his "friend" a look and then dart out of the house after him. It then settled in on Bella and tried to pry the truth out of her with its indomitable stare.

Bella's comfort level completely eroded under Alice's penetrating gaze. She stood up and began to make her way into the kitchen, Alice, of course, following.

"You disappeared."

Bella didn't say anything, just kept walking into the kitchen with Alice right behind her. Jasper and Nahuel were out hunting again, honoring Alice's request for some privacy between the two sisters. Bella held her cell phone in the palm of her hand, searching through the device for the number she needed. But the pixie didn't give up that easily.

"Again."

Bella stopped, raised her head and narrowed her eyes, never once meeting Alice's and then just as quickly, she focused again on her phone. When she found the information she had been looking for, Bella made her way around the counter towards the handset in its cradle. But before she could reach it, Alice's musical voice piped up, reverberating with the warning Bella knew she had intended.

"Bella...."

Bella quickly turned and gave the pixie an exasperated look.

"Alice! Look, it's done, okay? Let's just get this over with."

She turned again and snatched the handset, quickly dialing the number she had recited to herself in her head.

Alice looked like she wanted to say more on the subject but reluctantly closed her mouth. Bella was relieved although she knew that she hadn't gotten off quite that easy. Alice wasn't easy to stall for long. At some point, she knew she'd have to face it eventually.

The line ringing jerked her from her thoughts. An old human habit, her teeth began gnawing her bottom lip as she anxiously awaited an answer.

Thank God she had put the number into her phone when it had been suggested as a contingency plan. In case the Alpha wasn't reachable and the situation was indeed dire, the other two wolves could be reached in his stead. That had been a good idea of Jake's.

Bella's fingers gripped the phone tightly to her ear. _Jake...._

She could feel the hole pulling at her. She closed her eyes, forced out a breath and tried to will away the pain.

"Hello."

Bella's eyes flipped open. For the first time ever, Bella found herself thanking any higher power that was listening for Leah Clearwater.

"Leah?"

"Yeah, who wants to know?"

"Leah, it's B-Bella."

Bella closed her eyes and pinched her nose in frustration at herself. She really needed to get herself together, at least for the next few hours. After that, after she was a safe amount of distance away, then she could fall apart.

Silence followed her declaration, such to a point that Bella almost thought Leah had hung up.

Almost.

She could hear the short huffs on the other end of the line.

"Leah?"

"What do you want?"

Bella smirked to herself. _There's the Leah we all know and love._

Bella's smirk grew wider.

_Love to hate._

That's how Jake had always put it. Her chest started to feel tight again. _Jake...._

"Bella!"

Bella snapped to attention at Leah's insistence.

"I said, what the hell do you want?"

Bella shook her head as if to clear it. She had to focus on the task at hand. She cleared her throat quickly.

"I need a favor."

She heard the disgusted snort. "Yeah, I bet you do."

Bella was starting to get annoyed. She shouldn't expect any less from the bitter girl but it was still grating on her last nerve. She already had too much on her plate.

"Listen, Leah, I need one of you to meet me at the treaty line, alright? I need a favor. So please, cut the crap and just do it."

A low growl made its way over the line to her. "And why should I listen to you? Last time I checked, you're not my fucking Alpha!"

Bella closed her eyes. She willed herself to maintain control. She had to get this girl to meet her at the border and being a bitch back, no matter how justified the reaction might be, would not get her what she needed.

"I know I'm not, Leah. I'm just asking for you to meet me, okay? This is important."

Leah huffed angrily but said nothing. Bella opened her eyes to find Alice watching her intently.

The silence was deafening as everything Bella had planned was on the line, hinged upon this one girl's decision. If Leah didn't meet her, Bella wasn't sure what she would do. In order for the plan to work, things had to remain as low on the radar as possible.

When Leah still didn't speak, Bella closed her eyes and whispered her plea. "Please."

She heard Leah's breathing change into an even angrier pace and then a scoff.

"Meet me there in twenty minutes."

Bella's eyes opened in surprise and let out a relieved breath.

"Thank you."

She heard a snort yet again. "Whatever. Just be there in twenty. And DO NOT cross over the line. You do and the pack will rip you to shreds without a second thought. And _I'll_ be the one lighting the match. Got it?"

Bella kept still, her jaw clenching.

"Understood."

"Good. I'll see you there."

Alice's eyes tightened and she looked downright scary, almost like a vampire, funnily enough.

Bella averted her eyes and spoke quickly.

"Okay. Oh and Leah?"

"What?"

Bella smiled weakly.

"Thanks."

She heard another snort. "Yeah, whatever. Just be there when I get there and let's make this quick. I haven't got all day."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay. See you then."

She pulled the phone from her ear and turned it off, placing it back into its cradle gently.

Bella turned back to her sister-in-law. That scariness had transformed into menacing deadliness in the mere moments it had taken Bella to hang up with Leah. If Bella didn't know better, she would swear Alice looked like she was ready to spring on her, attacking viciously.

"Bella, what the f--"

Bella had had enough. She was already past her limit. "Alice. Get Jasper back here. I need you both with me. Nahuel can stay here while we go."

Alice's eyes widened and then narrowed dangerously once again. "Why? What the hell is going on? What aren't you telling me?"

Bella sighed in frustration. "Listen, just call Jasper. I'll explain it all on the way, okay?" At that, she turned around again, facing the window that looked out onto the back yard. She prayed that **he** was still where she had left him. The hole tore angrily at her. She closed her eyes against the pain threatening to rip her apart. _Just a little longer...._

"It's because of the dog isn't it?"

Bella didn't say anything, didn't move.

Alice growled. "That damn mutt! I'm gonna ri--"

Bella's eyes snapped open and she turned to face the pixie. "Alice! Just call Jasper please! We have to get to the border in seventeen minutes and I do not want to be late!"

Alice was angry but the anger melted away into a hurt expression. Bella felt the tinge of guilt but pushed it back down. She had to take care of things first before she could let her conscience dominate her thoughts and remorse flood through her.

"Alice. Please. Just call Jasper. Get him back here and we'll go, okay?"

Alice stared at her for a good minute and then nodded, walking away to find her phone.

Bella let out a heavy sigh and turned back to the window.

She prayed to whoever was listening that someday he could forgive her for what she was about to do. That he would make the right choice. That she would be able to live with that choice.

She found herself wondering if things had been different. If she had realized her love for her best friend before all of this happened. And sure enough, shame and guilt consumed her. She didn't regret her marriage or her daughter. Not by a long shot. She would always be grateful for them. But she couldn't help but wonder what life would have had in store for her had she chosen to keep her heart beating? If she had chosen Jake? She closed her eyes in pain once again.

**_"I was the natural path your life would've taken."_ **

She nodded her head, almost in response to the echoing words in her head.

She had been too stubborn to see it. To know that someday it would come to this.

Even if it was too late.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**SPOV**

The air surrounding the Black's house was quiet. Seth could hear the birds, the small wildlife scattering about around him, but still, it was quiet. A comforting quiet. Not the eerie stillness that always looped around the Cullen's.

To say Seth was somewhat confused was an understatement.

He didn't understand it.

Leah had been looking for Jake before, working to block her thoughts from her younger brother. Seth could always tell because her thoughts would immediately go to Tampax commercials she had seen on TV. She'd start humming the songs, thinking about the size and amount of protection each brand promised their consumers.

And then Seth would back off, trying to burn the words from his brain like _absorbancy_ and _leakage_. Leah would grin wickedly, knowing full well she had won. She never threatened him like she did the others. She didn't need to. She knew how to handle her brother and if there was one thing that would guarantee her mental privacy, it was _that_.

_Ugh._

Leah had returned after some time and this time she seemed spooked, in pain even. He was worried and began to make his way to her when she ordered him to stop and wait for her there. She wanted a full report on how Ness was doing.

Seth hadn't phased, he had stayed circling the little red house, unable to go in and see her. Truthfully, he wanted to see her, make sure she was alright. He hadn't liked how upset he had seen her last night. Those eyes, those beautiful warm chocolate eyes had haunted him for the rest of his patrol and well into the night. She had been in such pain it scared him.

He had wanted nothing more than to take her pain away, to dry her tears, hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. But she was Jake's imprint and even if he only meant it in a friendly gesture, one of comfort and nothing else, he knew Jake would be pissed.

Call him a coward but he couldn't stand to see Nessie in that pain again and him unable to do anything about it.

And that was another thing.

Jake's reaction last night bothered him.

He had heard his Alpha's panic over the phone, clear as day, and he then knew why Ness hadn't divulged too much at the time. So what changed when he got to the house?

Jake had taken way longer than expected to get back to Nessie and when he did, he seemed bothered, angry even, almost as if he was somewhat reluctant to return.

And he had **her** smell all over him!

Being as close as they all were with heightened senses, it was hard to avoid.

But this was different. It was almost as if he had bathed himself in Bella.

Seth wasn't as naive as everyone believed him to be.

He knew something was up. Jake's dodgy answers and elusive manner had been enough to sound off the alarms in his head, even without the overwhelming familiar stench burning his nostrils as he had moved closer to the older wolf.

But he didn't want to believe it of his Alpha, of Jake, the guy he had always looked up to since he was thirteen. Jake was a good guy. He wouldn't do that, couldn't do that. Not to her. Not to Ness.

Plus, Jake had a point. If he had held Bella as he claimed, to console her or whatever in her grief over Edward, then it was quite possible he would have her scent all over him as he did.

Deep down, Seth knew better. But he swallowed the lie. Jake wouldn't do that. Not the Jake he knew.

But here they were again, waiting on their missing Alpha to return and "rescue" his imprint. The imprint whose chest rose and fell with heavy and rough breaths, only hitching when the pain, he was sure, would hit.

Her heart would thump louder until her breaths would even out, steadying her pulse, but the pain would never quite leave her. With each rise and fall, he grew angrier. Where the hell was Jake already?

And that's when Leah's tormented and anguished thoughts broke into his.

Now she was trotting over to him, asking for Ness' status.

_How is she?_

Seth winced. He knew Leah had felt it. _Not so great._

Leah nodded.

_Did you find Jake?_

He saw the patch of earth Leah was suddenly focused so intently on through her mind.

_No. No, I didn't. I'll just have to wait until he gets back, I guess._

Seth saw a flicker of Sam's face, smiling warmly with love in his coffee-colored eyes and then it was gone.

He mercifully didn't mention it.

He knew that break would never heal no matter how much time would pass.

At least, not properly.

Leah sighed and then turned to move away, stumbling as she did but catching her footing just in time.

_You should get some rest, Leah. I can stay here and look out for Ness. You haven't slept since the night before last._

Leah had had some time to crash for a few hours last night but she hadn't taken it. Instead, she had spent the time with their mom, talking and helping to clean up from the night's festivities. He had seen flashes of one or two tears and a hug somewhere in her memories. He didn't ask.

Leah chuckled darkly.

_Yeah, tell that to Jake._

Seth lowered his head.

_He'll be back soon. I'm sure of it._

No, Jake wasn't. Instinctively, he knew better.

Jake wasn't coming back anytime soon.

Leah kept silent and he knew her thoughts echoed his. And not literally this time.

_So why don't you head on out of here and I'll stay with Nessie._

Leah looked uncertain for a minute.

_Well, I am kind of beat. But, Jake asked me to stay with her until he got back._

_Leah, it'll be fine. If I hear from Jake, I'll call you._

Leah let out a breath and after a minute, nodded her assent.

_Okay. Thanks bro, I owe you one._

_Sure, no problem._ He gave her a wolfy grin which made her chuckle.

_You're an idiot, Seth._

Leah was about to turn to run home in the other direction when he heard her phone ringing.

They both stared at the spot on her ankle. From the mesh net where her phone was bound, the caller ID was clearly visible to their sharp eyes.

It was the Cullens.

_Seth!_

His eyes snapped to his sister's in response.

_Turn around! Now!_

_Right. Sorry._ And he did as he was told.

He felt the shimmer in the air and then he heard the ringing stop, followed by a quick "Hello."

He cautiously turned around to find his sister dressed in the shorts and tank top she always carried around. He breathed a sigh of relief. Werewolf speed was a definite blessing in this case.

"Leah?"

They both stiffened when they heard the melodious voice on the other end. They didn't need the scent to know that it was one of _them_ speaking. Seth began to wonder if it was the pixie. He had seen she was back through Leah's thoughts.

Leah's tone was clipped. "Who wants to know?" She gave Seth a look that stated 'Why are these bloodsuckers calling me?' Seth shrugged as best he could in wolf form.

"Leah, it s B-Bella."

Bella? Uh oh, was something wrong? Did something happen to Jake? Did that new bloodsucker do something? His thoughts were frantic. He saw Leah's face contort maliciously and she was breathing fast, almost as if she were trying to calm herself, keep from phasing. They had all had to use the deep breaths method a few times so it was easy to spot.

But he was confused. He knew Leah didn't particularly care for Bella, especially since she felt that 'the leech-lover had played Jake like a damn violin' all those years ago.

To Seth, it was in the past and it was not his business. Through the pack mind, he had seen that Jake had forgiven Bella once he imprinted on Nessie, letting the magic do its work to heal his broken heart. They were best friends and now, family. So Seth found no reason to bear such bitter hatred towards the girl, even when she became a vampire herself. Plus, he had always liked Bella. He even had a crush on her once way back when. When she was still human, that is.

So for Leah to still harbor this unjustified resentment towards Bella just increased the weight of confusion that already preyed heavily on his mind.

"Leah?"

Bella's voice caught his attention. Leah seemed to be in a fit of rage. A fit of rage that had Seth worrying for the safety of the small device she held in her hand. They needed to find out what was going on. But before Seth could remind her by whimpering slightly, Leah regained control and answered.

"What do you want?"

Well, as much control as she could get.

They both listened for Bella's response and were starting to get annoyed when there was none. Leah was irritated because Bella was wasting her time, Seth was sure of it. And he was getting irritated because he just wanted to know what the hell was going on already! The suspense was killing him! And so was the sharp intake of breath coming from the house near them accompanied by a low murmur of pain.

"Bella!" Leah had had enough apparently. And for the first time ever, Seth was somewhat grateful for his sister's bitchy no-nonsense attitude.

"I said, what the hell do you want?"

"I need a favor."

Leah sneered. "Yeah, I bet you do."

Man, what was with all the hostility? Enough, already!

He gave Leah a warning look. There were more important things at hand right now than her personal dislike for Bella Cullen.

Shockingly, Bella seemed to agree with him.

"Listen, Leah, I need you to meet me at the treaty line, alright? I need a favor. So please, cut the crap and just do it."

Seth held his breath. Wow! Had Bella actually just stood up to Leah? What the fuck was this world coming to? Jake's AWOL, Ness is in heart-wrenching pain (he winced at that one), his sis is being all protective of Jake's imprint even though she had never warmed up to Ness not once.....well, not since---He shook his head. If Seth believed in such things, he'd swear the world was coming to an end.

Leah didn't like Bella's retort one bit. The bitch they all knew and loved was out in full force. She let a growl escape from her chest. "And why should I listen to you? Last time I checked, you're not my fucking Alpha!"

Seth growled lightly at her which earned an unladylike snarl in return.

Seth shook his head again.

This is not what they needed right now.

"I know I'm not, Leah. I'm just....asking for you to meet me, okay? It's important."

Leah's breaths started to come faster. She was pissed.

Seth nodded and Leah shook her head.

Seth nodded again.

And again, she shook her head.

Seth whined.

Leah glared.

Then they both heard it come faintly across the line.

"Please."

Seth nodded vigorously and shot her a pleading look.

This could be about Jake. It could be about Ness. It was important, like Bella said.

Leah huffed and rolled her eyes angrily.

"Meet me there in twenty minutes."

They heard Bella sigh in relief. "Thank you."

Seth looked at his sister gratefully and she rolled her eyes again.

"Whatever. Just be there in twenty. And DO NOT cross over the line. You do and Sam's pack will rip you to shreds without a second thought. And _I'll_ be the one lighting the match. Got it?"

It was Seth's turn to roll his eyes. Good old Leah. You could always count on her to get in the last word.

"Understood."

Leah smiled in wicked satisfaction. "Good. I"ll see you there."

She went to pull the phone from her ear when they heard Bella speaking again.

"Okay. Oh and Leah?"

Leah looked venomous. Seth could swear if Bella was standing here with them, he might not be able to keep Leah off of her.

"What?"

"Thanks."

Bella sounded like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she was thankful for Leah's kindness in helping her remove it. The sadness that coated her tone though stabbed into Seth's heart. What was going on with the Cullen family?

And as always, Leah responded just as graciously. "Yeah, whatever. Just be there when I get there and let's make this quick. I haven't got all day."

Seth rolled his eyes for what felt like the thirtieth time that day.

"Yeah, okay. See you then."

Leah snapped her phone shut and glared at Seth.

He again tried to shrug. _What?_

Almost as if Leah could hear him, her gaze shifted and she sighed heavily.

She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose in between her thumb and index finger.

"Okay, so I'm going to go meet the leech at the treaty line."

Seth grunted in irritation. Hadn't he just been present for the whole conversation?

Leah dropped her fingers dangerously slow and opened her eyes to look at him. Well, glare at him, really. If he didn't know Leah in and out like he did, he might be scared that she was about to attack him.

It didn't matter that she was in human form. She could still do damage.

Quil _had_ found out the hard way.

"So while I'm going to play hostess to our friendly neighborhood leeches, you need to stay here and keep an eye on _her_. If Jake miraculously grows a brain and shows up like he was supposed to, oh i don't know, six hours ago, call me right away. Got it?"

Seth rolled his eyes and glared at his sister. What the hell? He wasn't some kid who just started phasing a few hours ago. He knew how to run things, Leah being his beta or no beta.

She snorted sarcastically. "Uh huh. I'll be back. Oh joy."

And with that, she ran behind a nearby tree, Seth turning to give her some privacy. He felt the shimmer again and then Leah was running fast towards the imaginary line separating Forks from La Push, but a line that solidified everything.

_I mean it. Anything changes, you call me._

_Yeah, yeah. I got it the first time, Leah. Sheesh. This isn't my first patrol, you know._

Leah chuckled and threw some more thoughts his way for good measure.

_'And with a new worry-free anti-leak core....'_

Seth groaned and ran in the other direction, nearer to the house, as if that would help.

Leah chuckled again. And then she sped faster to reach the line.

Seth sighed and then laid down, keeping his form hidden well behind some foliage in case anyone happened to walk by that was not privy to the Packs' secret.

He rested his head on his paws and stared out into the open expanse surrounding the house.

He heard her short shallow breaths. He could hear them speed up until there was another hushed but sharp gasp. He sighed again and looked down to the ground.

He was in hell.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**BPOV**

Bella sighed again.

"Alice, I swear, if you cluck your tongue at me one more time, I'm going to let Leah use you for a chew toy when she gets here."

Bella smiled when Alice glared at her which turned into full-on laughter when she heard Jasper quietly chuckle.

Alice turned to direct her malevolent gaze towards her husband. He had the decency to look slightly sheepish.

Bella shook her head and turned back to face the other side of the line, the La Push side.

She had needed that laugh. She would have to thank both of them later.

On their way here, Bella hadn't gone into fine detail regarding her decision and the request she was making of them, but she knew Alice understood. And, basing it on her emotions Bella was sure, Jasper did, too. They didn't press further.

Nahuel declined to stay at the house when asked. He didn't accompany them to the line which Bella was immensely grateful for. She knew it would just make things even more difficult. He instead went back into the woods, waiting on a call from Jasper after borrowing Alice's cell phone. Once their business was concluded here, they would meet up in Forks and leave as intended. Alice and Jasper swore by their friend, that there was no need to worry about him being alone. Bella took their word for it.

Bella sighed again.

They had been here for fifteen minutes already. Five minutes longer than the agreed time.

What the hell could be keeping Leah?

She glanced up at the darkening sky.

The clouds were moving at a faster speed than they normally did and the wind was picking up.

A storm was on its way.

Just like her life.

Her head snapped to attention as she heard a howl in the distance that actually sent chills down her spine.

The weird thing is the howl seemed to be behind them. Had that been---

"Well, leech, nice to see you were on time."

She swiveled her head to come face to face with the beautiful woman whose eyes were clearly angry and hateful towards her.

Bella glued her tongue to the roof of her mouth. Making sarcastic replies would not get her anywhere.

Leah took her silence as a sign to continue. Or it could just be her impatience. One or the other.

"So, what exactly was so important that you had to interrupt my oh-so-wonderful day to get me to meet you here?"

Bella took a breath and then bit down on her lip nervously. She hoped that her next words wouldn't tear her apart for these three to see. At least, not yet.

"Um....have you seen Jacob?"

Leah's eyes flashed and her face contorted angrily.

"No. I haven't."

Bella looked down. _Thank God._ That meant he hadn't been back yet. She could go ahead with her plan then.

"But I bet _you_ have, haven't you?"

Bella's eyes snapped back to Leah's. She had a wicked smirk on her face with all too knowing eyes.

"What does that mean?"

Leah seemed like she wanted to say something else but then seemed to think better of it. Instead, she shrugged. "Nothing. You haven't seen him, have you?"

Bella quickly glanced at Alice whose eyes looked just as confused as Bella felt. She had showered. Alice said she was in the clear. And Jake....she felt her heart clench....Jake had learned to block his thoughts over time. She was pretty sure that he wouldn't have shared _that_ with Leah or anyone else.

She looked back at Leah. "No. I haven't, either. Do you think I'd be asking you if I did?"

Leah's brows rose in challenge but Bella's eyes never left hers, almost daring her to call her out on what she thought she knew. Leah scoffed and then crossed her arms.

"So is that all you needed, bloodsucker? You called me to the treaty line for that?"

Bella bit her lip again and looked down. "No, that's not why I called you."

"What is it then? Come on, spit it out, I haven't got all day, dammit!"

Bella's eyes flashed back up to Leah's. What an angry spiteful bitch! Couldn't she see how hard this was for Bella? Dammit!

Against her instincts, Bella kept her tone calm and even. "I want permission to cross the line."

Leah let out a sharp cackle. Bella narrowed her eyes as did Alice and Jasper beside her. As Leah was doubled over with laughter, she stole a quick glance out of the corner of her eye. Alice kept her gaze focused on Leah but Bella could tell she was confused and....worried. She was going to have a lot of explaining to do later.

Leah tried to speak through pants. "Are you---fucking----shitting----me? You can't----be fucking-----serious, Bella!"

Bella rolled her eyes and then furrowed her brows. "Yes, Leah, I am serious. I need to get into La Push."

Leah drew in a few breaths and then stood up to her full height, meeting Bella head on.

"No fucking way. It's not my decision, and trust me if it was my answer would still be the same, no fucking way!"

Bella lost her temper then. "Leah! I need to get across the fucking border! I won't be staying long and you can stay with me the whole time if you want but I need to go there NOW!"

Alice laid a hand on her shoulder. "Bella...."

Bella shirked it off in her fury. "No! I need to get across the line, Alice! And Jasper, don't even fucking try it!"

She felt the waves of calm disintegrate. She turned to face Leah once again.

"I want across the line, dammitt!"

Leah scoffed again. "Are you fucking kidding me, Bella? The only reason I haven't torn you apart and burned the pieces is 'cause Jake would kick the living shit out of me! But that doesn't mean that you get to call me up, demand that I meet you here, or anywhere for that fucking matter, and then fucking scream at me like a little bitch and act like a goddamn two-year old who just got told that she can't have the toy she wants! You've got some fucking nerve, leech! You know what? Fuck this, I'm outta here!"

Leah turned to leave and Bella screamed at her to stop. "No, please, Leah! I need to get across the border! I do! Please! I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, you know that! I'm sorry!"

Leah stiffened and looked back at Bella in disgust. Bella was on her knees, much to Alice's dismay and Jasper's shock, pleading with her final solution. Her _only_ solution.

She walked up to Bella and then bent down, bringing her face to face with the woman she so obviously despised. "And why do you need to get across the border so bad?"

Bella's face went blank. She just needed to spit it out already. She whispered knowing full well all three people could hear her. "I need to see Renesmee."

Leah cackled again and stood up. "Oh really? All of a sudden you _need_ to see her? So then why don't you just wait until she gets home then? Or call her even?"

Bella let out a breath and looked up pleadingly at Leah. "It's important."

Leah stared hard at her. The air grew thicker with tension as Alice bent down to help Bella to her feet and Leah watched them. Bella nodded gratefully at Alice who gave her a short nod back.

Leah let out an annoyed sigh as she raised her fingers to pinch the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes. "Bella, I don't have the authority to give you permission to cross the line. Neither does Jake. You know that."

Bella whimpered a little. She _needed_ to see her daughter. She couldn't leave without seeing her!

"What about Sam? Or Billy? I'm sure they would understand, especially if you go with me. I promise, I won't cause any trouble. I just need to see my daughter. Please."

Leah sighed again. She opened her eyes and looked at Bella. Leah looked like she had aged ten years, like she was carrying some difficult burden, a reflection of the inner conflict she was having, no doubt. Bella knew it wasn't for her benefit but she didn't care. She just needed to see Renesmee one last time. It would be a while before she saw her again.

If ever....

"I'm going to get my ass handed to me for this but I'd rather not piss Jake off. Let me make a quick call to Sam. You wait here while I do. DO NOT cross the line, Bella, and I mean it, DO NOT. You know what will happen if you do. And I won't try to stop them, do you understand?"

Bella nodded solemnly. She whispered again. "Thank you."

Leah snorted. "Yeah, whatever. I'll be right back."

She took off into the treeline, towards a point where Bella and the others couldn't see, or hear for that matter.

"Bella, what on earth? I know why we're leaving so soon but what has gotten into you? You could've called Nessa, for crying out loud!"

Bella winced at Alice's high-pitched tone admonishing her. She knew that but it didn't matter. She needed to see her. A phone call was a poor substitute.

"I know, Alice, I'm sorry. I really am. This is all my fault, but I just need to see her. Just hold her in my arms just once. And then we can go."

Jasper smiled and nodded. Alice looked at her like she had three heads and then nodded as well.

Bella sighed. She just hoped Sam would let her cross over, that Leah would hurry.

Something about that howl told her she needed to move fast.

She didn't know why but the urgency behind that sound....it was almost....heartbreaking.

Almost as if Leah heard her, she suddenly reappeared on her side of the line, facing the three Cullens.

"Alright, Bella. Sam's agreed to let you cross over--"

"Oh thank you---"

"Bella! Let me finish." Bella clamped her lips shut and nodded.

"You are allowed to cross over to see Ness and only Ness. You are not allowed to go anywhere else, you do not stop, you do not make a sudden detour, hell you don't take a breath without my goddamn consent, you understand?"

Bella nodded once again, biting her lip.

Leah turned towards Alice and Jasper.

"And as for you two, wolves are on their way right now to keep an eye on you. You are not allowed to cross over. But as long as you're willing to wait here for Bella, then those two will be sticking to you like glue. Make a move and you'll be ripped apart and burned into a neat pile of ashes before Bella gets back, understood?"

Jasper narrowed his eyes at her and Alice snarled quietly. "We were never so rude to you when you were in our home, Leah."

Leah growled in response. "It's not like I wanted to be in your home or anywhere near it, bloodsucker. It's not like I had a choice! I go where my Alpha goes."

Alice smiled wickedly. "Just like a bitch in heat."

Leah snarled viciously and began to step forward. Alice leaned into her familiar defensive crouch, ready to spring. Jasper's teeth were bared as he crouched forward, too.

Bella's hands were raised between the opposing creatures. "Stop! Stop! Alice, Jasper, please! I need to see Renesmee! Just....wait here and I'll be right back, I promise!"

Alice and Jasper stood up, neither clearly happy to do so but Alice gave Bella a quick nod. "Alright, Bella, but hurry. We don't have a lot of time left."

Bella understood. They were on a tight schedule. "Okay. Will do." She turned to Leah who was still snarling. "Leah, can we go see her now, please?"

Leah sneered at her and relented. "Fine. Let's go." She motioned for Bella to follow her and then turned, leading the way.

Before they could leave, though, Bella heard two crashes to her left. Two wolves stayed close to the treeline, letting the dense underbrush keep their monstrous forms hidden. She could make out their coats. Jared and Quil. She heard a bark, a happy one. Quil was greeting her. She waved and then proceeded to follow Leah. Once they reached the trees, Leah phased while Bella quickly patted Quil's head, scratching his ears. She heard that familiar hum reverberating from his chest. She smiled.

"Good to see you, too."

Regardless of the precautions taken and Leah's unwavering bitchy attitude, in all honesty, the wolves and the Cullens did try to get along as best they could. Especially since Jake had imprinted on her daughter. Her face fell. _Oh Jake....I hope you'll understand why I had to do this. It was the only way...._

Leah's menacing growl caught her attention. She was clearly waiting for Bella to follow.

Bella patted Quil's head one more time good-naturedly and gave a small smile to both wolves before taking position behind Leah.

Leah took off, her paws thumping the ground relentlessly in her speed while Bella flitted gracefully close behind her.

She felt the familiar sensation that had been plaguing her since she had put this plan into action. She needed to do this. For her daughter. For herself. For Jacob. She winced but maintained her speed, her gait never faltering.

She was going to have to do this and she was going to have to do this quick.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**SPOV**

Seth was on his feet, cantering around the little red house. Leah had warned him of their impending arrival. A part of him was glad that Ness would get to see her mother. Maybe that would help. Maybe....

But the other part of him wasn't so sure. Something was going on with Jake and Bella. That much was clear to him. And the way Leah avoided the topic and blocked her thoughts repeatedly just increased his suspicion. She had been even more guarded once running with Bella back to Billy's than before. This time there was no room for teasing or amusement on her part. Just a simple _'Butt out, Seth! Mind your own fucking business!'_

Oh, he had growled at that one.

And that's when he knew.

Something was up that Leah wasn't telling him.

She knew something.

This wasn't just the tension of having one of _them_ over the line.

This was something more.

And as he heard another sharp gasp and heavy thumping of the fluttering heart coming from the house, he was determined more than ever to get to the bottom of it.

Ness was his friend. He wasn't going to stand by and let all this shit continue. Whatever that _shit_ might be.

He smelled them first. The sickening sweet smell burned his nose and then he saw them.

Leah had phased back to her human form, dressed again, leading Bella up to the house.

Wait.

She didn't smell like Jake, though.

If she had been anywhere near him, close to him even, she would smell like him, right?

This was all so confusing and his head was beginning to hurt.

He stayed hidden in the trees across the way, even though he knew both women knew he was there.

Leah began to ascend the steps up to the porch, Bella right behind her.

Then shockingly, Bella froze.

When Leah noticed Bella wasn't behind her, she turned and looked at the vampire below.

"What, Bella?"

Seth flinched at the harsh tone but he was used to it.

"Oh God."

Bella looked like she was in a great amount of pain. Like someone had torn her arm off and was burning it right in front of her. Like....she looked after Edward was gone. His heart hurt at the pain he saw, the pain he remembered, how she and Ness had looked after hearing of their horrible loss, the death of his friend. He cringed at the memory.

"Bella! What the fuck is wrong?"

Seth wished his sister wouldn't be such a bitch about it.

"I-I can't. Oh my God, Leah, I can't! I just can't! Oh my God!"

Leah looked angry. "What do you mean you can't? We're here, now come on."

Bella moved back down a stair. "No! I can't! You don't understand! I can't go in there, Leah! I'm sorry, this was a mistake! I can't hurt her! I can't!"

Seth whined unhappily. Should he phase and go to her, hold her like she needed to be held in this moment? God, he wanted to. So bad. He couldn't take that look of pain on her face. Vampire or no vampire, she was breaking his heart.

Leah was pissed! She went to grab Bella's hand and pull her up the stairs. She almost lost it when Bella resisted, shaking her head animatedly. "Bella! I don't have time for this shit! I'm fucking exhausted, I haven't slept in two days, I've got Sam all over my fucking ass for even asking to let you across the treaty line and having to use two of his guys as babysitters for the other two leeches! And on top of that, I've got a missing Alpha who I can't get in touch with, a new fucking bloodsucker in town who we didn't even know could exist until a few hours ago and on top of all that, I just found out Emily's pregnant! Again! So as fun as it is for me to watch you go all whacko, I do not need this fucking shit! Now get your ass in there! Now! You wanted to come here, well, you're here! Now move your fucking leech ass!"

Seth was about to intervene, growling dangerously at Leah who wasn't paying him any mind as she launched her tirade at Bella. He knew his sister was running on fumes, tired, upset, angry, and confused, like he was, but that didn't mean she had to be the worst fucking bitch on the planet towards Bella. The woman was in pain. Something was clearly upsetting her. Something was clearly wrong.

But just as he was about to go to her, Bella's sobs filled the air. That sound tore into him. He hated that sound. Leah had dropped Bella's hand in shock. They _all_ hated _that_ sound.

Even when they were killing the red-eyed bloodsuckers invading their territory, the sound would grate against their eardrums, stabbing into their hearts. It didn't make them feel sympathy towards the disgusting creatures but it was a sound that stayed with you and never left. And each time one of them heard it, it just got worse. But hearing it come from Bella was killing him. And killing Leah, too, it would seem. Although, she was much better at hiding it.

Seth whimpered to catch Leah's attention which he did. He asked her eyes permission to phase and go to Bella. Bella needed to be held. She needed strong arms around her, a comforting shoulder to lean on. Maybe this was what happened last night. Maybe Jake had been telling the truth....

Leah shook her head and held up a hand, indicating for him to stay where he was, as he was. Seth grumbled impatiently. The sound was getting to him, along with the painful gasps coming from the house, he didn't know how much longer he could take all of this.

"Bella,"

Seth's head snapped up as did Bella's but the sobs didn't stop.

"Do you want me to call Jake?"

The look on Bella's face became worse.

"No." It was just a breathy raspy whisper but one that broke Seth's heart completely, followed by another sob.

Leah winced. "Maybe he's phased. Seth can check for him, can't you Seth?"

Seth whined again and shook his head. Leah knew Jake wasn't phased. She would have heard him just before.

Leah rolled her eyes angrily. "Oookay, well, I've got my phone. Just let me call him quick."

Even though Leah still sounded petulant, her tone had softened somewhat. But still, those sobs had not stopped or slowed down in progression.

"No. Leah...."

Leah stared at her, waiting.

Bella choked back a sob.

"We're leaving."

Leah's eyes widened and then narrowed into slits. Seth's heart jumped into his throat. What the hell was she talking about? "What do you mean, you're leaving?"

Leah arched a brow at her, trying to figure out what the hell was going on just as much as Seth was.

Bella gasped for air that she really didn't need but obviously thought would help her regain some control so she could speak clearly.

"I mean, we're leaving. And we don't know when we'll be back."

Leah let a breath escape, one she had been holding unwittingly. Seth heard another unsteady breath from the house. And then he heard another dry sob wrench itself from Bella. He closed his eyes in pain.

What the hell was going on?


	24. I Don't Want To Miss You Tonight (SPOV/JPOV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.**

**SPOV**

Seth followed Sam out the door, onto the porch and down the steps to the yard.

He came to a stop next to Sam and turned around to find that Jacob hadn't followed them.

His anger flared and he was about to head back up the stairs when Sam put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

"Peace, brother. Give him a minute."

Seth scowled but remained in place. He gave a quick nod.

He was beyond furious at his Alpha.

Following the pitiful heart-wrenching scene on these steps earlier with Bella only to be succeeded by Ness crying out in pain and then passing out in his arms was more than enough to fray his nerves.

Seth had panicked and despite Billy's best efforts to calm his fears, he called Jacob. When he got the voicemail prompt yet again, he hung up and called Sam right away.

Thankfully, Sam had been home at the time. He and Emily rushed right over.

Ness hadn't woken up for quite some time.

She had been breathing, her heart beating fiercely the whole time but Seth remained anxious.

Seth and Sam had both heard the conversation with Leah that had taken place outside of the Black house.

The way she had refused to allow Jake to come inside, the way she accused him.

Seth hadn't even had a chance to tell her about Nessie so he knew it must have been something else.

He was about to run out to grab them both when Sam had stopped him again.

"Seth, wait. Let them talk. This is obviously something Leah feels she needs to address."

Seth hadn't agreed. Ness was more important than anything.

But Emily had smiled at him and came to sit with him, giving him a one-armed hug.

"She'll be fine. Don't worry."

He had looked at her exasperatedly.

"How can she be fine when she's been unconscious for the past fifteen minutes? Shouldn't we be calling 911 or something?"

Emily shook her head gently. "No, we can't. Ness is special, you know that. Just like you." She winked. "She's didn't hit her head or anything, right?"

Seth sighed. "Right."

Emily smiled wider. "Then she'll be okay. She's probably exhausted so we'll let her sleep for a bit, okay?"

She then lifted her eyes to Sam's and gave him a meaningful look.

Sam grimaced and turned away.

Normally, Seth wouldn't have let on that he had caught the silent exchange but he was desperate.

"What?" He swiveled his head from Emily to Sam and back again, trying to figure out yet another mystery surrounding him.

Emily smiled gently. "It's nothing, Seth. Just that....we've had.... _experience_ in this area. Nothing to worry about, I promise. Ness will be fine." She squeezed his shoulder in affirmation.

He let his eyes rove over the sleeping girl on the couch. "Are you sure?"

Emily nodded and squeezed him again. Sam looked strained but when he spoke, his voice remained serious, commanding the respect it always had.

"Emily's right, Seth. This is nothing for you to worry about. She'll be okay. We'll wait 'till Jacob comes back and then we'll talk to him and straighten this out." He gave a tight nod.

Seth sighed and leaned back into the couch against Emily's arm. He had would have to wait.

While they all waited patiently and made small talk, Billy looking somewhat uncomfortable and wincing almost as if he was in pain when Ness' raspy intake of breaths heightened in volume, Sam and Seth's ears perked up when they heard footsteps drawing nearer to the house.

Leah had asked Jacob to relocate earlier to continue their heated argument. Jacob had acquiesced and they hadn't been heard from since.

That had been at least twenty minutes prior to the sound of someone approaching.

The steps were too heavy to be Leah's yet too graceful in their gait to be someone else's. Then his scent hit them again. A mixture of Bella's sickly sweet mixed in with his woodsy pine filled their nostrils, slightly burning. It was Jake.

There could be no question now. Something was going on between Jacob and Bella. All of Seth's worst fears were confirmed and he couldn't deny it to himself anymore. Ness was in pain. Jake had stayed away from her regardless of the pain. Bella had been tormented, unable to face her daughter. She and the Cullens had left for an undetermined amount of time. Leah was clearly pissed about something that made her confront the Alpha angrily, more so than normal. Sam and Emily seemed to know what the source of Ness' pain was even though Seth had explained in full detail the occurrences that seemed to pop out of nowhere, the unpredictable ebbs and flows.

He was disgusted, disappointed, outraged, sick to his stomach. The scent lingering in the air of the mixture of the two people who Ness loved most dearly in her life. The scent of betrayal.

Sam and Seth turned their heads towards the door, waiting to hear Jake ascending the stairs to the door into the house.

And then the worst happened.

The footsteps passed the stairway, the house and began to grow softer and farther away as they continued their journey.

Seth was angry!

As the nauseating scent began to fade slightly, Seth felt his stomach clench and his chest tighten as they all heard another ragged breath infiltrate the air around them.

Sam sighed and lowered his head, placing his forehead in his hand. Billy and Emily looked at them, confused, and then understanding dawned on their faces.

Seth got up and paced angrily causing Sam to sigh heavily again, watching him. Seth wanted nothing more than to go after Jacob and demand he come back for his imprint but Nessie still hadn't woken up and he wouldn't leave until she did. Someone had to put the poor girl first, even if her boyfriend and her own mother wouldn't.

Emily moved over to Ness and sat gingerly on the side of the couch the girl's tiny body wasn't occupying.

Billy kept his eyes lowered to the ground and then wheeled into the kitchen.

"Seth, relax. We'll handle this. Don't worry."

Seth turned on Sam angrily and hissed quietly so as not to disturb Ness.

"No, Sam. This is fucking ridiculous. Ness is in pain and has been all day. He knew she was worried. He saw her through Leah's thoughts. He knows she's in here and doesn't even stop to check on her? His phone's off and he doesn't think once to call her? I mean, what the hell?"

Sam closed his eyes and nodded once. "I know. But listen, we ll handle this. Just relax. Focus. For Ness."

His last words were spoken in a pleading whisper. Seth sighed angrily and brought his eyes to rest on the girl again. He turned to Sam and nodded. "Okay."

Ness had woken up some time after that. He hadn't meant to have that reaction. But her apologies to them only angered him even further, prompting the outburst.

He had yelled at her and made her cry.

He hadn't meant to do that. He really didn't.

But he hated the fact that she was here, upset and clearly berating herself for feeling a pain that Jake was causing! Jake who hadn't even given a shit to check on her in the first place! And then he just lost it.

Her tears and quiet sobs tore at his heart.

He didn't mean to make her upset. He really didn't.

He was just so damn frustrated with the situation and furious with Jake! Jake was the one who deserved his wrath, not this beautiful, kind-hearted, generous pure girl.

He could feel himself starting to shake, ready to phase with his anger rising to uncontrollable levels, when Jake swept into the room.

Somehow it distracted Seth long enough to keep the transformation at bay but his anger raged again when he saw Ness' face light up with loving relief and forgiving gratefulness.

He wanted to rip Jake apart! Thank God Sam had been there to keep him in check.

He thought he had done the right thing back in the day, joining Jake's pack to protect the Cullens and giving that Alpha his loyalty and committment.

He didn't regret the decision, it was the right thing, protecting innocent people, vampire or not.

But for the first time in nine years, he wished he hadn't needed to separate from Sam's pack in order to do that.

Sam was a better Alpha. He had his wolves' best interest at heart. He really did.

Seth could see that clearly.

Especially now.

The first thing he had noticed when Jake was approaching the house again was the clean scent.

Bella's was no longer co-mingled with his own.

Seth had scoffed.

_Must've showered._

The next thing was Jake's blank expression. Almost as if he weren't really there, that an empty shell, a zombie was there in his place.

Then his werewolf eyes took in the red rims around Jake's own.

He had been crying.

Seth snorted in disgust.

 _He_ had been crying?

Without hesitation, Ness rushed into his arms.

Seth began to shake harder.

He felt Sam's hand clamp down on his shoulder.

"Jacob."

Jake had turned with Nessie in his arms and looked at Sam. God, his eyes were so....distant....and far away.

It almost made Seth feel sorry for him.

_Almost._

"We need to talk."

Jake nodded and went to follow Sam alongside Seth when Nessie stopped him.

Sam and Seth had continued on, letting Jake trail behind.

And now Seth could hear "I'll be right back," traveling down to them when he saw Jake's face appear out the door.

He ambled down the stairs and came face to face with them.

"What is it?"

God, it was like there was no emotion in his tone whatsoever. It sounded almost....dead. Seth might almost be worried hearing it had Jake not hurt the one person in the world he was supposed to put above everyone else, cherish and protect.

Sam crossed his arms and looked square at Jake.

"Jacob, what's going on here?"

Jake's expression never changed. "Nothing's going on here, Sam. I already told you about this morning when I came to see you. I was just picking up Ness like I told Leah I would. You know that."

Sam took a deep breath and began again. "That's not what I'm talking about, Jacob, and you know it. I mean, what the hell is going on with you?"

Mindless Jake spoke once more. "Nothing. I was running a bit ragged after I left your place and so I went back and grabbed a nap. What's the big deal?"

Seth growled lightly making Jake's eyes dart to him. Sam placed a hand on his shoulder in reassurance. "Seth, let me handle this."

Seth didn't move his harsh gaze from Jake's face which Jake didn't even seem surprised to see....or any other emotion. But Seth did back down and let Sam take the reins.

"Jacob, you're lying. You were here earlier, we heard you and Leah. What's really going on here?"

Jake's eyes flickered back and forth between the two for a few moments more before he sighed and wiped his hand down his face exhaustedly. "I went to see Embry after I talked to Leah, alright? I needed to get his take on something. What's the problem?"

Seth bucked forward but Sam's hand stopped him. For the first time since Jake had returned, he showed some emotion at last. He growled lightly at the younger wolf. "What the fuck is your problem, Seth?"

"YOU!" The other two wolves' eyes widened in shock at the volume of his roar. Even Seth was a little surprised and perturbed at the sound. He knew he was crossing a dangerous line, standing up to his Alpha in this manner, able to be smacked down by the simplest command, but he was beyond pissed.

"Why? What the fuck did I ever do to you?" Jake asked in exasperation.

Seth began to buck forward again; this time Sam moved his body in front of him to stop his progression. He could see Jake tense in anticipation of an attack.

"It's not what you did to me! It's what you've done to her! What you're still doing!"

Jake started to yell back. "Have you completely lost your mind? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Fuck you, Jake!"

Sam raised his voice, turning to face Seth now to hold him back. "Seth! Enough!" He could hear the reverberations in his tone but the Alpha command didn't hold any weight over him.

As expected, Jake heard Sam's attempted command as well and took over where Sam had failed. "Seth, **back down**."

Seth's shoulders slumped under the weight of the words and even though he tried to fight it, he couldn't. Instead, he let out a loud frustrated whine after a pained yelp when he had phased in response to the command and was forced down to the ground. The only two thoughts resounding in Seth's mind were of Nessie crying, which broke his heart, and that although he had never agreed before with Leah, he certainly did now. She had been right. Sometimes, being a wolf and dealing with Pack order really sucked.

.........

**JPOV**

Jake's eyes narrowed, studying Seth and trying to figure out what had his third in command so worked up. He eventually turned his gaze onto Sam. "What the hell is going on, Sam? Care to fill me in?"

Sam gave him a slight glare and crouched down, reaching to scratch behind Seth's ears. "Hang in there, Seth. Let me talk to him and then I'll have him take it off." Seth whined and Sam patted his head before straightening up. Jake glared back at him. "Look, I know her hearing isn't as good as the Cullens' so I'm thinking Leah took you elsewhere because she didn't want Seth and I to hear whatever was said between you two. But.....Jake, before I continue, I need to ask. Is there something going on here that you're not telling me?"

Jake's jaw tightened and he shook his head in disbelief. "Not a fucking thing." Seth growled which became audibly lower when Jake's angry gaze lowered onto him. His eyes then snapped back to Sam's. "And what do you mean is there something I'm not telling you? My business is my business. I don't answer to you anymore. I'm no longer a kid in your Pack. You seem to forget that, Sam."

Sam snorted. "Maybe so. But you are on my land." Sam stepped toe to toe with him. "And if what you're doing affects us all, then I have every right to know about it. Especially if it puts my Pack or yours in danger."

Jake snorted himself. "Your land, huh? Last I checked, it was my land, too. Especially this little piece you're standing on right here. Just because I've recently been staying at the Cullens' doesn't mean I belong here any less than you do. So don't you dare pull that fucking trump card on me," he snarled. "Like I said, what I do and don't do is my business. None of it concerns you or anyone else. Don't like it? Tough shit."

Jake turned to leave when he felt a shimmer behind him and heard Seth's attempted yell. "Yeah? And what about Nessie?"

Jake's top lip curled in a snarl again and he turned back to the other two. "What about her?"

Seth went to stand up but couldn't, still under the weight of the command. Sam spoke for him instead. "Do you realize what's happening to her? By you doing what you've been doing?"

Jake's expression softened slightly, allowing worry to steal in. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Sam's arms lowered and he went to answer when he heard Seth grunting next to him, still trying to fight the command. He stared pointedly at Jake. "Take it off and we'll talk."

Jake thought about it for a minute and then, deciding Seth had gotten the message, nodded once. "Go on and **get up** , Seth. **Shake the command off**."

Seth slowly got to his feet and looked around. He had destroyed his shorts when he phased and he didn't have another pair on him. Jake crossed his arms and smirked knowingly. "There's another pair back there behind that tree. I placed it there last time I was here. I saw it when Leah and I went to talk. Go ahead and grab it."

Seth glared daggers at him but begrudgingly ran past Jake, with the latter watching him warily out of the corner of his eye, to grab said shorts. Sam sighed and garnered Jacob's attention once again. "So? Continue. What do you mean what's happening to her? What the hell are you going on about? I just saw her. She's fine. What--"

"She wasn't fine before you got there, Jake. She--" Sam was cut off by a song playing in the house. Jake recognized it immediately and knew it was Nessie's cell phone. Sam and Jake stared at one another as they waited for the phone to be picked up or for the call to go to voicemail. That song was loud, so loud that it nearly hurt Jake's sensitive ears to hear it. He had hated the song but Nessie loved it and that was all that mattered. That was all that ever mattered.....

The phone rang a few more times but was soon cut off by a soft clearing of a throat. "Hello?"

Sam was about to resume his explanation of what he had meant before when Jake held a hand up, cutting him off. He never heard the person respond on the other end of the line and that was strange. Even if the person had been nearly whispering, his acute hearing still would've picked it up. Had they hung up? But he would've heard the click if the person had. The person........if it was a human....... He froze. It couldn't be.......

"Oh, hey. Where are you calling me from? What happened to your number?"

It couldn't be..... Jake's hand lowered and Sam's eyes narrowed, scrutinizing him as he listened to the phone conversation as well.

"Oh. Okay." More silence. It had to be. It just had to be. Only a similar supernatural being could pull this off and make sure that any werewolves in close proximity couldn't hear. "But, Jacob just got here and--" Jake felt like he couldn't breathe for a moment. "I don't think I can do that." His brows furrowed. What? "You know why. He would want to know where I'm going." Jake's head snapped in the direction of the house. Was **she** really trying to......wait........was she trying to take Nessie away from him? "I can't do that. You know how this works. If I don't tell him, he'll--" More quiet. Jake started to panic. What the fuck was **she** doing?!!? Nessie sighed in defeat, obviously giving in. "Alright. Where?" Silence. "Okay." Jake's heart was thumping out of his chest. Bella had left him and now she was taking his imprint with her. No. Just......no.

He turned, ignoring Sam's calling of his name, and rushed back up the porch stairs and into the house. He burst into the living room and saw Nessie standing there, watching him in shock and then flashing a shy but guilty smile at him before turning away. "I have to go. Jacob just walked in. Right. Okay." Jake wasted no time and was behind Nessie in a second. "I'll see you then. By--" Jake snatched the phone out of Nessie's hands and held it up to his ear. "Bella!" He snarled, ignoring Nessie's surprised gasp.

Only silence could be heard on the other end, not even the sound of breathing made its way down the line.

Jake growled. "I know you're still there."

"This is for the best, Jake," **she** whispered. "You know it is."

"Taking my imprint away from me is for the best?" He hissed. "After everything? I already told you once, Bella, and I'll tell you again. I won't let you take her away from me." Nessie's brows knitted together; she was clearly confused. Jake ignored that, too. Only the voice on the other end of the line held him up where he was currently standing. He wanted answers, he wanted her to know that she wouldn't take Nessie from him, he wanted her to know that she had broken him, he wanted---he just wanted.

"I'm not trying to take her away from you," Bella whispered again, this time sounding sadder than before if it was possible. "I only wanted to say goodbye to her, alone. I tried to before but......" He listened to her breathing pick up. That was one thing that hadn't changed with Bella's transformation. Whenever she was upset, she would still try to take deep breaths to calm down even though she didn't need to breathe. "I can't leave without seeing her. No matter what you may think of me, Jacob, or what your Pack may think of me, I love my daughter and I'm doing what's best for her. You make her happy and she deserves to be happy." And then her voice lowered to a point that Jake had to strain to hear her, suspecting this had been the decible level she had spoken at the whole time she had talked to Nessie on the phone so no one else could hear. "And so do you."

Jake started to breathe fast himself, trying to keep from losing his temper. He wanted to scream at her, tell her that as much as he loved Renesmee that there was only one way he knew how to be happy and that was with the girl he had always loved, before he had become a wolf, before he had been forced to commit half of his soul, his heart, to someone else just to satisfy some magic wolf mumbo jumbo. His chest hurt at the thought; he did love his imprint but the human side of him knew that the supernatural had been instrumental in fate's matchmaking for him. Had that never happened, he would still be free to love who he chose.......to love **his** Bella. And with her finally free from the bloodsucker, no matter how tragically that had come about, and with her being a so-called bloodsucker herself, his path to her was clear now. Except for the imprint. But, hadn't he proven that while it was an obstacle it wasn't a hurdle he could never leap over? Why couldn't she see that? Why couldn't she see just how much he needed her......wanted her? He glanced up at Nessie quickly, saw the confusion there and walked away, back to his old room. He shut the door behind him, ignoring the explosion of guilt that had released in his chest at the action. He sat down on his old bed and held the phone closer to his ear. He made sure to speak as quietly as he could, knowing he could still be heard by **her**. "What makes you think," he whispered delicately. "That I could ever be happy without you here?"

"Because," she replied just as quietly. "You won't be hurting anymore. You're meant to be with Renesmee. That's why you imprinted on her. We've all known that since day one, including you. Jacob, I promised you I wouldn't tear you in half anymore." He dropped his forehead into his free hand. "Let me do this."

He dropped his hand and shook his head. "No. No, you can't do this. You don't just let what happened happen between us and then once you get your.....tires rotated, decide to throw yourself on your sword and take what we had with you, taking me with it. It doesn't work like that; it's not that simple and you know it."

"Tires rotated"

He growled a little. "You know exactly what I mean, Bella. Don't try to change the subject."

She let out a small sad sigh. "I know it's not that simple, Jacob, but it has to be. You belong with Renesmee. She belongs with you. It _is_ that simple. I was never supposed to be part of the equation. We both know that. What happened between us wasn't supposed to happen. It was a mistake. And for that, I am truly sorry."

"Don't say that," he begged, pained. "Please. Don't say that. Just--don't ever think that." He couldn't take it if she really thought that, believed it even.

"Jake," she sighed again.

"Bells," he sighed himself. "Don't do this. Just.......just come back and let's talk about this. Okay?" His voice broke a little on the question but he was far past being ashamed or worried about how vulnerable he was being right now.

"Jake," she started softly. "I can't. You know that. Besides, we've already talked about this."

"No," he said angrily. " _You_ talked and threw all this crap at me, then left before I could even really process it. That's not talking about it. That's just you saying what you want to say, making the decisions you want to make and then running away. And I'm not letting you run, Bells. Not this time."

"You don't have a choice," she whispered sadly, making Jake's heart clench inside his chest. "I'm doing what needs to be done, Jake."

"Bella--"

"Jake, please. This is the right thing to do and you know it. For both of you."

He started to shake his head. "Bells....." He went to plead with her to tell him where she was so he could go to her and bring her back home, back to him, when he heard Seth shout, "Nessie! Wait!"

Jake's head shot up and he jumped to his feet, raced to his window and looked out. He saw Sam staring off into the woods where Nessie had presumably disappeared. Near him were tattered remains of clothing, sitting right next to shreds of Seth's first pair of shorts. Dammit. He needed to make sure Nessie was safe but he didn't want to let Bella go. What if he lost her again? But the pain bloomed in his chest once more; his imprint came first and that was that. He was about to beg Bella for her new number when a strange thought hit him. Nessie wouldn't have left in the manner she had without telling him where she was going unless.....oh no. "Shit," he muttered. Nessie had heard him. No, no, no. His anxiety was escalating and he started to feel shivers down his spine, signaling his need to phase and run after his imprint.

"It's not what you're thinking," Bella said at a normal decible level.

Jake pulled up short. "What? How could it fucking not be? She heard what I said! Fuck!"

"No, she didn't."

"How the fuck would you know?" He snarled. His whole body was shaking; he was furious with himself for hurting Nessie so carelessly. Oh, God. What the hell was he supposed to do? How could he hurt her like that? How could he walk away from her to go whisper sweet nothings to her mother? On her phone no less? What the fuck was wrong with him?

"Because she did exactly as I asked."

"What?" Jake couldn't think straight. He had to go after Nessie. He had to. He didn't want to leave Bella but he had to go. Nessie was still his imprint.......wasn't she? He tried to think back to what happened before when he chose to find Bella rather than find Nessie. He realized that while he still felt the imprint and his need to keep her safe, it wasn't as much as before. It seemed......less intense somehow. Like a dull throbbing ache in his chest instead of sharp stabbing pains. Like a television set that had been turned down a few notches. Wouldn't he have already been phased by now and running after her, not caring one bit about keeping Bella on the phone? What-- He shook his head to clear it. None of that mattered at the moment. Right now, he had to find Nessie and make sure she was alright, imprint or no imprint. Or imprint lite if that was the case.

Bella didn't answer that and instead lowered her voice to the hushed secretive tone it had been before. "I've had my time to be happy. Now it's your turn as well as Renesmee's. I love you both enough to want that for you." She took in a ragged breath. "I love you, Jacob. I always will."

His panic surged again but this time it was in response to Bella. "Bella, wait. Please. Just--"

"Be happy," she whispered and then she was gone. And with her went whatever little bit of sanity in this world Jacob had left. He stared at the phone in his hands, blinking confusedly at the blank screen. A surge of rage traveled through his body amounting in a full agonized roar that tore out of him. He threw the phone angrily, not caring if it shattered, and ran out of the house at top speed, ignoring both Billy and Emily's wary expressions. Once he hit the open doorway, he exploded into the wolf and charged in the direction both Nessie and Seth had gone in, not sparing Sam a moment's consideration as the former called out to him.

Nessie was fast, a lot faster than both Packs and her family gave her credit for. Nessie would lose Seth if she planned to and Jake was pretty sure she did. She probably planned on even trying to outrun Jake as he was sure her mother had told her to. But Nessie wouldn't lose Jake, no.

No. Jake was going to follow Nessie to wherever she was going to meet her goddamn mother and he was going to sort this crap out once and for all.


End file.
